I'm The Boss of my happiness

[Rianne]

How is it that everyone else knows what's best for you? My DB consistently gets offended if I don't follow his advice. Don't get me wrong, I like to share things I enjoy, food, movies, exercise, my dog, what I do with my time, how I spend money, what clothes I wear and how incredibly cheap I can be, just for laughs. But I share these things, I don't tell people to change their life or habits because my things will benefit them. I suggest if I'm asked. Here is one example:
One of my DB lives in Ft. Lauderdale. He sends me pictures of the beach, people on the beach, the ocean, the palm trees, videos of him on the beach. "Wouldn't you love to live on the beach in warm weather year round and all this fun stuff to do?"


Uhhh, NO. The ocean is nice for about 3 days. Then it's boring (to me). I like seasons. The beach is boring. The weather is boring. The humidity is awful. And I could never figure out why one would want a view overlooking a vast empty space. And at night, it's a vast empty dark space, kind of scary. I don't consider it fun to watch old men driving convertible Maserati's down A1A. This scenario is not happiness to me.

 

[Dash man]

I love the ocean, especially at night. Too many people live near the beaches already. If someone prefers somewhere else I’m all for it.
I don’t know why some people try to impose their lifestyles on others. An offer to share something you love is nice, but respect the other person’s desires if they choose not to.

 

[Gumby]

Same thing with investment choices. I'll tell you what I do and why, but I have no desire to proselytize. It's your money. Do with it what you will.

 

[GravitySucks]

Yes we are the Boss of our own lives. Sometimes I wish I could quit pretending to be a grown up and have someone tell me what to do though.
Make the mistakes their fault.
��

 

[Rianne]

Yes we are the Boss of our own lives. Sometimes I wish I could quit pretending to be a grown up and have someone tell me what to do though.
Make the mistakes their fault.
��

IMHO, mistakes are for those between 20-60 yrs old. After that they become experiences I forgot to learn from.

 

[W2R]

How is it that everyone else knows what's best for you? My DB consistently gets offended if I don't follow his advice. Don't get me wrong, I like to share things I enjoy, food, movies, exercise, my dog, what I do with my time, how I spend money, what clothes I wear and how incredibly cheap I can be, just for laughs. But I share these things, I don't tell people to change their life or habits because my things will benefit them. I suggest if I'm asked. Here is one example:
One of my DB lives in Ft. Lauderdale. He sends me pictures of the beach, people on the beach, the ocean, the palm trees, videos of him on the beach. "Wouldn't you love to live on the beach in warm weather year round and all this fun stuff to do?"


Uhhh, NO. The ocean is nice for about 3 days. Then it's boring (to me). I like seasons. The beach is boring. The weather is boring. The humidity is awful. And I could never figure out why one would want a view overlooking a vast empty space. And at night, it's a vast empty dark space, kind of scary. I don't consider it fun to watch old men driving convertible Maserati's down A1A. This scenario is not happiness to me.

Something that dear Frank told me years ago, which has stuck with me, is that "Happiness is a do-it-yourself project." I know what makes me happy, and what doesn't. Like you said, I'm the boss of my happiness!

Still, I can sympathize with those who try to suggest things that might make me happy. For example, your DB has discovered that HE is happier at the beach, and he just can't visualize the possibility that this wouldn't be true for you. So really, I wouldn't blame him for suggesting it but just stay firm in your resolve to do what makes YOU happy, not what makes him happy. Hopefully he will stop pushing you like this.

If it makes you feel any better, I go through the same sort of thing here. Just about everybody on the forum thinks that travel is just so fabulously wonderful and the general consensus seems to be that everyone who can afford to travel should. But I don't like to travel. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt, saw dozens of countries and nearly the whole world before I was 10, and more later on. Honestly you couldn't pay me to travel any more at this point. I love being right here in my home where everything is just as I want it to be. People don't know what they've GOT, when they have a home town and genuine roots in a community; they don't realize how precious that is.

So when explaining that I don't like travel, I usually try to take an "oh, silly me!" tone in order to not offend the compulsive travelers here. I'm glad it makes them happy but it sure isn't my cup of tea.

 

[ER Eddie]

Yup. What makes you happy/fulfilled can be very different than what makes someone else happy/fulfilled.

Otoh, it's possible that your brother is not just trying to give unsolicited advice (which I agree is annoying), but trying to get you to consider moving closer to him, because he'd like to have you closer by. Maybe he misses you or just would like you geographically closer, so you could visit more often or something.

