buying the wife a rock

[LateToFIRE]

Not sure if this belongs here so if it needs to be moved please feel free. I'm going to purchase a 1 or 2 carrot Dimond ring for my wife of 38 years as of next February. I intend to present it to her on a Caribbean cruise for our anniversary. I'm just floating this here to get some feedback on various ways of going about getting the most for my money.
Thanks for any replies.

I have much experience in this department. DW has a very sharp eye and very specific tastes. For smaller gifts (under $5K) I will surprise her, though will make sure I'm buying from a reputable jeweler that will take it back.

For the stuff over $5K, it's going to be a jointly selected gift, no surprises. Excluding the original engagement ring, there are two seriously eye-popping rings I've given her over the course of our marriage - one she designed and had custom made, the other I surprised her with - guess which one she still wears, and which one has rarely seen the light of day. Yup, you guessed right, the one she designed herself is the one on her hand today.

Don't get me wrong, it was exciting to get the surprise, I went the whole nine yards on presentation, it's not that she wasn't delighted at the big gesture, but the value was in just that, the event, the gesture, instead of the ring itself.

 

[LateToFIRE]

I bought DW the big rock she wanted for our 25th anniversary, the stone I could not afford when we got married. It was too expensive to leave to a surprise even though I know her tastes very well. I did not want her to be 90% happy with it, I wanted 100% - so we bought it together. She knew what size and cut diamond she wanted, and the setting, I pushed a higher grade than she would have gone for.

I don’t buy the ‘other people won’t know the difference’ argument. I bought it for her, not other people, what they might think is a distant second consideration. A fake diamond or flawed stone for your life’s partner - really?

The surprise factor is nice but that novelty wears off quickly. She is going to look at that ring for the rest of her life, needs to be perfect in her eyes. We started at Tiffany but you are paying a premium for the name, not good value. Fortunately we lived near the Chicago Diamond District/Jewelers Row where you can get any stone you want at a fair price. To get exactly what we wanted it had to be overnighted from Israel, worth every penny we paid.

+1

 

[Jerry1]

I know she wants white gold

Look at platinum.

 

[athena53]

Look at platinum.

I agree. It won't wear out (very important for metal prongs holding an expensive stone) and from what I've read, white gold is electroplated now- has to be redone every few years or it gets yellowish. Every ring I've had made or reset has been in platinum.

Two more suggestions, repeating some earlier posts: even if you don't buy from Blue Nile, they have a great tool that shows you the trade-off in price when you change one of the 4 Cs- color, cut, clarity, carat weight. So you can start with a 1.5-ct stone and then see how the price changes as you choose a better cut, less clarity, etc. I've used them only for accent diamonds (1/3 or 1/4 ct) but have been very happy with them.

Also- consider just buying the stone and presenting that to her. My nephew by marriage did that with my niece. Not traditional but I thought it was genius- niece also has her own sense of style and he gave her the leeway to choose what she wanted while controlling the main cost element. You can also get an idea of the cost of settings from Blue Nile. You may want to allow for some extra if she chooses a design with accent diamonds. Setting the main stone with a "halo" around it (a border of tiny diamonds) is fashionable now. Not my thing but she may like that.

And one more thought (we're on one of my favorite subjects!)- do you have a local jeweler you trust to design/make the ring? I'd be very wary of sending a valuable diamond anywhere, even to a trustworthy business such as Blue Nile, for setting and I'd also be wary of handing it over to an unknown jeweler who might be tempted to replace it with an inferior stone.

 

[Badger]

I never understood the excitement over diamonds but do understand the overblown marketing of a stone that is manipulated by those in control of the market. To me it is just another sparkly rock.
However, I am not the one I would be buying for so on our 30th anniversary my wife had seen a ring that she liked and I relied on the quality and value at Costco. She was happy and that is all that matters.

Cheers!

 

[Aerides]

Blue Nile (while being a great online place to play around with sizes, costs, designs, etc.) also has showrooms in a lot of states now. They have been around for over 20 years so they aren't fly-by-night.

https://www.bluenile.com/jewelry-stores

Oh and if you're getting a 1ct+ stone, get an insurance policy on it before it leaves your house, ESPECIALLY if you're going to take it on a cruise. Your regular homeowners will not cover it. Even special policies, make sure they cover you internationally.

And yeah re CZ/Lab/Man-made, that's nice for travel or fashion jewelry. But if DH made a big deal special gift of a CZ I'd be underwhelmed, to say the least.

