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Old 02-21-2014, 09:10 PM   #21
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And I'm afraid that some day I'm going to be faced with the decision of whether to take over for my parents when they are no longer around. I really don't want to, but I have a feeling it's going to be a decision I have to face whether I like it or not.
I wish I could find someone to pay my expenses.....then maybe I can work on a Masters Degree in Broadcast Management....
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Old 02-21-2014, 09:30 PM   #22
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I wish I could find someone to pay my expenses.....then maybe I can work on a Masters Degree in Broadcast Management....
Well, I'm certainly not planning on sending her enough to live in luxury.

She has a college degree, but can't seem to hold a job. She suffers from depression, anxiety, blah blah blah. And she can't have a job in retail because she can't stand on her feet all day, or work in a noisy environment. So the bandwidth of jobs that are suitable to her is very narrow, and when she gets one, she usually gets fired within a few weeks.

She is setting herself up for a very meager existence. I may not let her live on the streets, but beyond finding a room to rent, and a little food money, I'm not willing to provide anything further. It's very disturbing to watch.
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Old 02-21-2014, 09:40 PM   #23
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Well, I'm certainly not planning on sending her enough to live in luxury.

She has a college degree, but can't seem to hold a job. She suffers from depression, anxiety, blah blah blah. And she can't have a job in retail because she can't stand on her feet all day, or work in a noisy environment. So the bandwidth of jobs that are suitable to her is very narrow, and when she gets one, she usually gets fired within a few weeks.

She is setting herself up for a very meager existence. I may not let her live on the streets, but beyond finding a room to rent, and a little food money, I'm not willing to provide anything further. It's very disturbing to watch.
I fully understand and have seen way too many people like her. We have one in the family and she is 34, single, college degree, and an emotional freak show. Add to that, a slew of pills to fix everything, but nothing is getting fixed. A few of us are contributing support to the woman wondering when it will end.
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Old 02-21-2014, 09:41 PM   #24
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The old guy at the beginning of the film laments that he never thought about saving for retirement when he was younger. It should be no surprise that when he's older he lacks savings. What did he expect would happen?

Likewise the professional student who goes back to school for a second masters degree, in a low paying field, and seems surprised to realize that she may have trouble paying back 200k from her new profession, despite the fact it is low paid, hard to break into at age 60, and she will only work a limited number of years. What did she think would happen? It sounds like she expected she would spend the loan proceeds on living expenses, then default.

There are near retirees in difficult circumstances through no fault of their own, but these people do not seem to be in that group.
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Old 02-21-2014, 09:43 PM   #25
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Well, I'm certainly not planning on sending her enough to live in luxury.

She has a college degree, but can't seem to hold a job. She suffers from depression, anxiety, blah blah blah. And she can't have a job in retail because she can't stand on her feet all day, or work in a noisy environment. So the bandwidth of jobs that are suitable to her is very narrow, and when she gets one, she usually gets fired within a few weeks.

She is setting herself up for a very meager existence. I may not let her live on the streets, but beyond finding a room to rent, and a little food money, I'm not willing to provide anything further. It's very disturbing to watch.
I have a relative like that. I started researching how to live on Social Security and Medicare alone with her in mind. I don't want to see her homeless but I also don't want her living with us.
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Old 02-22-2014, 05:19 AM   #26
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Unfortunately, my sister is in a similar situation. She has never held a job for very long, and has no money saved at 50 years old, and has never earned enough to pay her bills. My parents still pay her expenses. And I'm afraid that some day I'm going to be faced with the decision of whether to take over for my parents when they are no longer around. I really don't want to, but I have a feeling it's going to be a decision I have to face whether I like it or not.
Ready, My BIL is sort of like your sister but he has a good paying job, doesn't manage his money well and his parents help bail him out constantly. I thought maybe my husband would take over the bail out job once his parents were gone but he said he would not.

Only definitions I can find for FIFY is "fit in (a) few years or fixed it for you". I checked the acronym list on the FAQ and can't find it. So anyone have a translation?
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Scaring people into working till they drop?
Old 02-22-2014, 07:15 AM   #27
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Scaring people into working till they drop?

