Calico
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2012
- Messages
- 2,951
Financial aspect/Competing demands/In-Laws
Keim,
Is it possible there is a financial aspect to your brother's reluctance to continue the traditional get-togethers? Are he and his wife saving for their childrens' college educations, or their own retirement? Is it possible they are not in as stable a financial situation as you find yourself in? If the cost of traveling with the family means their budget takes a hit, they may be embarrassed and unwilling to admit that is the reason. Obviously I don't know anything about their (and your) financial situation, but differences in financial ability/lifestyle certainly have caused unintentional conflict in my own extended family in the past.
In addition to a possible financial twist, how old are their children now? I am childfree myself, but I have noticed over the years all my friends with children go through complicated juggling acts at every holiday - his parents want to see the grandchildren; her parents want to see the grandchildren; sometimes aunts and uncles demand some time; and the poor parents just want to throw up their hands and stay home for once and have a simple family holiday with their kids.
How often do your sister-in-law's parents get to see your brother and his family? Do your own parents get along with your sister-in-law?
Families can be complicated (understatement of the year!) and often trying to please everyone and meet all the competing demands on ones time can lead to hurt feelings.
As others have suggested, you might want to just make plans to see your parents on your own, and see if in time your brother is more amenable (or able) to resume the group visits.
Good luck to you - I hope your relationship with your brother is not permanently damaged by this change in the routine.
Your bro is probably busy with his own family, friends, work, etc and doesn't want to spend his limited vacation time and travel budget on family get togethers every year. I wouldn't take it personally - it's probably something he feels bad about but had to do for his own family's sanity and wallet. His wife may also play a role in shutting down the family get togethers because she wants to travel elsewhere, spend the $ on something else, or doesn't like getting together so often......
Keim,
Is it possible there is a financial aspect to your brother's reluctance to continue the traditional get-togethers? Are he and his wife saving for their childrens' college educations, or their own retirement? Is it possible they are not in as stable a financial situation as you find yourself in? If the cost of traveling with the family means their budget takes a hit, they may be embarrassed and unwilling to admit that is the reason. Obviously I don't know anything about their (and your) financial situation, but differences in financial ability/lifestyle certainly have caused unintentional conflict in my own extended family in the past.
In addition to a possible financial twist, how old are their children now? I am childfree myself, but I have noticed over the years all my friends with children go through complicated juggling acts at every holiday - his parents want to see the grandchildren; her parents want to see the grandchildren; sometimes aunts and uncles demand some time; and the poor parents just want to throw up their hands and stay home for once and have a simple family holiday with their kids.
How often do your sister-in-law's parents get to see your brother and his family? Do your own parents get along with your sister-in-law?
Families can be complicated (understatement of the year!) and often trying to please everyone and meet all the competing demands on ones time can lead to hurt feelings.
As others have suggested, you might want to just make plans to see your parents on your own, and see if in time your brother is more amenable (or able) to resume the group visits.
Good luck to you - I hope your relationship with your brother is not permanently damaged by this change in the routine.
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