Family Traditions That Fade Away

[Bamaman]

In the Deep South, the Sunday before Memorial Day is a big time to change out all the flowers in cemeteries. You can see a new sea of plastic flowers.

I drove by one cemetery the other day, and they have a big pavilion used by relatives for Sunday picnics.

 

[JoeWras]

Huge party/reception for 25th wedding anniversary, complete with gifts, usually of silver plated stuff. Basically a second wedding.

Now very rare these days at 25. It is more likely at 40 or 50, but almost always specifies no gifts.

I'm currently trying to sell off some of my parents 25th anniversary gifts. Nobody wants a silver plated trinket. Nevertheless, it does help me recall that mid 70s blow out mom and dad had

 

[Ronstar]

MIL used to host Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Easter dinners. Now DW does 2, SIL does 1. DW/I and SIL/BIL have no kids, and nieces/ nephews have been staying home or going elsewhere lately. So I expect these gatherings to end at some point.

 

[Badger]

I grew up in a small military family. Lots of moving around the country and overseas. My wife has never said anything about her family having traditions. The few relatives that I only met a couple of times are long gone as well as both sets of parents. So no traditions. No holiday celebrations. Just memories of Christmas past, memories of my childhood, and the places where we lived. I will be the last one other than a sister that lives 500 miles a way. Once I am gone there will be no one to come to my gravesite except for my wife and she doesn't like to be reminded of mortality and is more comfortable living in the present. But that is life. It has been a full one and there are no regrets.



Cheers!

 

[kcowan]

Grandmas grave has not been visited since 1965. Mom and Dads 2009. We live 2500 miles away.

 

[anothercog]

Since I live on the opposite coast from my family, few traditions have survived. Gravesites seem like a waste as I'm not likely to ever visit back "home" once my parents pass.

Easter is another tradition that is gone. We used to go to my in-laws for Easter dinner and Easter egg hunts for the kids but now that they are older we haven't been in years.

 

[Dalmore]

Grave Sites: All of my family lives on the west coast. We always have. My mom decided that she wanted to buried in Iowa, in a cemetery owned by the church she belonged to, and Iowa was their headquarters. My dad at the end decided he wanted to be buried next to her. The church has been disbanded for corruption and abuse, and the city say they will maintain the graveyard. Out of five of us, only one of my sisters has ever seen the grave site.

The siblings all try to get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas...Easter, not so much. We also try to gather for birthdays, but that is hit and miss sometimes.

 

[skipro33]

Hardly tradition, but we always spent the holidays with cousins, aunts and uncles. Not always the same ones, but often enough I grew up knowing them all as dear friends. After we all went off into the world, we only gathered for funerals and it was always voiced how we should get together while alive, not dead. When my father passed this past fall, I let his sister and brother know, the last of his family. They were relieved that COVID prevented a service so I didn't tell them I would be holding his ashes until May and have him interred at the Veteran's Cemetery at that time, saving them the excuse of why they couldn't go anyways. It will just be my brother, his wife, me and my wife. Our kids and theirs will be invited, but doubt they will accept the invitation.
But my wife and I have started our own traditions with our kids and their families. Christmas is always at our house and always at least 2 night stay. Guys ski and ice skate then. I smoke a turkey and the ladies all gather in the kitchen to prepare the meal. We love the sexist tradition of traditional roles. The thought of women and men being the same is unfathomable. Women are mysterious and feminine, men gallant and uncouth. In other words we are just our own nature when it's just us. The grand daughters stage a play, complete with sets, costume and music. The grandsons drive the tractor, play tag with the sow in her pen and fish from the stock pond from holes cut in the ice and we'll later skate on after dinner.
We camp together every July 2 weeks after Independence Day. The girls will try to pretend to like fishing, but soon are off to discuss boys and make-up and the guys swim in the lake and play king of the log on the water. The men drink beer while keeping an eye on the boys and the women nap. Each family is responsible for an evening meal, taking care of the first three nights of camping. The boys tend the campfire, the girls gather the Smore's ingredients. We all play some instrument of one kind or another and play tunes around the fire after. Guitars, mandolins, harmonica, tambourines, ukes even. Sometimes other campers come join in with their own musical talents.

