Acquaintances and Friends Dying Too Young

[ncbill]

Yep. When my Dad was getting towards the end of his life, he was diagnosed with MGUS which is "sorta" a precursor to multiple myeloma. Although he was 90 years old and suffering from end-stage COPD, he was referred out to an oncologist who suggested a bone marrow biopsy for "further tests"...

When I reminded the doc that he had end stage COPD, she said she knew that but wasn't treating that. Really? When we mentioned this to his primary doctor, she said that some oncologists would have chemo tubes running into the casket of the dead if they could.

After she was placed in a locked ALF die to the progress of her dementia mom was sent out for a mammogram by the facility doctor...based on the results a needle core biopsy was taken & even though not cancerous removal of a good chunk of one breast was recommended.

Fortuntely by that time I had located mom's old doctor...head of the department at the local hospital. Once he examined her he recommended nothing be done. Still got a call from the surgeon directly asking me when I wanted to schedule mom.

 

[Koolau]

The female of a couple we knew and were friends with for 50 years had a heart attack. She probably should have died but they "saved" her. There was little chance she would regain consciousness let alone "recover." Her heart was virtually dead. When the docs recommend all sorts of life-extending treatments, the family said "let her go." The doctors seemed utterly shocked. At what point do docs get "practical" while remaining supportive and responsive to the desires of family?

 

[Amethyst]

This is why DNRs are so important. At least the family knew and honored her wishes.

I have heard that geriatric-care nurses are the most practical medical people when it comes to not recommending heroic measures for extending a miserable, no-quality-of-life existence. I have no idea if this is so, but it makes sense.

The female of a couple we knew and were friends with for 50 years had a heart attack. She probably should have died but they "saved" her. There was little chance she would regain consciousness let alone "recover." Her heart was virtually dead. When the docs recommend all sorts of life-extending treatments, the family said "let her go." The doctors seemed utterly shocked. At what point do docs get "practical" while remaining supportive and responsive to the desires of family?

 

[FrugalMcDougal]

I do check into a couple of funeral home obituary pages to check on area deaths. It amazes me how many people I have known or friends that have passed away in the last year. Since retiring (5 years) there has been so many it is actually scary. Living in a small rural area it maybe more noticeable because at some time so many have touched each other lives one way or another.

Just today found out one guy had a stroke (67) and another guy (65) that I have know for years, also is not in good shape with a health issue. Both these guys are very successful business men and have lead very healthy life styles.

I can go on and on of the young folks I have seen pass on under 70 years old in the last 5 to 6 years.

Anyone else pay attention to the obits and find the same results of friends passing on to young and so many?

Part of my decision to retire (after reaching FIRE) was based on seeing so many friends and family due early. I knew I had too much living to do yet and was worried that time would run out. I want the largest portion of my life to be enjoying retirement, not working the grind and stressing myself to an early grave. I’m 52 and I’ve already lost several good friends in my age group to a host of diseases and now, COVID as well.

 

[ychuck46]

High School Class

It is our 50th reunion year for our HS class and I noticed that about 15% of our class is deceased. Seems like a high # for people that are 67-68 years old.

 

[meleana]

We’ve known people - friends, family, acquaintances- who died very young or close in age to us. All different situations.

I read the Obits here in the new state we live in. Of course, I don’t know anyone. Most are very old- 80’s and 90’s. Some have had long illnesses and others died suddenly. Sometimes there are people our age- in their 60’s. Other times sadly very young people in their 30’s.

It’s all life. You never know. When your time is up it’s up.

 

[jldavid47]

Part of my decision to retire (after reaching FIRE) was based on seeing so many friends and family due early.

I hear you. My father died at age 65. His father at 56. My mother's father at 60. on the other side, my mother is 95 and my paternal grandmother made it to within a week of her 103rd birthday. I've made it to 67 and am in good health. I retired early and have no regrets.

 

[Koolau]

It is our 50th reunion year for our HS class and I noticed that about 15% of our class is deceased. Seems like a high # for people that are 67-68 years old.

Sounds about right based on our class. Mentioned elsewhere, we're up to about 20% at 55 years. I'm certain we'll see acceleration of our losses in the 10 years ahead. YMMV

 

[jldavid47]

At what point do docs get "practical" while remaining supportive and responsive to the desires of family?

Never. If you don't understand something, follow the money. Prolonging life is a business decision for the medical industry, not a medical one.

 

[flyingaway]

Yesterday, I was told a middle school classmate and good friend just died of liver cancer. He was 56. We were good friends then, but drifted away and lost contact. It was sad to know that he has left this world.

 

[Koolau]

Never. If you don't understand something, follow the money. Prolonging life is a business decision for the medical industry, not a medical one.

I'm sure you are right, depending upon the doctor. I'd like to think that there are still some "good" doctors (those who meet patient, rather than doctor needs.) I'm sure the "industry" is as you describe.

 

[Out of Steam]

Never. If you don't understand something, follow the money. Prolonging life is a business decision for the medical industry, not a medical one.

Overly aggressive medical treatment of the elderly in the US is a national scandal.

 

[jldavid47]

I'm sure you are right, depending upon the doctor. I'd like to think that there are still some "good" doctors (those who meet patient, rather than doctor needs.) I'm sure the "industry" is as you describe.

