Social life ... or lack thereof

[MC Rider]

..... Some of the divorces and "crazy exes" (why, by the way, are they always crazy?...............

Yes they are. Sometimes on both sides. Mine was a long time ago, We got along like Ren and Stimpy.

 

[Amethyst]

But hopefully, you are over it now, and not carrying it around with you everywhere like a hair shirt. I just don't get why such people even bother to date.

Yes they are. Sometimes on both sides. Mine was a long time ago, We got along like Ren and Stimpy.

 

[TheWizard]

I know myself pretty well at this point, and I agree about people becoming set in our ways (the ways that have worked for us up to this point).

My issue, which Aerides alludes to, pertains mainly to people who can't let go of old wounds. I have met a stream of them. Some of the divorces and "crazy exes" (why, by the way, are they always crazy? Did someone drive them there, or do people routinely marry the insane?) turn out to have been 12-30 YEARS ago! I conclude that many older people, knowingly, or not, like their "martyr crowns" too much to move on.

The issue of recently divorced or widowed people going on about their former spouse is mostly independent from age, I suspect.
I'm thinking it depends more on whether the couple has offspring, especially in a divorce where the "family" is now broken.

I went through this in 1997 and it was the worst experience of my life. I've had a new girlfriend for a long time now, but remarriage isn't in the cards...

 

[Chuckanut]

Ballroom dancing, if one enjoys it, is a great way to keep your brain sharp, stay physically active, and socialize with people (and, gasp!, even touch them). A win-win-win.

After a 16-year relationship ended, I took up ballroom dancing. To get up to speed (=learn the steps to ~20 different styles of dances), I was taking group classes at nearby studios 3-4 times a week, plus going to an 'open dance' once or twice a week. I even went to several week-long dance camps. This all was great fun until I started spending 6-7 winter months in Florida. And then Covid hit.

I found many other things to occupy my time and I haven't been dancing since. If I had a regular dance group or partner, I'd be up to going dancing again.

omni

Ballroom dancing is great. Where else can you walk up to a woman you don’t know well, put your arms around her, tell her what to do and when to do it, and she is perfectly happy to comply??

 

[omni550]

Ballroom dancing is great. Where else can you walk up to a woman you don’t know well, put your arms around her, tell her what to do and when to do it, and she is perfectly happy to comply??

You forgot to add, "and she thanks you at the end".


omni

 

[tryan]

Primarily emotional, along with financial.

That certainly summarizes my first four "relationships" post divorce. I eventually learned: 2 were physically abused; 1 is still being mentally abused about to loose the electricity and heat; 1 had a child with life long needs. Sad really. And I am sympathitic but I am not a "caretaker" ,,, I don't seek out the wounded birds. So I moved on.

 

[Katsmeow]

This is such an interesting topic. DH and I just moved 1500 to a state where we literally know not a single person. Now, I can't offer much on the dating end now. But I can add some past experience and what we plan to do now.

About 35 years ago I had no close friends nearby (I was working and had work friends) and was not dating. I went to singles groups (this was before online dating) which led nowhere. Finally I decided to just find an activity with the hope that I might find at least some ongoing acquaintances there. I ended up taking duplicate bridge lessons. One of the women I met there is still a good friend of mine although we live far apart. Four years later I ended up marrying on my bridge partners. Before that, I did date a few people I met there. Those didn't lead anywhere but then one did. There were other people that I didn't see outside bridge but I did see them quite often at bridge and they were pleasant to talk to.

I am not suggested OP start playing duplicate bridge (although it does work for many people) but to think hard about what he likes to do or might like to do and then do it and see what flows from it.

I remember a thread where Midpack talked about moving to a new locale and how he just went to everything he might possibly like to see if they met people that they might want to be friends with. I have kept that in mind.

For those more conventionally religiously inclined, church can often be a good vehicle to meet people. I don't fall in that group. But, I've noticed there is a Unitarian Church only a few minutes from our soon to be house and we may check that out just to hopefully meet compatible people.

It can be hard if your interests are not ...aligned with your age group. I am very techno literate, am terminally online and I like playing video games. I have played World of Warcraft for about 15 years. Still, I found a guild of people to play with that are people over 55. That is not meeting people in the real world but it is still social as we talk on discord. There are other people I play with and they are much younger than I am. We might have much in common on other things but we do have the game in common. People in "real" life are usually closer to my actual age and know zero about gaming. I have found that no one is going to be totally interested in all the same things I am interested in. So I can work around that.

