Failure to launch adult children

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Okay, warning here, can be brutal, no beating around the bush! Nicety is not needed, can be a blinder.
In my career, I interviewed and hired many people, all professional people. From seniors in Universities nearing graduation, to people with a couple years experience, to experienced folks. I also participated, to a lesser extent, in helping hire people for areas that I did not have responsibility for.

My take from what information has been presented:
1) The applicant has chosen a field of study and occupational area that has a surplus of applicants.
2) Five years not in the position of really using the degree, equals staleness. I expect that most resume reviewers would pick someone with little to no time not in the field, especially starting out!
3) Good chance the applicant does not interview well.

FWIW, here are some interviewing and hiring considerations that I think are pretty common among professional positions:

A) Track record. For people who are graduating, have they even held a job before that they had to show up for work on time, get along with other people, and work for a boss?

For applicants after graduation, like a year or more later, what have they done in the time since graduating? If they have not been gainfully employed in their major, what and why? This is a major test!

B) Interviewing. Look at it from the interviewer's perspective - A Personnel Manager (many many years ago!) gave me a critical piece of advice: "Telly, don't hire a problem. If you think you need a problem, then develop one internally, if you're not doing that already :D" But he was serious. An interview, even among multiple interviewers when the applicant is in, is the only look we get. If we have any doubts, it's best to pass.

C) Advanced degree? Then advanced capabilities are expected. Not just a school promise of it because of the degree's letters. What can you do for us above and beyond a person with a Bachelors degree? Applicant needs to convince the interviewer, with data/experience that will stick. Expect that the interviewer will talk about the interview internally to someone else. The best way to know if you know something, and are on solid ground, is if you can describe or teach it to someone else. If the interviewer relates the interview to another, cracks can appear in relating it. Cracks are not good!

It's easy to make a decision to hire someone... and it's a mess to get rid of them if they don't work out. So there is a critical balance going on, or should be.

Though exempt at-will positions may lead someone to think that getting rid of people is easy, it isn't. The threat of lawsuits and possible bad press makes it a long, documented, hassled road. I know, I had to do it with some internal transfers that I "acquired". Those cases were really other managers taking the opportunity to dump their problems on others, saw the opportunity to do so, and dumped! The hiring managers made some poor hiring choices on some of these, regretted it, wanted to get rid of them without doing all the work and "looking like a bad guy". The take-away here, is if your not real sure about the applicant, pass. Nothing is 100%. Unfortunately, even some what appeared to be "good hires" do not pan out over time. So don't want to front-end load with problems!

A poor-interview situation -- A person I knew at a Megacorp had an adult son at home. He was going to school, slowly, Father was concerned about him. All his other kids were more self-starters. This one was very quiet and unassuming. Father asked me if I would be interested mock-interviewing his son. I said I would, after hours. Father got the paperwork filled out to get the son a visitors badge. I interviewed him, including giving a tour of my area. It was like a real interview, but unlike a real, others that worked for me did not interview him, and no one took him out to lunch. (Yes, lunch serves a purpose, with the right person taking the applicant out).

The problem was readily apparent - I knew (from outside) that he was a "good kid". He arrived with a suit, with proper demeanor, but was a quiet lump. I have no doubt that he listened well, but his constant quiet mannerisms did not give me any real positives that he would work out, not only with other people that he would directly work with, but to communicate with people he did not know in other parts of the company, needed to do the job. He was wallflower-ish. He never really asked any questions, not even when touring the labs. So, if this was a real interview, what incentive would I have to hire him? None.
When the mock interview was over, I (nicely) explained to him what I was looking for in an interview. He nodded his head. I gave him some pointers, some things to think about. He STILL did not ask any questions! His father never asked me anything about what I found. I think he was happy that I was willing to do it. I know for at least a few years later, his son was not working in his field, and still living at home. You can lead a horse to water...

I'm just scraping the surface here, just some high points. In many cases, I don't expect parents to be a good judge of what goes on. They are too close, and emotionally involved with the "applicant". Getting a truly impartial person with hiring experience involved to give feedback may help. Or it may not. Either way, don't argue with results from the person asked to do it!
 