I agree. There are still some good doctors. They are often hamstrung by their corporate bosses. My own doctor is one of the few who still has his own practice (not part of a "group") who is not part of corporatized medicine, thank God.

 

[dirt_dobber]

Life is short. Death is sure. Judgment is coming. Heaven is glorious. Hell is dreadful. Jesus is Savior - be sure of your salvation.

 

[EastWest Gal]

Today I read the obituary of a flute player acquaintance. She has been battling metastatic breast cancer for 3 years. She was 48. Life can be too short for many.

 

[Aramis]

I do check into a couple of funeral home obituary pages to check on area deaths. It amazes me how many people I have known or friends that have passed away in the last year. Since retiring (5 years) there has been so many it is actually scary. Living in a small rural area it maybe more noticeable because at some time so many have touched each other lives one way or another.

Just today found out one guy had a stroke (67) and another guy (65) that I have know for years, also is not in good shape with a health issue. Both these guys are very successful business men and have lead very healthy life styles.

I can go on and on of the young folks I have seen pass on under 70 years old in the last 5 to 6 years.

Anyone else pay attention to the obits and find the same results of friends passing on to young and so many?

I've been doing this since I was in my 20's, tracking people my parent's age, then for friends and acquaintances of the family. The Internet, and my own advancing age has only made the exercise more disconcerting.

Yeah, I worry too much...........

 

[Aramis]

After she was placed in a locked ALF die to the progress of her dementia mom was sent out for a mammogram by the facility doctor...based on the results a needle core biopsy was taken & even though not cancerous removal of a good chunk of one breast was recommended.

Fortuntely by that time I had located mom's old doctor...head of the department at the local hospital. Once he examined her he recommended nothing be done. Still got a call from the surgeon directly asking me when I wanted to schedule mom.

Unfortunately, some people still want to refer these kind of EOL decisions as akin to a "death panel" when they are put forth by physicians so they take a treat at all costs approach to avoid any negative association. Of course, the existence of the profit factor has something to do with it.

 

[Koolau]

Unfortunately, some people still want to refer these kind of EOL decisions as akin to a "death panel" when they are put forth by physicians so they take a treat at all costs approach to avoid any negative association. Of course, the existence of the profit factor has something to do with it.

That's why it's so important for each of us to have a trusted health advocate to say "that's ridiculous" when the actual patient is no longer capable of rational decision making. AND of course, the patient would be wise to have already made EOL decisions while still rational - communicating those decisions in writing to their advocate(s). YMMV

 

[timo2]

Sounds about right based on our class. Mentioned elsewhere, we're up to about 20% at 55 years. I'm certain we'll see acceleration of our losses in the 10 years ahead. YMMV

Groups of people like school classes or military units make the life progression more obvious. I recall when my Grandfather's WW1 group stopped meeting because there were so few left, and then again with my Dad's WW2 group. My own HS class of 1971 is around 20%.

 

[unclemick]

Back in the 1980's 'My Corporate Wellness Profile' based on my personal data and California statistical data said 'on average' I was destined to croak at age 77.

I'll be 78 in a few months.

Heh heh heh - Hope I'm not spiking the ball before the goal line. As a child I remember Grandmom always reading the local obit to see who she out lived.

 

[JPatrick]

Keep up the good work UncleMick..

 

[ncbill]

That's why it's so important for each of us to have a trusted health advocate to say "that's ridiculous" when the actual patient is no longer capable of rational decision making. AND of course, the patient would be wise to have already made EOL decisions while still rational - communicating those decisions in writing to their advocate(s). YMMV

You don't need instructions to be in writing...here in the U.S. appoint a health care agent via your state's model health care POA form(s) & grant them the broadest powers possible.

 

[Dtail]

No interest for me in reading the Obits. Not a fun thing to do in retirement.

 

[Koolau]

Back in the 1980's 'My Corporate Wellness Profile' based on my personal data and California statistical data said 'on average' I was destined to croak at age 77.

I'll be 78 in a few months.

Heh heh heh - Hope I'm not spiking the ball before the goal line. As a child I remember Grandmom always reading the local obit to see who she out lived.

Live Long and Prosper, unclemick!

One reason I moved to the Islands was that we have the best longevity of any state. I'm convinced it's because folks WANT to live a long time here. That's my story and I'm sticking to it so YMMV.

 

[W2R]

This is sort of a sensitive topic to me, which is why I couldn't bear to post until now.

Yes, people are dying too young. In less than 2 years I lost:

1) My ex-husband of 23 years, at age 67. (June, 2018)
2) My cousin who grew up with me like a sister and was my best friend, at age 68. (Sept, 2018)
3) My beloved older brother Bob, at age 77. (Feb, 2020)

I did not have enough time to get through the grief for each of them, before the next one died. And as if these weren't enough of a sucker punch in the gut, every time I Google the name of some old friend or other, lately there's more than a 50% chance of finding out they are dead.

Every day there is some famous person who has died. Not only that, due to my total ignorance I just found out that Roy Orbison died 33 years ago. Like an idiot I thought he was still alive and enjoying his old age.

I'm 73 and I am determined that I am not going to go until I am at least 90!!! Somebody's got to fill in the high end of the curve. Might as well be me.