I have no problem with retirement, but...

[setab]

everone else does. I am really tired of people asking me to do things for them, "because I don't work anymore." I don't mind helping some, but I didn't retire so I could handle all my friend's and relative's Honeydo lists. In addition, my unmarried daughter stays at our housefour or five times a week and expects me to do "something" with here every Monday, which is her day off. I love my daughter, but at age 29, she needs to get her own life so I can live mine. Or, am I being too selfish? Any of you had these problems. Any suggestions? Thanks.

setab

 

[Martha]

Isn't it nice to know you are loved?

A heart to heart with the daughter might be in order.

Little white lies are not so bad.

My husband often helps out people with this and that; including former tenants. But he doesn't have a hard time saying no if he doesn't want to do something or the timing isn't right. Unlike me.

 

[Rich_by_the_Bay]

I'd give my eye teeth to have a half-day to spend with my kids each week. Too bad they're 1200 miles away

Guess it depends on their style. Might be one of those "careful what you wish for" deals.

 

[youbet]

Yeah setab, following up on Rich's comments, it is hard to fine tune the level of involvement others want to have in your life.  Since I'd rather be over-socialized than lonely, I tend to err on the side of welcoming people in, even when it's really too much.  I'm very gentle about pushing people away.  My latest issue.........  three young neighbor ladies heard I'm ER now and want me to join them for afternoon bridge on Wednesdays.  DW, not a bridge player, isn't sure I can afford this time expenditure in my busy ER schedule.  What to do, what to do? 

 

[laurence]

It's a fine line, I'm concerned because now that DW is semi-retired, her mom is dumping her little brother and sister on her on a regular basis (they are 9 and 12) since it's summer break and she's still working. There is some tangled emotions there, involving guilt of one party and resentment on the other about mom not ever being able to stay home (DW is still earning more money with her home business than her mom ever did, but that's beside the point, I guess).

They are good kids though, and love Tori to pieces, so you have to weigh that in.

 

[retire@40]

...I am really tired of people asking me to do things for them, "because I don't work anymore."  I don't mind helping some, but I didn't retire so I could handle all my friend's and relative's Honeydo lists...

There are two kinds of friends:  Friends that like you because of your company, and friends that like you because you do things for them.

I've shaken off a few "friends" when I told them I just couldn't loan them money anymore or I just couldn't babysit their kids every other Friday.  Without their use of my money or my time, they have no need to be "friends" with me.

At the same time, I've made new friends that do things like invite me to their parties or I ask to go fishing with me.

Reminds me of this scene in The Godfather:

Corleone: We've known each other many years, but this is the first time you ever came to me for counsel or for help. I can't remember the last time that you invited me to your house for a cup of coffee, even though my wife is godmother to your only child. But let's be frank here. You never wanted my friendship. And uh, you were afraid to be in my debt.

Bonasera: I didn't want to get into trouble.

Corleone: I understand. You found paradise in America, you had a good trade, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. And you didn't need a friend like me. But uh, now you come to me and you say - 'Don Corleone, give me justice.' But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me Godfather. Instead, you come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married, and you, uh, ask me to do murder for money.

 

[MJ]

Since I'd rather be over-socialized than lonely, I tend to err on the side of welcoming people in, even when it's really too much.

Where did you say you lived and when do we eat? I'll just be staying for a day or 2 or 3 or .............

 

[TromboneAl]

Reminds me of this scene in The Godfather:

I'm curious: I'm assuming that you didn't have that scene memorized. Did you get the DVD out and transcribe it? Did you look it up in the book?

 

[youbet]

Where did you say you lived and when do we eat? I'll just be staying for a day or 2 or 3 or ............. 

Good one!

 

[ladelfina]

Tell them you are a new franchisee of Rent-a-Husband® and will be available for odd jobs and errands for a modest fee (with a Friends and Family discount of 50% if you wish).

assuming you are "Tall, Dark and Handy®"

http://www.rent-a-husband.com/

 

[retire@40]

I'm curious: I'm assuming that you didn't have that scene memorized.  Did you get the DVD out and transcribe it?  Did you look it up in the book?

Transcribe from a DVD or book?  That would involve work.

By the way, I thought you had accumulated more than 60 posts?  What happened?

 

[setab]

Tell them you are a new franchisee of Rent-a-Husband® and will be available for odd jobs and errands for a modest fee (with a Friends and Family discount of 50% if you wish).

assuming you are "Tall, Dark and Handy®"

http://www.rent-a-husband.com/

I wish I could say I was even one out of three!
I'm 5'9", gray and, let's just say those are the two that come the closest.

Thanks for the perspective from the rest of you. Is whining one of the phases of early retirement? Sorry to be that way. I should be thankful.

setab

 

[SteveR]

Transcribe from a DVD or book?  That would involve work.

Here is one place you can get this...
http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Godfather.html

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

i have one cousin who might have been a bit too close to her dad. she was noticeably jealous of her mother and later so jealous of her dad's second wife that the relationship turned mean for many years.

i have another cousin who doesn't get along well with her parents and i never understood quite why as they are truly lovely people. so she will have her mom around probably for another 20 years. during that time they will see each other maybe once a year and i will be forever jealous that my cousin has that and angry that she doesn't take advantage of it.

i spent a lot of time with my parents all throughout life aside from sleepaway camp, sleepaway college and, of course, sleeping around. i worked for family for about 10 years. after i took off to my own so-called career my brother started working for family. we all spent many of our weekends together on the boat or away on vacations. we had a really excellent relationship and a lot of great times.

soon i will have no parents to hang out with. but i will have memories of some really very fun people. we shared some tears, some yelling, some great conversation & just a whole lot of laughs.

so of course i think it is great that your daughter wants to spend time with you. imagine if she didn't want to spend any time with you at all. you are right though that this should not interfere with you having your own life and with her having her own life. there needs to be a healthy balance.

we found one trick was having a big enough boat so everyone could invite their friends as well. that, and a lot of beer.

 

[setab]

lazygoodetc.,

Thanks. You make a very good and heartfelt point. Of course, you are right, especially about the beer part. For that matter, wine works well also. :

setab