Different paths for living life

[street]

It has always intrigued me, how so many young people I know or families that just live life. They have no steady job or a career path in life. I see these young, clean living, adults with good health and great families and I always have a question how they do it.

I have some neighbors and a few good friends that their kids don't work but for an odd job here and there, or work in a pizza place etc. with no real future. They are great young people, always seem happy and accommodating when I'm around them or see them. I see nothing wrong with their life style, just isn't in my genes to not have a goal from very young and go get it attitude.

I'm not belittling these people or look at them any differently then anyone else, but not sure I would go through life living life like that. I'm talking kids in very late 30's to in their mid to late 40's.

The one thing that really sticks out to me is, that when they get up in age they will have very little resources. A continuous living with very little and harder to find that odd job to have a little extra.

I'm not sure if I feel bad for them but it would be a huge concern for me.

 

[grasshopper]

Around my home all the young people grew up in 4-H and generally work the family ranches.

I was so impressed by one young person at an adult type function, who quietly read a book the entire time.

It seems like I live in a complete disconnect from the world I see on the news.

 

[Lsbcal]

Yes, I sometimes wonder about how people can be somewhat aimless regarding their career direction. I don't know that many 30's and 40's. I would not call them kids although DW calls our son and daughter-in-law kids. Thankfully they have good jobs in their 30's, expecting our first grandchild, and looking for a house (in San Diego ).

But for our son it was not a straight shot. He was aimless in HS and tried working for some tough contractor trade guys. But then the 2008 recession hit and a lot of the trade jobs dried up. The bosses turned out to not be his friend. He saw the light ... wouldn't be driving one of those new pickups any time soon. So he went back to community college with our help and eventually graduated from a state college. Now highly paid.

I was always a straight shooter in that I went directly into college after HS and then into a tech job back when they didn't really call it "tech". Thankfully my parents could afford to get me through my BS degree. Too nerdy to do the hippy thing back then although I did go to UC Berkeley.

We have friends who were into the hippy culture back in the 1970's. They struggle a bit now with finances but I think they turned out fine and enjoy life. They don't have as much financial security in old age.

We watch shows that often feature young people with somewhat dead end jobs. Well there is always store manager, etc. Certainly an honorable way to go. And maybe they are having more fun in life.

I will be interested to hear from others on this topic.

 

[Nemo2]

I will be interested to hear from others on this topic.

Got booted out of two schools before I was fifteen...traveled a bit, went to a couple countries, (OK, maybe three).....returned to school aged twenty-seven, (wasted three years getting a piece of paper to land a job I could have done without it).....went to Saudi...saved....quit work 388 months ago...now DW & I have about 4 1/2 times as much worth as I did when I quit....(she didn't have a fortune when we met )

Career? Naah. (Wouldn't want to try it in today's environment though.)

 

[MichaelB]

Late 30’s to mid-40’s seem old to be considered kids. In my experience - our children, nieces and nephews, their friends - they have similar goals to those we had at the same age. Family, career, getting ahead, thinking about the future. Employment had changed since then but people haven’t.

Jobs and opportunities are not available equally around the country. Some areas have much much opportunity while other areas much less. This is not new, but what often appears as a lack of interest may also be a lack of opportunity.

 

[street]

Around my home all the young people grew up in 4-H and generally work the family ranches.

I was so impressed by one young person at an adult type function, who quietly read a book the entire time.

It seems like I live in a complete disconnect from the world I see on the news.

I see this everyday also, with ranch and farm families. I know many young adults staying on the ranch or farm paying their dues, working non stop, 7 days a week. I see these young people with a vision for their future and a goal for their aging years.

In fact had a lady tell me a story of one of her grandson's, that bought his first herd of cattle (20 head). He insisted that she come to see his herd. Lol She has seen more cattle then a sales barn in her life. She said, she went and saw that herd, and it made that grandson smile from ear to ear.

