Do You Visit Relative's Gravesites?

[MarieIG]

Yes, but not as often as I would like. DH takes me now. The cemetery is huge and I could not find the plot(s) myself. (Directions are not my strong point.)

DF would take me to visit his family plot from time to time. He liked to visit old cemeteries in general (for historical information), and his family plot was no exception. My great-grandfather (from Sweden) bought the plot since he lost his wife and children (other than my grandmother) quite young.

DF told me that his father was the first Catholic in that area, and that at the time, "permission" had to be obtained to bury him there. (I don't know from whom permission was required.) My DM and DF were buried there. DF's siblings "signed off" on the plots going to them - and after DF passed the cemetery recorded my name and the names of my children. (I have a deed floating around somewhere.)

When I visited with DF, I recall him stomping around looking for a plot for me. If I am buried there, I expect that I (or DH) would be the last one(s).

 

[pacergal]

I stop by every couple of months not to visit them. I know their souls are not there but this is where we laid to rest my wonderful parents who left me nothing of this world’s treasure but their memory is something I cherish. It’s with a heart full of gratitude for the heritage they left me. Thank God for their lives so well lived!

What a nice sentiment and wonderful tribute to your folks.

 

[crazyfordlr]

I'm a donor and am looking into donating the rest to a medical school. Creamate whats left and dig a little hole behind the church.

Both my parents did this! My mom's plan/agreement was to be donated to the local medical school. But when she died they didn't need any cadavers, so they asked if we would allow her to be donated to the dental school. Dad and I laughed maniacally and said yes! Why laugh? She only had 4 of her own teeth. It was explained to us that dentists study all the ligaments, muscles, nerves, etc from the waist up!

Dad had the same arrangement with the medical school. But when he passed away his body was too diseased for regular academic study. The school referred me to a research facility that only needed tissue samples. They were amazing!

Both remains were cremated and returned to me. My mom is still in the cardboard box, but in the columbarium niche in the town I grew up. Dad is in my closet because I have no reason to go back to Oklahoma other than to inter him. I will do that some day.

I want to be cremated and scattered. Dh wants to be cremated and interred. His parents in at Punch Bowl National Cemetery on Oahu, the island they were born and raised. I think he wants to be interred there because many family members are on Oahu and he's a veteran. But, like a previous poster commented, it's potentially very far away and we don't want to burden our children. IDK we need to decide soon and just be done with it.

 

[Sojourner]

Yesterday, on a whim, I stopped by to find the graves of a few folks I knew as a kid in the cemetery near my childhood home (I was in the area for other reasons). There was one in particular—the mother of a friend of mine in grade school—that I really wanted to see again. She was murdered in a gruesome fashion, and I remember that having a huge impact on me, my family, and our community. I did find her grave, and I stood there looking down and thinking about that whole chapter of my life for several minutes. Just seeing her name and the dates on the marker was so moving. It was a very real and tangible reminder of the fragility of life and the passage of time. It's for reasons like this that I do find myself drawn to graves of family and friends from time to time.

 

[Jeffman52]

My MIL and FIL are buried within walking distance from our house. We visit regularly.

 

[Rocket Man]

DW’s parents and extended family and my parents, brother and extended family are buried in different cemeteries about 60 miles in opposite directions from where we live. We place artificial flowers on the graves prior to Memorial Day and Christmas. We both grew up in families that did this. We are Christians, so we do not go looking for the living in a grave. No tears. Just a small way of remembering and paying our respect to our families. As I get older and have more interest in genealogy, I enjoy visiting the cemeteries. We sometimes stop by the cemeteries when we are in the towns for other matters.

 

[Pineapple13]

Think outside the box

This is a great thread and a good thing to consider especially with the high cost of traditional funerals and cemeteries going under (forgive the pun) from the rise in popularity of cremation. It is quite the expense supported by a traditional business sales model. A funeral/burial can be very individualized and meaningful. One of my best friends died and left me in charge with a notebook of her wishes. Based on what she wanted, I had her cremated, and some of her scattered from a small plane over the airport where she learned to fly and along a walking path we used to walk before she lost the ability to walk. I found bible verses she highlighted in her bible so I weaved those into a scattering ceremony I created. We had a memorial party and displayed her art work for her friends to take and enjoy (she was a photographer and artist). Whole thing cost about $1200. Here is where I added my own tribute to her. I commissioned an urn from an artist in New Mexico (my friend loved it there) and had her favorite spirit animals painted on it. I divvied up the rest of her cremains into silk bags and asked friends who wanted a piece of her to take her and if they would like, scatter her where they would want to honor her. She is now in the Rio Grande river, in a sacred Hawaiian volcano, at Fort Pickens to see the Blue Angels practice, in a tomato garden, in the rose garden of an art museum, scattered from a hot air balloon, and runs every marathon along with a friend. I will ask my loved ones what they would like to see done with me. Maybe they don't want to visit a grave but prefer to visit and honor me in another way that is most meaningful to them.

 

[Sanbenito1]

I live an hour away, so I go regularly. I am Hispanic and I think it’s more important culturally for us. I maintain succulents, flowers and fruit trees around many relatives graves, as do many of the other Portuguese and Latino families. It’s a good time to reflect on my own mortality. Frankly, I don’t understand people who don’t pay their respects when they can, but again, cultural upbringing probably plays a large part.

 

[Mr._Graybeard]

This is a little off topic, but cemeteries can be a great historical resource. My great uncle and aunt are interred at this one, which has some illustrious figures whose names you may know.
https://foresthomecemetery.com/dignitaries/

 

[Dash man]

A few years back my wife and I would go to some of the old cemeteries in our area of SE PA looking for ancestors. I had ancestors that were prominent landowners in the pre revolutionary war years. It was fun searching and seeing some interesting engravings on some of those old headstones.

 

[Souschef]

My family have a large plot in a cemetery in the middle of New Jersey. I live on the West Coast. The only time I have been there were for my parent's funerals.
After my wife passed away and was cremated, I called the office of her family's plot in Pittsburgh to find out the cost of her being interred with her parents. By the time they added up all the costs, it was well over $1K and that did not include my cost of flying there, etc.


My late wife's ashes were scattered by me in a kayak past the breakwater of Channel Islands harbor, near a place we celebrated our anniversary every year. I have the GPS coordinates with instructions that where I want to be scattered.

 

[pdxgal]

I just did that last month for the first time ever. I was also the first member of my family who ever visited that grave.

Interesting story. My uncle was shot down and killed in WW II, and his remains were given a full military burial by the local town. Even though they were later dug up and reinterred at the American military cemetery in Normandy after the war, the town still maintains his gravesite as an honored memorial, even including his name on the marker. So he's one of a very few who actually have two gravesites in Europe.

I have always wanted to visit, just as a way of thanking the folks there for their kindness by spending a little money there. It was kind of emotional, and I'm glad I did it. Talking to the locals, I was very impressed at how many of them were well aware of it and still very grateful for the fact that they ended the war on our side.

What a lovely story @braumeister, touched my heart.