Do You Like Living Alone?

[mystang52]

So nice to see a "happy ending."

 

[2HOTinPHX]

My oldest son and his wife have been happily married for 13 years. Of all my local friends they are the only happy couple. I leave most of their homes glad I don’t have to put up with that crap anymore. The only other time I lived alone was the 18 months between divorcing husband number two and living with who eventually became number 3. I thought living with someone for 6 years would test it out but I didn’t count on extreme personality changes and serial cheating.

What kind of crap are your unhappy couple friends putting up with?

 

[Markola]

My 82 yo DM recently has her own apartment in a retirement community and is happy there. She said it’s the first time in her entire life that she has had her own place!

 

[athena53]

My 82 yo DM recently has her own apartment in a retirement community and is happy there. She said it’s the first time in her entire life that she has had her own place!

I think this may be a reason many widows don't remarry. As long as finances are OK (a big "if"), for the first time in your life you aren't responsible for anyone else and don't have to worry about how to please anyone, compromise, etc. And (I may have posted this earlier), as I told my 5-year old granddaughter, *I* get the TV remote. I'm in a relationship but we cheerfully agree there will be no marriage or cohabitation, and I do a lot of volunteer work for various organizations so it's not an entirely selfish life. I'm enjoying this phase.

 

[skyking1]

My recently widowed sister lives in an apartment building, and seems to be doing well. She knows all the neighbors and their dogs. She has a dog and that brings people out to the common areas together. Being a former teacher, she knows all the children and dogs by name and visits with everyone.

 

[Chuckanut]

I have pretty much settle down to a life of ongoing bachelorhood. Until lately, I have had all my kids and grands near me, so it's been relatively easy. I have a lovely GF who also has her own paid up home. We are close enough to drive to each other's place in under 15 minutes, but far enough away that we are not under foot while doing our daily lives. So far that works for us.

Alas, the high cost of living in my area has caused the kids to move away. It's mostly housing costs on the surface. Under the surface, the high housing costs drive higher prices for everything. Hamburger flippers can easily get $15 an hour - starting wages for a beginner. A descent barista makes about $20+ an hour plus whatever goes into the tip jar. Electricians and plumber? I am sure they are well into six figures. We have one party rule in my state and that has resulted in ever increasing taxes. So one by one the kids have moved to where they can afford to set down some roots. Thankfully the oldest moved first and talked the others into following her to the same general area in the same state. I can see them all in one trip. Having recently visited the area I can see why they like it. People are friendly and enjoying their lives.

What will I do? Other than frequent visits for a week or two at a time, nothing for a while. I want to see those new roots grow deep into the new state's soil, and their lives thriving in their new location. Then, and only then, I may decide to follow them.

 

[Teacher Terry]

JD, things like lying, being financially irresponsible, the wife does all the work but doesn’t keep the husband from criticizing, don’t do anything as a couple because the husband only wants to golf and play video games, etc.

 

[Markola]

My DW never reads this forum, so I feel safe expressing myself, but YMMV. After 26 years of marriage, I’m developing a thesis for the current state of my marriage that I’d like to bounce off of the experienced folks here:

Our expectations for marriage are incorrect.

First off all, roughly half of all marriages end in divorce. That does NOT mean that the remaining half are blissful unions. So, how do we face up to the fact that the vast majority of marriages. 75% (80%? 90% or more are not blissful unions?

I’ve become curious what keeps DW and me plugging along? She says I don’t listen to her and I don’t share my feelings with her. I think she’s volatile and can’t take any responsibility for her contributions to our problems. Years and years of couples counseling have not moved our essential issues one iota.

By the way, health issues prevented us from having kids, so we do not experience children or grandchildren dynamics.

So, why do we stay together? I think it’s honestly because:

1) Financial security and lifestyle. If we divorce, we’d both be poorer, especially her. We’ve both worked hard for what we have and don’t want to go backward. This is her big one.

2) We are pretty good socially as a couple. We are fortunate to be in our late 50s and enjoy a large circle of couples friends. It is very hard to find enjoyable chemistry across so many people, and we cherish it. Some divorces have happened and, inevitably, one of the former spouses disappears from the herd. Neither of us want that, but this is an especially big one for me. And my family largely adores DW. We both avoid what’s left of her family, so mine is all she has.

