Yet another article about how awful retirement is

Not to single anyone out, but maybe a whole lot of people on this board didn't plan out their careers as carefully as they have planned out for retirement.

I have often referred to my career as a series of fortuitous accidents. Luckily, they turned out to be fortuitous. : )
 
Not to single anyone out, but maybe a whole lot of people on this board didn't plan out their careers as carefully as they have planned out for retirement.

It's a pitiful cog in a wheel whose workplace defines him.

I loved my corporate career... but it never defined who I am. It gave me the means to be who I am.... and the means to retire early [age 55] so I have the freedom to enjoy being who I am.

.

I was one of those cogs who was defined by my job.

I had helped build the company was even known as "Mr. [Company Name]". Loved every minute of it.

For 30 years I traveled internationally 200 days a year but one day I caught myself saying "Gee, it's too bad I have to go home in 8 days...I'm getting so much done here".

It was a wake up call that I had my priorities all messed up; I got to thinking and did a lot of soul searching.....

As a stroke of luck, my retirement was not planned at all. My company was acquired and I was part of the 'senior redundant team' and let go a few months later.

Best thing that ever happened to me.
 
I was one of those cogs who was defined by my job.

I had helped build the company was even known as "Mr. [Company Name]". Loved every minute of it.

For 30 years I traveled internationally 200 days a year but one day I caught myself saying "Gee, it's too bad I have to go home in 8 days...I'm getting so much done here".

It was a wake up call that I had my priorities all messed up; I got to thinking and did a lot of soul searching.....

As a stroke of luck, my retirement was not planned at all. My company was acquired and I was part of the 'senior redundant team' and let go a few months later.

Best thing that ever happened to me.
Goes to show "Who's Boss?" has a lot to do with happiness or unhappiness.
 
I have often referred to my career as a series of fortuitous accidents. Luckily, they turned out to be fortuitous. : )

I've said the same thing. I always envied those who knew what they wanted to do, and just went out and did it.

I think there was only one employer where I actually identified the job I wanted, researched it a bit, crafted a resume just for that job, and made sure it got into the right hands.

But it wasn't as haphazard as it sounds. I showed up for work every day. I did what needed to be done, and if possible, a bit more. I studied hard in the fields I had interest in, and applied what I'd learned in my work when I could. I treated co-workers with respect.

I guess I'm saying it was no accident when jobs or promotions came my way, even though I never aggressively pursued them. I was also aware, early on, of the sacrifices made by those who did aggressively pursue (and achieve) higher positions. While they became wealthier than I, had bigger houses and bigger boats, they also had no time with their families, and no time to enjoy their nice homes or sail those boats. Many died young. Some compromised their integrity or crossed ethical boundaries I wasn't willing to.

So maybe I did have a plan all along. Slow and steady, good life balance, and make decisions which would allow me to sleep well at night.
 
Firmly rooted in the 17%

I'm of the 'not sure what will happen' persuasion, even after a year of retirement. Will sell my condo and no firm plans after that but, seriously, I do not consider that a bad thing. I'll get rid of some stuff, put the rest in storage and be homeless for a while. I've always wanted to try renting a place in Bali, Malta, Sydney, Hong Kong, Puerto Vallarta, Koh Samui, etc. for as long as the visas will allow me to. Will keep the condo proceeds in cash and buy a place a later on. My career job had me living out of a suitcase and traveling internationally for several years; am happy to do it again in retirement and this time get to pick where I go.

I had a plan when I retired but, life is what happens when you're making plans... The skyrocketing HOA fees and a total disinclination to hold down a steady job have washed out Plan A and I'm happy to go be a bum for a while. Not having family or a S.O. can do that to you, I guess...
 
In spite of my status as FIRE and as a long time believer in early exit: to each his own, different strokes for different folks.


Plenty of folks enjoy being in the traces and hearing the whip crack. I found myself rejecting the corporate shibboleths at a young age.


By the same token, ER just is not for everyone. I recall seeing a tv bit on an 80 year old NYC garbage man who just loved his route. Who am I to deny this man his joy?