Our next tradition is to have a bon fire when I clean up an area of our woods. That will be this weekend. We'll light it off around 3pm, it will be a nice bed of coals and small flame around dusk when we roast weenies. Then we'll tell ghost stories and scare each other so that the hike back to the house is joyfully fearful.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I had to eat Lutefisk every Christmas since I grew molars to make Grandma happy. She was the sweetest person I ever knew so I did. I don't miss it. I can't explain Lutefisk....if you haven't encountered it I can't tell you about it. Lefse was awful good though.


We did it for years when I was I kid. Grandma gave me a quarter because I was her only grandchild who even tried it. I can eat Lutefisk if I want to show off to people who can't handle it, but I don't enjoy it.

 

[meleana]

I was visiting my parents (in their early 80s) this weekend, and overheard them discussing plans for Easter. Among the plans were (1) ordering plants for family gravesites, and (2) scheduling masses to celebrate late family members.

It occurred to me that, with my siblings and me located at least an hour away from where our family lives/where we grew up, we don’t really visit family graves. We don’t arrange for flowers at the gravesites, and we don’t schedule masses for our grandparents, aunts, or uncles.

Maybe some of this will change when my parents pass? I don’t know. But it’s made me think of other traditions that have (or will) fall by the wayside.

Are there traditions that you and your family have let fade? Or maybe traditions you took on after family members passed because you felt they were important enough to continue?

Same here. In fact, until I read your post it never even occurred to me to schedule masses, etc.

We moved out of state now so have not been to our parents gravesites. Even when we lived in that state we were an hour and a half away, working, etc. and hardly went to the cemetery.

And in this state no close friends or relatives except our only child. No grandchildren either and our son is not married. So holidays are quiet.

I do miss when we were kids and our big Italian family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins got together every Sunday after church for good food and fun. Musical instruments came out. Lots of
Laughs, loud talking some craziness.

The Good Ol’ Days...

 

[skyking1]

We took some hits the last year, but I think some things are going to be rebuilt anew.

 

[tpner1]

As the family splinters, so goes traditions and communities then ultimately the country!

 

[splitwdw]

Sing-alongs and Christmas caroling. My grandparents and parents are musical and had parties with singing. Last time we went caroling someone came out of a house and tried to "donate" to our group. You can always tell where the grands and 'rents are in the house or barn because you can hear them singing or whistling. No singing parties in about 5 years.

 

[financemups]

My family of origin is pretty dysfunctional and I didn't have the most wonderful of childhoods, a lot of times as an adult I consider it a blessing that I don't have to maintain the tradition of gathering. YMMV

 

[imnontrad]

None of my family traditions were passed down to my children. this is because I had a domineering spouse who would only do what he grew up with - my family/traditions were unimportant. Yes, I divorced him but not, unfortunately, until our kids were older.

 

[habelsgtb]

With our folks in their 80s and dad with Alzheimer’s we recognized a need to bring the family together more often so we started celebrating all the holidays together. It has brought us closer and much appreciated by our folks.
We did give up a few years ago our annual New England Xmas holiday B and B weekend once my folks stopped coming back home for Xmas.

 

[EastWest Gal]

My dad or his siblings hosted a large Christmas family gathering, but not ON Christmas Day or Christmas Eve-usually the weekend after. We also spent Thanksgiving with his 3 siblings and their families. We usual had some kind of crazy card game after-10 or so people around the dining room table. The adults were a bit tipsy and got really silly.

My dad's 40th birthday conveniently fell on the Saturday after Christmas. My mom enlisted the neighbor's help in hiding food in their fridge. We hosted the family gathering, then friends started showing up, saying they were in the neighborhood and thought they would drop by...when Dad figured it out more food and drinks and card tables magically appeared. Our house was 1300 square feet, but we had a covered patio and it was in California. It was nice to see my dad so happy-a fond memory.

