Explanations

[SecondCor521]

This poll applies to you if you were both:

• married for more than 5 years, and
• decided to get a divorce

Just curious here,

2Cor521

 

[Khan]

Don't really understand the question.
Neither the marriage nor the divorce was my idea.

 

[Rambler]

Sorry, I don't understand either. Not divorced, do not intend to divorce, although I know sometimes that does not matter.

R

 

[haha]

Don't really understand the question.
Neither the marriage (nor the divorce) was my idea.

You were kidnapped? Wow!

 

[SecondCor521]

OK, I thought the question was clear, but I guess not.

First figure out if you meet the polling criteria. You meet the polling criteria if you were married to someone for at least five years and then you decided to divorce that person. You do not meet the polling criteria if you have not been married or are still on your first marriage. You do not meet the criteria if the divorce was not your idea. If you do not meet the polling criteria, feel free to vote for the last option.

If you do meet the polling criteria, determine your gender. This should narrow it down to either the first two choices or the third/fourth choice.

Next, consider either the real scenario where your ex asked you for your reasons for the divorce, or the hypothetical scenario where your ex asks you for your reasons for the divorce. If you did or would at least give a cursory explanation to your ex, choose the first or third option. If you didn't or wouldn't give any explanation to your ex, choose the second or fourth option.

Finally, if you didn't or wouldn't give your reasons, I would really appreciate a post explaining why you didn't or wouldn't give your reasons.

Hope that helps,

2Cor521

 

[brewer12345]

I like bacon, but I don't eat pork. Which option is for me?

 

[HFWR]

If you do meet the polling criteria, determine your gender...

I was having trouble with this part...

I like bacon, but I don't eat pork. Which option is for me?

Turkey bacon? Blasphemous, I know...

 

[Moemg]

I was married ten years to my first husband and I was the one that wanted the divorce .He was in denial so even though I said the reasons he did not get it . Some times the person really does not want to tell the reasons because they are hurtful. Who wants to hear "You are boring or just not my type " after years of being together ?

 

[Khan]

You were kidnapped? Wow!

We had been living together for a while and he kept suggesting we get married. I finally agreed after quitting work and going to graduate school because I needed to be on his insurance.

 

[SecondCor521]

I was married ten years to my first husband and I was the one that wanted the divorce .He was in denial so even though I said the reasons he did not get it . Some times the person really does not want to tell the reasons because they are hurtful. Who wants to hear "You are boring or just not my type " after years of being together ?

What if you thought the reasons were hurtful and he specifically asked four years after the divorce?

2Cor521

 

[Sarah in SC]

I've split up with guys and never wanted to tell them the truth (that they got on my nerves, or whatever). Easier than getting all embroiled in some emotional discussion, IMHO. Okay, sorry to hijack your thread as a non-divorced person.

 

[TromboneAl]

You should say "It's not you, it's me."

 

[HFWR]

You should say "It's not you, it's me."

I think that most couples know what the reasons are, even if they don't discuss it much or at all.

 

[Moemg]

What if you thought the reasons were hurtful and he specifically asked four years after the divorce?

2Cor521

I would probably say we just were not really compatible . I would also gently suggest they move on with their life .

 

[TromboneAl]

Or "If you have to ask, you wouldn't understand."

 

[Retire2013]

I think that most couples know what the reasons are, even if they don't discuss it much or at all.

Completely agree with you. Deep down, both parties know why things did not work.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I know a recently separated couple--one of them has an outside liaison underway. That person tells others that depression is the cause of the separation and likely divorce (and I guess justifies the outside liaison); the other party tells others it because of the spouse's outside liaison. Maybe no one admits to the "wronged" party what the real reason is anyway.

 

[Skye]

As an alumni of a long term marriage, I cannot imagine not talking, conversing, arguing, or yelling about the reasons the marriage is not making one happy. I mean, I would think we WANT the marriage to work,......... it just, for whatever reason, is not working out like we had envisioned.

Maybe I am just too, "this is how it is and I don't like it and we need to figure out a way both of us can be happy with some changes, so let's see what we can work out here...." I would consider trying very hard to talk about and make it perfectly clear what is going wrong and trying to find ways to fix it, only fair and right.

I would not want to leave a marriage until I knew I did everything I could to make it work, and that would include letting my spouse know in no uncertain terms what needed to be done.

 

[Midpack]

Married 31 years so far, chose bacon. Was confused by the question anyway, guess that comes from being married for so long.

 

[bbbamI]

I would probably say we just were not really compatible . I would also gently suggest they move on with their life .

Absolutely. No need to dredge up bad/hurt feelings from years ago.

 

[tmm99]

I think that most couples know what the reasons are, even if they don't discuss it much or at all.

IMO, more often than not, they may discuss it, but after some years, they realize they were wrong as to why.

 

[haha]

I nominate Kahn's reply for best of the best.

Neither the marriage nor the divorce was my idea.

Don't blame me buddy, I got nothing to do with any of this matri-mony stuff...

Ha

 

[SecondCor521]

Thanks to all for the replies, very good material to think about.

I would also gently suggest they move on with their life .

This quote in particular was most illuminating, so thank you in particular to Moemg. I won't go into details, but suffice it to say that it helped several light bulbs go off upstairs.

2Cor521

 

[Rambler]

2Cor521 - why do you ask?

R

 

[HFWR]

I nominate Kahn's reply for best of the best.

Don't blame me buddy, I got nothing to do with any of this matri-mony stuff...

Ha

Preacher: Do you take this woman, to have and to hold, to love and cherish, in sickness and in health, 'til death do you part?

Groom: Hunh?