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Music has been my on-again-off-again side hustle since I was in college so I know a lot of full-time players. Making a living as a musician is very challenging and few musicians I know have full-time jobs in their field. Those that do developed musical bonafides outside of education before becoming educators; and one in particular - who is a Grammy winning composer - is having lots of challenges in becoming tenured because of the internal politics and prejudices of his department. I'm sure the competition for new jobs in this field is fierce, since most musicians have families and few musicians receive a benefits package. Most musicians I know who do it full-time make their living with a combination of performing, and private lessons.
Music is not a priority in anyone's education budget these days. One would imagine there are a lot more skilled musicians with education degrees than there are positions to be filled. It seems like all things being equal, persistence, staying musically active and relevant, and networking are the primary ingredients for success, and even that's no guarantee.
If he wants to pick something up in music quickly, he might approach one of the music school franchises out there - it's a relatively new thing that is becoming a popular after-school activity for some kids. It's actually very cool. There are a couple of big ones, School of Rock, and Bach to Rock, which have locations all over the country and even around the world. Their franchises are always looking for musicians and maybe their head offices might be looking too.
 
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We have considered that possibility, so it is not off topic. But male school teachers are a rarity except in music.

I think it is the competitive issue in Pennsylvania. They graduate too many music ed majors. This is sad, because DS has an insane amount of music knowledge.

.......

He would love to live near the mountains for winter sports, but most states want you to have 3 years teaching experience before you can get a license within the state. He looked into Colorado years ago and that was the case there. He has applied all over the state (PA). It's harder to get a school teacher's license than a physician's license in most states. Even quacks seem to be able to get medical licenses, unfortunately.


Honestly, this is what I was thinking when I read the original post.

Supply vs. Demand

There is very limited demand for this skill. How many schools are there in the US...100K? And all of them don't have music programs. Maybe 75K jobs?

And as another poster suggested, these are close to "jobs for life". I bet less than 2K jobs become available in any given year. The competition is intense...which means how much one knows about music is likely only a table stake and not nearly sufficient to get a job.

Interview skills, online music portfolio, networking...its all got to be great or you'll never crack in. I bet networking is at the top of the pile. If you don't know or find a way to impress the president of the PTA, you're probably sunk. There was a point in time where my DW could have dropped a pretty solid "no" vote on teaching candidates. She wouldn't/didn't do that...but she could have.

As someone else suggested, the "stale" resume is really a killer by now.

Not to be harsh but I once saw Warren Buffett riff on the "importance of giving up." He mentioned that when he was young he really wanted to be a basketball player. He was good...but not that good. He pointed out how important it was that he gave up on that and moved onto something else.

I have two daughters who are studying very hard. If they can't get into their fields a few years from now, it will be gut wrenching. But it might be reality.

Perhaps your son try to row in a related direction but more full time in his space. Can he find work in creating music for media? Can he work in an advertising agency that needs to select music? Can he become a salesperson for a music related company?

Or should music become a hobby and not a calling? We have thousands of salespeople in our company. None of them have a degree in selling. But most of them make quite good livings.

Best of luck. I really hope he finds a stable path soon.
 
Would he consider national-level government?

During my Federal management career, I noticed many of my most successful peers were ex-educators. They tend to have self-discipline and people skills. Most important, they have outstanding ability to explain complex concepts to people who have power, but no background in those concepts (e.g. policy makers and members of Congress)

Many achieve high ranks, with challenging, meaningful work and steady, if not terribly high pay. Perhaps equivalent to that of a senior professor, with far less time off, but no "publish or perish" requirement.

Anyway, just a thought. He would still need to get through interviews, plus it would probably mean having to move.
 
COnsider retraining to be a regular academic teacher of some type. Male teachers are hard to come by and middle and HS schools especially want them. I wouldnt hold out another 5 years for a perfect Music Ed job that may never come. Retrain in something, related or unrelated.
 
What teaching majors are in demand in DS's desired geography? Based on his transcripts, what majors does he have the most credit hours in, like math, history, english, etc.? Put the two lists side-by-side and let DS select another minor or major degree to obtain. My guess, it'll take at most 2 years. Find some large school(s) nearby with a music teacher/band director/choir director/etc. that is near retirement. Get in the door with the new minor/major. Volunteer and become the soon to retire music teachers "right hand man".
 
Most all colleges/universities require a semester of student teaching so the students gets an good idea of what real life will be. It also provides a vehicle for networking the system. The schools also provide counseling for how to job search, how to interview, and how to network.


