i consider myself the happiest saddest person i know. a old colleague of mine (who since won a pulitzer-go bud!) once described me as having my head in a rainbow colored cloud.
generally i'm very happy and apparently i've always been. at my 30-year high school reunion more than one person commented on how they remembered me always laughing and making people laugh. my little cousins and niece/nephews comment that i laugh a lot. my partner was similar. together people found us quite annoying after an hour or so. they used to accuse us of laughing inappropriately. hey, we can't help it if we find you funny.
since having buried my partner and later my best friend and then even my dog, and now that i have been watching mom die for the last 12 years i find i have to battle for my happiness.
it is a worthy fight. here i find myself without a partner, without children and soon i will no longer be caregiver for mom. i'm financially independent & i'll have no responsibility other than to my own happiness. it is a responsibility that i do not take lightly, but that doesn't mean i won't make fun of it. nya nya.
"life is too important to take seriously." ~~oscar wilde
"if suffering can be corrected, then there's no need to be despondent. and if it cannot be remedied, there is no benefit even if one becomes unhappy." ~~shantideva
"life is a play and we all play a part:
the lover, the dreamer, the clown..."
~~young & lewis in laugh, clown, laugh
"being miserable won't make you any happier." ~~me