I haven't made a new friend since high school

[ExFlyBoy5]

I figured someone would tell me this. Probably it is true. But recall, the OP is concerned about "seeming creepy" merely because he is an older man. That is what triggered my anecdote.

It's as well to wait till one knows others, at least slightly, before "joshing" them, such as implying that a stranger politely holding the door for you is a doorman.

I used to get such a sick feeling, at 18 or so, when groups of men in their 50's would josh with me (a stranger to them), when all I wanted was to get on with my business. One would make some remark, and they'd all guffaw.

I knew there was no harm in it, but resented being made the object of their fun and games. My uncles could do that, but not strangers. That was the "creepy" part. If they'd said "Hi, how are you, nice weather we're having" it would have been fine.

All true, but I think that people are different and act accordingly. Of course, that means that some of us may welcome the "joshing" while others abhor it.

As far as Dad was concerned, there was no such thing as a stranger. But, I do get your point. Some of the stuff he would say to strangers (like female nurses) would make me cringe and I would tell him that some folks may not appreciate his candor.

 

[Amethyst]

My dad was born in 1910. He was blue-collar. Grew up in New Jersey. Loved a good joke, and made up some of his own (he liked plays on words).

But he never tried it out on people he didn't know from Adam or Eve.

(At this point in this discussion, he would be saying something about the horse is dead, leave it alone).

My dad was this way too, as were many of the regulars at his restaurant. It's just one of the ways men of that generation show affection for each other, ... I think it was more common among the blue-collar crowd.

 

[latexman]

And I say this as one of the biggest fans of nonsense, badinage, and persiflage you will ever meet

I had to look up badinage and persiflage. Great words! Thanks.

 

[Amethyst]

You're welcome! The French have a word for everything.

I had to look up badinage and persiflage. Great words! Thanks.

 

[jollystomper]

I figured someone would tell me this. Probably it is true. But recall, the OP is concerned about "seeming creepy" merely because he is an older man. That is what triggered my anecdote.

It's as well to wait till one knows others, at least slightly, before "joshing" them, such as implying that a stranger politely holding the door for you is a doorman.

I used to get such a sick feeling, at 18 or so, when groups of men in their 50's would josh with me (a stranger to them), when all I wanted was to get on with my business. One would make some remark, and they'd all guffaw.

I knew there was no harm in it, but resented being made the object of their fun and games. My uncles could do that, but not strangers. That was the "creepy" part. If they'd said "Hi, how are you, nice weather we're having" it would have been fine.

I can understand this, as I have experienced this from strangers as a minority. That is why I try to get to know people before "joshing" with them and using them as a target.

 

[PointBreeze]

I've made new friends taking art classes and playing pickleball, and that's been great. But I already had a passel of friends I've made over the years. I only keep in touch with 1-2 friends from w*rk, and maybe go out for a beer with them once/year.

 

[Global Wizzo]

Retirement Hobbies

I got back into amateur radio. Licensing isn’t too difficult. If you have an interest in Emergency Communications, you should be able to find local groups to join.

I also handle a bunch of tech stuff for the HOA.

Have fun. .

 

[PatrickW]

Where do old guys make new friends w/o seeming creepy.

People suck. Get a dog.


.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

People suck. Get a dog.


.

+1

 

[JJpop]

Grandkids are awesome.
My two best friends are almost 3 and 7.

 

[imnontrad]

First of all, I do not think that this is unusual. I think men tend to have their HS/college friends and then work acquaintances. And yes, I imagine that your wife does not want you "underfoot" all the time - and I think both of you will need to adjust your expectations. Retirement is a big adjustment. A few sessions with a family counselor to work out expectations and communication skills may really help a lot.

Start researching now around your community. This can be for volunteer activities that you may be interested in r it can also be places where you can attend a class (senior center, local university) and learn new things. You can also see if your local parks and recreation department has things of interest.

Depending on where you live, there may be a Volksmarching (walking) chapter that you can join and start getting fir for little/no cost (www.ava.org) Since there are walks literally all over the country, when you do any trip planning you may be able to include these.

And there may be Meetup and/or Facebook groups set up where you can meet people with similar interests (or to develop new ones) (I'm in one called "Boomers and Brews Crazy Old Coots and Professionals and more" that has a 2 hour gathering at various craft breweries around the area once a week).

Also check out any local YMCA or (if eligible) Silver Sneakers activities. Maybe there is a retiree group of former employees where you work.

It is good to start befriending people that are younger too. My mother did not do this and then when her friends either died or moved away, she became very isolated.

 

[grayparrot]

Pickleball!