Ignore this from Koolau:

Cubic zirconia or lab grown diamonds. Look as good and can't be distinguished from the real thing except because they are more perfect than the real thing.
Just a thought.

He himself admits to exactly why:

Good point. I know I've never been good at buying jewelry for DW. I've always insisted that the jeweler allow her to bring it back for exchange. Most times - she brings it back. Just not my area of specialty, I guess.

 

[ivinsfan]

Aerides just gave a pro and con for CZ in the same post.. if you've ever thought where did I put my rings you understand. At 50 plus years the CZ set I got for travel/lake costs more then my original engagement set. I don't think we've spent more then 2K total for my various wedding rings...so that works for me.. I didn't recommend one stone or style but do recommend not making it a surprise

 

[LateToFIRE]

One thing I have not yet seen mentioned is that if you're buying a real stone, make sure it has a GIA certificate, or that the jeweler will get a GIA certificate for it before you take possession of it. This is distinctly different from an "appraisal" certificate that the jeweler might write for your insurance purposes. The GIA cert independently establishes the stone's authenticity, origin, and value. If you are buying online, this is absolutely critical - I insist on it even from known, reputable jewelers. Most legit jewelers will be more than willing to provide this. Otherwise, you don't know what you could be getting and trust there is a lot of fraud and misrepresentation in the industry. This is your protection from that. Also, with the cert, you can contact GIA or send the (insured) gem to them for verification if you have any suspicions.

Edit: GIA = Gemological Institute of America

 

[brett]

We have dealt with the same small jeweler for years.

Two years ago we were in to see him about some repairs. I noticed that his diamond ring stock was almost non existent.

I asked him about it. He told me his advice to customers was as follows....go to Costco and buy a diamond ring. Bring it back to me. I will reset the diamond in a setting of your choice, or a custom setting. I will give you metal value for the setting that you discard.

I asked him why. Answer....he could not beat the price/quality of the Costoc product. He told that he currently had two Costco purchased rings in the shop that he was changing out the settings for customers.

 

[LateToFIRE]

I agree. It won't wear out (very important for metal prongs holding an expensive stone) and from what I've read, white gold is electroplated now- has to be redone every few years or it gets yellowish. Every ring I've had made or reset has been in platinum.

Two more suggestions, repeating some earlier posts: even if you don't buy from Blue Nile, they have a great tool that shows you the trade-off in price when you change one of the 4 Cs- color, cut, clarity, carat weight. So you can start with a 1.5-ct stone and then see how the price changes as you choose a better cut, less clarity, etc. I've used them only for accent diamonds (1/3 or 1/4 ct) but have been very happy with them.

Also- consider just buying the stone and presenting that to her. My nephew by marriage did that with my niece. Not traditional but I thought it was genius- niece also has her own sense of style and he gave her the leeway to choose what she wanted while controlling the main cost element. You can also get an idea of the cost of settings from Blue Nile. You may want to allow for some extra if she chooses a design with accent diamonds. Setting the main stone with a "halo" around it (a border of tiny diamonds) is fashionable now. Not my thing but she may like that.

And one more thought (we're on one of my favorite subjects!)- do you have a local jeweler you trust to design/make the ring? I'd be very wary of sending a valuable diamond anywhere, even to a trustworthy business such as Blue Nile, for setting and I'd also be wary of handing it over to an unknown jeweler who might be tempted to replace it with an inferior stone.

1) Agree, platinum is far more durable than white gold
2) Gifting just the stone sounds good in theory, but I have seen that go way wrong, where the ring never gets made out of inertia, indecision, and the couple ends up fighting over it
3) We have had gems/jewelry shipped, no issues, you just have to take the right precautions: (A) Insure it, (B) Careful how package is marked (no hints to thieves), (C) Use only GIA certified gems so you can authenticate what you sent/received.

 

[Lsbcal]

Some mounts are top heavy and the ring tends to spin on the finger which is probably annoying. Then there is the fitting which can be fraught.

Why not just talk it over with DW and go on a shopping trip or two. She might really like that and you can have a nice meal together afterwords.

I've bought some rings for my DW but never diamonds which are just a managed commodity. I'd recommend a nice emerald or maybe ruby. Depends on her color tastes I suppose. I bought her a synthetic emerald (very very reasonably priced) and DW is always getting complements from other women. Funny how women are about those little stones.

 

[Lsbcal]

Thanks for the replies so far! Keep em coming please. I have several months to educate myself.

I have some pretty good specifics on what she wants. I know her ring size and I know she wants white gold and a princess cut diamond with more of a flat shaped band. I'm pretty sure she wants one free of smaller diamonds.

