Debt collection from a friend.

[Jerry1]

During the holidays, I scored a PS5 for a family friend. He’s a long time friend of my son in law. He paid me half and I’m still waiting on the other half. My guess is that if I wait, some day he’ll pay me. He’s employed and not a loser. I’m pretty sure he hasn’t forgot, just not a priority. So, I could just wait it out. I’ll probably see him this summer at my daughters house. Or, I could give him a friendly nudge. That’s what I want to do, but I’m struggling for the right words/tone.

Any ideas on how best to approach this? I like to say something like Hey, did you forget me?, but seeing as it will be a text, I want to try not to say something that could be taken the wrong way.

Of course, he should have paid me sooner and I shouldn’t have to do this and I have no reason to be nice . . . But, please let’s not get into that. He’s I good guy, I’m just trying to find the right words to give him a nudge. Thanks.

 

[njhowie]

You shouldn't feel embarrassed about having to ask. Who knows, maybe he's been so busy lately that he honestly forgot, and that you are asking will remind him.

"Hey bud, I know you've probably been really busy lately. When you have a few moments, can you Paypal the balance for the PS5 to me? Thanks!"

 

[RobbieB]

How about, "how's the Games going?"

 

[38Chevy454]

I am wondering why he only paid half originally?

 

[ivinsfan]

You shouldn't feel embarrassed about having to ask. Who knows, maybe he's been so busy lately that he honestly forgot, and that you are asking will remind him.

"Hey bud, I know you've probably been really busy lately. When you have a few moments, can you Paypal the balance for the PS5 to me? Thanks!"

How did he pay the first half? Venmo can be an option if you both do that.



I might say, Joe I just remembered we haven't finished settling up for PS5, how did you want to take care of that, I'm flexible.



The longer you wait the more awkward it gets.

 

[Jerry1]

I am wondering why he only paid half originally?

Actually, I scored a PS5 and an XBox. He kept the PS5 for himself and gave the XBox to his kids. The total was $1,060. He paid me $560 and said he’d get the rest next paycheck. Which, would be after the holidays.

ivansfan - He paid cash. True, the longer, the more awkward.

jnhowie - I like the you’ve been busy. Actually, he’s a respiratory tech at a hospital. I’m sure he had more important things on his mind as we went through our COVID surge. That’s the main reason I hadn’t been too eager to remind him up until now.

 

[jollystomper]

Why do it by text? I would call, pleasantly, and just echo his words ("hey, just checking if you got that paycheck that you said you would pay me for the rest of the PS5").

No reason to feel guilty. If someone's feathers are ruffled being politely asked for money they promised to pay and are now overdue, it says more about them than you.

 

[Irishgirlyc58]

I’d text but that’s the way I roll. I prefer not to talk on the phone.
If he’s like me he probably remembers later at night and then is so busy during the day he forgets.
Just text him and say dude we need to settle that debt leftover from the gaming systems I bought at Christmas. Or whenever.

 

[Jerry1]

Thanks all. Plenty to work with here. I’ll write something like, I’m sure you were swamped with the COVID surge, but just wanted to know when we could settle up on the game systems.

Blaming stuff on COVID is pretty much status quo, so that will give him a face saving out.

Thanks!

 

[latexman]

Something like: "hey, just checking if you are okay. I haven't heard from you after payday, as expected."

 

[Amethyst]

"how were you planning to pay for the PS5? I'm flexible."

To me, a debt is something that doesn't slip to the back of my mind, unless I or a loved one is having health problems.

OTOH I never lend, only give (or not), to friends or relatives. I expect nothing in return, and am seldom disappointed.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

From working with clients, I've learned to make sure you pin them down on what you (or they) need, so I'd say something more specific, like "So when do you think you will be able to get me the other $560? If you can't do it all at once, we could split that over your next two paychecks, or something. What do you think?"

Sure, it may feel awkward, but the awkwardness/rudeness is your friend's fault for ghosting you on this debt. Reminding someone of the consequences of their own actions isn't rudeness, it's facing reality. Captain Awkward explains it really well, more with an emphasis on setting boundaries and/or saying no to people who don't value your time or effort. (Or, in this case, money.)

 

[Ginny]

I agree with Amethyst, I never lend. I can give whatever I what, but the answer to borrow is always a hard :"No." I also refused to "invest" in the condo of DH's ex. Really?? DS cannot borrow to buy a home when they have not saved for a down payment or taken our advice to visit a mortgage broker. I do not like to owe or to be owed, it does not feel good.

Perhaps Jerry 1 is afraid to lose the friend. If he doesn't pay up or if he gets mad at OA, he's a lost friend. Either way he won't be asking to borrow any more money.

 

[Midpack]

You should politely bring it up, he’s long past the date he promised, and a “friend” wouldn’t stiff you like this. You shouldn’t feel bad or hesitant at all. Hard to believe he forgot with two new gaming stations, but anything is possible. Sad situation, I probably wouldn’t front him a dime in the future.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

I like ivinsfan's phrasing.

 

[Aerides]

I vote text:

It allows you to craft the simplest best message, and not mess up the delivery. (I like Ivinsfan's wording).

Text allows him the time to decide how best to reply: He's not embarrassed in person. He's not caught off guard at a social event. His wife doesn't overhear and either get annoyed at him or also embarrassed.

As far as the friendship, he might just be a bit scatter brained. My sister owes me for two concert tickets last fall, I haven't reminded her and probably won't, but I know there's no ill intent. She's working and raising kids and far busier than me in her every day life.

ETA, if you want to do paypal or venmo, include your account name/email/whatever, in the message. "you can venmo me at Jerry, or paypal at Jerry1 if you like" - leaving zero need for back and forth.

 

[Jerry1]

FWIW, I have a no lending policy too. If he doesn’t pay me it will not be a problem. Also, he’s a friend of my SIL but I see him at family events. I’m trying to avoid an awkward situation for him. For me, it was actually kinda fun to score the game units and if I gave away $500, I wouldn’t like the circumstances but I’m not going to stress or lose any sleep over it. I’m hoping a little nudge will break things lose.

 

[jollystomper]

My personal experience has been that, if you want to resolve a "difference" with someone, a direct conversation is more clear and shortens the cycle than text or emails or social media. the latter too are just too easy to ignore/avoid/make an excuse around, in my view. Then again, I have a deep, resonant voice (or so I have been told ), so maybe that increases the odds for me .


A factor to consider how the transaction was initiated. If it was the owing person ("Hey, I heard you have a line of PS5's can you get me one? I can pay you half how the the rest later"), the approach might be a little different than if the owed person initiated the transaction ("I have a line on PS5's, are you interested?" "I can only pay half now, but I can get the rest later" "Okay").