Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[Walt34]

This makes my eyes hurt:

 

[Chuckanut]

Anybody up for daycare while the ladies shop?

 

[CardsFan]

Anybody up for daycare while the ladies shop?

There used to be a place in town with the same sign. They went out of business

 

[braumeister]

There is a sports bar in Reykjavik with a similar sign. It does a great business.

 

[Original Wally]

Q . Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Paul - when a man falls off a ship, the captain says "Man Overboard". What does the captain say when a woman falls off a ship?


A. Full speed ahead!

 

[Original Wally]

What they're really thinking:

Read Dave Berry's "Roger and Elaine"

 

[braumeister]

 

[aja8888]

Useful Definitions…….

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

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