Most schools either have only 1 music teacher or share the teacher with other schools in the district and the teachers typically are there for the long haul. Jobs are much more difficult to find than a Math, Chemistry or Biology teaching job.


Like job searching for any other employment you find more availability the wider your search circle becomes.



If he isn't making substitute teaching his part time work load he would be well advised to start. Substitute teaching, gives you recent experience, keeps you in the loop, allows you to experience different schools, meet more administrators, and learn where there may be future openings.


Is his teaching certificate still in effect? If his teaching certificate doesn't include any other disciplines then it would not take long to take the courses necessary to obtain a more desirable certification. It could have been done taking courses part time for a few semesters 3-4 years ago. It isn't too late to start.



Both my wife and I speak from experience as we started our careers as well as when making changes to better teaching environments.


Cheers!
 
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What teaching majors are in demand in DS's desired geography? Based on his transcripts, what majors does he have the most credit hours in, like math, history, english, etc.? Put the two lists side-by-side and let DS select another minor or major degree to obtain. My guess, it'll take at most 2 years. Find some large school(s) nearby with a music teacher/band director/choir director/etc. that is near retirement. Get in the door with the new minor/major. Volunteer and become the soon to retire music teachers "right hand man".

I can guarantee you that any larger school with retirement age music teachers has several replacements waiting in the wings..and in fact this could be a big reason he isn't getting callbacks. The interviews are for show.
 
Have an experienced interviewer provide him with a mock interview. It would seem like coaching skills might be needed.
Plus the concept of not finding anything in 5 years feeds on itself negatively, in that interviewers might wonder why he can't find work in 5 years. Kind of like folks who have been laid off are typically not on an even playing field with ones interviewing who currently are working.
 
He's applying to small rural schools too. In fact most of the school districts here are rather small.

I think a couple of posters are correct. It appears like a time gap. It was hard to find jobs-he's licensed in both Virginia where he went to school and Pennsylvania. The career counseling office at his college did a very poor job researching how to find teaching jobs. You want to look on every school district website in a state to find a job? That's a full time job for weeks and weeks. It took awhile to find job boards in PA. There are three. One of them emails a list each week, but many are outdated. Another one does not list most of the jobs, PA REAP. The Pennsyvania Music Educators Association has a jobs board, but very few jobs are listed.
There are a lot more jobs available this year due to Covid-many teachers quit or retired. And several teachers he knows through community networking have said that sometimes the school districts sit on the applications until the last minute.

DS did substitute teaching for a year, but it wasn't a good organization and some of the positions were pretty far away. He discovered he really couldn't handle kindergartners. He then went back for his masters, took a graduate course in classroom management, and also has done some private teaching, while working the hospital job. He's found another company that gets substitute teachers for the local schools. There are a number of long term sub positions available, which may work out best. Music teachers get an extra stipend for substitute teaching, since they have an extra skill set.
 
Okay, warning here, can be brutal, no beating around the bush! Nicety is not needed, can be a blinder.
In my career, I interviewed and hired many people, all professional people. From seniors in Universities nearing graduation, to people with a couple years experience, to experienced folks. I also participated, to a lesser extent, in helping hire people for areas that I did not have responsibility for.

My take from what information has been presented:
1) The applicant has chosen a field of study and occupational area that has a surplus of applicants.
2) Five years not in the position of really using the degree, equals staleness. I expect that most resume reviewers would pick someone with little to no time not in the field, especially starting out!
3) Good chance the applicant does not interview well.

FWIW, here are some interviewing and hiring considerations that I think are pretty common among professional positions:

A) Track record. For people who are graduating, have they even held a job before that they had to show up for work on time, get along with other people, and work for a boss?

For applicants after graduation, like a year or more later, what have they done in the time since graduating? If they have not been gainfully employed in their major, what and why? This is a major test!

B) Interviewing. Look at it from the interviewer's perspective - A Personnel Manager (many many years ago!) gave me a critical piece of advice: "Telly, don't hire a problem. If you think you need a problem, then develop one internally, if you're not doing that already :D" But he was serious. An interview, even among multiple interviewers when the applicant is in, is the only look we get. If we have any doubts, it's best to pass.