3) Loneliness does not appeal to either of us. So, what happens? In my observation, divorce or widowed people our age stay single for 18 months to 3 years, find someone on the internet, and start the whole cycle toward 75%-likely-misery all over again. This cycle happened for all of our parents and all of our divorced friends. This seems pointless to me. Why would we do that if it turns out the same in the end? For the promise of a couple of years of good sex before controls and spats and silent treatments and obligations and the new person’s crazy family members stifle us again? I might be overly jaded and cynical, but BLECH. The high risk of repeating this cycle does not seem worth it.

4). Sometimes, our relationship is really pretty good. We enjoy our cats, traveling, our friends and family, eating out, watching TV, improving our house, each other’s humor, etc. Despite our many failings, we generally like and respect each other, believe it or not. I’d say we trust each other to have each other’s back, oh, 75%.

So, maybe we ought to let go of how we felt in our 20s, get clear about what we can realistically expect, and settle for good enough.
That’s my current mental model.

If you are in one of the few blissful older marriages, congrats, though I kind of don’t believe you and wonder why you’re reading this thread.

Back to the thread topic. I have considered (and considered…) whether I would be better off alone. All I can say is, so far, “no” has been the prevailing answer. But I 100% respect those who have struck out on their own and have built a satisfying life without all the downsides of committed, monogamous, live-in partnerships. Good. For. You.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

My DW never reads this forum, so I feel safe expressing myself, but YMMV. After 26 years of marriage, I’m developing a thesis for the current state of my marriage that I’d like to bounce off of the experienced folks here:

Our expectations for marriage are incorrect.

First off all, roughly half of all marriages end in divorce. That does NOT mean that the remaining half are blissful unions. So, how do we face up to the fact that the vast majority of marriages. 75% (80%? 90% or more are not blissful unions?

I’ve become curious what keeps DW and me plugging along? She says I don’t listen to her and I don’t share my feelings with her. I think she’s volatile and can’t take any responsibility for her contributions to our problems. Years and years of couples counseling have not moved our essential issues one iota.

By the way, health issues prevented us from having kids, so we do not experience children or grandchildren dynamics.

So, why do we stay together? I think it’s honestly because:

1) Financial security and lifestyle. If we divorce, we’d both be poorer, especially her. We’ve both worked hard for what we have and don’t want to go backward. This is her big one.

2) We are pretty good socially as a couple. We are fortunate to be in our late 50s and enjoy a large circle of couples friends. It is very hard to find enjoyable chemistry across so many people, and we cherish it. Some divorces have happened and, inevitably, one of the former spouses disappears from the herd. Neither of us want that, but this is an especially big one for me. And my family largely adores DW. We both avoid what’s left of her family, so mine is all she has.

3) Loneliness does not appeal to either of us. So, what happens? In my observation, divorce or widowed people our age stay single for 18 months to 3 years, find someone on the internet, and start the whole cycle toward 75%-likely-misery all over again. This cycle happened for all of our parents and all of our divorced friends. This seems pointless to me. Why would we do that if it turns out the same in the end? For the promise of a couple of years of good sex before controls and spats and silent treatments and obligations and the new person’s crazy family members stifle us again? I might be overly jaded and cynical, but BLECH. The high risk of repeating this cycle does not seem worth it.

4). Sometimes, our relationship is really pretty good. We enjoy our cats, traveling, our friends and family, eating out, watching TV, improving our house, each other’s humor, etc. We generally like and respect each other.

So, maybe we ought to let go of how we felt in our 20s, get clear about what we can realistically expect, and settle for good enough.
That’s my current mental model.

If you are in one of the few blissful older marriages, congrats, though I kind of don’t believe you and wonder why you’re reading this thread.

Back to the thread topic. I have considered (and considered…) whether I would be better off alone. All I can say is, so far, “no” has been the prevailing answer. But I 100% respect those who have struck out on their own and have built a satisfying life without all the downsides of committed, monogamous, live-in partnerships. Good. For. You.

Great post! I can relate to a lot of the points you make. I have been with my DW for about 15 years. Prior to that, I was married to the incarnate devil for almost 10 years. As you pointed out, there was about a 2 year "hiatus" between the relationships.

Is it blissful 100% of the time? Well, of course not. Even 75% of the time? Probably not. The reason(s)? Like many things in life it's not simple and even bullet point summation doesn't cover it all. Nontheless here are a few points (in no particular order of importance or otherwise) in my life:

1) While we do have disagreements, they rarely escalate to the level of arguing. IF things get that heated, we tend to scamper off (pouting, even!) and then a while later, we are totally fine again. Often, the subject won't even come back up.

