Is this the Norm These Days?

[brett]

Perhaps I am behind the times.

Had a niece die last year. Could not attend but looked up the details on the funeral home web site. Much to our surprise there was a request for cash donations to help pay for the funeral expenses. It was the full meal deal....coffin, service, meal/bar. Found out there was lots of insurance. Is this normal for funerals these days. We passed on the donation. Could not attend the event.

Just got a wedding invite for a nephew. Some stag and doe event, plus the wedding. The BIG surprise to me is that the they are having a raffle at both events. Three prizes 65" TV, cooler/liquer, and ipods. Tickets $25. We be passing on the raffle, passing on the stag and doe, and probably will not fly in for the wedding.

Are these types of funding schemes becoming common for funerals and weddings

I cannot imagine doing something like this.

 

[Walt34]

That's a new low in tackiness to me.

 

[pb4uski]

Both are news to me. Both a niece and a nephew getting married this summer and nothing like that.

 

[REWahoo]

Wow.

 

[Marita40]

These are new to me too. I would also pass.

I'd agree that people are tacky, but I remember going to a wedding years ago (Polish-American) of a college friend in Detroit where they did the "money dance" and pinned money on the bride. I have a strong feeling tacky has always been with us, but it is more high tech now.

 

[Car-Guy]

Another sad (very sad) sign of the times.

Wait a minute, is this a joke?

 

[Aerides]

not the norm at all. very odd, I would decline both.

 

[W2R]

That's a new low in tackiness to me.

+1

If the family of the deceased or soon-to-be-wed are destitute, then they really can't afford to have an elegant funeral or to marry at present. Just a sad fact of life that should not be used as an excuse to try to get money from attendees.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

Very odd

Have yall heard of a diaper raffle? Apparently they advertise a nice price for those attending a baby shower that bring a container of diapers. Name pulled from a hat. Feels very carnival or church fundraisy.

 

[JRon]

Have not heard of either of OP’s situations and and am surprised at them, but I guess I shouldn’t be these days.

 

[Dtail]

Would certainly not contribute towards funeral expenses.

 

[Calico]

Tacky runs rampant these days, and very little surprises me anymore. Everyone seems to have their hand out, grasping for cash.

Four years ago, when I was still w#rking, a co-w#rker whom I knew very casually ("hi, how are you" in the hall a few times a year) was getting married for the second time. Both she and her groom were in their late 40s. Both had full-time jobs, earning good salaries, and both had grown children who had flown the coop.

She sent out an email to everyone at w#rk (100+ people) announcing her happy news. OK, fine. I wouldn't do it, but no big deal.

Included in the email was a long description of the "dream trip of a lifetime" that she and her fellow planned for their honeymoon - a week-long stay at a very upscale resort. And a link where people could donate to a "honey fund" to pay for their "dream trip."

Also included (in bold type) was a note stating "no one from w#rk is invited to our very special, very private celebration of our love" but we would be "so honored" if you contribute something to our dream trip. We promise to share pictures of the trip when we return.

1. No, I am not kidding.
2. Yes, late-40s age group.
3. Yes, second marriage for both.
4. Yes, both fully employed.
4. Yes, I had to check with other co-w#rkers to see if a "honey fund" was a real thing. It is.

Two years ago my niece sent out wedding announcements with the same kind of link to her "honey fund" asking folks to pay for the honeymoon. She is employed as a nurse (made more money than I ever did) and her groom is employed in marketing. By clicking on the right item in the list, you could literally pay for "horseback rides on the beach" or "a night in a luxury hotel" or "a meal prepared by a private chef" etc. etc. Or you could contribute to the cost of their airfare.

Several of my co-w#rkers and I had a good hoot over the begging for money.

After the first "honey fund" email I gave some thought to blasting out an email to all my co-w#rkers asking them to contribute to paying off my mortgage.

After the "honey fund" email from my niece, I gave some thought to sending her a reply asking for a contribution to my "retirement of a lifetime."

In the end I simply ignored both requests, and mourned the days when people had more class.

 

[RobbieB]

Go fund me.

 

[braumeister]

Never heard of such things, and would also pass on them.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Go fund me.

This. I have seen some of these for some ridiculous things.

 

[Dtail]

Go fund me.

That would be a large fund for your BTD needs.

 

[MichaelB]

When my sister's husband passed away I was surprised to find cash in just about every condolences card. About half the cards were dropped off at the funeral home, the rest came by mail. The total easily surpassed $3k. This surprised me, but my sister said it was a common practice in the midwest. Even a card from the CEO of his employer, one of the top US banks, had a personalized note and $40 cash. So, cash at funerals is not uncommon in some parts of the country.

 

[nhcycling]

Never heard of either practice and I’ve been to many funerals and weddings recently. I’m located in Boston.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

When my sister's husband passed away I was surprised to find cash in just about every condolences card. About half the cards were dropped off at the funeral home, the rest came by mail. The total easily surpassed $3k. This surprised me, but my sister said it was a common practice in the midwest. Even a card from the CEO of his employer, one of the top US banks, had a personalized note and $40 cash. So, cash at funerals is not uncommon in some parts of the country.

I live in the dead center of the country and have never heard of such a thing.

 

[aaronc879]

Almost every funeral announcement I have ever seen has said a cash donation in lieu of flowers would be appreciated. I see nothing wrong with that. Seems many on this forum forget that most people don't have 6 figure jobs and 7 figure net worths and could use some help during big events from people who care about them and are able to help a little.

 

[braumeister]

Almost every funeral announcement I have ever seen has said a cash donation in lieu of flowers would be appreciated.

Anywhere I have lived that means a donation to the favorite charity of the deceased, which is usually listed in the notice. Never saw one asking for a donation to the family.

 

[brett]

My spouse told me about a former friend who did a 'go fund me' page to raise money for a vacation to Iceland.

Part of the spiel was he always had lower paying jobs, spent time with his family....yata yata yata. Just like thousands of others.

No...he was not successful in raising the money.

These folks might try using some of the basic tricks, tools, and stories that televangelists and politicians use to raise money.

 

[REWahoo]

Anywhere I have lived that means a donation to the favorite charity of the deceased, which is usually listed in the notice. Never saw one asking for a donation to the family.

^ This.

 

[Surewhitey]

Almost every funeral announcement I have ever seen has said a cash donation in lieu of flowers would be appreciated. I see nothing wrong with that. Seems many on this forum forget that most people don't have 6 figure jobs and 7 figure net worths and could use some help during big events from people who care about them and are able to help a little.

That's what the $10k cheap life insurance is for. Or a pine box & shovel in the country, at least in TX.

 

[Car-Guy]

That's what the $10k cheap life insurance is for. Or a pine box & shovel in the country, at least in TX.

Pine is getting pretty expensive....Shovel is a good thing to have though...


But seriously, my DD wanted to be buried in a Pine Box (military thing I guess)... Anyway, I made sure that happened when I made his funeral arrangements... That actually cost about 20% more than what I'd consider a normal casket... But, it was a really nice looking Pine Box...

And no, I didn't ask for funeral attendees to contribute... Never would have even consider it, then or now.