Time to let a friend go.

[Teacher Terry]

I am just going to tell him the truth. The thing is he wasn’t drinking at all when both episodes happened. He was drinking later and not that much. It doesn’t have anything to do with alcohol. When he wants to sleep over he drinks 2 glasses of wine and then says he cannot drive.

 

[tmm99]

I am just going to tell him the truth.

Just be careful, and make sure you're covered and protected for any possible retaliation. An individual who gets angry for such a small thing and throws a temper tantrum by throwing dishes in the sink, etc, could get really upset.

 

[Teacher Terry]

That’s why I don’t intend to do it in person.

 

[tmm99]

That’s why I don’t intend to do it in person.

Even then. I guess I would be afraid of him doing something to me later (Slash my tires? Confront you somewhere? Sneak into my house?) That's why I asked if he had done anything to other people who have cut ties with him. (Sorry, in the earlier post, I said befriend him, but I meant to say unfriend him..)

Call me a coward, but personally, I would probably ghost him. If I was sure he wasn't going to get crazy, I might tell him like it is.

 

[mountainsoft]

I am worried and now somewhat afraid of him. We don’t have regular set days to get together. Usually one of us texts the other. The next time he texts I will tell him we are done. I un-friended him on Facebook. My husband never liked him so he doesn’t care.

I don't like confrontation and would simply ignore his texts and delete his number from your phone so you're not tempted to text him. Hopefully he'll lose interest and go elsewhere.

If he finds a way to contact you, make up an excuse, I don't feel like socializing, I need more time with my husband/kids/whatever, etc. You know the classic "it's not you, it's me".

 

[Teacher Terry]

We did change the code to our home. I don’t think he will do anything crazy as he does have other friends and he has a decent reputation in his profession.

 

[Idnar7]

Be prepared to get a restraining order as a fallback. When he finds out you changed the code he might get enraged. This is going to be hard to communicate to him, and to be safe, I would certainly have your husband with you. He likely doesn't realize he did anything wrong given the time involved.

 

[ponyboy]

So your husband is cool with your guy friend spending the night from time to time? Thats a strange scenario.

The better question is...why would a grown adult want to spend the night at anyones house unless it was for adult reasons? He's not in grade school anymore. Does he bring a sleeping bag? Dude sounds like he has some issues.

 

[Teacher Terry]

It’s probably only once a year that he spent the night. It’s not often. It’s only if he has been drinking and is tired. I really don’t ever expect to see him again.

 

[DFDubb]

So your husband is cool with your guy friend spending the night from time to time? Thats a strange scenario.

The better question is...why would a grown adult want to spend the night at anyones house unless it was for adult reasons? He's not in grade school anymore. Does he bring a sleeping bag? Dude sounds like he has some issues.

You've never been a house guest of someone that included spending a night there? I guess you don't visit anywhere that is more than a short drive away from home?

I do this all the time. I live in a very spread out city and have close friends that easily live an hour or more away. If we get together, we're going to be drinking and whoever is the guest is going to be staying the night. I mean, this is incredibly common.

Amazingly, spouse and I have been able to stay with friends and control our urges to try and sleep with them for a few hours.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

You've never been a house guest of someone that included spending a night there? I guess you don't visit anywhere that is more than a short drive away from home?

I do this all the time. I live in a very spread out city and have close friends that easily live an hour or more away. If we get together, we're going to be drinking and whoever is the guest is going to be staying the night. I mean, this is incredibly common.

Amazingly, spouse and I have been able to stay with friends and control our urges to try and sleep with them for a few hours.

+1 I don't think it's as unusual as some people may think.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Yes we always have 2 couples over on New Year’s Eve and they always spend the night. My best friend and I get together every Friday night for dinner and because we lived a half hour away and were tired from working we would spend the night. Our husband’s don’t care. We have been doing this for 10 years.

 

[jollystomper]

I do not see the sleeping over as an issue, unless there was inappropriate behavior during the sleep over (experienced that). Is it more his behavior and your husbands dislike.

I would just encourage a discussion (phone or face-to-face) instead of texts or via social media. Those last two ways leave too much open to interpretation and, IMHO and experience, can make things worse on both sides.

 

[Calico]

You've never been a house guest of someone that included spending a night there? I guess you don't visit anywhere that is more than a short drive away from home?

