Where to Live the Rest of Our Lives?

[bbbamI]

You're thinking ahead and looking out for both of you. I know you two have been through some stuff. The kind of stuff that makes us think about the things we'd rather not think about. I suspect he really does appreciate what you're doing.

Thanks Purron.....I imagine you're right.

 

[Moemg]

Great thread Ha ! I have been given this some thought . The house we live in now would not be practical in old age . We do have an elevator but we have steps to the next floor and it really is too big too manage when we are elderly . I am kind of torn between moving now or waiting a few years . We will move to a one story maintenance free smaller house close to a lot of facilities . If something happened to my SO when I was older I would probably move closer to my daughter and maybe rent in Florida for the winters.

 

[Dreamer]

Damn it's depressing thinking about being a "limited mobility" person. Yeah, I know. Reality and all that. Still sucks though.

I agree. Those were my thoughts also.

Our house would not be a good place to live if one of us becomes physically disabled. However, with 5 cats and my DH's baby (car) plus our other 2 cars, I don't think we will be moving anytime soon. I have always figured that I will be the one to go first, but if I don't, it will be a nightmare trying to figure out what to do with his car and all of the stuff that he has in his garage.

My dream, would be to sell pretty much everything, and then live in furnished apartments for 6 months to a year in different big cities. You could really explore the city, museums, parks, etc. Who knows though, I might get tired of that and wish I had a place to settle down. I know that I would miss my relatives.

 

[JakeBrake]

As long as you have your mind, you can handle all of the other problems associated with aging. When your mind goes, nothing else matters, except having someone who will take care of you even if you are not aware of it.

 

[KB]

I started thinking about some of the mobility issues about 5 years after moving into my current house. Fortunately a shopping center was built a mile away with a grocery store, banking, small post office and a few restaurants. There is a bus stop at one of the entrances to my neighborhood also. I moved into a one story with only one step into the house, and wide enough hallways so I think I'm pretty well covered unless I end up in a wheelchair.

I could add a cement path in my back yard and raise my vegetable beds higher so I could keep growing vegetables. Since I have front yard maintenance included in my HOA, the front of the house would look unchanged. My back yard is mostly colorful shrubs, other than my vegetable beds, so little maintenance there.

The closest grocery store has a bank in it also, which would make banking easier too. I think I lucked out by chosing this neighborhood, not knowing it would be better than I had anticipated in case of lost mobility.

 

[Koolau]

Our current condo is about 80+% ready for any serious infirmity. We redid one bath to make it roll-in ready. Turns out this was just in time. DW has some serious foot issues which makes scaling a normal tub difficult. Standing for a shower is difficult, so we have one of the cheap shower seats which is quite effective.

Our major backup plan (should one or both become seriously disabled) is to move back to the mainland where long term care is "affordable" ($3500/mo instead of $7000/mo). If it were just me, I'd be considering the 9mm solution, but I have to think beyond this selfish exit strategy since there are two of us.

 

[Lsbcal]

Interesting thread, and I thought I was being paranoid when talking to DW about old age.

We have a huge house for 2 people but I can walk right out the back gate and find miles of trails to walk or run in. I get a kick out of some home maintenance tasks. Plus we are on the edge of a suburban city here. Today we drove into SF for the day and visited the DeYoung Museum plus it was a free day today in the botanical gardens -- that's enough city for us right now.

But maybe 10 or 15 years from now this will be too much. Should we give it up now? Probably we will wait until it feels right to downsize and then we will known the answer (I think). Hopefully the house will hold it's value, at least relative to other places. Maybe we will move to another place closer to downtown in this community. Cities are constantly changing and creating spaces for combined shopping/business/living -- maybe that will happen around here.

Or maybe I'll just "buy the farm" on one of those trail runs --- that will take care of that decision .

 

[Walt34]

Damn it's depressing thinking about being a "limited mobility" person. Yeah, I know. Reality and all that. Still sucks though.

I see that with DW's father. He's in the house he's been in for 40 years and while he did consider selling it and going to a community that offers continuous care, in his mind that equates to a 1960's nursing home. He had to put his father in one and he's (justifiably) terrified of ending up like that.

But the reality is that if it weren't for all the time DW spends there he'd have been forced to move a couple of years ago. Since the rest of the family isn't willing to face it we'll deal with the crisis when it inevitably happens.

But everyone sees things through the lens of their own experiences, and my mother's move to a continuous care facility worked out very well for her. All the home maintenance issues went away, she had a ball for eleven years, and it wasn't until the last six months of her life that she needed assistance.

So that's why I say that "when I can't mow the lawn anymore" it's time to let go of the house and do something like that. DW can't keep the house up by herself and I think it would be selfish of me to insist on staying until the end and let her deal with the resulting mess of complications.

Hopefully I'll get The Big Ache before I'm one of those stooped-over guys in a wheelchair drooling in my oatmeal.

