The worst part of it all...was after all was said and done, I noticed people acted very oddly when they saw me a few weeks later. Some had the presence of mind to greet me and give me a hug, inquire about my eating and sleeping habits (I looked like hell), and say something kind about him.
Most people shifted their eyes, hemmed and hawed, and just stood there or said a quick hello and then bolted. The good old "I don't know what to say" syndrome. I cannot describe how hurtful that was to me. Just when I needed human contact the most, people failed miserably. The phone remained silent, none of my couple friends asked me over for dinner or offered to have me join them at group events, and the odd behavior in public continued. I felt very isolated.
My grief counselor and doctor told me that this was very typical behavior and had nothing to do with me, but how people deal with death. Not very well, universally. I resolved myself to getting used to being alone, more than I thought I should be at such an awful time. I managed but I will never forget how some of these people acted toward me. It was unforgivable.