I just read this after replying. Sounds like you have set the stage and now you have to go through with the final act.

My comment about rings being top heavy and spinning still holds. DW had this issue and maybe some small added inner balls on the inside can help but probably not a sure solution. Our daughter-in-law had this problem too with her diamond ring and there were multiple attempts to fix the problem. Hopefully she got it done right.

 

[athena53]

I asked him why. Answer....he could not beat the price/quality of the Costco product. He told that he currently had two Costco purchased rings in the shop that he was changing out the settings for customers.

As a Costco shareholder, this makes me happy! A simple solitaire setting would give the OP's wife something she could wear right away while she thinks about what the final version should look like.

 

[kongmen]

Wow!! You guys are making this way harder than I thought it would be!! ?


I love the guidance y'all have provided so far!!


I really like the idea of buying the stone then letting her pick the setting but that would take away from some of the surprise effect. I like the idea of buying it from Costco and returning it if need be for her to pick something else. I will also look very seriously at platinum for the setting. I don't have a relationship with a local jeweler btw.



Regarding the issue of surprising her on a cruise...this is a big deal to me but you guys are making a ton of quality arguments against it. I've already been thinking about how I will secure it while traveling through the airport such as putting it in a travel bag that stays in my possession until we get through TSA then it goes into my pocket in some sort of a cloth bag until I present it on the ship.




Regarding insurance...I hadn't thought about that but I will certainly get a policy.



Please keep em coming thanks.

 

[athena53]

Regarding the issue of surprising her on a cruise...this is a big deal to me but you guys are making a ton of quality arguments against it. I've already been thinking about how I will secure it while traveling through the airport such as putting it in a travel bag that stays in my possession until we get through TSA then it goes into my pocket in some sort of a cloth bag until I present it on the ship.

And here's another thought: why not buy a decoy at Target or Wal-Mart and present THAT to her, explaining that the real one is safe at home?

 

[Freedom56]

A lot of diamonds today are made in labs now and 1-2 carat diamonds are not as expensive as before. I would buy the diamond from a wholesaler and then select your setting.

 

[kongmen]

And here's another thought: why not buy a decoy at Target or Wal-Mart and present THAT to her, explaining that the real one is safe at home?

Humm...and maybe have a picture to show.

 

[pacergal]

If your wife would consider colored stones: 40th anniversary is typically the "Ruby" one, 38 is pretty close. There are some beautiful ruby and diamond rings out there. A natural ruby, especially a large one, can be almost as pricy as a diamond.

The new lab grown diamonds (NOT cz) are just as light reflective, hard, etc as natural diamonds, often jewelers have difficulty telling them apart. You can get a larger stone for same money. Brilliant Earth is one company that sells them, I believe Blue Nile is also.

For a simple, large, good quality diamond, I would go to Costco. They are reputable, and you can return easily.
I also agree to give to your wife before your cruise. She may be expecting it on the cruise already, so earlier would be a surprise!
Have it insured separately.
Have fun shopping!!

 

[LateToFIRE]

Wow!! You guys are making this way harder than I thought it would be!! ?


I love the guidance y'all have provided so far!!


I really like the idea of buying the stone then letting her pick the setting but that would take away from some of the surprise effect. I like the idea of buying it from Costco and returning it if need be for her to pick something else. I will also look very seriously at platinum for the setting. I don't have a relationship with a local jeweler btw.



Regarding the issue of surprising her on a cruise...this is a big deal to me but you guys are making a ton of quality arguments against it. I've already been thinking about how I will secure it while traveling through the airport such as putting it in a travel bag that stays in my possession until we get through TSA then it goes into my pocket in some sort of a cloth bag until I present it on the ship.




Regarding insurance...I hadn't thought about that but I will certainly get a policy.



Please keep em coming thanks.

Regarding insurance, this can be as simple as adding it you your existing home policy. Much of our significant jewelry is insured this way (home insurance typically limits coverage for things like jewelry, art, collectibles so has to be detailed separately in a rider).

I'm less concerned than others about the theft/security issue - wife has traveled far and wide with expensive jewelry - she's either wearing it or its in her handbag - and the purse is never left unattended. FYI, never leave anything of really critical value in a room safe (its not actually safe in the safe). Some upscale hotels (and maybe cruise ships but I don't cruise) will let you store valuables in their central office safe.

 

[retire48in2018]

My wife has taken GIA courses and is very knowledgeable and active on many online jewelry forums.