I had another young cowboy tell me last week, he is starting to build a herd slowly. His dad is still filling the land with his operation, so he can't expand to much. He is going to be 40 years old next month. He works night and day also, and has said to me, that it would be nice to see a pay check each month, but that isn't how ranching works. I know I been there too!!

 

[street]

Late 30’s to mid-40’s seem old to be considered kids. In my experience - our children, nieces and nephews, their friends - they have similar goals to those we had at the same age. Family, career, getting ahead, thinking about the future. Employment had changed since then but people haven’t.

Jobs and opportunities are not available equally around the country. Some areas have much much opportunity while other areas much less. This is not new, but what often appears as a lack of interest may also be a lack of opportunity.

Very true!
Each person has his own goals and can make his own opportunities, if that person wants too. People can move to places of opportunity, get schooled for an ambition or passion they may have in life.

I personally would of needed those challenges and done what ever it would of took, to get to where I wanted to be in life. I would say, most here had to sacrifice, move, and get schooled to be where we are today.

These young adults I see, are completely content and seems they have no vision to the end point. Now, I'm not saying that is bad or anything of the sort. Just a different path and they maybe the goal minded person in the end and I'm not.

 

[FIREd]

I can't talk for today's young people, but I chose an unusual path in life. To some, it may look like I'm wasting my life as a 46 year old FIREe, but I'm doing just fine, thank you very much.

I was an overachiever until the age of about 30. I worked hard in high school, got into an excellent university, moved to the US for grad school (which I aced despite the language barrier), got a well-paying job, married a smart woman with plenty of ambition herself, bought a nice house and a new car, etc... On paper a nearly perfect score for a 30 year old (except for the 2.1 kids, but my wife didn't want any).

My 30th year on this earth was in fact one of the worst in my life. I was absolutely miserable in this "perfect" life. Life felt like an endless cycle of meaningless work, chores, superficial social interactions, and frantic vacations abroad. I had no time for myself, no time to reflect, and no time to really enjoy the simplest things in life. Everything always seemed rushed, dull, and pointless. My relatives thought that perhaps I was depressed. But it turns out that I was just awakening to what really mattered to me in life.

This is when things started going downhill from an outsider's perspective. But that's really when I started living life for me - making my own path despite the frequent howling from family and friends. I made FIRE a priority and I quit my well-paying career at the age of 36. Today I've learned to tune other people's opinions out. I just live the way which makes the most sense to me - slowly and with purpose, with "enough". And I'm so much happier. Again, from an outsider's perspective, not much about my life makes sense. But it doesn't have to, as long as it makes sense to me.

 

[Time2]

Kids! I have two a daughter, hard driven, finished college a year early, worked 3 years, making good money and bonuses. Her company merged, everything changed, she quit to go back to school to be a dentist, one more year left. She just took and passed the first licensing exam.

Son, more laid back, quit a state university in second year, took a year off.
Went back to a community college, got the two year degree, then went to a 4 year and got a degree in chemistry. He came home for a few weeks as a goodby visit before going to Canada to marry a girl he met in college Covid hit, no boarder crossing for months, the marriage was called off. Son is still living with us, he has a full time job and has applied for several chemistry jobs, so far no hit. He is happy, learning ukulele, and keyboard and playing video games while working a multifaceted job. He does maintenance, bar tending, food serving. He's in his late 20s.

He's like me, laid back, ma·ña·na. My daughter, is like her mother driven, get it done now, what can I do next!


I don't know if this video was posted on this group, or if I surfed to it after being here. It's TED talk about procrastination, 14 minutes.

 

[Andre1969]

I was actually thinking about this the other day. I used to know a guy who, when I met him, was 29, renting a room in a basement for $400/mo plus a small portion of the utilities. He had an associate's degree in Criminal Justice, but was working at some biotech place as an animal caretaker. Basically, making sure the lab mice had food and water, and cleaning their cages. I think it paid about $17/hr. He only had a learner's permit. He had pretty much been born and raised a city boy, and once he started living on his own, always lived in a place that had fairly good access to public transportation.