I would love to see the regulatory aspect of retirement torn out by the roots and discarded. There is an amazing amount of diversity in life that is being concealed by regulatory BS.


I had a greek immigrant neighbor that never had a w2 in his life. He did odd jobs for cash and rented out parts of his house. That's not my solution, but it is A solution. More is better.


Cheers to economic freedom, in retirement, and before that too.
 
I left my job in Sept at age 62 because of a bad manager that just took over last year and was making certain people- me included- miserable. (We were all women over the age of 50).


My husband is still working full time and will be 65 in April but has to work to age 66 for FRA or age 67 so I can have health insurance. (But he is fading fast and I don't know if he can make it to age 67). And we do want to try to move and we ain't getting younger!



I had to immediately cut expenses as we now no longer have a 6 figure income coming in and live in tax hell hole NY. On top of it, I suddenly developed a problem with my leg (and now foot) that set me back- totally unexpected and a freak thing- and of course, it is now winter- so I have been in the house days on end except to go to the food store or a doctors appt. I at least do exercise at home every day.



I am also spending time making phone calls trying to get a Financial Planner and reading and trying to understand things in that realm and soon will be doing our tax return and our sons'. Of course, I have the usual homemaking chores to do as well. I still feel like I am working- just at home- especially since my husband is still on that schedule.


I have no friends or family nearby since I always commuted to work. Same with my husband. So alone every day.



Still- every day at home is so much better than any day dragging myself out to work. Today we are getting close to a foot of snow and you can bet I am happy to not have to go out and drive in it! And my treat every day- having a second cup of tea at breakfast, which I never was able to do when I worked.


I talk to myself and I talk via phone and Facebook to keep some social connections. When I first stopped working- before my leg issue- I did have two lunch dates with 2 different friends but I had to drive over an hour and a half to meet them as they live far away in other states. Other people wanted to have lunch with me- but all separate lunch dates as they don't all know each other and I can't always do that as it gets expensive. It's good if you can go out with a bunch of people at one time- but not with like 10 different people separably. I am on a strict budget.


We were recently invited to a relatives home for a birthday party- about 2.5 hours away. I was so happy to have somewhere to go and then a big snow/ice storm hit, as well as our water heater broke and was leaking, so we couldn't go!



So- what I want to know is-when does all the so called fun start?
 
Closing in on 3 years of FIRE

What a ride it's been. The wife and I pulled the plug at 54 and chose to sell the house, invest the equity (for future settling down when done traveling) and live in a 42' 5th wheel while we travel North America. During the 1st 6 months, it was euphoric, like the honeymoon period of our marriage. But afterwords, it became our lifestyle. Which mountain do we hike today honey? How many Southern states will we visit this winter babe? Every day has been a vacation like atmosphere and I don't regret it for a moment. We are outdoor enthusiasts and hike, mountain bike (the rugged real kind), kayak, golf as well as expose ourselves to anything different or unusual we can think of....like rock climbing or sky diving. We want to visit all 400+ national parks, as many state parks as possible in all 50 states, all the Canadian provinces and take cruises during the winter time as we park the rv for a few weeks. After 33 years, my identity was Joe software engineer, raising our children, volunteering at the church and local community and playing rec sports. That's all changed with this nomad lifestyle. When I announced my retirement, some said I was crazy. Some looked at me in awe with envy and wanted to know how it was done. I readily told everyone about the magic of compound investment returns and that after putting away $ in my 401k/IRA's since the age of 21, by 54 I was talking real money here. I even gave some free seminars at lunch break at work during my final month before I FIRE'd. At the 2 1/2 year mark, we decided to take a break and volunteer at a state park camp ground in Texas, near our 3 children and 4 grandchildren for 4 months. Enjoying the warm weather and a break from the relentless travel while we watch them play basketball and soon baseball. The park we camp in has 13 miles of mountain biking trails that we use liberally, a large lake to boat in and miles of walking trails. Life is good. Our volunteer work consists 24 hours a week between the 2 of us and is enjoyable. We work with another couple we've known for 25 years repairing things and getting the park ready for spring. Nice to work with your hands, building and fixing things after typing on a computer for 33 years. Who would have thought! No regrets here! Life is what you make of it and I for one enjoy different challenges and forcing myself to live outside of the box.
 