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Well, I'm certainly not planning on sending her enough to live in luxury.



She has a college degree, but can't seem to hold a job. She suffers from depression, anxiety, blah blah blah. And she can't have a job in retail because she can't stand on her feet all day, or work in a noisy environment. So the bandwidth of jobs that are suitable to her is very narrow, and when she gets one, she usually gets fired within a few weeks.



She is setting herself up for a very meager existence. I may not let her live on the streets, but beyond finding a room to rent, and a little food money, I'm not willing to provide anything further. It's very disturbing to watch.

Wonder if she could possibly be eligible for social security disability? If her depression and anxiety issues are that severe, she might be.

I also have a brother who I worry about. He was injured on the job (construction). I am pretty sure my parents are supporting him fully right now. I wish he would look into SSD. I know that oftentimes you have to apply more than once and it isn't easy to prove disability. I also think he may have some severe depression issues that are not being addressed. He absolutely has no respect for me so I can't talk to him about any of this stuff. I love him and would do whatever I could to help him if he'd let me. Thankfully my parents are OK financially and can help him ( for now).
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Old 02-22-2014, 07:39 AM   #28
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I fully understand and have seen way too many people like her. We have one in the family....
I get the sense that almost everyone has "one in the family". We do too, one SIL has been on SSDI for decades and has a tenuous grip on reality. This is the one that even in HS when DW could buy herself a $5 blouse with baby-sitting money she'd get mad at DW because she couldn't have a new blouse too.

She just doesn't make the connection between working, money, and having options. I suspect in her mind nice homes, cars, etc. just fall from the sky to a few lucky people.
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Old 02-22-2014, 08:20 AM   #29
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I've got an in-law living on the edge, too. My conclusion is that mental health is a continuum ranging from slightly eccentric to stark raving mad. It seems that a surprisingly large portion of the population lives somewhere in the middle, hanging on by their finger nails. Whether you label them as mentally ill or just bad, lazy people, there seems to be no real solution.
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Old 02-22-2014, 08:32 AM   #30
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Well, I feel better knowing I'm not the only one. Thanks to everyone who shared their stories.

I've been fighting with my sister for the past couple of weeks now, so it's been on my mind. She lives rent free in my 88 year old mother's home, and my mother pays all the bills. My mom recently stopped driving and has no way to go shopping for food any more. My sister sent me an email asking me to send money to pay for a driver to take mom around to the grocery stores every week. I told my sister that as long as she is not working and has nothing else to do, there is no reason she can't take my mom shopping. Her argument is that mom likes to go shopping too much and she doesn't want to have to go shopping every day.

What else does this woman have to do all day? Maybe it's just me, but it seems incredibly nervy to ask me to pay for a driver for my mom when my sister lives there full time and mom pays all the bills. My sister has a car and drives herself to the pool every day to go swimming. But somehow driving to the grocery store seems to elude her.

We've discussed trying to get her on disability, but concluded it will never happen. There is really nothing wrong with her. Lots of depressed people go to work and earn a living. And she has no physical handicaps. I suggested she try to get a job at Starbucks, but she says she can't stand on her feet all day and doesn't like noisy environments. Something tells me that the disability board is not going to be very enthusiastic about signing her up. I'm sure there are people in far worse shape than her who still find a way to earn a living.

She has a terrible attitude, and acts like the world owes her for just existing. I've told my mom the old saying "Necessity is the mother of invention". If she kicked my sister out, I suspect she would eventually figure out how to support herself. But at 50 years old, I wonder how capable a person is of changing after behaving this way their entire life.
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Old 02-22-2014, 08:48 AM   #31
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One of my best friends, who is mid-50's, has a divorced wife that he supports, yes, true. Bought her a small condo, pays her bills, she has no job. Plus, one of their two daughters still lives at home and can't seem to find a job. In Houston, employers are advertising for workers on freeway billboards.