Maybe I'm giving him too much credit, I don't know. lol Me and my sibs are always trying to get one of our other sibs to move closer to us, so your story reminded me of that a little.

 

[MRG]

BIL lives around Ft. Myers. Nice place to visit for a couple days when there's no tourists. Past that the place is one big panic attack. No thanks!

We get tourists here. This weekend is busy, we're staying out of it. I watched some moron not be able to follow the signs Walmart had set out directing traffic flow a different way. They decided doing a Uturn in the middle of a busy four lane highway was a better plan than driving a quarter mile to someplace safe and legal to turn around(it should be legal to shoot the tires off any moron doing that[emoji12] ). By Tuesday it will start clearing out and life will be great.

Moving to be around family wouldn't happen in our home.

 

[Bestwifeever]

I also think some people need validation of their own choices—if no one else seems to want whatever they decided on, they lose their own happiness with it, so they’re constantly seeking subtle approval. Or they are also subtly bragging.

 

[Huston55]

Something that dear Frank told me years ago, which has stuck with me, is that "Happiness is a do-it-yourself project." I know what makes me happy, and what doesn't. Like you said, I'm the boss of my happiness!

^^^This^^^

OP-You may also want to ask yourself why you’re so irritated by your DB’s and others’ “suggestions.”

 

[Amethyst]

Brother just sounds like a brother, to me. An older brother, I'm thinking.

.

 

[RobbieB]

I think he misses you rather than trying to run your life.

Now my uncle was a "gloater", he would call my Pops in the middle of winter (MI) from Florida and ask what the temperature was. Pops would answer 72. What? That's the temp in the house right now -

 

[Bir48die]

So my brother and many of my friends love to go up in the woods and spend a week sleeping in large tents with other old men hoping to get a shot at something. That doesn't appeal to me in the least. However, I know that makes them happy as all get out so I listen to the stories and am glad that this is fun for them. Me, I like sleeping with my wife.

 

[Rianne]

^^^This^^^

OP-You may also want to ask yourself why you’re so irritated by your DB’s and others’ “suggestions.”

Sigh...not so much irritated. I feel bad for him trying to talk me into something I'm not really interested in. He's not like "high pressure" it's more like dangling a piece of dark chocolate in front of me. But I'd really want the dark chocolate.

I'm happy and content. I figured out how to relax. On a happy scale, I'm around 98/100. The 2% are the property tax bills.

 

[kaneohe]

Don't kids learn this early in life?
https://www.google.com/search?q=you...KHZ_jAzkQ9QEwAnoECAEQBA#imgrc=VwrO4ARCiXgV0M:

 

[Teacher Terry]

Living in Florida would be hell for me. We live in a dry mild 4 seasons which I love. I love water also.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I also think some people need validation of their own choices—if no one else seems to want whatever they decided on, they lose their own happiness with it, so they’re constantly seeking subtle approval. Or they are also subtly bragging.

I think this is exactly right. I see that a lot with travel plans. Somebody yesterday told me I needed to travel more. But travel is his hobby, not mine. Others have been even more specific. I not only need to travel more but I simply must see some place they have been to like the Taj Mahal.

 

[The Cosmic Avenger]

I love the sound and smell of the ocean. The sun and sand, not so much. We rented a house in Maine once that had a steep rock bluff right down to the ocean, and I'm mulling over making an offer for it when we retire. Either that or maybe the PNW.

 

[street]

I like the title for this thread! LOL

I will use that phrase more often. I'm the boss today, tomorrow and everyday going forward. LOL

 

[LOL!]

What brought on this rant? Something is missing here.

 

[MarieIG]

He loves you and wants you nearby.

 

[NW-Bound]

People get excited and want to share their experience. Sometimes, they do not use the right words or say it in the wrong manner, and offend without realizing it.

... "Wouldn't you love to live on the beach in warm weather year round and all this fun stuff to do?"

Uhhh, NO. The ocean is nice for about 3 days. Then it's boring (to me).

You could have spoken your mind. "Well, I do not mind being there a few days in the winter, but it's too hot and humid in the summer for me. When can I visit?"

 

[Huston55]

I love the sound and smell of the ocean. The sun and sand, not so much. We rented a house in Maine once that had a steep rock bluff right down to the ocean, and I'm mulling over making an offer for it when we retire. Either that or maybe the PNW.

Wow! Maine & The PNW are very different places. Check out the Olympic Peninsula before you buy that house on the Maine coast.

 

[albireo13]

Why dont you want to be staring at overweight,
obnoxious males on the beach all day??

 

[albireo13]

Back hair !!