OP what you do don't agree to be her trustee, nothing by trouble for you in that job. Don't feel uneasy about the money a trustee will take from the estate, you had nothing to do with creating this problem with the EX...
She has actually decided to lean on my sister as the trustee which is probably best. Ex2 gets my blood boiling at even the thought of having to interact. Haven't seen him in 3 years and i'd like to keep it that way.
I have passed along all of this helpful info and it looks like before she talks to the attorney this weekend her initial train of thought is now one trust, worded so each child gets distributions at age 30.
I'm not sure if that is best, but hopefully she will have a thoughtful discussion around her personal situation with attorney.
Sis is feeling better after that collapsed lung and latest development is now surgeon eval of liver next week. Chemo alone will not win this fight.