Wow - complete disregard for decedent

[ivinsfan]

As the proposed executrix, I would hire a qualified probate attorney, and put him/ her / the firm in charge of future requests and communications with the SIL.

And yes, I have heard / "seen" some ugliness in inheritance situations.

IF I understand the actual relationship, the person in question is the sister of the spouse of the OP's actual sister. The 2 of them have literally no actual connection.

 

[Willers]

Depending on the estate this is a fine idea. What's actually sad about it? It sounds as though these 2 woman had very little actual real contact and in fact we don't know what the brother said to his actual sister. do we?

This is what I referred to from the OP: "She said she should get everything because she had been doing the work to visit him and manage his affairs the last four years, and did not seem inclined to cooperate with the idea of probating the will."

I find it sad that there is likely going to continued conflict. I have no idea what the back stories may be but the will dictates the outcome. That is hard for some to accept.

 

[ivinsfan]

This is what I referred to from the OP: "She said she should get everything because she had been doing the work to visit him and manage his affairs the last four years, and did not seem inclined to cooperate with the idea of probating the will."

I find it sad that there is likely going to continued conflict. I have no idea what the back stories may be but the will dictates the outcome. That is hard for some to accept.

Well those are valid feelings and who knows, perhaps her brother had expressed that to her at some point in time. But you are correct in your assessment, however that doesn't mean his sister is evil. I don't think the OP ever expressed the general amount of money involved here...

 

[euro]

Depending on the estate this is a fine idea. What's actually sad about it? It sounds as though these 2 woman had very little actual real contact and in fact we don't know what the brother said to his actual sister. do we?

What the brother said to his sister is utterly irrelevant at this point. All that matters is what the will says. I.e. the executrix takes charge and handles the execution of the will. I know that people often have all sorts of "well, he promised me this or that, well,, he said this or that". This only leads to confusion and hard feelings. This is why a will was written and an executrix was named. Unless there is something wrong with that will, there is no need to invoke anything else. In TX, the POA ceases to matter once the individual has passed, so anything the sister may have transacted after the brother's death would be illegal.

I agree with other advice: hire an estate attorney and follow their lead.

 

[ivinsfan]

What the brother said to his sister is utterly irrelevant at this point. All that matters is what the will says. I.e. the executrix takes charge and handles the execution of the will. I know that people often have all sorts of "well, he promised me this or that, well,, he said this or that". This only leads to confusion and hard feelings. This is why a will was written and an executrix was named. Unless there is something wrong with that will, there is no need to invoke anything else. In TX, the POA ceases to matter once the individual has passed, so anything the sister may have transacted after the brother's death would be illegal.

This is absolutely true, however it's OK to cut the sister a little slack when explaining this. My point is everything isn't always attributable to bad faith or potential stealing on the other parties behalf. The sister might misunderstand what POA actually means. The sister herself might have mental issues similar to the brother.

 

[Willers]

Well those are valid feelings and who knows, perhaps her brother had expressed that to her at some point in time. But you are correct in your assessment, however that doesn't mean his sister is evil. I don't think the OP ever expressed the general amount of money involved here...

Show me where I ever said anything about her being evil. Please do not project your opinions onto me. I never said any such thing. Please move on to falsely accusing someone else.

 

[easysurfer]

As the proposed executrix, I would hire a qualified probate attorney, and put him/ her / the firm in charge of future requests and communications with the SIL.

And yes, I have heard / "seen" some ugliness in inheritance situations.

If I was in your SIL's shoes, I would've said "Thank goodness, please handle the affairs as executrix!"

Folks forget the an executrix/executor's job is pretty much a thankless job. Also, some folks forget or are not aware that a POA ends at death.

 

[Willers]

Also, some folks forget or are not aware that a POA ends at death.

I agree and think that this is quite common. That was the first thing the attorney told me when we met. I already knew it but I could tell that comes up a lot.

 

[OldShooter]

DW was heavily involved in elder matters, including being vice chair of our state board on aging. Her number is that 80% of elders are financially abused, usually by family.

This one smells kind of stinky. Hire the attorney, do what he/she says. Good luck.

 

[ivinsfan]

Show me where I ever said anything about her being evil. Please do not project your opinions onto me. I never said any such thing. Please move on to falsely accusing someone else.

It's not my opinion,that she is evil, I could have said bad faith, or bad intent or similar words, just saying people shouldn't always jump to bad intentions when something like this happens...I think you misunderstood my point

 

[cathy63]

... My sister and her husband had identical wills. Both had charitable bequests and then left the remainder to their sisters, split 50/50.

She suggested that she could just handle everything since as his POA, she had been handling his affairs for the last several years. I told her I needed to fulfill my legal responsibility. Besides, my BIL left a significant portion of his assets to charity, after which any residual was to be split 50/50 between the two of us. She said she should get everything because she had been doing the work to visit him and manage his affairs the last four years...

