Single and post-FIRE: how's dating/relationships going for you?

[ivinsfan]

There’s no such thing as free. The girlfriend will be paying one way or another.

I'm shocked, shocked I tell you...

 

[4legsgood]

There’s no such thing as free. The girlfriend will be paying one way or another.

This reminded me of my ex-father-in-law who took his 20 year younger gf to Hawaii, and then came back alone. She loved it there and stayed. Bold!

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

Step one have lots and lots of cash....no one here will have as much cash as Jagger or be a rock star. But giving someone a free trip to Europe is a good start.

In this situation, jgman is taking her to Europe next year. He's currently having "The most enjoyable relationship he's ever had." So he's not starting with a free trip. The free trip is coming later.

Sometimes the default assumption with older guy/younger woman is that it's all about the $. Some of these types of relationships I know of the guy has plenty of money (I would be one), but I know several where the guy doesn't.

There are all types of people out there. Some women prefer to date guys 10, 15, and 20 years older. And lots of money is irrelevant. This isn't what every woman thinks, but I know a good number who do.

Some of the women I've spoken to are just plain dissatisfied with guys their own age. They prefer how a guy 20 years older treats them, as compared to their other options.

 

[ivinsfan]

Tightwad if a guy can select for age a gal can select for money.. that's AOK with me.

 

[Chuckanut]

My issue is though that 20-40 year old may say she is not interested in having children, but, if she does, the 50-60 year old guy suddenly has a lot of new obligations and expenses. I am not a legal beagle but, I bet "Your honor, she told me she didn't want to have children" is not a valid defense.

I do know several older men who married women 30 years younger. One is 70 and enjoys his two year old child. Another, now deceased, had a very loving and tender relationship with his much younger wife. They obviously loved each other. Interestingly, his young wife died before he did.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

There has always been a double standard regarding age difference in dating. When I was 25 I was smitten with a recently divorced woman who was 38. We worked in the same profession and had a lot in common. I didn't have the guts to even think of seeing her, but if she would have asked me to go to Europe I would gladly have paid my own way.

 

[Hans]

OP here... the diversity of perspectives is interesting. However, I'd caution against the attitude that "they're doing something I can't and/or won't do, therefore, something's wrong with them."

I'm pretty open-minded and I'm not seeing a problem in what people said they're doing. It's already rare enough that anyone finds happiness in this world. I see no reason to denigrate someone who's found a little of it for themselves, in their own way.

Regarding my own case, I noticed that some Americans denigrate other Americans who choose to live (and date) overseas. As I alluded earlier, I've lived overseas and am considering expatriating permanently. I think it should be considered OK that different people want to do different things or live in different places.

Most people make very different choices from mine. That's OK with me. I wish them success in any case.

 

[Magus]

Not at all. Every time I see this "trope" that women are sitting back getting dozens of messages a day I have to refute it.

Now, what's happening is that the women who are 9+'s get dozens of messages...and a lot of them from the 5's, 6's, and 7's who OUGHT to be spreading the love a bit to all the women they'd likely have better chances with. But the top 10% of women (of course based entirely on looks) get 70% of responses. I don't need to hear it mansplained to me because I know from personal experience.

You should see the plenty of fish study from several years ago - What has been described by others is indeed pretty accurate....for women under the age of 35 or 40. After 40 its a different story. Men were much more spread out on whom they mesaged than women were largely because men had a perfect bell curve on women's attractiveness around average while only 20% of men were rated average or better by women.