Where do old guys make new friends w/o seeming creepy

If you are even of average mobility and athletic inclination, I urge you to seek out a local Pickleball community group. This is the fastest growing American sport and for good reason: it is very inclusive, friendly and popular among players ranging in age from teens to 80s, in my group, with players of all ability levels. Many pickle ball groups have policies that include regular player rotation so you do not have to come with a partner to play, you will play with three other people in each game since standard Pickleball is doubles play, and you will get to play with and connect with many different people from all walks of life. I have heard so many of them talk about how grateful they have been for the pickleball community, to get them out of the house in retirement, make new adult friends etc. there are potlucks, friendly tournaments, and I’ve just been invited to join a group trip to the pickleball championships in Palm Springs this December with some of my regular club partners . The game is amazingly addictive… just make sure to wear good court shoes and stretch before playing. Good luck!

 

[iRent2u]

Friends

I'm planning to retire at the end of the year and my wife (who is [was] a stay at home mom) has made it clear she does not want me underfoot. I have good friends (from high school) that I see a couple times a year, but they don't live nearby.

Where do old guys make new friends w/o seeming creepy.

I know someone will ask what I like to do, so - I golf (poorly), I do some wood working, I have a computer background, I own a handgun/concealed carry (thought about getting better at shooting), and plan to focus alot of energy on getting fit.

edit: maybe a cooking class

Take up skeet or sporting clay shooting. Some wonderful people there who will be glad to teach you. They are great friends too.

 

[shafer9]

Time to get out more. Take yoga classes at the gym and chat people up. Start guitar/piano lessons, in a couple years you can start a band. . Volunteer to teach woodworking to kids. Play crappy golf— I do.
Stretch yourself beyond your so called comfort zone.

 

[shafer9]

+2

 

[bookman51]

I'm planning to retire at the end of the year and my wife (who is [was] a stay at home mom) has made it clear she does not want me underfoot. I have good friends (from high school) that I see a couple times a year, but they don't live nearby.

Where do old guys make new friends w/o seeming creepy.

I know someone will ask what I like to do, so - I golf (poorly), I do some wood working, I have a computer background, I own a handgun/concealed carry (thought about getting better at shooting), and plan to focus alot of energy on getting fit.

edit: maybe a cooking class

What did you do before retirement? Churches, nonprofits, museums, senior citizen clubs, etc. are always looking for volunteers. All probably want some skill you have, if nothing more than being a greeter, but it could be more rewarding, such as teaching people how to do Zoom or Excel or some other computer related activity in which you have proficiency. In my experience one has to be careful about saying "yes" or else you could have a full-time job---that you do not like---and is unpaid. It might take a few weeks or even months to strike up friendships (beyond just acquaintances) but sometimes one discovers a mutual interest and friendship develops quickly. Ask around, for example at the local bike shop. Maybe there is an older group who bicycle together. Same thing regarding gun shop, is there a local gun range and is there a club or do fellows get together afterwards. Are there service clubs nearby, e.g. Rotary? Service clubs are always looking for (dues paying, working) members. I try to be all ears at first and try to learn the norms of the group...then about two years down the road after I think I have the group figured out, I learn how wrong I was about the leaders, workers, good guys, etc. It is a learning process but that is part of the enjoyment and excitement. Good luck. Retired now 15 plus years and enjoying it a lot!!!

 

[Samz]

If getting in shape is a goal, check for hike groups near you. I've made lots of new good friends with the folks I hike with every week.

 

[Retired Expat]

You can always make new friends through hobbies and volunteer work. But you really don’t need to make new friends to gain some separation from your DW. You can go out on your own hiking, biking, exploring, etc for hours/days and have a good time.

I agree! Not big on social interaction but I can put on my headphones and go walking for 2 hours, or sit by the lake and read. I like to cook so took over all the cooking and shopping, spending an hour or two a day learning a new language (is great for basic brain health). If out running errands take a book and go out for lunch too.

After a career filed with meetings, lunches and other people I have come to love the solitude and then DW and I still do lots of things together….

 

[FLJim]

Start going to all the local strip clubs. Bring a lot of $1's $5's & $10's and you will meet a lot of people. If you can't make new friends, you can rent them.

 

[Old Microbiologist]

Having spent 40 years in the military where you make and lose friends every move which is roughly every 3 years you don't make permanent friends. I spent 20 of those years doing volunteer work as a ski patroller and also mountain rescue stuff. But, we retired and moved to Europe where nothing of the sort exists and volunteer activities are non-existent.

So, I have a few friends here in Hungary but the vast gulf between being an American and a Hungarian makes it difficult. I spent part of my career as a helicopter pilot and have a Commercial/Instrument license. Locally there was a very large Soviet AFB with MI-24 helicopters and after the collapse of the Soviet Union all of that was disbanded and roughly 10,000 helicopter pilots were without work and almost all live in the area. All speak English well and many are in influential positions so I have flying in common. So, I have a few good friends among that group who I go mountain biking with.

