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What to do when a friend seems to be going crazy
Old 11-12-2017, 10:55 AM   #1
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What to do when a friend seems to be going crazy

I have a very dear friend who is quite a bit younger than me, and who no longer lives in Seattle. Super nice guy, he included me in his guest list in many very pleasant events after I experienced marriage breakup, Very down to earth guy, nice to people, respectful of his girlfriend, and a highly skilled hard worker. Now i mainly see his posts on Facebook, and I am concerned that he has run into difficulties in love and work, and seems to be reeling from whatever has happened.

No clue if there is anything within my power to give some aid, but my life has taught me that most often its best to be warm, but not much beyond that. I am not talking about money, but understanding. I can understand a lot, as it also sometimes seems to me that as a society we have gone tilt recently.

If we were still near one another, I would look him up and go out for a drink or a meal, but we are not.

Have any of you experienced this type event, and if so what did you come up with to better the situation?

Ha
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Old 11-12-2017, 11:06 AM   #2
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Nice of you to be concerned about your friend.

I've not had this same experience. I did contact a friend who left a social event in a hurry with a quick text afterwards, "You left in such a rush. Is everything OK?" to which he responded all was OK with a little more detail of his situation.

I think we all crave social contact and to be cared for. And now that world has gone tilt, it seems more difficult at times. By your making the first move, if he wants to share more, he can. If not, he knows you were thinking of him and cared enough to contact him.

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Old 11-12-2017, 11:10 AM   #3
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Gosh, just contact to say you've been thinking of him would probably be very much appreciated.

If it has to be via Facebook, it can be done in private messages. Perhaps you have a more direct way to reach him.
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Old 11-12-2017, 01:23 PM   #4
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Thanks for the comments. I texted him this morning after reading your comments. I am no longer clear about where he lives. but he is gong to work with a brother in the Midwest so I think he will likely be fine. He sent a lengthy response but I didn't ask about any changes, and he didn't volunteer anything other than he as leaving for his old home grounds where he has family and very old friends.

Again, I am not sure why I didn't just reach out in this way before, but I am glad that your comments showed me that I was being too timid, and this got me of of my do nothing stance.

When I met him and his then GF, they were living in the other half of a duplex where i lived when I moved out from my ex's. I felt very sad and he and his GF were friendly to me when we would see one another in backyard or entrance so one Sunday I invited them over for ham and cheese omelets and we have stayed friends ever since. I am not too good at maintaining contact to the woman in a former couple who have split up and I knew and liked them both, so I have lost contact with her, but c'est la vie, life was never intended to be perfect. Anyway she is too flat out gorgeous to be tolerated by my GF so just as well.

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Old 11-12-2017, 03:44 PM   #5
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A friend of very long duration disappeared off FB, where he had been extremely active. People were posting to his FB site "Where are you? Hope you're OK!"

I had his email address, so I emailed him, and got no response.

By this time I was seriously worried. I emailed his wife, and the email came back undeliverable.

So I went to Google.

Turns out he was in jail! They don't let you use the Internet in the slammer, apparently.
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Old 11-12-2017, 03:47 PM   #6
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That is so bizaare! Why is your GF so insecure?
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AAnyway she is too flat out gorgeous to be tolerated by my GF so just as well.

Ha
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Old 11-12-2017, 03:51 PM   #7
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That is so bizaare! Why is your GF so insecure?
This is NOT so bizarre. Very few women would feel comfortable to have their husband hanging out with a beautiful woman. Maybe if she was friends with both, but not just him. Most women wouldn't be that comfortable even if she wasn't beautiful. And I'm sure it goes both ways. Most people just aren't that secure.
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Old 11-12-2017, 06:26 PM   #8
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Turns out he was in jail! They don't let you use the Internet in the slammer, apparently.
Not yet anyways.
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Old 11-12-2017, 08:35 PM   #9
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They don't let you use the Internet in the slammer, apparently.
Think so?

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/b...-in-prison-211


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It's not easy keeping up with social media outlets like Facebook and Twitter from inside the prison-industrial complex, but convicts find a way.
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Old 11-13-2017, 07:36 AM   #10
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1) I didn't think Ha was talking about "hanging out" with any woman. He simply mentioned staying in touch.

2) If women (and men) are that insecure, then by extension, no woman can ever have a female friend who is better-looking than she is, for fear her S.O. might be attracted. And she can't have a male friend who is better-looking than her S.O. because then the S.O. would be jealous.

That, in turn, implies that everybody is on this huge rating scale of attractiveness, their whole life. That may be OK for teenagers, but it is just bizaare and impractical for older people. As we age, we get less attractive, so at some point we would end up with no friends at all!