In idle conversation, it had come up a few times that he considered himself a workaholic, and couldn't ever see himself retiring. I tried to drill into his head that most people don't work as long as they think they want to. Either they get laid off and can't find another decent job, get a disability, disillusioned with the workplace, or simply worn out. Of course, at the age of 29, he couldn't imagine any of that. He was also afraid of investing, and the stock market. So while he actually did have about $10,000 saved up, it was all in some kind of money market account.

Well, I lost touch with him back in 2018, when he would've been around 32. I know he got fired, and was out of work for about a month, maybe a bit more, and took a similar job, but at a slight paycut. I also had heard that he moved to Virginia. He was seeing someone, and I figured they had moved in together.

Just the other day though, I found out he was still living at the same place, in the $400/mo basement room. Still working the same job. And, most likely, still just has a learner's permit. But, now, he's 35.

I was thinking, here it is, 6 years later, and he's still in the same position in life, and was wondering where life is going to take him, as he gets older. Hopefully he's still putting something into his 401k, even if it is just an MMA. Considering the wage market has been fairly flat, I doubt that he's gotten much in the way of raises, so he's probably making $18/hr, if he's lucky.

Now, there are 35 year olds that are in a lot worse shape than he is, but when I found out he pretty much stagnated, over the course of 6 years, it made me think that he's really not going to exactly live a guilded life, as he gets older. Now, maybe he's happy with that. As long as he has a roof over his head, and he's fairly healthy, I guess he's happy with his life. He's also the type that will go out with friends, to a nice restaurant in DC or whatever (or at least, the ones that are still open, with COVID), and spend $7-8 for a mixed drink, plus whatever food he's eating. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here as I type, perfectly happy with a Yuengling beer that, when I divide the cost of the case, comes out to about 79 cents, plus tax.

It does make me wonder how he, and people like him, are going to fare, as they get older in life. In many ways, his best investing years are behind him, because he won't benefit from compounding quite as much, at his age.

Now, not to pat myself on the back, but when I was his age, 35, I had about $315K in investable assets. Sure, I got lucky here and there, but when I was 28, my net worth was slightly negative! And, in the amount of time I've known him (2015 to now), my investible assets have gone from around $1.04M to about $2.31M. Plus I've upgraded the house.

It definitely gets easier as you get older, provided you were lucky enough to get a good, and early head start. And that's something that's lost on a lot of today's young'uns.

 

[Nemo2]

It's TED talk about procrastination

I'll watch it sometime later.

 

[dmpi]

The world is a far different place now than it was forty years ago. I was lucky to start my career in the early 80s right after the recession. People were ambitious, they were driven, nobody wanted to live with their parents. That's when the 'yuppy' term was coined. Everything was black and white. If you were poor or middle class, you wanted to be rich. I wasn't the smartest, I was born into a middle class family, I worked as long and as hard as I could. Everyone I knew did the same. That collective drive built this country. Also felt I was compensated well for my efforts and the jobs just seem to match people skills, talents and desires better back then than today.
What's going on today is the youth are disillusioned, there's no hope, the 1% ran off with everything, the rich get demonized, competition is bad, the social service safety net is huge so you don't have to work much (if at all), you have an army of peers who think exactly like you, etc. Bottom line is as a country we're a victim of our own success.

 

[braumeister]

 

[harllee]

I just don't understand young people who graduate from college and move back in with their parents and stay and stay and stay. It seems very common in my circle of friends. When I graduated from college (a hundred years ago) there is no way I would move back home. I wanted to be independent and on my own. I loved my parents but I did not want to live with them and I don't think they wanted that either. In my family we might help the kids out for a short time with rent money if they are having a hard time but they are not moving back home.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Late 30’s to mid-40’s seem old to be considered kids. In my experience - our children, nieces and nephews, their friends - they have similar goals to those we had at the same age. Family, career, getting ahead, thinking about the future. Employment had changed since then but people haven’t.