C) Advanced degree? Then advanced capabilities are expected. Not just a school promise of it because of the degree's letters. What can you do for us above and beyond a person with a Bachelors degree? Applicant needs to convince the interviewer, with data/experience that will stick. Expect that the interviewer will talk about the interview internally to someone else. The best way to know if you know something, and are on solid ground, is if you can describe or teach it to someone else. If the interviewer relates the interview to another, cracks can appear in relating it. Cracks are not good!

It's easy to make a decision to hire someone... and it's a mess to get rid of them if they don't work out. So there is a critical balance going on, or should be.

Though exempt at-will positions may lead someone to think that getting rid of people is easy, it isn't. The threat of lawsuits and possible bad press makes it a long, documented, hassled road. I know, I had to do it with some internal transfers that I "acquired". Those cases were really other managers taking the opportunity to dump their problems on others, saw the opportunity to do so, and dumped! The hiring managers made some poor hiring choices on some of these, regretted it, wanted to get rid of them without doing all the work and "looking like a bad guy". The take-away here, is if your not real sure about the applicant, pass. Nothing is 100%. Unfortunately, even some what appeared to be "good hires" do not pan out over time. So don't want to front-end load with problems!

A poor-interview situation -- A person I knew at a Megacorp had an adult son at home. He was going to school, slowly, Father was concerned about him. All his other kids were more self-starters. This one was very quiet and unassuming. Father asked me if I would be interested mock-interviewing his son. I said I would, after hours. Father got the paperwork filled out to get the son a visitors badge. I interviewed him, including giving a tour of my area. It was like a real interview, but unlike a real, others that worked for me did not interview him, and no one took him out to lunch. (Yes, lunch serves a purpose, with the right person taking the applicant out).

The problem was readily apparent - I knew (from outside) that he was a "good kid". He arrived with a suit, with proper demeanor, but was a quiet lump. I have no doubt that he listened well, but his constant quiet mannerisms did not give me any real positives that he would work out, not only with other people that he would directly work with, but to communicate with people he did not know in other parts of the company, needed to do the job. He was wallflower-ish. He never really asked any questions, not even when touring the labs. So, if this was a real interview, what incentive would I have to hire him? None.
When the mock interview was over, I (nicely) explained to him what I was looking for in an interview. He nodded his head. I gave him some pointers, some things to think about. He STILL did not ask any questions! His father never asked me anything about what I found. I think he was happy that I was willing to do it. I know for at least a few years later, his son was not working in his field, and still living at home. You can lead a horse to water...

I'm just scraping the surface here, just some high points. In many cases, I don't expect parents to be a good judge of what goes on. They are too close, and emotionally involved with the "applicant". Getting a truly impartial person with hiring experience involved to give feedback may help. Or it may not. Either way, don't argue with results from the person asked to do it!


This is spot on.

It mirrors my experience as a hiring manager and as a General Manager.
 
You know sometimes you are just in the wrong place, at the wrong time, in the wrong field. The OP and her son do realize that sometimes it just won't work.



This young man sounds fully invested, smart, is working two jobs, has a masters including classroom management skills. . You all assuming he doesn't interview well are getting that from nothing.
 
Not assuming he does not interview well. But something is amiss IMHO

Not certain how many job interviews he has had.

But NOT having even one second interview raises multiple red flags. His CV gets him the first interview. That is where the 'cut' takes place. He needs to understand why he is being cut. This is when the 'no' occurs.

Why is another reason that cannot be answered on this forum.

Only he can take the steps required to change his situation.
 
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EWgal, we are very rural and had one full time band teacher and one music choir teacher...


The band teacher has been here since the early 70's and will retire here.


The choir teacher was here for about 45 plus years. We have a part time choir elementary teacher, who waited 20 years for the HS choir lady to retire. Older choir lady has her DH die and filed and pulled her retirement papers at least twice.



After 20 plus years the part time teacher moved to the senior high. So since the early 70's our school district had one part time position open.


Some people saying your son has deficiencies have no idea how tough this is. Is your boy perfect probably not but sometimes the deck is stacked against you.
 
Not assuming he does not interview well. But something is amiss IMHO

Not certain how many job interviews he has had.

But NOT having even one second interview raises multiple red flags.

Why is another reason that cannot be answered on this forum.

Only he can take the steps required to change his situation.