I do this all the time. I live in a very spread out city and have close friends that easily live an hour or more away. If we get together, we're going to be drinking and whoever is the guest is going to be staying the night. I mean, this is incredibly common.

Amazingly, spouse and I have been able to stay with friends and control our urges to try and sleep with them for a few hours.

Quotes from the OP about this person:

"He has let it be known if my husband was gone he is interested."
"4 years ago he moved into town 10 minutes from us."
"My husband never liked him."

He lives 10 minutes away, he is not visiting from out of town. There are alternative modes of transportation home if he has been drinking.

 

[DFDubb]

Quotes from the OP about this person:

"He has let it be known if my husband was gone he is interested."
"4 years ago he moved into town 10 minutes from us."
"My husband never liked him."

He lives 10 minutes away, he is not visiting from out of town. There are alternative modes of transportation home if he has been drinking.

Agreed, but I didn't quote the OP.

 

[nhcycling]

Reading this post now. It seems this friend had past issues with relationships so this is nothing new to him. I’ve had ‘friends’ in the past that have taken more than they gave. I may cut him out more gently by first setting firmer boundaries, example, he texts and wants to get together, wait a few days or a week and simply say no. Then eventually just stop responding. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.

 

[ivinsfan]

Reading this post now. It seems this friend has issues with relationships of all sorts. I don’t see an issue with politely ghosting him if that’s what you’re comfortable with and setting boundaries. You don’t owe anyone any explanations.

With the description we have of the friend, I'm not certain he'll even recognize ghosting when he sees it. I'd probably choose to be direct but polite and civil ( which I'm sure TT will be) so he knows whats going on and doesn't invent stuff in his head.

 

[Vincenzo Corleone]

With the description we have of the friend, I'm not certain he'll even recognize ghosting when he sees it. I'd probably choose to be direct but polite and civil ( which I'm sure TT will be) so he knows whats going on and doesn't invent stuff in his head.

I vote for this as well. Leave no room for doubt/interpretation/rationalizing.

 

[TriumphTR3fan]

That’s why I don’t intend to do it in person.

That’s a smart way to handle the situation.

 

[Teacher Terry]

He can’t Uber home because he always has his big dog. My husband and him don’t really have anything in common. My husband doesn’t hate him. He finds him annoying as do others. He has never been inappropriate when spending the night. At this point none of this really matters.

 

[haha]

Your husband doesn’t like him because your husband knows what you know.



Per your initial post:







I’m sure you have, but if not, you should watch When Harry Met Sally. I don’t 100% agree, but it’s rare that a man and woman can be just friends. Certainly there’s plenty of relationships that can be platonic but for most, there’s a level of tension that exists. We’re kind of wired that way.

Yes, for a man “platonic” means he just hasn’t been able to get her in bed yet. Eventually if he can’t hook the fish, he will put away his pole and go home.

And of course a certain type of woman likes being wanted while knowing that nothing will be required of her.

Ha

 

[Teacher Terry]

Old fashioned thinking that men and women can’t just be friends. I have been friends with a guy from graduate school for 25 years. My husband likes this guy a lot. When I would go visit my mom in Wisconsin I would sometimes drive to his place and stay for a few days. My husband wasn’t upset at all. That friend has stayed with us. It is possible.

 

[DFDubb]

Yes, for a man “platonic” means he just hasn’t been able to get her in bed yet. Eventually if he can’t hook the fish, he will put away his pole and go home.

And of course a certain type of woman likes being wanted while knowing that nothing will be required of her.

Ha

Such an archaic and sad way of thinking. Most of my closest friends are women that I have never and will never attempt to bed.

 

[Aerides]

Yes, for a man “platonic” means he just hasn’t been able to get her in bed yet. Eventually if he can’t hook the fish, he will put away his pole and go home.

And of course a certain type of woman likes being wanted while knowing that nothing will be required of her.

Ha

Ridiculous.

I'm a woman - i don't know what type you'd call me and I really won't care to know - but I've counted men among my closest friends my whole life. And I'm sure countless men here have wonderful female friendships too, with no thought of poles or "requirements" or any of that nonsense.

 

[ivinsfan]

Ridiculous.

I'm a woman - i don't know what type you'd call me and I really won't care to know - but I've counted men among my closest friends my whole life. And I'm sure countless men here have wonderful female friendships too, with no thought of poles or "requirements" or any of that nonsense.

Actually HAHA comment said more about him then it did about woman.