Cancer sucks!

[kgtest]

Sister was diagnosed with stage4 colon that spread to liver. Currently undergoing eval for surgery prospect. A terrible situation indeed.

Has 3 kids, with two exes. Last ex bitterly fought and succeeded in taking her to cleaners after two year divorce battle totalling hundreds of thousands in legal fees. She still has 3 properties and a small quarter million IRA.

She is looking into a trust to protect the properties from probate...and sociopath ex #2.

Son (13) with ex#1 who is not a bad guy, is sole beneficiary (life insruance and IRA) as a manner to protect money from other two children's sociopath ex#2.

I realize things could be real bad within months, and I am helping her with her personal financial matters as my folks help her make her appointments.

I am curious and we have an attorney we can and will ask, but I wanted to hear if from the choir. What would you do to protect money intended for heirs from one of the heirs father's who has a history of negative financial actions?

Oldest is at least 5 years out from first tuition bill and her bequest is that he (along with two other daughters) has money for college if/when they need. Unfairly naming one beneficiary is not ideal as it leaves some room for negative implications to the younger two girls but does certainly protect the stash from sociopath ex#2.

Any suggestions and ideas are welcomed.

 

[kgtest]

To understand Ex#2 I will quote what he told my mom when the divorce was filed...

'I will destroy your daughter'. That was his quote to the grandma that was raising his kids while he cheated on sis.

 

[Dash man]

Definitely check with an Estate attorney to make sure state laws are followed. Do it quickly in case things turn south quickly. She should pick a trusted family member or a institutional trustee to manage the trust. She can define the conditions when money can be paid from the trust, such as college, or reaching a certain age.
Prayers for your sister and family.

 

[kgtest]

Definitely check with an Estate attorney to make sure state laws are followed. Do it quickly in case things turn south quickly. She should pick a trusted family member or a institutional trustee to manage the trust. She can define the conditions when money can be paid from the trust, such as college, or reaching a certain age.
Prayers for your sister and family.

Thabks Dash

 

[Texas Proud]

Definitely check with an Estate attorney to make sure state laws are followed. Do it quickly in case things turn south quickly. She should pick a trusted family member or a institutional trustee to manage the trust. She can define the conditions when money can be paid from the trust, such as college, or reaching a certain age.
Prayers for your sister and family.

+1 on this... one of my oldest sister's friend had stage 4 and was gone in less than 6 months, so it can be fast...

 

[NW-Bound]

What an awful news! Your sister needs professional legal help, and fast. Better get that done so she can deal with medical treatments.

People who agonize over 95% or 100% retirement success probability should keep these stories in mind.

 

[davebarnes]

Just to prepare you.
Your sister will be too tired from the chemo to do anything.
I slept all the time for 6 months.

 

[cathy63]

I'm sorry your family is having to deal with this.

I'll second the notion that she needs trusts for all 3 kids. If ex #1 is financially responsible and a decent person, he can be trustee for his son's share. For the other two, either you or your parents should be the trustees and there should be stipulations in the trust about how and when the money is distributed.

 

[Newventurer]

I am sorry to hear of this terrible situation, and while you are asking about financial advice, who will have custody of the children?

I wonder if the scumbag parent can be compelled to pay 100% support going forward or if he will find a sympathetic ear in the court (law?) to gain access to the Trust to supplement?

I hate that kids are the pawns and losers and are often the only thing angry people have to use when they are scorching the earth

 

[imoldernu]

Yeah... Dodged the bullet in 1989 with sigmoid resection surgery. Lucky... but faced with the same kind of situation at the time.

I have no advice or suggestions, but to say that throughout the years Jeanie and I have faced the same kinds of questions, not all $$$, but definitely life altering decisions, even with our own sons.

Hard to explain this, but each time it was friends that helped us though. Close friends... Sessions of pouring out the heart... what if's, so sorrys', love and being close. Long silences, maybe's, if only's, suppose we...,

Clearing the air. Understanding the what's and the why's and becoming comfortable with understanding the situation, without hate, or guilt, or self-righteousness to find a solution with which to be comfortable.

... and knowing we all make mistakes, but do our best.

 

[audreyh1]

Terrible news! I'm so sorry your family is having to go through this!

 

[Teacher Terry]

I read about a new therapy that only targets tumors and kills the cancer cells while leaving the healthy cells alone. It is experimental but being done in the states. She should ask her doctor about it. Best wishes

 

[f35phixer]

so sorry to hear this ;-(((

Stay strong, act quickly as others have said, things can happen FAST...

And to #2 lets just hope on KARMA to take its turn on him!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[powerplay]

Sending good wishes for your sister and family. Try to keep optimistic and help her and the kids as much as possible.


I have a family member who has gone through ovarian, colon, and most recently liver cancer. This is all in the last 6 years. Had surgery for the liver cancer and just finished chemo a few weeks ago. Her recent doctor visit was positive and we are hoping for good test results with the next scan in 2 months. She is early 40's and they have 3 children.

