You can’t go back again ....

[Dd852]

I went to the memorial service today for a former colleague who died at 52 (still working...but happily I think). There were many familiar faces there, of course; many people I’d known for 10, 15, 20 years and worked closely together with. While I was happy to see them, and I think they me, it was remarkable to me how little I actually wanted to say to them and how much our lives had diverged. When working, we probably talked as much or more than I did with my wife! Now? One baby step removed from strangers - all we ever really had in common was the job and the company and the dramas with other colleagues. And that, it turns out, isn’t the same thing as a real friendship! When you’re in the midst of it, it is easy to think these relationships are precious and irreplaceable. They’re not. The true friends - you know them by the time you chose to spend together, not the time you’re just thrown together. These aren’t the most profound thoughts, but being at a memorial really brought home to me the importance of not wasting time, and concentrating on the things and people of true value.

 

[MBAustin]

Very well said.

 

[Dtail]

+1
Plus an indirect reminder that life can be short.

 

[WestUniversity]

You can’t go back again....

There are at most a handful I currently socialize with outside of work, but aside from those your point is valid for me as well. I doubt will ever see most of these people again or particularly miss them either...

 

[97guns]

I don’t know, I seem to be reflecting on old work acquaintances and past friends lately and how those people played a roll or a little something in my life’s journey.

I did run into an old work friend a few months back and we had a nice chat, told him how I think of the people from that work place often. I don’t keep up with any old friends or do any kind of reunions or socializing but I wouldn’t mind running into a few more or seeing some people from my past, they say everyone you engage with throughout life is for a reason.

 

[6miths]

I'm with 97guns. I have a nostalgia for old acquaintances and am always happy to catch up with those from my past. Not all of course but the vast majority. I left the town I grew up when I was 11 and my high school town to go to university when I was 18. Many great experiences, friends and memories and as the years pass it is nice to have them refreshed. Guess it just depends on one's experiences and out look on life.

 

[Red Badger]

There are at most a handful I currently socialize with outside of work, but aside from those your point is valid for me as well. I doubt will ever see most of these people again or particularly miss them either...

+1.

When w*rking, mandatory fun was a regular requirement (team building, team dinners, taking customers to dinner, events etc). The (very) few that I still meet up with were the ones where we already had a relationship that extended beyond work.

Interesting side-note... As a regular volunteer (soup kitchen), it is just GREAT that no one is there because "they have to be." No one is is trying to suck up or back stab. Everyone that's a regular know what the mission is, and just "gets to it." Very different and very welcome for me.

 

[CardsFan]

I just had a similar experience this past Sunday. But different in two major ways:

First, the deceased had retired close to 20 years ago, so he had some enjoyment from retirement. We worked together closely, stayed in touch for a while, and did get to know each other's families.

The second difference was my feeling of regret for not staying in touch, and the new desire to re-connect with a few past co-workers. Not all, but the few who really were friends beyond the work space. Including a couple of "work wives".

FWIW, DW knows the "work wives" and also enjoys their company.

 

[joeea]

When working, we probably talked as much or more than I did with my wife! Now? One baby step removed from strangers - all we ever really had in common was the job and the company and the dramas with other colleagues. And that, it turns out, isn’t the same thing as a real friendship!

I might disagree? (hard to tell).

We all have friends and acquaintances of different levels.

I have neighbors that are good friends - we enjoy each others' company, get together occasionally, dine together, etc. And I have other neighbors that I chat with and wave to, but not much else.

Same with coworkers. I had a few coworkers that are good friends. We've visited each others homes, I've given their children birthday gifts, I've attended their weddings. And I had other coworkers with whom I enjoyed lots of lunch discussions.

You can have friends of all kinds in all places - work and out of work.

 

[Tallman4123]

I didn't develop any lasting friendships at my last j*b and I was there 11+ years. To be fair, I had many GREAT w*rking relationships, and had a lot of good times with co-workers during and after w*rk hours - kind of a bunker mentality at times - but no off-hour relationships. The fact that I moved away the day after I retired also contributed to the lack of lasting bonds. There is only one former co-w*rker that I am in touch with occasionally.

Interestingly however, many of my lasting friendships (and I don't have a huge number) are from previous career stops. When younger, I was more willing to develop and maintain friendships. As I got older, I didn't have the energy or desire to work on new relationships. I don't think this is an uncommon development.

 

[savory]

I didn't develop any lasting friendships at my last j*b and I was there 11+ years. To be fair, I had many GREAT w*rking relationships, and had a lot of good times with co-workers during and after w*rk hours - kind of a bunker mentality at times - but no off-hour relationships. The fact that I moved away the day after I retired also contributed to the lack of lasting bonds. There is only one former co-w*rker that I am in touch with occasionally.

Interestingly however, many of my lasting friendships (and I don't have a huge number) are from previous career stops. When younger, I was more willing to develop and maintain friendships. As I got older, I didn't have the energy or desire to work on new relationships. I don't think this is an uncommon development.

As a younger employee, I did create some solid friendships and still have a few. But, as I got more family responsibilities and ended up taking jobs that were either at branch locations or were filled with much travel, it seem hard to maintain them and grow new ones. I was career focused as were my co-working friends. I suppose my long commute, which made weekend get togethers difficult, thus undesired, did not help build relationships. People getting married added another hurdle.

