How to talk to your parents about money?

[Orchidflower]

Now MIL informed us last night she wants the checkbook back- so she can "feel like a person". UGH!

My mother had dementia and said the same thing. Thought always she was a financial wizard when really she was just super frugal is all. Some financial wizard: she changed checkbooks like Kleenex and, even when using the same checkbook from the same bank, skipped checks around like #48, #321, #67, etc.
I took the checkbooks and let her whine about it. She got over it. In fact, she forgot about it after awhile. Sometimes common sense and reality makes you stand your ground, cause heaven only knows what she would have paid for if I hadn't done that. And when I got to her house there were 4 different moochs--including her attorney--trying to take advantage of her. That stopped after they saw I was there. Like I said, stand your ground with her and become the parent.

 

[clifp]

I think once your parents hit Social Security age, it is time for at least one of their kids to try and understand their financial situation. As Orchidflower and Bizlady say the situation doesn't get easier as they get older and once dementia hits it become much much harder.

It seems to me that tensions generally rise right after retirement happened with my parents,my sister, and my grandparents. So this particular incident is probably a relationship issue and I have no advice other than avoid taking sides.

However, since they already trust your financial advice I'd take this opportunity to set up a budget for them. Even if they don't follow it at least you'll know what type of financial situation they'll face in the future.

 

[Meadbh]

I would definitely bring the subject up in a nonthreatening way. You could start when Mom gives you one of the UPS gifts. "Mom, you shouldn't have! Now that you're retired and all I hate to see you wasting your money on me. So how are you two doing, financially I mean? Is everything OK? Anything you need my help with?"

If you are rebuffed, I would back off, but offer to help periodically, share some of your own experiences and ask for their input on some of your own financial issues. Hopefully they will begin to trust your motives and open up over time.

This is how I approached my own parents years ago. Eventually they provided me with a complete list of their assets "just in case anything happened to us", and I found out that they were better off than I had anticipated.