Getting back to now. DH and I have mostly played online bridge while we had kids. Now that kids area gone we are ready to get back into it. We will still do online but I have scoped out the local bridge clubs and we'll try them. There is a Y a few minutes from the new house so we will probably join that as well. I would also look for volunteer opportunities.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Do you work out and eat healthy? The key to romantic matches are a well built physique. There is lot of competition out there.

 

[Tessie]

Sounds like you’ve had some difficult years. Now it’s time to enjoy the freedom of retirement. I don’t think you mentioned age, financial position, or interests as well as are you in a rural area or are you in an area with lots of opportunities for recreation? Several years ago I joined meetup for hiking groups. I had never hike before but found that I liked it and it was a good way to meet people, get some exercise and see some natural beauty. I met many people both male and female and I formed friendships with several people. This is not that easy for me as I am somewhat of an introvert. My UHC Medicare supplement provides many free gym memberships…one is Lifetime Fitness which is a fabulous place with so many group classes and amenities. I started there in January and now go 3 times/wk. Many of the older adults spend a few hours there everyday. I also volunteer at a food pantry which i also enjoy. I got a dog to keep me company. I research and go on local road trips as well as other trips. Do you like to golf, play tennis or pickleball? If you don’t know how would you like to learn? Really, the possibilities for recreation and meeting others are plentiful. Just do things that you like to do and the friends will fall into place. You only need one or two good friends and small handful of acquaintances to not feel lonely. Also, I’m a female but if you get a dog you will find they are a major chick magnet, LOL.

 

[Global Wizzo]

I’d suggest that you look at some cruise options. Viking or other Adult only ones. Got a friend that is on his 65th one. Helps meet a diverse group of people. Keep in touch with new acquaintances or not.

I got active in Emergency management support. See if anything interests you where you live.

I don’t like groups tours, but international travel is fun. Even just to enjoy the hotel and the Executive Lounge.

Don’t be hard on your self. Do what you enjoy and the rest will take care of itself.

 

[GaryInCO]

Do you work out and eat healthy? The key to romantic matches are a well built physique. There is lot of competition out there.

6'3", slim, healthy (cancer, but in remission). I hike and bicycle, play pickleball. Starting a weight-training program to beef up my aging muscles a bit.

I don’t think you mentioned age, financial position, or interests as well as are you in a rural area or are you in an area with lots of opportunities for recreation?

About to turn 67. Not rich but quite comfortable. Live in a town of 160k. I belong to half a dozen Meetup groups for hikes, happy hour, dancing, etc. Used to be very active in a cooking/dining group, but that group fizzled after about 5-6 years.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

6'3", slim, healthy (cancer, but in remission). I hike and bicycle, play pickleball. Starting a weight-training program to beef up my aging muscles a bit.


About to turn 67. Not rich but quite comfortable. Live in a town of 160k. I belong to half a dozen Meetup groups for hikes, happy hour, dancing, etc. Used to be very active in a cooking/dining group, but that group fizzled after about 5-6 years.

You have the height. The key is to get ripped. When did you start? What is your body fat %?

If you have FIRED then you are considered rich. Take a Salsa class. There will be like 100 woman to 1 guy.

 

[GaryInCO]

I don't know my body fat %, but it's low. I'm 6'3" and 182 lbs. I just started the weight training. I really don't expect to get ripped. Skinny guys like me tend to have trouble bulking up, even when they're young and still have some testosterone. Now, I mostly just want to improve my strength and balance, and prevent any more senior muscle atrophy.

I was 6'4" for 50 years, but at the last few doctor visits they said I'm under 6'3". Apparently the "senior shrink" has started ... I'll see if some dead hangs can stretch me out again.

I've taken several dance classes (mostly blues), but not salsa. Might be fun!

 

[F.I.R.E User]

I don't know my body fat %, but it's low. I'm 6'3" and 182 lbs.

I was 6'4" for 50 years, but at the last few doctor visits they said I'm under 6'3". Apparently the "senior shrink" has started ... I'll see if some dead hangs can stretch me out again.

I've taken several dance classes (mostly blues), but not salsa. Might be fun!

Six pack?

 

[GaryInCO]

Not even 3. I had very little chest musculature before, and much less after losing 15% of my body weight to cancer. I'll try to build it up again but that's an uphill battle.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Not even 3. I had very little chest musculature before, and much less after losing 15% of my body weight to cancer. I'll try to build it up again but that's an uphill battle.

As long as you get that routine going you should be on your way. Hire a trainer if you have to so they can push you to your potential.