But, mostly I do solitary pursuits. I bought a small yacht and go sailing nearly every day and this is an enormous time suck. We have a large garden/yard plus a swimming pool which takes some time as well. I also piddle about doing electronics/computer projects and got into 3D printing and CAD designing work. My wife has a large circle of friends but all of them live in Russia but she calls them daily and they come here to visit fairly often. We have a few British friends who live locally as well. My wife became a fantastic photographer and is now award-winning for her work. That takes quite a bit of her time as well. She also Day Trades on the American market. We find we actually don't have enough time in the day for all our various hobbies and projects.

 

[Koolau]

Having spent 40 years in the military where you make and lose friends every move which is roughly every 3 years you don't make permanent friends. I spent 20 of those years doing volunteer work as a ski patroller and also mountain rescue stuff. But, we retired and moved to Europe where nothing of the sort exists and volunteer activities are non-existent.

So, I have a few friends here in Hungary but the vast gulf between being an American and a Hungarian makes it difficult. I spent part of my career as a helicopter pilot and have a Commercial/Instrument license. Locally there was a very large Soviet AFB with MI-24 helicopters and after the collapse of the Soviet Union all of that was disbanded and roughly 10,000 helicopter pilots were without work and almost all live in the area. All speak English well and many are in influential positions so I have flying in common. So, I have a few good friends among that group who I go mountain biking with.

But, mostly I do solitary pursuits. I bought a small yacht and go sailing nearly every day and this is an enormous time suck. We have a large garden/yard plus a swimming pool which takes some time as well. I also piddle about doing electronics/computer projects and got into 3D printing and CAD designing work. My wife has a large circle of friends but all of them live in Russia but she calls them daily and they come here to visit fairly often. We have a few British friends who live locally as well. My wife became a fantastic photographer and is now award-winning for her work. That takes quite a bit of her time as well. She also Day Trades on the American market. We find we actually don't have enough time in the day for all our various hobbies and projects.

Brings up the age-old question: If you're this busy in retirement, how did you have time to w*rk?

 

[daylatedollarshort]

Having spent 40 years in the military where you make and lose friends every move which is roughly every 3 years you don't make permanent friends. I spent 20 of those years doing volunteer work as a ski patroller and also mountain rescue stuff. But, we retired and moved to Europe where nothing of the sort exists and volunteer activities are non-existent.

So, I have a few friends here in Hungary but the vast gulf between being an American and a Hungarian makes it difficult. I spent part of my career as a helicopter pilot and have a Commercial/Instrument license. Locally there was a very large Soviet AFB with MI-24 helicopters and after the collapse of the Soviet Union all of that was disbanded and roughly 10,000 helicopter pilots were without work and almost all live in the area. All speak English well and many are in influential positions so I have flying in common. So, I have a few good friends among that group who I go mountain biking with.

But, mostly I do solitary pursuits. I bought a small yacht and go sailing nearly every day and this is an enormous time suck. We have a large garden/yard plus a swimming pool which takes some time as well. I also piddle about doing electronics/computer projects and got into 3D printing and CAD designing work. My wife has a large circle of friends but all of them live in Russia but she calls them daily and they come here to visit fairly often. We have a few British friends who live locally as well. My wife became a fantastic photographer and is now award-winning for her work. That takes quite a bit of her time as well. She also Day Trades on the American market. We find we actually don't have enough time in the day for all our various hobbies and projects.

Old Microbiologist - I've got to say you and your wife are inspirations for interesting accomplishments and cool retirement activities. I have the interesting projects on paper, it is the action part I sometimes fall behind on.

 

[DRC726]

I've been retired for about a year but have done similar activities as you for years. Join a golf league. I've been in a league for years and I'm far from being a good golfer. Great bunch of guys of all different abilities.

I also belong to the YMCA. It's part of my daily routine and I mix up cardio and weights. You can't help but meet new people and make friends here. Here you will also get the opportunity to join hiking, running, jogging groups too.

Go to a shooting range. Some better ranges have areas to get a drink/snack afterward.

Lastly, I bought a boat this year. Never had one before but I'm really enjoying cruising around Narragansett Bay here in RI. Gonna start fishing too. Unfortunately, most of my brothers and friends still are working.

 

[garyt]

Didn't read all the responses so likely mentioned, but join a golf league.

 

[6miths]

Thanks everyone who has contributed to this interesting discussion. Many great ideas. At 60 I find that I do have that core group of childhood friends supplemented by a few from work and a larger group from sports, mainly hockey. Still playing tennis but one of my recently retired friends has gotten into pickleball and has promised to get me into it as he no longer plays tennis. And yes, I too am waiting patiently for the grandkids to become best friends with.