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The author mentioned CEOs and doctors many times, hardly a good representative sample of the workforce who retire.


As for couples versus single people in retirement, I think there is a general bias against single people everywhere in society. I found being single while working full-time all those years quite depressing at times, and it was a significant reason behind my reducing my weekly hours worked (to part-time status) so I could begin enjoying life again.





Scrabbler, once again I agree with you 100%!

✌️
 
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Mel, once your husband retires it might be better to move somewhere that you have friends. Maybe try volunteering.
 
Mel, once your husband retires it might be better to move somewhere that you have friends. Maybe try volunteering.




Our friends also live in NY- but even more expensive where they live- Long Island and Queens. Not for us. Have another friend who lives in Old Greenwich, Connecticut and another in northern Connecticut. Another in PA. As you can see- all spread out.


That is why when we move- IF we can sell this home and afford to buy another place- I want it to be in a community setting- like a 55+ or 62+
 
I left my job in Sept at age 62 because of a bad manager that just took over last year and was making certain people- me included- miserable. (We were all women over the age of 50).


My husband is still working full time and will be 65 in April but has to work to age 66 for FRA or age 67 so I can have health insurance. (But he is fading fast and I don't know if he can make it to age 67). And we do want to try to move and we ain't getting younger!



I had to immediately cut expenses as we now no longer have a 6 figure income coming in and live in tax hell hole NY. On top of it, I suddenly developed a problem with my leg (and now foot) that set me back- totally unexpected and a freak thing- and of course, it is now winter- so I have been in the house days on end except to go to the food store or a doctors appt. I at least do exercise at home every day.



I am also spending time making phone calls trying to get a Financial Planner and reading and trying to understand things in that realm and soon will be doing our tax return and our sons'. Of course, I have the usual homemaking chores to do as well. I still feel like I am working- just at home- especially since my husband is still on that schedule.


I have no friends or family nearby since I always commuted to work. Same with my husband. So alone every day.



Still- every day at home is so much better than any day dragging myself out to work. Today we are getting close to a foot of snow and you can bet I am happy to not have to go out and drive in it! And my treat every day- having a second cup of tea at breakfast, which I never was able to do when I worked.


I talk to myself and I talk via phone and Facebook to keep some social connections. When I first stopped working- before my leg issue- I did have two lunch dates with 2 different friends but I had to drive over an hour and a half to meet them as they live far away in other states. Other people wanted to have lunch with me- but all separate lunch dates as they don't all know each other and I can't always do that as it gets expensive. It's good if you can go out with a bunch of people at one time- but not with like 10 different people separably. I am on a strict budget.


We were recently invited to a relatives home for a birthday party- about 2.5 hours away. I was so happy to have somewhere to go and then a big snow/ice storm hit, as well as our water heater broke and was leaking, so we couldn't go!



So- what I want to know is-when does all the so called fun start?

Meleana, I am sorry you feel so stymied right now. I know the weather there is very confining. It does sound as though a move to a warmer and less expensive community will help out. Your role in researching new communities and possibilities will be crucial.

Have you checked out programs at your local public library? Many are free. There are reading groups that could be fun. One of the benefits of a high tax state are that there are various programs out there.

Could you invite some of your friends to your home for coffee and homemade goodies - or wine and homemade appetizers?

Better weather is coming - next week! Make a date with yourself to get out in some way on Monday or Tuesday. Good wishes!
 
Meleana, I am sorry you feel so stymied right now. I know the weather there is very confining. It does sound as though a move to a warmer and less expensive community will help out. Your role in researching new communities and possibilities will be crucial.

Have you checked out programs at your local public library? Many are free. There are reading groups that could be fun. One of the benefits of a high tax state are that there are various programs out there.

Could you invite some of your friends to your home for coffee and homemade goodies - or wine and homemade appetizers?