2) W*rk. This is probably the BIGGEST issue for me. As a reminder, I retired at the end of 2014 but since then, I went to law school and then w*rked again for a very short period of time. DW and I have enough assets to never have to work again. We have been free to do as we will since 2015. Nonetheless, DW continues to w*rk. We have discussed this at length and basically, she is not comfortable quitting her w*rk, no matter our assets. This has me questioning the future more than anything which leads me to....

3) Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. DW has had some medical issues in the past that very well could come back...and come back in a way that would significantly alter the trajectory of our lives. I have also lost a lot of former "flyer buddies" to cancer; it's a disturbing trend and yet another reminder that tomorrow isn't guaranteed and frankly I do lose sleep over this often...BUT...

4) DW is my best friend. The best friend a guy could ask for. It's really kinda of odd. Sometimes I think we are much better friends that spouses, but ultimately, isn't that the key for having a healthy marriage? I can see myself being single, but I cannot imagine not having my DW not be my best friend. I never had this with my ex...that was, well...a disaster.

5) I am as close to DW's family as I am my own (actually closer since all my closest family are no longer around) and really can't fathom not having them in my life. That loss would be quite devastating to me. Although, I was very close to my ex's mother...she was very much a great MIL. When I heard she passed away, it was very painful...especially since we had drifted apart after the divorce. I still think about the words that went unsaid. I don't ever want to have those feelings again.

6) I could probably write 30 more bullet points, but most of you have probably stopped reading already. The bottom line is that while things aren't perfect in my marriage, they aren't that bad, either and currently, the pros outweighs the cons. But, times/people change so what happens in the end remains a mystery.

Sorry for the overshare, but I thought I would throw out my .10 worth of how thing are like for me in a marriage.

 

[Markola]

Thank you, ExFlyBoy5. Your number 4 caused me to pause, because I think it applies to us. DW often says that I’m her best friend. I think this item goes in to my bucket of “this often sucks but maybe it’s good enough.”

 

[Teacher Terry]

My second marriage was so bad that my neck was literally strangling both my arms. The neurologist told me to figure out what was wrong with my life and fix it. I also had a feeling that someone was pushing on my throat all the time. That’s a psychological symptom that immediately went away when I left him. I also dreamt that my face fell off. I looked in the mirror and had no face.

Husband # 3 was my best friend for many years and we had the most fun. We were together almost 23 years and the last 10 weren’t very good but nothing like my second one. He cheated off and on for the last 10 that I know of but also became critical and raised laziness to a art form. He made messes and I cleaned up. He also became a hoarder and I was always trying to contain it. My kids and friends loved him initially but by the end were tolerating him for me.

I do sometimes miss the fun we had and having a partner. Overall I am happier and many have commented on noticing it. I belong to a senior dining group so get to enjoy mens company with out all the baggage. A good friend of mine loves to travel and her husband doesn’t so I have a travel buddy. At 67 I am not looking and if I met someone it would definitely be have fun together but separate houses. My oldest son and his wife have been married 13 years and have a great marriage. They decided not to have kids and I read makes for more marital happiness. But I am so happy I have my kids especially now.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Thank you, ExFlyBoy5. Your number 4 caused me to pause, because I think it applies to us. DW often says that I’m her best friend. I think this item goes in to my bucket of “this often sucks but maybe it’s good enough.”

And for me, that's the rub. I have read some stuff on happiness vs. contentment and being on the search of constant happiness isn't a great choice. This isn't to say that being happy doesn't happen, but more of the good "highlights" of one's life. If we (generally speaking of all people) learned to be content in life, then that lends itself to being better...not necessarily happier, just better.

On the other side of the argument...some would say that to be "just content" is akin to not seeking a better situation or as Oprah once said, "you just camp out where you because, well...it's comfortable." That was some of the issues I had with my ex-wife. I struggled with the "failure" label that comes with a failed marriage, so I think I put way more into it than I should have...but I was almost NEVER content. These days? I am generally content and if my DW wasn't in my life, I don't know that I would be nearly as content.

I guess in simple terms, the grass might be greener on the other side, but that's often because there is more fertilizer.

 

[Koolau]

Heh, heh, just a quick "success" story about a lady we know who now "lives alone."

We have been friends with the couple for the better part of 60 years (I knew them when I was a child and was always included in their family as was all of my family.) They were that rare couple who knew everyone, helped every one, was helped by everyone, shared with everyone. I think they were married for about 65 years.