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This is NOT so bizarre. Very few women would feel comfortable to have their husband hanging out with a beautiful woman. Maybe if she was friends with both, but not just him. Most women wouldn't be that comfortable even if she wasn't beautiful. And I'm sure it goes both ways. Most people just aren't that secure.
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:07 AM   #11
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Just a PSA, the word "crazy" went out of mainstream use a long time ago.so did the idea that woman are so insecure that they can't stand their SO talking to another good looking woman or that all women are jealous.
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:16 AM   #12
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Just a PSA, the word "crazy" went out of mainstream use a long time ago.so did the idea that woman are so insecure that they can't stand their SO talking to another good looking woman or that all women are jealous.
So then why do woman get excluded almost immediately from the couples circle when they get divorced or widowed ? Women do not want their spouse hanging out with single woman gorgeous or not .
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:34 AM   #13
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So then why do woman get excluded almost immediately from the couples circle when they get divorced or widowed ? Women do not want their spouse hanging out with single woman gorgeous or not .
I disagree completely with that comment..you must not have the nicest friends. There are always shifts in couples connections when divorce happens for a lot of different reasons..I E circumstances of the divorce, who the primary relationship was with before the divorce, which one of the ex couple likes to trash talk the other. In a group couples setting no one is hanging out with a single woman..

Believe me ladies if/when I am single again..I don't want your husband and if you don't trust your husband enough to even be in the same room with me..that's your problem.
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Old 11-13-2017, 08:45 AM   #14
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I think it is more like when one woman doesn't have kids and all her friends have them, so they kind of ignore her now. You gravitate to those with whom you have the most in common. Couples gravitate to couples, singles to singles.

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I disagree completely with that comment..you must not have the nicest friends. There are always shifts in couples connections when divorce happens for a lot of different reasons..I E circumstances of the divorce, who the primary relationship was with before the divorce, which one of the ex couple likes to trash talk the other. In a group couples setting no one is hanging out with a single woman..

Believe me ladies if/when I am single again..I don't want your husband and if you don't trust your husband enough to even be in the same room with me..that's your problem.
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Old 11-13-2017, 09:11 AM   #15
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Ha , Good for you for extending yourself !
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Old 11-13-2017, 02:34 PM   #16
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So then why do woman get excluded almost immediately from the couples circle when they get divorced or widowed ? Women do not want their spouse hanging out with single woman gorgeous or not .
I saw this when my uncle died. My aunt told me she had been told in no uncertain terms that she was de-friended by another couple as they didn't mingle with "single" women.
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Old 11-13-2017, 03:04 PM   #17
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I saw this when my uncle died. My aunt told me she had been told in no uncertain terms that she was de-friended by another couple as they didn't mingle with 'single" women.
As an engineer where 99% of my friends were male, I saw this type of thing all the time, whether I was single or in a relationship, didn't matter. I see it more the fact their guy and me often had a ton in common..maybe even more than they did... plus we shared a past, even if its not romantic, they didn't like to hear about all the great times we had.

I try to be as respectful as possible, but I won't stop being friends with them.
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Old 11-13-2017, 03:56 PM   #18
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As an engineer where 99% of my friends were male, I saw this type of thing all the time, whether I was single or in a relationship, didn't matter. I see it more the fact their guy and me often had a ton in common..maybe even more than they did... plus we shared a past, even if its not romantic, they didn't like to hear about all the great times we had.

I try to be as respectful as possible, but I won't stop being friends with them.
+1

I do have a dear friend who is former co-worker. He and his wife moved 10 hours away after retirement. They've invited me to come visit half a dozen times...always asking me to stay a few additional days after I've been there a few days. I now pack for a week, although I sometimes already have other plans where I need to leave after 4-6 days.

At my condo in FL....the men hang out together and as do the women. I went to a couple of Saturday morning coffee get-togethers...and it felt like 4th grade again (men sitting together on one side and women on the other). I would certainly enjoy chatting with the guys, but I don't want to rock the boat. At parties, they attend and sit as couples. No room for singles to mix among them. Sheesh.

omni
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Old 11-13-2017, 10:31 PM   #19
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.....
2) If women (and men) are that insecure, then by extension, no woman can ever have a female friend who is better-looking than she is, for fear her S.O. might be attracted. And she can't have a male friend who is better-looking than her S.O. because then the S.O. would be jealous.
.....
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Old 11-13-2017, 11:08 PM   #20
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This is NOT so bizarre. Very few women would feel comfortable to have their husband hanging out with a beautiful woman. Maybe if she was friends with both, but not just him. Most women wouldn't be that comfortable even if she wasn't beautiful. And I'm sure it goes both ways. Most people just aren't that secure.
+1
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