I disagree on the red flags but very likely this young man, through no fault of his own will not be able to make his way as a music educator in a public school system.
 
EWgal, we are very rural and had one full time band teacher and one music choir teacher...


The band teacher has been here since the early 70's and will retire here.


The choir teacher was here for about 45 plus years. We have a part time choir elementary teacher, who waited 20 years for the HS choir lady to retire. Older choir lady has her DH die and filed and pulled her retirement papers at least twice.



After 20 plus years the part time teacher moved to the senior high. So since the early 70's our school district had one part time position open.


Some people saying your son has deficiencies have no idea how tough this is. Is your boy perfect probably not but sometimes the deck is stacked against you.

I assume that these interviews were conducted to fill a current or pending position. Reviewing CV's, interviewing candidates costs money. I cannot imagine a school or school district doing it simple on a whim.
 
I assume that these interviews were conducted to fill a current or pending position. Reviewing CV's, interviewing candidates costs money. I cannot imagine a school or school district doing it simple on a whim.

No they do it to meet legal requirements but very often have the replacement person already waiting in the wings. My post you quoted is a perfect example.
 
My career was in IT. I worked with many people who had great education and skills in this subject matter who couldn't find work in the music field. Best wishes.
 
My career was in IT. I worked with many people who had great education and skills in this subject matter who couldn't find work in the music field. Best wishes.

I think this young man will do well in life ,but maybe not as a music teacher
 
There is hope

I read you post and want to share this, posted elsewhere about my son:

And then there are cases like DS, the subsistence musician (heavy metal drummer:facepalm:.) He went to college and got his music degree against my advice. but with my support as he was always serious & diligent about his music practice. This was painful to me, his NASA dad as he was really good at math & science. Amazingly AFAIK only 5% of those with a music degree get a job doing music. He has struggled and lived for 7 years after graduating in the same house from college days shared with other various students/struggling music/art/entertainment 'kids'. A couple years back his band did a week long road trip and after paying van rental, junk food costs and sleeping with friends and occasional cheap motel, they had all of $140 left. So I went to console him a bit and see that he is happy, really happy, seriously happy. Said it was so good he did not want to return. He works diligently ALL the time, gives lessons, plays in a Sunday church gig since it pays and doesn't conflict with band gigs. He plays weddings and anything he can get. He has a decent resume yet I know he only has medical coverage because of MediCal/medicaid. As a HS kid he was serious about music and would wake up and write music, stop along the road visiting his brother to write music. So I didn't want to squash his impulse but was hoping that he would channel his diligence into some better paying field. Now the good news, he has had a girl friend for 2+years and they plan to get married next year! And she is an intelligent, articulate attorney. Really grounded gal, told her dad to skip the wedding costs and make it a house deposit fund. They have survived COVID pandemic constraints, lived with her folks for 4 months, and Burning Man, I think this is going to work. As a trained musician in the LA area he can survive indefinitely, now the future is looking better from my (hopefully grandparent) perspective.
 
Who is the hiring manager for this position? Is it the school principal? How many of these folks has your DS reached out to, and even better, talked to face-to-face?

What's the most common pathway for people to end up as music teachers? Can your son get on that path?

Are there any opportunities to volunteer in music teaching, just to help keep the resume fresh (and show his enthusiasm + commitment)?

The only thing that I would suggest based on what I've read is to talk to DS about being more forward/pushy/extroverted about his approach to this job search. I just have the impression it's a passive search, as if he's waiting for something to come drop in his lap. My perspective may not be accurate, it's just how I'm absorbing the written words here.
 
My career was in IT. I worked with many people who had great education and skills in this subject matter who couldn't find work in the music field. Best wishes.

Ditto.
 
+1

In addition, I did not see mention of any "network" he has built up through his school - with old professors, fellow students, etc. - that could help him with potential leads. Working with his college's career office (hopefully they have a good one) might be able to help. For example, my college set up a network where one could be available to speak to students and other alumns interested in your field. It has helped to build contact networks that can leads to additional job opportunities.

Also, if he is doing private teaching, are any of his students or the families willing to be references for him?

Finally, this is a world where one must use the internet to market oneself in competitive fields. Has he considered using YouTube to publish short videos of his skills, has a blog, perform music in volunteer situations (like community organizations), etc.



Excellent ideas.
 
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