When your sister died, was her will probated, the charitable bequests distributed, and an inheritance passed on to you?

It seems likely that the intention when they wrote their wills was that after the first one passed the surviving spouse would keep the funds in case they were needed for living expenses and the final bequests would only come into force when the second spouse died, which has now happened. TX is a community property state, so your BIL owned all the marital property anyway and your sister's will would have affected only her own separate property. Often in this situation, the first will is not even probated because it has no effect.

If that's the case here, then I think it does make sense to open probate with his will and handle the estate correctly even if it's not what BIL's sister wants to do. It was both of their money, and your sister's final wishes should be carried out now just as much as his should be.

If you don't care about getting your 50% but just want to make sure the named charities know they are entitled to a share, you can send a copy of the will to the charities (they should each have someone who handles bequests) and let them know that you are renouncing your role as executor but as beneficiaries of the will, they may wish to pursue probate on their own behalf.

 

[Willers]

It's not my opinion,that she is evil, I could have said bad faith, or bad intent or similar words, just saying people shouldn't always jump to bad intentions when something like this happens...I think you misunderstood my point

No, I didn't misunderstand. I mentioned that it was said, and it is, that families have issues when someone dies. You were the one that brought up a negative opinion about her, which I never mentioned. Please stop trying to attribute that to me and move on.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

The only way that the BIL (and sister's) intentions can be followed through would be to follow the will to the letter. To not do so would be letting them down.

It appears the OP's only course of action is to hire an attorney. Personally, I would hire an attorney even if there was no conflict or opposition. (I have).

I have see people's attitude change quickly when they get a letter from an attorney stating them the facts.

Good luck to you.

 

[Ian S]

Show me where I ever said anything about her being evil. Please do not project your opinions onto me. I never said any such thing. Please move on to falsely accusing someone else.

I don't think anyone accused you of saying that. Rather, it was the O.P. (Scuba) who actually did suggest she was evil.

 

[athena53]

She said she should get everything because she had been doing the work to visit him and manage his affairs the last four years, and did not seem inclined to cooperate with the idea of probating the will. Just WOW!

My late husband said the psychologists call this a "secret contract". In this case, your BIL's sister quietly took care of his affairs for 5 years, not voicing any expectations, and now tells you she feels entitled to your share of the estate since she took primary care of his affairs. Nope.

I agree with getting an attorney and following instructions to the letter. You always have the right to refuse to serve as Executrix and she could get herself named instead but my guess is you'd never see a dime of your share of the estate unless you took her to court.

 

[Chuckanut]

My late husband said the psychologists call this a "secret contract". In this case, your BIL's sister quietly took care of his affairs for 5 years, not voicing any expectations, and now tells you she feels entitled to your share of the estate since she took primary care of his affairs. Nope.

I agree with getting an attorney and following instructions to the letter. You always have the right to refuse to serve as Executrix and she could get herself named instead but my guess is you'd never see a dime of your share of the estate unless you took her to court.

That is a possibility. I have heard them called covert contracts. They often exist only in the mind of one person. For example, Joe likes Mary and wants to date her so he knocks himself out giving her rides, helping her with homework, maybe even buying he a shake at the soda shop. He expects her to say ‘yes’ when he asks her to the school dance. But, she is going to with the star football player Moose and doesn’t give a rip about Joe’s feelings. Joe had a cover contract that Mary never knew about. Not so good.

 

[landover]

If estate does not go through probate and settled between two parties through PoA and mutual agreement, wouldn't it open estate to litigation from other relatives?

 

[jollystomper]

Has anyone else experienced something like this? If so, any advice?

We have experienced twice with DW's family. When her father died 20+ years ago, and her brother died 3 years, the next day relatives and some friends were in their living areas taking things with "we help them so we deserve this" attitudes. Her sister within money from her since the sister said "she deserved it for taking care of him" through his sickness. All of this was complicated by no will for the Dad (who just expected his kids would follow his wishes) and her brother.

I can see the same happening when her uncle (100) and mother (92) pass away... I have just told DW to lower her expectations.

No real advice... her family is very dysfunctional, and even with her keeping out of it the battle will go on and make the lawyers rich.

Now, after my mother died, my siblings and I voluntary did this for our sister who had lived with Mom and done the bulk of her support and car since our Dad died. While their estate was split as our parents wanted, we gave that sister an extra bonus for her sacrifice. We did argue - as she didn't want it at first, then thought what the 6 of us came up with was too much. We managed to settle our differences .

 

[FIREd]

People never cease to amaze me… I worked in a bank when I was younger and I received a call one day. It was a woman who informed me that her mother had passed away that morning. She requested that her mother’s money be transferred to her own account immediately. Her mother’s body was not even cold yet! I thanked her for informing us of her mother’s passing. I also told her that, as a result, her mother’s account was now blocked (standard procedure where I lived at the time, pending a legal order to release the funds). She lost it.