Better weather is coming - next week! Make a date with yourself to get out in some way on Monday or Tuesday. Good wishes!


We really want to move to New Hampshire where our only child lives. We have looked on line and also when we are up there for a week in the summer, but until we can sell our home there is no point. It is not an easy state to find something nice and updated we can afford either

We live in a rural area and on a secluded 10.5 acres. There are some things that go on around here for sure- at the library and there are senior meetings- just nothing that interests me so much that I feel like driving there. It takes a lot of driving around here. I am looking into maybe joining an aquatic center because I like to free swim- more like wade around in the water and it is good for my leg issue. But again it involves a 25 mile trip one way and very specific hours and days, so I am not sure I want to deal with all those restrictions.

I am busy anyway- by the time I do my exercises in the morning and shower it gets close to lunch time. Up until recently I was going to physical therapy in the afternoons several times per week- again- 30 miles round trip. After getting home, made , hubby comes home and that was the end of the day! Crazy.

It is funny- in the past I have tried to invite coworkers and acquaintances to my home for get togethers on a weekend- even some people I met at a community organization I was involved in when I was working- and barely anyone responded or could come, so I gave up. Now I don't work but they all still do- so that wouldn't work out during the week anyway.



As for the ones that want to have lunch out- believe it or not- one of them I once tried to get her come to my house for lunch and she said she couldn't. I think no one wants to drive up here possibly. Not sure.


I even invited an old high school acquaintance (who I reconnected with via Facebook and turned out lives just a few miles from my house) to reciprocate her inviting me and my husband for dinner once. She expressed continually that she wanted to continue to get together again. Well- guess what? She cancelled 3 times and I stopped inviting her.


I just don't get it...
 
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We live in a rural area and on a secluded 10.5 acres. There are some things that go on around here for sure- at the library and there are senior meetings- just nothing that interests me so much that I feel like driving there. It takes a lot of driving around here. I am looking into maybe joining an aquatic center because I like to free swim- more like wade around in the water and it is good for my leg issue. But again it involves a 25 mile trip one way and very specific hours and days, so I am not sure I want to deal with all those restrictions.

I am busy anyway- by the time I do my exercises in the morning and shower it gets close to lunch time. Up until recently I was going to physical therapy in the afternoons several times per week- again- 30 miles round trip. After getting home, made , hubby comes home and that was the end of the day! Crazy.

It is funny- in the past I have tried to invite coworkers and acquaintances to my home for get togethers on a weekend- even some people I met at a community organization I was involved in when I was working- and barely anyone responded or could come, so I gave up. Now I don't work but they all still do- so that wouldn't work out during the week anyway.


It's interesting that the rural life has proven somewhat isolating for you. This would be the ideal for some folks here. I'm with you though, I would feel isolated, especially since I'm not especially outgoing. DW would hate the lack of "shopping".


Regarding friends coming over to your house, DW and I visit our friends much more than they visit us. They say they are too busy or too far, but many of them are retired like us, and we are just as far from them as they are from us (20-45 minutes). Once couple hints that they never see us but we drive out to visit them (45-60 minutes) most of the time; they've visited us only a couple of times in a decade.


We've reconciled ourselves to having to be proactive if we want friends at all. It's not ideal, but we enjoy our friends company greatly when we do get together. Maybe in a better world we would have "better" more proactive friends, but then, as I was told as a kid, "life's not fair"!
 
It's interesting that the rural life has proven somewhat isolating for you. This would be the ideal for some folks here. I'm with you though, I would feel isolated, especially since I'm not especially outgoing. DW would hate the lack of "shopping".


Regarding friends coming over to your house, DW and I visit our friends much more than they visit us. They say they are too busy or too far, but many of them are retired like us, and we are just as far from them as they are from us (20-45 minutes). Once couple hints that they never see us but we drive out to visit them (45-60 minutes) most of the time; they've visited us only a couple of times in a decade.