He started into an odd sort of dementia several years back. It seemed to be initiated by the other effects of his diabetes - blood clots/strokes, etc. He would seem totally rational and then suddenly mention that he was running for president or that he had just purchased a major league baseball team!

But the whole time he had dementia, he was still "himself" - the kind, wise, "father figure" and loving husband. His large family and extended family have been a real blessing as his health declined. He finally passed at about 90. I know there was some sadness and normal grief, but he died in his sleep which is what he always prayed for. His life was celebrated much more than his passing was mourned.

His wife, now almost 90 still lives in the old "home stead" (heh, heh, they've actually only lived there for about 55 years.) The kids and grandkids, in-laws and outlaws, etc. make sure she has everything and wants for nothing. We spend as much time with her on our summer sabbaticals to the midwest as we do with our "real" families.

We spent enough time with them to know they were not perfect (nor did they have the perfect marriage.) They each had a temper, could be a bit selfish about specific things, etc. IOW they were "human." But the love they shared was a demonstration of what a marriage COULD be. I wouldn't say "SHOULD" be because we're all different.

We actually try to model our marriage somewhat after them. We fail and we even do better in one area or another once in a while. But they quietly set an example and those who have followed it seem quite happy together - not ecstatic - but happy.

Just wanted to share this special love story because it IS possible though YMMV.

 

[aja8888]

Marriage #3 for me has been the best of the trio. But over the 25 years we have been together, we have grown apart (in many ways) and now DW has advanced COPD and is deteriorating quickly. I am essentially her "caretaker" since she is on O2, a dozen meds and pushing a walker all the time. Plus, the steroids have ruined her body as she has aged considerably more than me. As for me, I am in great health with no problems and very active at 78+.

Reading the recent above posts by Markola and ExFlyBoy5, I could say similar situations have existed between DW and I over the years, and we were "good friends" for many of the 25 years. But now I am married to what I see is a different woman as we don't share anything intimate, or even social, as she is not wanting to participate due to her declining health.

Her three adult children and I get along OK, and my daughter sees us as a couple, but our day to day life together is really not known to them. Sometimes I feel like I am in jail for all practical purposes.

I could live as a single person again and the odds are way in my favor that I will experience that again. But if that happens, any new women in my life will be in "just visiting" mode.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

Marriage #3 for me has been the best of the trio. But over the 25 years we have been together, we have grown apart (in many ways) and now DW has advanced COPD and is deteriorating quickly. I am essentially her "caretaker" since she is on O2, a dozen meds and pushing a walker all the time. Plus, the steroids have ruined her body as she has aged considerably more than me. As for me, I am in great health with no problems and very active at 78+.

Reading the recent above posts by Markola and ExFlyBoy5, I could say similar situations have existed between DW and I over the years, and we were "good friends" for many of the 25 years. But now I am married to what I see is a different woman as we don't share anything intimate, or even social, as she is not wanting to participate due to her declining health.

Her three adult children and I get along OK, and my daughter sees us as a couple, but our day to day life together is really not known to them. Sometimes I feel like I am in jail for all practical purposes.

I could live as a single person again and the odds are way in my favor that I will experience that again. But if that happens, any new women in my life will be in "just visiting" mode.

Your experience seems to mirror my parents, it's kinda freaky, to be honest.

Both Mom and Dad had COPD, but Dad's came on quite a bit later in life. Mom started to decline after a car accident in 2005 and died in 2013 of COPD (while also suffering from dementia that seems to really "ramp up" after the accident). The last 3 years of her life were quite a challenge for Dad, but he met the challenge. After Mom passed, he was different but seemed to be a little happier. Not happy to have "lost his wife" but that her misery had finally ended. There were more than a couple of occasions when she would ask, "why am I still alive?" It was a very trying time for Dad. In 2017, his COPD started to really get bad and most of his friends started to die which made things so much worse. He passed in 2018 a couple months shy of 91 years old. One of the last things he told me was that he looked forward to seeing Mom...he missed her terribly and hoped they could "relive the good days."

I saw them have good days and some bad days, but all in all...they were content and they leaned on each other during some very bad days and I don't think their marriage is what made them. They were one...them against the world.

 

[ls99]

Having become a widower four or so years ago, the answer is YES!

 

[aja8888]

Your experience seems to mirror my parents, it's kinda freaky, to be honest.