Of course I have seen the vultures fight over the estate of a “loved” ones in my own family. Money always helps reveal people’s true personality. I have seen it time and time again.

 

[JBTX]

I’d at least consider the thought process of the sister

- since 2020, it has only been BIL and his sister. In her mind the OP’s side of the family is no longer relevant. This is her family. Now an I law is swooping down into her family’s business (as she sees it)

- she has been a caretaker for him, in some capacity for quite a few years. In her mind it isn’t fair that somebody outside of their family who hasn’t been involved gets a share.

- I’m going to assume the will was made when both BIL and OPs sister were alive and of sound mind. I don’t know when they made it if they would have intended to be the same, given the outcome.

- I agree first talk to an estate planning attorney. But I’m not sure I’d be inclined to get in a big fight with the sister from afar. If OPs sisters wealth were from OPs side of the family, via inheritance, I may be more inclined to get involved. If whatever is left was from their (or mainly his) efforts, I don’t know that I’d feel so much entitled to the money, even if it was willed to me.

- if OP felt strongly about the charity getting its share, possibly alert the charity.

- while I can see the OP wanting to carry out BILs wishes, would BIL have wanted that to happen potentially at the expense of his own sister (assuming she has probably run afoul of her POA responsibilities )

While I don’t have all the details and I’d definitely listen to the estate planning attorney, all else equal I’d be inclined to walk away if it was going to be a lot of effort for modest sums.

 

[Willers]

As noted, the OP does have the option to decline to be executrix and leave it to the court to appoint one. I think I would give that strong consideration in this case.

 

[LateToFIRE]

Can totally relate. I've been part of a number of family drama estate situations like this, both one's where there wasn't much money at stake and one's where there was a lot at stake. Either way, it's always shocking how little it takes for the knives to come out.

I smell a rat. Quite often family member caregivers have not accounted for what was spent over a long period of time, and sometimes the line between their own bank account and the receivers bank account gets very blurry. Doesn't have to mean there was malfeasance, but chances are good that records will not be forthcoming - only a big hole in the bank account.

Here's how I'd proceed:

1) Consult an attorney - one that does litigation - an estate specialist not a generalist (As you've already figured)
2) Try to determine what's at stake because it just might not be worth it. You're under no legal obligation to act as executrix. And this stuff will take over your life, potentially for years.
3) If the potential dollar amount is not really meaningful, I'd opt out. If you have to litigate, attornies fees could eat up a lot of what's there.

Unclear to me if you are a beneficiary in the will. Also, unclear if you have or desire much of a relationship with your wife's family. These situations can destroy relationships - split families up as people take sides. Very important that you ask yourself the question of how much of your energy, time, and nerves you'd be willing to put in here, and whether or not you'd really go after the sister for any missing funds. A good attorney (maybe consult more than one) can give you some guidance but there will be many unknowns at the outset.

 

[pb4uski]

I wonder where she says that she should get everything if she means everything including the charity bequests or that any money leftover should be all hers rather that 50/50.

I served in a similar way for my DM and it was a labor of love, not a paying job with deferred compensation!

I would probably not opt out even though it would be easiest and in your self interest out of an desire to see BIL wishes adhered to.

That said, if you don't need the money and want to make peace you could always chose to gift some of your share to her if she doesn't behave badly. If she does behave badly then she gets 50% of the residual as stated in the will.

Perhaps if you give her a copy of the will or email her a scan of the will then she might understand and begin to accept that was her brother's wishes.

 

[CardsFan]

+1

As noted, the OP does have the option to decline to be executrix and leave it to the court to appoint one. I think I would give that strong consideration in this case.

OP,

Did BIL's sister know about the will and what was in it? Not that it really matters.

Assuming you are FI and really don't need the money, I would file the will and then decline to be executrix and let the courts figure it out. This way you are not the "greedy in-law". You are just making sure everyone knows about the will.

 

[Car-Guy]

Assuming I understand the facts as presented correctly, I'd ask.... How long ago was the will made out? When your sister (his wife) died in 2020, was your BIL competent enough (sounds like probably not) to " reassess" the ramifications of his will? Maybe he would have made changes or maybe not. Only you knew him well enough to answer that question.

Are you sure there is enough (identifiable) money/assets remaining in his estate to go thru the "process"? After all, his sister was POA/caretaker for him and his estate for the past 4 or 5 years, and a good memory care is not cheap? If so, deduct the upcoming lawyer fees (the definite winners in these cases) and will there still be enough? Or, are you truly just wanting to follow (forget the will for a minute) what you believe are his final wishes? Again, only you knew him well enough to answer that question.

There's so much we don't know about the situation other than you were named the executrix of his will, "apparently" while your sister (his wife) was still living".