Jobs and opportunities are not available equally around the country. Some areas have much much opportunity while other areas much less. This is not new, but what often appears as a lack of interest may also be a lack of opportunity.

While this is true, there is often a solution: Move. My parents had to move and were the first of their family in many generations to do so. There was a lot of gnashing of teeth from the rest of the family, but as Dad said, "There was no opportunity where we lived. If we wanted a better life, we HAD to move."

Perhaps the military made moving a normal thing for me, but I know a LOT of folks from my DW's childhood area never left and since it's a fairly depressed area, there isn't much in way of opportunity. The lack of success is quite evident in those folks.

 

[frayne]

You know the saying, different strokes for different folks and how boring would this world be, if we were all INTJs.

 

[Walt34]

I never set out to be wealthy, but I did want very much to be able to afford a "middle class lifestyle" meaning to own my own home (it didn't have to be big, in fact I didn't want one too big) and be able to afford a new car every ten years or so and to be able to afford to call a plumber. We never called a plumber when I was growing up because we couldn't afford that and I really, really hate plumbing. It's always an exercise in frustration because there's always some special tool I don't have, or some "reverse figure eight fitting" needed that only the store on the other side of the county carries. So to me, being able to afford a plumber when desired is one of the hallmarks of having "made it". Okay, so that's admittedly a low bar to clear but that was one of mine. Hey, I can be easily amused.

And I wanted to do something unique and positive, that not just anyone could do, that would in general make the world or at least my little corner of it a better place to be. So I became a police officer. Now, that is an occupation that I would not recommend to anyone - no matter what you do, it's the wrong thing. But back then police work was generally seen in a more positive light. And at least once a month someone would say "I couldn't do your job." Now, of course, everyone thinks they can if they watch enough TV.

Anyway, I will never forget one day, early on that I handled a call for some minor offense, I think it was misdemeanor shoplifting. I processed the guy, fingerprints & photograph, write up the report, statement of charges and all that and since he wasn't local his bond was set rather high to assure the court that he would appear later. (At least where I worked the police have no influence on the amount of bond.) He didn't have the money so off to jail we went. All through this we just chatted about everyday stuff, I remember fishing was one topic, but just normal guy chatter stuff. He had a record, he'd been through the drill before so nothing came as a surprise and he knew what to expect. He'd screwed up, he knew it, I knew he knew it, so there was no need to dwell on that. As that steel barred door slid shut (just like in the movies) he looks at me and says "Thank you."

A bit surprised, I said "I just took you to jail. What on earth are you thanking me for?" He said "You treated me decent. Nobody hardly ever does that."

Made my day. I'd made the world, at least for that guy on that day, a little bit better place. I didn't always succeed but I did try to do that every day.

 

[street]

Thanks for those great videos!

harllee >>> I see that scenario a lot. I remember my mother talking about kids moving back home after college to a small country town, with just a few stores for necessities.

She said, what are these smart kids doing back here with no future for them here. It was true over and over again, they moved back and some of them still live in these areas today. It was what they wanted, that drive to climb, or try to climb the ladder to the top just wasn't their cup of tea.

 

[Mr._Graybeard]

While this is true, there is often a solution: Move. My parents had to move and were the first of their family in many generations to do so. There was a lot of gnashing of teeth from the rest of the family, but as Dad said, "There was no opportunity where we lived. If we wanted a better life, we HAD to move."

Perhaps the military made moving a normal thing for me, but I know a LOT of folks from my DW's childhood area never left and since it's a fairly depressed area, there isn't much in way of opportunity. The lack of success is quite evident in those folks.

I think a larger number of people than you might think are beset through life by a state of anxiety that limits their ability to achieve.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I think a larger number of people than you might think are beset through life by a state of anxiety that limits their ability to achieve.