My mom and 4 of her cousins started an annual picnic when I was about 15. I went to all of them, even after I married, and brought my son to them. They ended in 2000, when my parents started getting ill. Mom passed in early 2002.

I did a couple of them for my cousins and they were a hit. But it took too much planning and I moved across the country. I try to join them every few years during a holiday.

I would always make some sort of Turkey each Thanksgiving and a special dinner for Christmas. But with the 3 of us out here, large family gatherings will never be a part of my son's life.

Easter was not much of holiday, as we are not religious and DS, an only child, is allergic to dairy, so Easter egg hunts and Easter baskets with chocolate were a bit frustrating. We bought plastic eggs and put money or jelly beans in them.

 

[brett]

When I was growing up New Year's eve was a very big deal, as was New Years day. Bigger than Christmas for the adults with the whole 'first footer' business. Lots of Scots.

Only it was more often than not referred to as Hogmanay. If my parents had a house party it was not unusual for it to go until 3 or 4 AM, sometimes through to b'fast.

We do no dot that now, do not know anyone who does.

 

[Koolau]

None of my family traditions were passed down to my children. this is because I had a domineering spouse who would only do what he grew up with - my family/traditions were unimportant. Yes, I divorced him but not, unfortunately, until our kids were older.

Reminds me of our family gatherings as a young married couple. I LOVED my side of the family gatherings - looking forward to them each year. BUT her side "insisted" we also participate with them. SO, we always ended up with TWO big TG and TWO big Christmas meals. Burp - excuse me.

By the time our kids came along, we were able to pretty much establish our own traditions. We kept it very loose - never insisting ANYONE participate and never excluding ANYONE who wanted to join in. It's funny what you learn as you age. Family should be about family - not the traditions, themselves. To the extent that traditions cement relationships, they are wonderful. If they divide us, then they should be put into the background. Family is more important than tradition. YMMV

 

[MarieIG]

Will maybe not a very old tradition, I heard my great grandfather bought a cemetery plot when he lost a three year old daughter. Then he lost a his wife (my grandmother was six at the time), and then a 21 year old son (Spanish Flu). The plot was/ is in a huge, and I mean huge, cemetery in Brooklyn. He bought in an Episcopalian section. I was told my grandfather was the first Catholic permitted to be buried there. My Dad would take me there from time to time. My father's mother was buried there and he had my mother buried there. When he passed, I had to get permission from my Uncle and Aunt to have him buried there. I recall when I went to the cemetery for my Dad, they made a record of me and all my children. My Dad wanted me buried there, but we will probability be out of state by that time.

With regard to Easter, my Baby Granddaughters were just enjoying dying Easter eggs yesterday!

 

[jrcunniff]

When I was growing up New Year's eve was a very big deal, as was New Years day. Bigger than Christmas for the adults with the whole 'first footer' business. Lots of Scots.

I never knew my paternal grandparents. My grandfather died (lost in WWII) when my dad was a kid, and my grandmother died right after I was born. But the rest of my father’s family (aunts, uncles, cousins) would always come by on New Years Eve. They would have shrimp, kielbasa (basically food we’d never eat the rest of the year) and ring in the new year. My sisters and I would be shuffled off to bed, so it’s a tradition we never really celebrated. I think it ended when I entered my teens; by that time a lot of the uncles and aunts started having health issues and passing on... That was the extent of my family’s New Year’s celebrations.

 

[38Chevy454]

I guess I just don't have the sentimental gene. I do not miss the traditions and doing the same thing every single year. Yes it was nice to see some of the relatives, but it was always at the same time for the same reason; eating the same food whether I wanted to or not. I guess in general I am just not a real fan of the big get-togethers. I prefer more spontaneous and some variety.

I agree that as families move apart and out of an area, those traditions fade away. I can't say I really miss any of them from my childhood that much.

On the gravesite thing, I never go to the gravesites. Not only am I now many states away, but even when I was closer by I never did. I also think burying people and forever that ground is now not able to be used for anything else is kind of dumb. My opinion of course.