My business partner has a SIL (mid-50's) divorced, with three kids, living with Mom, plus she doesn't work (can't find a job that pays enough?). That's got to be a fun arrangement.

There are lots of people who are in this boat.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:20 AM   #32
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One memorable statement from the video was something like "I had jobs but no career." I'd be willing to bet that even the lower net worth/income folks here on this board, with a mindset to financial independence, focused on having a career and not just just bopping job to job. And that's not meant to be "classist" because you can have a career in public service or other relatively stable workplaces just as in "professions." I will say that the breadth of opportunity for careers is much narrower now than several decades ago. Trying to reinvent yourself in your fifties to develop a career that will build retirement assets or pension would be pretty tough. Borrowing $200,000 to do social work at 60? This is just insane and no one should have LOANED that money. It makes me believe that student debt bubble is approaching the same critical mass as housing in 2007. What were those mortgages called? Liar loans? Were they any more sound than a student loan to a 60 yo for $200k to go into social work?

I do feel sorry for the many people in the position depicted in this clip. However, for many it was decisions made by themselves. However, when I make statements like that I'm reminded that there are a lot of folks who were doing the right things more or less and then got whacked in the recession, and recovering in your fifties is pretty damn tough.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:43 AM   #33
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My business partner has a SIL (mid-50's) divorced, with three kids, living with Mom, plus she doesn't work (can't find a job that pays enough?). That's got to be a fun arrangement.
Most likely day care expenses eat up what ever money she would make. (Not that this absolves her from responsibility for her situation. )This is not unusual. I have often thought that some type of state subsized daycare would be a net gain for society.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:48 AM   #34
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Only definitions I can find for FIFY is "fit in (a) few years or fixed it for you". I checked the acronym list on the FAQ and can't find it. So anyone have a translation?
Around here, people usually use FIFY to mean "fixed it for you" when they change someone's words to make their point.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:57 AM   #35
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Around here, people usually use FIFY to mean "fixed it for you" when they change someone's words to make their point.

Yeah, that.
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Old 02-22-2014, 10:05 AM   #36
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My 54 year old sister who is single has a job that pays 60K but has only managed to save 30K in her 401K. She has 25K in student loans so her net worth is 5K. After repeated counseling from her siblings she is now trying to accelerate payments on her student loans and increase her 401K contributions to 10%.

Meanwhile I have another sister who retired 4 years ago at the age of 60 with a paid off condo and close to a million dollars in investments.

We are hopeful that the former sister saves 200K by the age of 65 to supplement her SS. Somehow I have a feeling that old habits are hard to break...
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Old 02-22-2014, 03:59 PM   #37
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I've got an in-law living on the edge, too. My conclusion is that mental health is a continuum ranging from slightly eccentric to stark raving mad. It seems that a surprisingly large portion of the population lives somewhere in the middle, hanging on by their finger nails. Whether you label them as mentally ill or just bad, lazy people, there seems to be no real solution.
It helps to keep in mind this thread about the personality types of most on this board. Overwhelmingly they are *NTJ, *STJ or INTP and even combined this is a very small percentage of the total population.

Little wonder then that we're right and the rest of the world is wrong.
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Old 02-22-2014, 04:44 PM   #38
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It helps to keep in mind this thread about the personality types of most on this board. Overwhelmingly they are *NTJ, *STJ or INTP and even combined this is a very small percentage of the total population.

Little wonder then that we're right and the rest of the world is wrong.
Thanks, for the link...haven't done this in years...I'm ISTJ now that I'm retired I was different before, the 1st two letters years ago were IN.
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Old 02-22-2014, 04:48 PM   #39
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Depending on the day, the mood I'm in, which web site it is, and perhaps the phases of the moon I'm either ISTJ or INTJ.

It doesn't really mean anything, the value of the MB profile is highly debatable in many quarters, but it is entertaining.
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Old 02-22-2014, 09:13 PM   #40
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In related news, this poor lady was always the first out of the monopoly game...


A Forest Gump quote comes to mind.
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