Both Mom and Dad had COPD, but Dad's came on quite a bit later in life. Mom started to decline after a car accident in 2005 and died in 2013 of COPD (while also suffering from dementia that seems to really "ramp up" after the accident). The last 3 years of her life were quite a challenge for Dad, but he met the challenge. After Mom passed, he was different but seemed to be a little happier. Not happy to have "lost his wife" but that her misery had finally ended. There were more than a couple of occasions when she would ask, "why am I still alive?" It was a very trying time for Dad. In 2017, his COPD started to really get bad and most of his friends started to die which made things so much worse. He passed in 2018 a couple months shy of 91 years old. One of the last things he told me was that he looked forward to seeing Mom...he missed her terribly and hoped they could "relive the good days."


I saw them have good days and some bad days, but all in all...they were content and they leaned on each other during some very bad days and I don't think their marriage is what made them. They were one...them against the world.

Thanks for the story. I can relate. I'm here with her for the duration as that's what we agreed to when we tied the knot.

My DW has said the "why am I still alive" thing as your Mom said from time to time.

 

[Out of Steam]

I've lived alone for two stretches of my life, each 3-4 years long. While I'd not have chosen to do it long-term, I was comfortable while I lived alone.

 

[Dtail]

My DGF and I are best friends. Over our 11+ years together, the relationship has mainly been very good. There were some major blow ups at times and they were quite nasty.
However, since I put a ring on it as they say (an expensive ring), our relationship has never been better, even though there won't be an official marriage for a few more years. ACA MAGI is that reason; leave it at that.
Being retired also made the relationship better and we are not together for at least 6-7 hours daily, which also probably helps.
If I was living alone, it probably would be fine, but not 100% sure.

 

[Markola]

Sometimes I feel like I am in jail for all practical purposes.

Man, this comment really stuck out and I am sure it’s true. Thank you and best wishes to you and DW.

Both of my (divorced) parents ended up as caretakers for dementia patients and other ailments. My 82 yo mother just couldn’t hack it any more physically and told her partner’s children that they had to take over, which they have, but causing a rift. My dad is 82 and is a caregiver for his partner, who has dementia and other issues. My dad is still working some as an engineer! He told me he’d screwed up lots of relationships in his life (true) and was determined not to screw this one up. His partner has Sundowners syndrome and is now up from 1:30 - 5:30 am, and my dad has to watch her, so I can’t see how all this can continue. Prison is an apt comparison.

Some needed dark humor as we’re we’re all mired in the muck: A friend’s father recently died in NJ after a bout with dementia. He’d been a successful bond trader. He literally thought he was incarcerated in the locked-down memory ward. His daughter asked him, “Well, Dad, why do you think you are in prison?” He replied, “Oh, because of the securities fraud.”

His daughter stuck her fingers in her ears and went “LALALALALA…”

 

[aja8888]

Man, this comment really stuck out and I am sure it’s true. Thank you and best wishes to you a d DW.

Both of my (divorced) parents ended up as caretakers for dementia patients and other ailments. My 82 yo mother just couldn’t hack it any more physically and told her partner’s children that they had to take over, which they have, but causing a rift. My dad is 82 and is a caregiver for his partner, who has dementia and other issues. My dad is still working some as an engineer! He told me he’d screwed up lots of relationships in his life (true) and was determined not to screw this one up. His partner has Sundowners syndrome and is now up from 1:30 - 5:30 am, and my dad has to watch her, so I can’t see how all this can continue. Prison is an apt comparison.

Some needed dark humor as we’re we’re all mired in the muck: A friend’s father recently died in NJ after a bout with dementia. He’d been a successful bond trader. He literally thought he was incarcerated in the locked-down memory ward. His daughter asked him, “Well, Dad, why do you think you are in prison?” He replied, “Oh, because of the securities fraud.”

His daughter stuck her fingers in her ears and went “LALALALALA…”

Thanks for the best wishes, it's a struggle at some times.

For anyone here posting about tough times, here's a book that will give you something to think about: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End
Gawande, Atul

 

[Letj]

My DW never reads this forum, so I feel safe expressing myself, but YMMV. After 26 years of marriage, I’m developing a thesis for the current state of my marriage that I’d like to bounce off of the experienced folks here:

Our expectations for marriage are incorrect.

First off all, roughly half of all marriages end in divorce. That does NOT mean that the remaining half are blissful unions. So, how do we face up to the fact that the vast majority of marriages. 75% (80%? 90% or more are not blissful unions?

I’ve become curious what keeps DW and me plugging along? She says I don’t listen to her and I don’t share my feelings with her. I think she’s volatile and can’t take any responsibility for her contributions to our problems. Years and years of couples counseling have not moved our essential issues one iota.