Stone Options - low to high
1- CZ - cubic zirconium. Can easily scratch. Usually are so perfect that look fake. Not recommended for significant event

2-moissanite - almost as hard as diamond. We can send you some reputable sites. Some diamond jewelers who are so knowledgeable can not distinguish, many diamond machines can not distinguish. Good reputable stones Can be rated similar to diamonds and not distinguished visibly. My DW says one can comfortably select this option for major anniversary replacement stone.

3-lab diamonds. Same as natural earth diamonds but usually laser inscribed so that with loup it can be distinguished. Recommend to get it “flawed” or similar to a natural diamond so it is not perceived as fake (like a CZ is). For those who are not comfortable with moissanite, want a price break and/or are uncomfortable with natural diamond due to harvesting/mining methods.

4-natural diamonds. Many are uncomfortable with the mining/Conflict harvesting done globally - even if yours is not. As a global market, buying a conflict free means someone else buys the conflict diamond. #1 profit center in retail. Usually, profut is 80%+ in retail environment vs wholesalers. (Wholesalers in LA and NY districts. Best deal is use a middle man for these districts or through a reputable pawn shop)

Additionally, many get colored gem stones that cost same as #2 above

As far as white gold
-most retailers have it Rodium plated for appearance. It wears and needs to be buffed and replaced
-Stellar (and others) have alternate alloys like X1 Gold that do not need rodium plating, but like all gold - wears over time
-Platinum - wear is different and feels weightier



So overall - my DW recommends a moissanite with platinum as stating point

 

[OldShooter]

...I'm just floating this here to get some feedback on various ways of going about getting the most for my money.

Some thread drift here, TLDR, but I will tell you some of what I learned when I went through the same process you are planning. (Before synthetic diamonds existed.)

First, for really good diamonds you should be looking at "papered" stones, with pedigree papers from one of the independent labs. (Like https://www.gia.edu/) The report will describe the stone in terms of the "C" parameters including a drawing showing the cut and the internal defects/inclusions. It is not an appraisal, but it is something that your insurance company will like to see. All of the stores I shopped had small inventories of papered stones, so we just started there.

For me, clarity not carats rose to the top. A big stone with a big and visible inclusion or two (aka SI2 or lower) will not be as brilliant as a better, smaller stone. (https://www.brilliantearth.com/diamond/buying-guide/clarity/) I remember one salesman who pitched his 3 carat stone to me with the argument "You can really make a statement." Well, yes, but the statement it would have made in my mind was "I buy junk." The stone I ended up buying was 1.75 carats, VVS2. When DW walks into a jewelry store, it is like the staff has some kind of diamond radar. Her stone instantly becomes the center of attention.

So ... my advice is to look at clarity and papered stones. Buy clarity you can be proud of at whatever size you can afford.

 

[athena53]

So ... my advice is to look at clarity and papered stones. Buy clarity you can be proud of at whatever size you can afford.

Depends on what the inclusions are- a tiny black speck visible to the naked eye but way off to the side may not impair the beauty- general cloudiness definitely will.

I always looked at the cut, too. The angles have to be just right to get all the internal reflections that create the sparkle. A diamond can be cut so that the top face is bigger (to impress everyone, I guess) but the stone is shallow so the angles are wrong.

 

[ivinsfan]

OP remember you know your wife and we don't..so these are just our opinions. In no way do I think my opinion is the important one. It's just some food for thought.

 

[OldShooter]

Depends on what the inclusions are- a tiny black speck visible to the naked eye but way off to the side may not impair the beauty- general cloudiness definitely will.

You're probably right, but as a non-expert I chose to just go with the lab rating. Few inclusions=better stone. But certainly there must be gradations of SI if one wants to grade one's own diamonds.

I always looked at the cut, too. The angles have to be just right to get all the internal reflections that create the sparkle. A diamond can be cut so that the top face is bigger (to impress everyone, I guess) but the stone is shallow so the angles are wrong.

Yes. I didn't mention it but the lab report also provides commentary on the cut and identifies any negatives. There are also may flavors of cuts. That is probably a subject for discussion with the jeweler.

 

[Koolau]

I don’t buy the ‘other people won’t know the difference’ argument. I bought it for her, not other people, what they might think is a distant second consideration. A fake diamond or flawed stone for your life’s partner - really?

My WIFE is the one who insists on the "fake" instead of the real thing. She knows that "real" diamonds are not actually rare. There are vaults full of the things that will never be sold.

Here's a movie about the subject. Highly informative.

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/movies/movie-reviews/nothing-lasts-forever-review-1235090066/#!