There is a fairly large group that participates on a FB site now. It is mainly used for questions such as health insurance and such. But, some deaths are shared and other company news. I do like that. And, if I have a chance to be close to the location where our 20 year club is held, I will probably attend the event.

 

[gerntz]

I made friends with a handful of people, guys, in my first few years at mega. They were friends because of all the activities we did together outside work & because our SO's became acquainted if not great friends. In fact, many were together last Saturday including SO's.

Those that I didn't/don't do things with outside work are/were work acquaintances.

 

[savory]

Once when I was on a committee for employee satisfaction surveys, we invited Gallup in to help us. They claimed to have done some research and instead of a questionnaire that was the size of a book, they had it down to about 13 questions. I can't remember them all but some were like, do you have the right tools to do your job. The one that I do remember and stood out for me was 'do you have a best friend at work'. Really made me think about job satisfaction in a different way.

 

[WestUniversity]

+1.



Interesting side-note... As a regular volunteer (soup kitchen), it is just GREAT that no one is there because "they have to be." No one is is trying to suck up or back stab. Everyone that's a regular know what the mission is, and just "gets to it." Very different and very welcome for me.

Sounds awesome. There are some ministries I have wanted to volunteer for but my j*b kept getting in the way. Now I will have plenty of time to devote to “want to’s” (passions) as opposed to “have to’s” (obligations)...[emoji106]

 

[Dawg52]

My best friend today is an old work buddy. We were not elbow to elbow working mates as he was an o/s salesman for the company and I was a bean counter. But got to know him as he was into golf, going to college football games and drinking beer. We still get together once a week for a cold one. Good friends with a three other guys I worked with but I already knew them before we all went to work there. This is a small town if you wonder how we all knew each other before working together......

 

[brett]

We have a travel friend couple who live in the UK.

He retired early-six years ago. They have been travelling extensively ever since. They spend their winters in NZ.

Last week, in Brisbane, as they were preparing to board a cruise ship (prior to flying home), he came out of the shower. His wife said his skin was yellow and forced him to go to the hospital. Blocked bile duct. But worse...inoperable cancer of the liver and pancreas. They are now making their way back to the UK.

Sad as this is, I have no doubt that they are glad they both retired early and have spent the last five/six years doing what they enjoy most-together.

If you can retire early and enjoy your time do so. No one knows what is around the corner.

 

[Mdlerth]

I am always out of step

The career years when I had the most opportunities for striking up social relationships with co-w*rkers coincided with when my children were young and needed my attention more. I chose the kids, so I didn't end up cultivating many friendships from the j*b.

Now that my children are grown and I'm free for socializing, my w*rk peers are all retiring and moving away (or dying)...

...or else they're female and that's just asking for trouble! I wonder if there ever was a time when a married man could have women friends and there was nothing more to it than simply being friends?

 

[JustCurious]

I wonder if there ever was a time when a married man could have women friends and there was nothing more to it than simply being friends?

I don't think such a time ever existed.

 

[joeea]

I wonder if there ever was a time when a married man could have women friends and there was nothing more to it than simply being friends?

It's not a matter of "a time".

It's just about the people involved. Over the years I've had many women friends both in and out of work - still do.

 

[Music Lover]

I made friends with a handful of people, guys, in my first few years at mega. They were friends because of all the activities we did together outside work & because our SO's became acquainted if not great friends. In fact, many were together last Saturday including SO's.

Those that I didn't/don't do things with outside work are/were work acquaintances.

Same for me. I started working at a large govt office when I was 19 and "grew up" with a lot of people of similar age. We played on sports teams together, golfed, went out for drinks, etc. Many of them became close friends. Now that I'm retired the friends are still friends and the acquaintances are just people I used to see at work that I no longer have any ties with.

 

[omni550]

I wonder if there ever was a time when a married man could have women friends and there was nothing more to it than simply being friends?

I'm a single female. I have male friends, some are married, some are not. I treasure our friendships dearly. These guys are my buddies. Some I've known for almost 30 years.

Neither I, nor they, have ever made one move that might be misconstrued as anything but friendship. We hug each other on arrival and departure, just like I do with my women friends, and that's all.

One close married male friend who moved 10 hours away, has often invited me to come for a visit at his home (with he and his wife). And I have taken him up on it, many times. His wife is always asking me to extend my stay.

Another is forever meeting me for lunch or breakfast, both in Michigan and when he comes to Florida on vacation with his family.

I could go on and on.

If I was unable to spend time with my buddies, I would be very sad.


omni

 

[DrRoy]

I find that I enjoy catching up with past co-workers if we cross paths, but I do not go out of my way to arrange it.

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

+1

 

[PoorOldCountryBoy]

+1 to the original post.

 

[pb4uski]

I have some long friendships with a few people from my first job out of college... we were all in our early 20s and worked hard and partied hard... we have an annual bass fishing trip of 8 guys and 4 of the eight are from those days at our first job 40 years ago.. one of the 4 was my best man so I talk to him once a month or so.

I have no regular contact from people at my second employer... and none at my third employer other than occasionally running into some old colleagues locally. From my last employer, I talk with my old boss (then and now a friend) once or twice a year just to touch base and in the process get to chat with my former EA who is still his EA.

My DSIL's mom also worked at my second employer so when we see each other we catch each other up on what we have heard about them.