By the way, health issues prevented us from having kids, so we do not experience children or grandchildren dynamics.

So, why do we stay together? I think it’s honestly because:

1) Financial security and lifestyle. If we divorce, we’d both be poorer, especially her. We’ve both worked hard for what we have and don’t want to go backward. This is her big one.

2) We are pretty good socially as a couple. We are fortunate to be in our late 50s and enjoy a large circle of couples friends. It is very hard to find enjoyable chemistry across so many people, and we cherish it. Some divorces have happened and, inevitably, one of the former spouses disappears from the herd. Neither of us want that, but this is an especially big one for me. And my family largely adores DW. We both avoid what’s left of her family, so mine is all she has.

3) Loneliness does not appeal to either of us. So, what happens? In my observation, divorce or widowed people our age stay single for 18 months to 3 years, find someone on the internet, and start the whole cycle toward 75%-likely-misery all over again. This cycle happened for all of our parents and all of our divorced friends. This seems pointless to me. Why would we do that if it turns out the same in the end? For the promise of a couple of years of good sex before controls and spats and silent treatments and obligations and the new person’s crazy family members stifle us again? I might be overly jaded and cynical, but BLECH. The high risk of repeating this cycle does not seem worth it.

4). Sometimes, our relationship is really pretty good. We enjoy our cats, traveling, our friends and family, eating out, watching TV, improving our house, each other’s humor, etc. Despite our many failings, we generally like and respect each other, believe it or not. I’d say we trust each other to have each other’s back, oh, 75%.

So, maybe we ought to let go of how we felt in our 20s, get clear about what we can realistically expect, and settle for good enough.
That’s my current mental model.

If you are in one of the few blissful older marriages, congrats, though I kind of don’t believe you and wonder why you’re reading this thread.

Back to the thread topic. I have considered (and considered…) whether I would be better off alone. All I can say is, so far, “no” has been the prevailing answer. But I 100% respect those who have struck out on their own and have built a satisfying life without all the downsides of committed, monogamous, live-in partnerships. Good. For. You.

Excellent post! I think you’ve nailed it for most couples. People stay married for a myriad of reasons - family, money, friends, community, pride, religion, etc but doesn’t mean they’re happy. My friend who has owned a very successful counseling business counseling almost exclusively very rich people told me that 90% of couples are unhappy/unfulfilled. I am convinced that for most of us, the people we chose as partners in our youths, wouldn’t be our choice in our 50s and that’s for good reason. If you’re too discerning in your youth, how and when will you reproduce? Nature has designed us this way. What matters to you in your 50s and beyond change a whole lot. If you are lucky enough to find someone that works for you your whole life, more power to you. I was really opposed to divorce in my youth, having been raised in a pretty conservative fashion. Now, I think divorce can be the best thing if it provides you with the fulfillment and freedom you’re looking for. Life is short.

 

[Dtail]

Excellent post! I think you’ve nailed it for most couples. People stay married for a myriad of reasons - family, money, friends, community, pride, religion, etc but doesn’t mean they’re happy. My friend who has owned a very successful counseling business counseling almost exclusively very rich people told me that 90% of couples are unhappy/unfulfilled. I am convinced that for most of us, the people we chose as partners in our youths, wouldn’t be our choice in our 50s and that’s for good reason. If you’re too discerning in your youth, how and when will you reproduce? Nature has designed us this way. What matters to you in your 50s and beyond change a whole lot. If you are lucky enough to find someone that works for you your whole life, more power to you. I was really opposed to divorce in my youth, having been raised in a pretty conservative fashion. Now, I think divorce can be the best thing if it provides you with the fulfillment and freedom you’re looking for. Life is short.

Divorce can be the best thing, but yeah can also be very expensive.
Between the house and cash payments, it cost me 577k. It would have been more, but 2008 was the only year there were no bonuses.

 

[Letj]

Divorce can be the best thing, but yeah can also be very expensive.

Between the house and cash payments, it cost me 577k. It would have been more, but 2008 was the only year there were no bonuses.

It’s often better to work out differences to save your finances and your family, if you have one. Sometimes the differences are insurmountable but people choose to live in misery instead (to everyone their own).

 

[aja8888]

It’s often better to work out differences to save your finances and your family, if you have one. Sometimes the differences are insurmountable but people choose to live in misery instead (to everyone their own).

Hard to do that sometimes. And sometimes you don't have that choice.