 

[braumeister]

A very good friend of mine (now deceased) was a WW II wounded veteran who had been in a wheelchair ever since the war. He used a hand-control car to get around, and had all sorts of clever ideas of his own invention fixed up in his house to accommodate his situation. I used to visit him often, and always marveled at how it was possible for him to do whatever he wanted despite his disability.

 

[Ronstar]

I found out how elderly friendly our house was a couple of years ago when I broke my ankle. Up and down stairs on my butt. Showering was a real chore - even in my low shower base in the basement. There was nothing sturdy to grab onto to maneuver. Our house isn't crutch ready, let alone walker or wheelchair ready. Now I'm even a little squirmish on the roof taking leaves out of the gutters.

 

[frank]

does anyone have any idea about what it cost to have a revocable trust drawn up or a will for that matter?

 

[Nords]

So that's why I say that "when I can't mow the lawn anymore" it's time to let go of the house and do something like that. DW can't keep the house up by herself and I think it would be selfish of me to insist on staying until the end and let her deal with the resulting mess of complications.

Remember a few years ago when a guy barricaded himself in his apartment with only dial-up Internet access and a credit-card account, and tried to live that way for a year?

That'll be spouse & me, only with DSL. If we can't get out of the house to take care of things then we'll hire entrepreneurial yard-care specialists and have the groceries delivered.

A shipmate helped me solve the stairs problem. His house has a ground-floor laundryroom. They ripped it down to the studs, reorganized the plumbing & drains, retiled it in travertine, and turned it into a wheel-in shower. When the time comes we'll be able to do the same to the back bathroom in our house.

However I'd much prefer to continue showering at the beach after a good surfing session.

 

[SJ1_]

That's what we want too, but we haven't found it yet (that we can afford). It would be so nice to be able to walk, or ride a bike to at least a few service.

Let me know if you do!
that sounds like what we are looking for in the next 3yrs or so.
(We also need to stay within 8 hrs of Atl.)

 

[Katsmeow]

We are soon to build our retirement house so have thought about this a lot. We did think about it in choosing the location. We don't live in a location where many things are close to walk to and public transportation is not good. For family reasons, we didn't want to relocate.

About 3 years ago I broke my ankle and was in a wheelchair for a few weeks which was an eye opener on accessibility.

Some of what we did:

1. We need some space and few restrictions due to pets so we found 1 acre of unrestricted land. However, it is within 5 minutes easy drive to grocery stores, pharmacy, shopping malls and hospital. My mom is in her late 80s and still drives in her neighborhood where she doesn't have to get on freeways. I am thinking that would likely work for us later on. Also, if I couldn't drive at all we could take taxis.

2. One of the things that was difficult when I was in a wheelchair was bathroom access and getting into rooms with narrow doors. The entire house is being designed with 3' doors with only a couple of exceptions. I plan to have a ramp in the garage so that a wheelchair could get into (or out of) the house with no help. When I had my broken leg I could get in my car, drive and get out of my car and to my office using a wheelchair but I couldn't get from my house to the car without help as their was no ramp.

3. The secondary bath is being designed with the toilet room handicap access and with a 6' x 4' shower that has no lip on the floor. The master bath will have a 7' x 5' shower with no lip on the floor and no door. The toilet room in the master bath is large enough for a wheelchair and could be easily converted to be even more accessible.

 

[Midpack]

So that's why I say that "when I can't mow the lawn anymore" it's time to let go of the house and do something like that. DW can't keep the house up by herself and I think it would be selfish of me to insist on staying until the end and let her deal with the resulting.

Good luck. My parents are 89, living in a 3400 sf home they've owned outright since the early 70's. He gave up mowing a long time ago, though he could have done it himself until a few years ago. My overly fastidious Mom finally gave up and hired a maid last year. Though they realize they can't handle the house anymore, they won't move. My Dad says an apartment would cost $3000/month so it doesn't make sense. Of course he's looking at apartments on an exclusive golf course (and they both gave up golf several years ago) and hasn't bothered to look anywhere else. Even though they know better, so far they are going to rationalize why they can't move - their house, their money, their lives, prerogative of age...

 

[Ally]

Midpack, your parents sound so much like my parents were. After they both died, it took us months to clean out a house that large with a lifetime of possessions. Plus the last ten years they let everything go - very little maintenance was done.

 

[obgyn65]

That is me. I chose my condo having these variables in mind.

Ideally, I would want to live in a pedestrian-friendly city. I would want to be within walking distance of shops, services, and attractions. A comprehensive and safe public transportation system would be a must as well. I would definitely want to live in a condo because I wouldn't have to keep up with landscaping chores. I would want the condo secure and offering easy access for someone with limited mobility (ho hills, elevator from street level). I would want to have some type of green space (park) close by.

 

[Brat]

Portland offers many condos that offer all you list.

 

[NeverBored]

We mostly decided to "age in place" at least as long as we can. Southern California is hopelessly congested and taxes are generally high, but the weather is really pretty perfect and family is close by. Our kids haven't settled yet, but all expect to stay in California.

