A relationship question from a friend

[ER Eddie]

Thanks for all the inputs.

A few more facts from what I learned by talking with him:
- They have met via zoom but have not met in person
- They have only been together for 2 months

They have never met in person, and yet they are planning marriage? And they have only been together two months?

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound rude, but your friend sounds very naive to me, on several counts. I strongly suggest he get a good education about the realities of romantic relationships and the risks of marriage.

 

[teetee]

Are they each paying their own way on this trip?

yes. They booked and paid for their own flight separately.

My friend said he will pay for lodging. The girl will pay for the rest of the expenses during the trip.

 

[ncbill]

yes. They booked and paid for their own flight separately.

My friend said he will pay for lodging. The girl will pay for the rest of the expenses during the trip.

Let us know if she actually shows up.

 

[Calico]

Let us know if she actually shows up.

And if she actually pays for anything at all.

 

[W2R]

yes. They booked and paid for their own flight separately.

My friend said he will pay for lodging. The girl will pay for the rest of the expenses during the trip.

I guess everybody divvies things up differently, but when Frank and I (rarely) travel together, we each pay half the hotel/motel costs and then each pay our own restaurant bill and half the gasoline (or our own plane ticket).

We find that for us, hotel/motel costs are considerably more expensive than "the rest of the expenses during the trip".

 

[Aerides]

yes. They booked and paid for their own flight separately.

My friend said he will pay for lodging. The girl will pay for the rest of the expenses during the trip.

So the friend expects this woman (she's 33, not a girl), whom he has not previously met in person, to stay in his hotel room from day 1?

Were I friends with the woman I would advise her to get her own room for at least a week, and then decide if she wants to stay in his or not.

 

[mystang52]

This thread is frustrating to read. I can't believe that friend is so naive. I'm changing my tune from my first response; OP should flat-out tell the friend to cancel his flight.

 

[athena53]

So the friend expects this woman (she's 33, not a girl), whom he has not previously met in person, to stay in his hotel room from day 1?

Were I friends with the woman I would advise her to get her own room for at least a week, and then decide if she wants to stay in his or not.

The OP didn't mention whether it was one or two rooms but wow. I agree. No way I'd share a room with someone I hadn't met in person, male or female.

 

[jollystomper]

This sounds like an episode of either "90 Day Fiance" or "Catfish", take your pick. Or maybe both . No doubt at 46, some single men can get desperate for various reasons and go down this path

It is alright to book a flight to meet. Though it is strange that either would not want to meet the other in the same city live (particularly as both have set where they live as priorities). But it is way too soon to be talking about marriage.

And to be willing to share a hotel room with someone you have not met in person... that can be dangerous for either party.

If he has not been sending her money, I would not call it a scam just yet. But if she has asked and receive money from him, and/or at the last says she cannot meet... I would move the ball into "scam" territory.

 

[Koolau]

Yep. To weird, I'm checking out of this discussion.

 

[marko]

Loneliness can be a dangerous drug.

 

[CincyDave]

OP>>I may have missed it but how exactly did he "get into a romantic relationship" with this woman?

 

[Calico]

If it's not a scam on the woman's part, I wonder if they "met" through some kind of matchmaking service for US citizens and foreign nationals.

Otherwise, what would explain them discussing marriage after only two months of virtual-only contact?

 

[NoEZmoney]

U R Not Ready

46 yrs old, never married, really close to mom, can't move on AND Singapore girl not willing to leave. Nuh-Uhh, Zip, Zilch, NADA. Both are not ready.
Successful relationships / marriages are about finding equal ground. And I've seen more than a couple marriages collapse because of maternal orbits.
Best to pass than get hitched and resent it later.

 

[Tessie]

 

[frances]

... why can’t a 71 year old with A Fib care for themselves? ....

The severity of the Afib would determine whether or not the 71-Y-O could reasonably care for herself or not. Sometimes it can be so severe as to cause blackouts. Then there are the issues of blood thinners, pacemakers, all those things that can go along with having AFib (my mom had it).

 

[frances]

I have a friend who recently got into a romantic relationship and asked me about a challenge they are facing:

male: 46 single never married, live in the US, close to his 73 yr old mother with A.Fib who needs caring. He can work remotely. His mother owns her own house and does not want to move anywhere. He has a younger sister raising a 5yr old daughter by herself and she lives ~40mins away from his mother.

female: 33 single never married, live in Singapore. Her job does not allow her to move out of Singapore. Her parents own a business and are semi retired. She has purchased a condo in construction which takes 3 more years to be move-in ready.

Challenge: both of them are looking forward to getting married and moving in together but he can't leave his mother without regret, and she can't leave her career without regret.

They need a strategy that can help them overcome this challenge within the next couple of years, before she starts worrying about the potential risks of pregnancy over age of 35.

Thoughts?

Nope, nope, and nope.

Sounds to me like:
-He's his mom's caregiver, and that job only gets more involved. (been there, done that, have a WARDROBE from it, but wouldn't change a thing).
-His sister, even though she lives close to mom, has her hands full being a single mom and isn't likely to step up and take over mom's care.
-33 Y-O fiance' overseas with a "a condo in construction which takes 3 more years to be move-in ready"? I don't know much about overseas construction, but both of my parents were in real estate here in the US in all phases of the industry including residential and commercial construction. I can't say that I believe a condo would take that long to get ready for move-in. That smells of total scam to me.

BUT

I'm with some of the other posters here - it's a delicate question to answer with your friend. Even if you're a very close friend when you start answering questions honestly when it's matters of the heart many times people still don't want to have what may be a hard truth pointed out even if it's staring them in the face.

I would consider how much you value keeping this friendship before deciding to answer honestly or not.

 

[Lvus101]

I agree. move on

 

[kingkarmann]

Simple but hard
Both need to walk away.

 

[Carbon8]

Seems like too many tough choices to make for this to have a high chance of success and that is assuming everything else is on the up-and-up.

Reminds me of line from a song by Jah Wobble: "Love is a luxury some of men can't afford" (At least in this case.)

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Have you considered FWB relationship?

 

[pdxgal]

They are not a match. In another life, maybe, but this is not gonna work.

+1

 

[mickeyd]

OPs story sounds like a situation that was presented on one of those Bravo "reality" shows. No match. Keep looking and save money,.

 

[maestro]

They are not a match. In another life, maybe, but this is not gonna work.

+1

 

[Sunset]

Interested to know how it all turns out.

One other scam, very related seems to not ask for money, instead the scammer tells the victim how a lot of money is being made in Crypto, turns out the app/website is false.

Here is a story of how a high-tech executive got scammed out of $450K by her 'relationship'..

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/trance-tech-executive-got-scammed-183000490.html