Oh no, I don't doubt that. I was simply speaking to alternatives to finding opportunities in a local "hometown."

I call it "camping"...a LOT of folks just camp out in their station in life. This isn't always bad, but in some cases it can be limiting.

 

[Gumby]

When I started out, I didn't really aim to be rich; I just wanted to stop being poor. Growing up, the lack of money dictated everything that happened in our lives - what we ate, what we wore, where we lived and what activities we could (not) do. All in all, it was a not a particularly positive existence.

I thought a pretty good life would be one where I got to live in an actual house in one place for a while, have more than one pair of shoes and 3 sets of jeans and shirts to wear, go on a vacation to somewhere besides my grandmother's apartment in Ohio for Christmas, and, most especially, buy any food I wanted at the grocery store. Things worked out substantially better than that for me, and I'll admit the possibility that maybe I would not really have been happy with that life, but, in my experience, if you come from a certain background you may not have such grand aspirations.

I certainly see that in my nephews and my niece. They have modest lives and little aspiration to anything more, but they seem happy enough. So who am I to judge?

 

[Lsbcal]

.... As that steel barred door slid shut (just like in the movies) he looks at me and says "Thank you."

A bit surprised, I said "I just took you to jail. What on earth are you thanking me for?" He said "You treated me decent. Nobody hardly ever does that."

Made my day. I'd made the world, at least for that guy on that day, a little bit better place. I didn't always succeed but I did try to do that every day.

Great story, thanks. I wish some of the police procedurals shows we watched had a police critique associated with the show. Would be interesting to hear some of the false impressions we, the public, get.

 

[athena53]

I just don't understand young people who graduate from college and move back in with their parents and stay and stay and stay. It seems very common in my circle of friends. When I graduated from college (a hundred years ago) there is no way I would move back home. I wanted to be independent and on my own. I loved my parents but I did not want to live with them and I don't think they wanted that either. In my family we might help the kids out for a short time with rent money if they are having a hard time but they are not moving back home.

My parents were mean. They wouldn't let me have sleepovers with my boyfriends. I took a job after college 5 hours from home and was happy to have my own place even though it was a tiny apartment.

 

[braumeister]

I think I was very lucky in that we were borderline poor but I didn't realize it until I got to college. Everyone I knew was at the same socioeconomic level so it just seemed normal. In college I started meeting people who had money -- some of them even had cars -- and it opened my eyes.

 

[RetireeRobert]

Very true!
People can move to places of opportunity, get schooled for an ambition or passion they may have in life.

I would say, most here had to sacrifice, move, and get schooled to be where we are today.

That describes me. Tried to find a job fresh out of college in Seattle with a BS degree in math in late 60's, when Boeing was laying off thousands in the great recession of that period, and the motto was: "Will the last person to leave Seattle please turn out the lights"!

After 8 months, I finally found a field job with a national casualty insurance company, but hated it, though the pay was decent and I got a company car. So, after four years, and an unwanted transfer to southern California, and feeling like a fish out of water, I quit. Went back to college, got the college credits equivalent of a major in accounting, sat for the CPA exam back in the northwest, and passed four parts of the exam on my first try. Also went back on the job hunt. This time I got two job offers, and took the one in western Oregon which provided the job experience necessary at that time to qualify to actually apply for CPA certificate. I stayed at that job and retired from it. Also, when I first started at that job, I met the love of my life and later married her!

So, had I not been willing to get schooled (some more), and not willing to move, the life which I enjoyed along the way would not have existed. And it is more than likely the very financially well-lined retirement I now enjoy would not have been possible either.

I have several times thought back to my decisions to go back to school and to actively make the choice to move and where to move. And I have always decided, those were some of the best decisions I ever made in my entire life. And they gave me the opportunity to make my very best decision, to ask my sweetheart to marry me. Our three kids especially applaud those decisions of mine!