You can’t go back again ....

[ExFlyBoy5]

Not too long after I retired, I attended a promotion party of a former co-w*rker. I was initially excited because I hadn't seen most of the other "fly guys" in a while and thought it would be fun to catch up.

Oh, was I wrong. Very, very wrong. Instead of enjoying some good BBQ and sampling lots of wonderful craft beer, I got to listen to these fools pontificate endlessly about how they were going to fix this issue and that issue at w*rk. I tried to bring up *other* subjects, but it just kept coming back to that. I wound up leaving fairly early and haven't really talked to any of them since.

In retrospect, I knew that when I retired, I was DONE. I hated the subsequent phone calls about airplane issues and was OVER DEALING with it. So, I should have known that an activity that involved former co-w*rkers would revolve around..well, W*RK. So...never doing that again.

 

[pullin]

Went to the 26th annual Final 4 party with some old coworkers* last night. Hard to believe we've been doing it that long. It was (as always) fun to see everyone and was a pleasant evening. We talked about the old days when we all began at the company, and about the old graybeards we worked for then. One of the guys pointed out we have kids older than this year's new hires -- and we're the old graybeards now. Sigh.

*Some of us still work for the same company, but in different units now. I never see these guys except at gatherings like this.

 

[ugeauxgirl]

The career years when I had the most opportunities for striking up social relationships with co-w*rkers coincided with when my children were young and needed my attention more. I chose the kids, so I didn't end up cultivating many friendships from the j*b.

Now that my children are grown and I'm free for socializing, my w*rk peers are all retiring and moving away (or dying)...

...or else they're female and that's just asking for trouble! I wonder if there ever was a time when a married man could have women friends and there was nothing more to it than simply being friends?

Yes, but BOTH have to be completely uninterested. I had a work pal like that once, but he got moved and it has never happened again. I'm in a male dominated industry (one that is super competitive) and I think the sort of guy this job attracts is not the platonic friendship sort. I avoid out of town conferences unless at least one other woman colleague I know will be there.

 

[dixonge]

The true friends - you know them by the time you chose to spend together, not the time you’re just thrown together.

Proximity is not a good foundation for relationships. Only shared interests/values can provide that. This is true for neighbors, co-workers, etc. In spite of the many years of shared history/stories at work or former neighborhoods or churches we have maintained very few connections, even on Facebook. We connect and make friends with those who share our political and irreligious views, but few else. It's just a fact of life.

 

[kcowan]

We have had 100s of acquaintances over the years and several geographic moves. But in each place, we developed the odd deep friendship. Some we don't see for years. But we rekindle the relationship when we do.

So I would not spend a lot of time on acquaintances.

 

[marko]

When I RE'd, the people who I thought were friends, I never heard from again. The people I thought I'd never hear from are still in touch 13 years later.

 

[Offgrid Organic Farmer]

I did 20 years in the US Navy, most of that time was on subs. I have known a lot of fellow sailors, often confined for months at a time underwater. A number of them, were 'close'. But then transfers happen. After a few different boats, it gets to be a blur. Now as a retiree, I have re-connected with many of them via Facebook. But we are all different.

A lot of them only served for one enlistment, on one sub. So to them their WHOLE memory on subs, was that one crew. Now as old men they re-live those memories. Whereas to me, after many subs, I may remember their name, but I can not remember which sub we were on together.

I also found that my high school class has its own facebook page. That was kind of neat, we had a graduating class of 750. But, none of them remember me [I had a F/T job during high school so I never attended any of the school events]. Out of the entire class I am the only person who is retired. And I am the only person who left our home town. They still talk about football games between our home town team and the neighboring rival team. We have nothing in common. I left that town in the 1970s.

 

[Dtail]

I did 20 years in the US Navy, most of that time was on subs. I have known a lot of fellow sailors, often confined for months at a time underwater. A number of them, were 'close'. But then transfers happen. After a few different boats, it gets to be a blur. Now as a retiree, I have re-connected with many of them via Facebook. But we are all different.

A lot of them only served for one enlistment, on one sub. So to them their WHOLE memory on subs, was that one crew. Now as old men they re-live those memories. Whereas to me, after many subs, I may remember their name, but I can not remember which sub we were on together.

I also found that my high school class has its own facebook page. That was kind of neat, we had a graduating class of 750. But, none of them remember me [I had a F/T job during high school so I never attended any of the school events]. Out of the entire class I am the only person who is retired. And I am the only person who left our home town. They still talk about football games between our home town team and the neighboring rival team. We have nothing in common. I left that town in the 1970s.

Only 1 out of 750 retired at age 59, let alone age 42. Interesting fact.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

No you can't go back again. One thing I learned when quitting my job and leaving the area was that when you do that people drop you pretty fast. You are no longer on the menu so to speak, if indeed you ever were. The one thing I had in common with them was the job, take that away and it reveals itself to be nothing.

So you move on and find other things to think about. Life goes on. It is constantly in a state of change.

 

[mcbraemer]

Forced Frivolity

+1.

When w*rking, mandatory fun was a regular requirement (team building, team dinners, taking customers to dinner, events etc). The (very) few that I still meet up with were the ones where we already had a relationship that extended beyond work.

Interesting side-note... As a regular volunteer (soup kitchen), it is just GREAT that no one is there because "they have to be." No one is is trying to suck up or back stab. Everyone that's a regular know what the mission is, and just "gets to it." Very different and very welcome for me.

Couldn't agree with your first statement more ! I completely detested the "mandatory fun" most company management teams encourage to "boost morale" etc. I want to believe (but have no way of really knowing) that most of my co-workers would have agreed, and preferred either just getting back home after a long day at w*rk, or even just having some downtime alone as I prefer. Instead, "Forced Frivolity" has been pushed on me and my peers for years. I never understood why, or, who actually likes this? As the years passed and I gained (a certain level of) confidence in my job security, I did manage to skip more and more of these, but have spent too many hours at office AFTER HOURS dinners, events, activities to want to remember. Personally, I prefer being with one or two close friends than a large group all pretending to have fun, and pretending to be ignoring all the office politicking and such going on.
Maybe it's just me ?

 

[Souschef]

The only contact I have with w-rk is when I fly over the plant on an Angel Flight mission. I wave

 

[Car-Guy]

After I retired, a few "work friends" would call or email me from time to time. Now (6+ years later) that has now dwindled to almost zero. Well, except for calls/emails to let me know about someone who has a passed away. We all have to go sometime, but it always seems "sadder" to me when I get one of those emails about someone passing away and they were still working.

 

[ponyboy]

Who would have ever thunk? You quit a job...havent seen someone in 10 years...and you no longer feel a need to reach out...this isnt exactly breaking news.