We've reconciled ourselves to having to be proactive if we want friends at all. It's not ideal, but we enjoy our friends company greatly when we do get together. Maybe in a better world we would have "better" more proactive friends, but then, as I was told as a kid, "life's not fair"!


We have always loved the seclusion but it is not ideal for aging.



As for our friends, well it would be nice to actually get invited sometimes. I think what it is is they have bigger families- some with grandchildren- plus they live in the city or suburbs and have friends and we are out of sight and out of mind.
 
I would never live in a rural area because of all the problems mentioned. Probably your friends don’t want to drive so far.
 
I would never live in a rural area because of all the problems mentioned. Probably your friends don’t want to drive so far.




Believe me it has been great when we were working (well- my husband still is working). And I am home now and I appreciate it so much- what we have. This evening- a herd of deer were running and playing and I could watch them through all our windows. I went snowshoeing yesterday on our property- it was beautiful outside in the sun. My husband and i went for a walk on our road which follows a brook, which is also on our property. It is peaceful. No neighbor BS. Our small hamlets and towns are a pleasure to drive in and shop in. So many benefits.

It was like having a private retreat and frankly, when we were working we did not have a lot of time to socialize between caring for the home and our son, family obligations and needing some private time, etc.

Actually, all our friends come up here to our house once per year for a big reunion. (they call it The Big Chimilia- a take on the movie The Big Chill combined with our last name. LOL!) They love it here in the country and we have been doing this all our lives. We all have so much fun and the day goes so fast!

But we are all older now so it is hard as we do not have enough bedrooms to put up everyone and they have the long drive home- though I guess they could get a hotel but choose not to. But they are still coming!


But, of course, that is just once per year. And we cannot age in our house only because of the 700 foot driveway and seclusion. Though I guess if I needed help I am very active on Facebook! Seriously- I think the best thing will be to go into a community type setting- 55 or 62+ and closer to where our son lives. That is all we've got. I have no other ideas.

Today I was cooking on my stove- which is just a few years old, as is my whole kitchen- and I kept thinking at some point soon I will be living in a different home and not have all these things that I picked out myself and love. All the work we did here. The things we painstakingly chose for good reasons- all the comforts- all the things that are our taste and our preferences. 31 years here. It's going to be hard but it has to be done.

And then hopefully we will make a few friends where we move, though they will never be like our old friends I am sure..
 
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Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.
 
Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.

18 months in and feel the same way.
 
Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.

112 months in and still feel the same way! I just love retirement so much.
 
Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.

Only two months in and can't imagine life could be better somehow.
 
Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.

We've been retired 4 yrs, and while I love our trips, I do find the non-trips "less productive".
So today when a company called me because they had an employee make a mistake on a system I created, I was pretty happy to fix it.

It's actually nice to have the change, the excitement of tracking down issues like a puzzle, and fixing their database.

It's all from home, so no fighting traffic or weather.

Of course I'll bill them as it's not volunteer work.
 
Today I was cooking on my stove- which is just a few years old, as is my whole kitchen- and I kept thinking at some point soon I will be living in a different home and not have all these things that I picked out myself and love. All the work we did here. The things we painstakingly chose for good reasons- all the comforts- all the things that are our taste and our preferences. 31 years here. It's going to be hard but it has to be done.

This really struck me, as I totally re-did the kitchen a couple of years ago. But it's really true about the whole house. Ours is no-where near as nice as yours sounds, or quite as rural. It's been through decades of hard use, raising kids, and sometimes having them come back a few times. But it's comfortable, and even with all the ongoing maintenance, renovation and repairs, cheaper than just about any other options which involve moving.

We'll face the same tough decision some day. We always talk about how nice it would be to sell it and be done with it, but we always put off the decision.
 
Maybe I'm in denial or just in the honeymoon period ( 25 months in), but how on earth anyone can miss working life and not love being retired is bizarre to me.

A lot depends on how much control one has over the work environment, especially the time one puts into work.

Most of us don't have much control over the time we put into a job. Heck, I have problems volunteering in my area because of all the 'commitments' the organizations want, such as every Tuesday and Thursday morning for the next thee months. Sorry, no can do.
 
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