 

[38Chevy454]

Definitely get to legal help soon and pursue the trust route. I believe that will protect the assets. Not sure if an irrevocable trust for each kid is the route to take? You still need a trustee (could be OP, or another trusted person), but the irrevocable nature essentially means the money is the kid's possession, but the money can only be distributed by the trustee. So even if the kid becomes 18 legal adult age, the money is still controlled by the trustee. I think the irrevocable part would keep the bad ex #2 from ever being able to get access, even if convincing the kid that kid should liquidate the trust. Trustee keeps the control and recipient kid has no control.

 

[kgtest]

I'm sorry your family is having to deal with this.

I'll second the notion that she needs trusts for all 3 kids. If ex #1 is financially responsible and a decent person, he can be trustee for his son's share. For the other two, either you or your parents should be the trustees and there should be stipulations in the trust about how and when the money is distributed.

Good point on the one responsible father.

Thanks for the kind words everyone. Life can be humming along so good and then bam!

 

[kgtest]

Definitely get to legal help soon and pursue the trust route. I believe that will protect the assets. Not sure if an irrevocable trust for each kid is the route to take? You still need a trustee (could be OP, or another trusted person), but the irrevocable nature essentially means the money is the kid's possession, but the money can only be distributed by the trustee. So even if the kid becomes 18 legal adult age, the money is still controlled by the trustee. I think the irrevocable part would keep the bad ex #2 from ever being able to get access, even if convincing the kid that kid should liquidate the trust. Trustee keeps the control and recipient kid has no control.

This is along the lines she was hoping for here. Multiple trusts will be key since multiple fathers. I am going to try and work with her to get this going, she has just been really taking a beating and it happened all so quick. From being sort of tired to just really tired and sick, and now her lung collapsed this week doing something routine.

She is in her Chemo class now. Grrr. Thanks for the advice and well wishes everyone, truly a reminder to count your blessings daily.

 

[kgtest]

so sorry to hear this ;-(((

Stay strong, act quickly as others have said, things can happen FAST...

And to #2 lets just hope on KARMA to take its turn on him!!!!!!!!!!!

Amen to that. Honestly at one point in the divorce I thought my sis was going to end up on Dateline. It was bad, lots of cop calls. I think the stress played into this, she was a healthy gal ran track throughout high school and college, never smoked and just a very occasional drinker, not overweight.

She always had visions of ER, I feel terrible about her situation, two divorces and a bunch of legal fees later, she finds out she has cancer. Divorce was finalized about two months ago.

I can only imagine her view on ER has changed to just staying positive.

 

[Car-Guy]

What an awful news! Your sister needs professional legal help, and fast. Better get that done so she can deal with medical treatments.

People who agonize over 95% or 100% retirement success probability should keep these stories in mind.

+1

 

[Bamaman]

She should consult an attorney specializing in trusts. I would think she needs a really good Special Needs Trust setup that doles out funds for specific basic personal needs a little at a time until a set age when the balance can be paid out. This type of trust is also good when the recipients are swayed by other influences or if judgment is lacking.

 

[Dash man]

She should consult an attorney specializing in trusts. I would think she needs a really good Special Needs Trust setup that doles out funds for specific basic personal needs a little at a time until a set age when the balance can be paid out. This type of trust is also good when the recipients are swayed by other influences or if judgment is lacking.

In my experience, a Special Needs Trust is for someone that has to keep income and assets low to qualify for Federal benefits. My nephew, who has Spina Bifida, is named in a Special Needs Trust so he doesn’t lose his health care or disability benefits. I don’t believe it is relevant to the OP’s situation.

 

[simple girl]

This is along the lines she was hoping for here. Multiple trusts will be key since multiple fathers. I am going to try and work with her to get this going, she has just been really taking a beating and it happened all so quick. From being sort of tired to just really tired and sick, and now her lung collapsed this week doing something routine.

She is in her Chemo class now. Grrr. Thanks for the advice and well wishes everyone, truly a reminder to count your blessings daily.

Oh my gosh, so sorry to hear this. I also suffered a lung collapse (during port insertion). It was incredibly painful. Then you add the chemo on top after that and well it is all just so overwhelming.

She is so lucky she has you to help her handle this. Wishing you all the best.

 

[ncbill]

A trust with a trustee with the intestinal fortitude to resist any pressure from the ex is what she needs.

The trust would be the beneficiary of her assets (IRA/life insurance/etc.) of course.

 

[athena53]

In my experience, a Special Needs Trust is for someone that has to keep income and assets low to qualify for Federal benefits. My nephew, who has Spina Bifida, is named in a Special Needs Trust so he doesn’t lose his health care or disability benefits. I don’t believe it is relevant to the OP’s situation.

I agree- Bamaman's description of a trust that releases specific amounts at intervals or for specific purposes can be accomplished by a regular Revocable trust. Mine is set up to release fixed amounts to my son at defined intervals because I'm a bit concerned he'll get too generous to his church. Ruling from beyond the grave, I know. At any rate, no necessity for a Special Needs Trust just to structure payments.

 

[ivinsfan]

A trust with a trustee with the intestinal fortitude to resist any pressure from the ex is what she needs.

The trust would be the beneficiary of her assets (IRA/life insurance/etc.) of course.

OP what you do don't agree to be her trustee, nothing by trouble for you in that job. Don't feel uneasy about the money a trustee will take from the estate, you had nothing to do with creating this problem with the EX...