 

[Chuckanut]

I don't know my body fat %, but it's low. I'm 6'3" and 182 lbs. I just started the weight training. I really don't expect to get ripped. Skinny guys like me tend to have trouble bulking up, even when they're young and still have some testosterone. Now, I mostly just want to improve my strength and balance, and prevent any more senior muscle atrophy.

I was 6'4" for 50 years, but at the last few doctor visits they said I'm under 6'3". Apparently the "senior shrink" has started ... I'll see if some dead hangs can stretch me out again.

I've taken several dance classes (mostly blues), but not salsa. Might be fun!

I had problems rebuilding my strength after being down and out for about 4 months due to an injury. After listing to Peter Attia talk about the need older folks have for more high quality protein I added a whey protein shake (milk, cashews, fruit, whey powder) to most day's food consumption. Without enough protein the body can't add muscle. In fact, if the protein deficit is big, the body may consume muscle for other uses. I also started drinking more milk which is high in protein and calcium. In the past few weeks my push-up count has started to finally rise. But, it has taken a lot of work to get there.



To balance the shake's extra calories, I cut whey back on alcohol to keep the calories balanced.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

I had problems rebuilding my strength after being down and out for about 4 months due to an injury. After listing to Peter Attia talk about the need older folks have for more high quality protein I added a whey protein shake (milk, cashews, fruit, whey powder) to most day's food consumption. Without enough protein the body can't add muscle. In fact, if the protein deficit is big, the body may consume muscle for other uses. I also started drinking more milk which is high in protein and calcium. In the past few weeks my push-up count has started to finally rise. But, it has taken a lot of work to get there.



To balance the shake's extra calories, I cut whey back on alcohol to keep the calories balanced.

I got Equate brand plant based protein powder. 30g per serving.

 

[harllee]

The best way for a guy to meet women is to take a dance class. There is always many more women than men. And then when you learn a few basic dances, you will be very popular. I suggest taking swing classes, easy to learn the basic steps and easy to dance to a lot of different songs. Plus dancing is fun and good exercise for your body and mind.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

The best way for a guy to meet women is to take a dance class. There is always many more women than men. And then when you learn a few basic dances, you will be very popular. I suggest taking swing classes, easy to learn the basic steps and easy to dance to a lot of different songs. Plus dancing is fun and good exercise for your body and mind.

Yeah and easiest to hook up. Many are looking for short term flings.

 

[harllee]

Yeah and easiest to hook up. Many are looking for short term flings.

I met my DH at a dance, he is an excellent dancer. We have now been married 51 years.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

I met my DH at a dance, he is an excellent dancer. We have now been married 51 years.

Wow. That’s epic.

 

[tmitchell]

The social question is one I’ve been having as well since all of my good friends still work and have kids etc. I’ve tried to remedy this by being proactive and go out of my way to meet them where they are able.

I just joined Toastmasters both as a way to meet people and work on my fear of public speaking. I don’t have any speaking planned but thought why not? I’m also going to take a pottery wheel class and am looking into tai chi. These are all things I have never tried, so I’m trying to find new interests that may have a social component.

 

[Badger]

The social question is one I’ve been having as well since all of my good friends still work and have kids etc. I’ve tried to remedy this by being proactive and go out of my way to meet them where they are able.

I just joined Toastmasters both as a way to meet people and work on my fear of public speaking. I don’t have any speaking planned but thought why not? I’m also going to take a pottery wheel class and am looking into tai chi. These are all things I have never tried, so I’m trying to find new interests that may have a social component.

Throwing on a wheel is great fun. I did this for about 10 years before arthritis became an issue. I had a top of the line wheel and could throw some large pieces. Sold enough to pay for clay and equipment. Miss the Zen and relaxation of working with clay. I also played and taught Tai Chi for 15-16 years including Sabre, Sword, and Tai Chi for those in wheel chairs and health recovery. It is important to find a good instructor. Try a few. Don't even think you can safely learn from a video. That would be like trying to learn how to play golf from a video. Alignment is important and a good instructor should never have to physically touch or position you. If there is any discomfort or stress on a joint then don't continue to do it. Tired muscles are fine.

Cheers!

 

[Aerides]

Yeah and easiest to hook up. Many are looking for short term flings.

The OP is 67 so looking for a partner who would likely be at least a 50 yo woman, not a tinder night.

The right person will not care about his abs. She will not be looking to "hook up" and she will not care about his body fat percentage.

She will care only that he is kind, warm, stable, healthy and takes reasonably good care of himself. She will take note of how he treats her, his family, and strangers, and whether they are good companions for one another at home and on travels.