When we remodeled both bathrooms 3 years ago, I kept that in mind. "Universal design" and all that. I love the bathrooms; they turned out just like I hoped, and we should be able to use them comfortably for quite a while. The main things I did were to place grab bars in the combo bath/shower and in the master shower, a full ceramic bench in our shower, small hex ceramic tile floor in our shower (extremely grippy), a hand shower as well as a fixed one, towel hooks instead of bars (much easier to use). We put in lever faucet handles and soap dispensers inset in the granite tops. Oh and lever door handles throughout the house. We're not set for wheelchair use, but that would have added a lot of expense; hopefully we won't need to do it here.

Our home isn't too large for us and is only one level. We would have to hire gardeners (DH has always done it), but we hope to do some landscaping in the next few years that will cut down considerably on upkeep. We still have a kitchen remodel ahead of us.

A small thing we changed is to install light switches with built-in nightlights in the bathrooms. Makes a huge difference for those more frequent night trips. Also put a lit switch in the hallway.

 

[harley]

One more thing: I would want to live in a real neighborhood, not one of those manufactured "lifestyle communities".

You might be surprised. We bought a townhouse (which we now rent to DD) in a manufactured lifestyle community in a far out DC suburb. This was one of those "if Mama ain't happy" decisions, because it wasn't what I would have wanted. But DD and DGD live there, and love being able to walk to the grocery store, shops and restaurants. There are ground fountains for the kids to play in, nice green spaces used for frisbee and other games, concerts on the lawn, movies on the lawn (all in the nice weather seasons, of course). They have gotten to know some of the people, at least to say hi to. DGD just started kindergarten in the local public school, so there will be more neighborhood friends and aquaintances to come. Halloween last year was pretty decent. They try to do a lot to keep the kids safely entertained. It's still not my cup of tea (large open spaces and views, few people), but DD loves it, DGD loves it, and DW talks about moving there when we get too old to live where we are. Just because it's manufactured, doesn't mean it can't become real. Like Pinocchio.

 

[Lsbcal]

How to get up to that 2nd floor bedroom and walk-in closet easily when our joints complain with every step, a decade or two from now?

I plan on installing grappling hooks to make it up the carpeted stairs. Can probably buy my climbing gear at the local REI.

P.S. DW made it up/down even with a fractured ankle which happened as a result of collision with Corgi on those stairs.

 

[walkinwood]

We are getting ready to buy a home, but are not thinking of it as the last home we'll own. At 51 & 48, we feel we're too young to prioritize old age issues in our home buying decision. However, we have decided that this is the city we'll age in.

That got me to thinking - at what age does one need to start worrying about making your home old-age ready ?

There are implications to making your physical life to easy at an early age - use it or lose it. If you don't climb stairs, you'll lose the ability to climb them (or so I think). Obviously, all this is very dependent on the individual.

Our society is aging and there are more services & gadgets each year designed for the elderly. See some of the developments on exoskeleton devices & home delivery services. Medical advances may make it easier to keep senility at bay which should enable us to crunch our spreadsheets even longer.

For now, our plan is to stay fit - physically & mentally and be realistic in gauging our near future capabilities.

 

[haha]

There are implications to making your physical life to easy at an early age - use it or lose it. If you don't climb stairs, you'll lose the ability to climb them (or so I think).

I suppose this is true, if you always get into your car right outside your ranch house. But most people where I live live on one floor, and usually a pretty small floor, as they live in condos or apartments. The streets are hilly, and I see very old women charging up and down all the time. But if they should be disabled, either permanently of more likely temporarily, they can often stay home.

They do not depend on the inside of their houses for their physical activity.

Ha

 

[Midpack]

We are getting ready to buy a home, but are not thinking of it as the last home we'll own. At 51 & 48, we feel we're too young to prioritize old age issues in our home buying decision. However, we have decided that this is the city we'll age in.

That got me to thinking - at what age does one need to start worrying about making your home old-age ready ?

We're 6 years older than you and feel much the same, also expect to buy a new home and maybe relocate in the next year or two. While we won't buy a home equipped for our later years, this thread has made me think. I will think about how readily the next home can be modified for our later years before we buy, some homes are much more difficult to change. So the thread was instructive for me, a good thing.

I don't want to rely on future gadgets, though there will undoubtedly be some.

 

[Lsbcal]

...(snip)...
There are implications to making your physical life to easy at an early age - use it or lose it. If you don't climb stairs, you'll lose the ability to climb them (or so I think). Obviously, all this is very dependent on the individual.

That must be why I do my own gardening including mowing the lawn and digging holes in adobe soil to plant those bushes.

See some of the developments on exoskeleton devices & home delivery services. Medical advances may make it easier to keep senility at bay which should enable us to crunch our spreadsheets even longer.

For now, our plan is to stay fit - physically & mentally and be realistic in gauging our near future capabilities.

Great plan. I looked up "stair elevator", that's one way to cope with a second level in a house. Or maybe an exoskeleton that lets your arms help your legs get up those stairs? Seems a good thing for someone to work on.