Teacher Terry
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
- Messages
- 7,165
Slow, I totally agree with you.
Save your money to help put your grandchildren through college. It sounds like they may need the help. That is one of the best and loving things you can do.
We're fortunate that our pockets are deep enough to handle the load but I wish I had a buck for every $100 we sent to these slugs. They cost us about $10K a year buying their necessities so that they can buy top-line iPhones, video games and 400 channels of TV movies.
I would officially retract the offer to help with a downpayment on a house, given he has discontinued health insurance. Then you just have to let them live their lives. If an accident or surgery bankrupts them, that is ok. It happens to a lot of people.
In the end, though, I agree with the others that it's really your daughter's family and, therefore, her responsibility. Is it possible that you care about the issue more than DD and SIL? Year ago a wise friend reminded me that the person with the LEAST interest has controlling interest ...
It would be very easy for me to say that they are adults, it's their problem, and they should fully suffer the consequences of a bad decision. But I know better than that. I've read that medical expenses are the #1 cause of bankruptcies, and my wife and I would do anything, including jeopardizing our own retirement security, to help our daughter and grandkids in any way we could.
So, what to do? Do I continue to push the issue, knowing that it may affect my relationship with them by getting too much in their business? I've even considered giving them the money to pay for his health insurance, even though they can afford it themselves. Or, do I just bury my head in the sand, drop it and hope that nothing ever happens (which is my wife's preference)?
... I'd like to "quote" and respond to each one individually but am still kind of new to this and haven't figured out how to insert multiple quotes within a response.
+1 We're onto our third generation of leeches (DW's side).
We're fortunate that our pockets are deep enough to handle the load but I wish I had a buck for every $100 we sent to these slugs. They cost us about $10K a year buying their necessities so that they can buy top-line iPhones, video games and 400 channels of TV movies.
I gave up fighting this battle 30 years ago and DW now realizes that I was right all along but it's way too late; now, a new baby needs 'stuff' in another endless need-hole that will go on another 20 more years.
OP, how is tacking onto DD's HI 'too expensive'? (Save yourself! Get out while you can!!)
... I came down very hard on him about his decision and told him how irresponsible it is to choose not to have health insurance. I asked why he didn't get insurance thru my daughter's job and he said it was "too expensive". I asked him what would happen if for example he had the need for expensive surgery and he said "that won't happen". I said that I knew what would happen, that my wife and I would end up "bailing the out". He said that he would not expect us to do that, but if not us who would? His family has no money to speak of. I feel like I am his insurance policy!
It would be very easy for me to say that they are adults, it's their problem, and they should fully suffer the consequences of a bad decision. But I know better than that. I've read that medical expenses are the #1 cause of bankruptcies, and my wife and I would do anything, including jeopardizing our own retirement security, to help our daughter and grandkids in any way we could.
If it were me I would just pay the premiums. We offered to do that when one of our kids had a contract job with no insurance. The unexpected happened, and that insurance covered medical expenses that were literally life saving. We talk about often now in hindsight that was one of the best decisions we ever made.
It is not just about bankruptcy in the U.S. Hospital stays and surgery are crazy expensive, and don't you need either payment upfront or insurance for most treatments like chemo or a kidney transplant? What would you do if one of your grandkids needed a kidney transplant? If you would pay for it anyway, then insurance is going to be a lot cheaper and let you sleep better at night than shelling out 6 figures for non-negotiated hospital and surgery rates or setting up a go fund me page.
The mother ( DD ) has insurance, it's just the dumb husband that has no insurance, the DD is insured and so should her kids.
I'm pretty sure the DD could add the hubby to the insurance far cheaper than buying outside insurance.
This is not a case of not having insurance, this is a case of cheap SIL wanting to buy beer/etc instead of insurance.
I have no problem helping out once or twice...
That's how it started out with us 30 years ago. DW's only sister.
A hundred bucks here, a hundred there. Just this once. Then an 'exception'. Then an emergency. Then "money by Thursday or they get evicted". Then "they need the car fixed so they can get to work (you want them to work, don't you?)". Then a divorce. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.......
Now we're paying a nephew's college tuition (he's a good kid and might actually make something of himself) but once he gets out there'll be first/last month rent someplace. And a car.
Niece just had a baby. Baby needs new shoes! And new mommy wants a wedding. (and a third new iPhone because 'they keep breaking')
Yes, sadly, we're enablers. I gave up on it long ago; it's only money.
Sorry for the rant.
I would also tell them the need to have an emergency fund set up... and the third time or so they asked I would say 'what happened to that emergency fund?'....
....
Niece just had a baby. Baby needs new shoes! And new mommy wants a wedding. (and a third new iPhone because 'they keep breaking')
Yes, sadly, we're enablers. I gave up on it long ago; it's only money.