Do You Like Living Alone?

[W2R]

Interesting posts.
It appears most folks would not wish to remarry, irrespective of a current satisfying relationship.

I met Frank through one of those online dating websites a couple of years after my divorce. Before I began dating again, I devoted a year or two to some truly intensive meditation, trying to figure out what went wrong, and what I actually wanted in life so that I wouldn't end up miserable like I was in my marriage.

Consequently, on the very FIRST date, before I had even told Frank my contact information, I told him that:

1) If he wanted a wife or a live-in girlfriend, move on, and
2) No mixing of his money and mine.
3) These rules limit intermingling of finances, but do not require any limits on how loving and emotionally committed to one another we might wish to become.

Number 2 above was because I wanted to retire and was in the middle of starting over after a financially disastrous divorce. I couldn't afford to get too loose and easy with my money.

Frank was a widower, and I was a divorcee, so we had each BTDT when it came to marriage and neither of us was looking for a spouse.

Anyway, Frank liked what I was suggesting, mostly because his dead wife had been a spender and because he had heard too many stories about gold-diggers and bad divorce settlements from his buddies. We are both still happy with these boundaries.

 

[Koolau]

That happened with my MIL - the EMTs are prepared for that - they have a device that essentially pops out the entire center of the lock. She had to get a new lock, but they saved her life. This was over 20 years ago. I spoke with them and they said they will always find a way in - wood doors are just kicked in, steel doors, if they can’t get by the lock or a police style lock bar, they use a fireman style pry bar. Then you have to replace the whole door. If a window is accessible, they go in that way.

MIL didn't answer DW's phone calls for 2 days, so we finally went to the house. No answer at any door or window. Called the police who were reluctant to break in, but when DW and I BOTH agreed to hold them blameless the nice young officer put his shoulder to the front door and was in within 30 seconds (kind of scary, but that's another story.) SO, we got inside and find MIL is GONE. Apparently, mid 70's, she found a 40 yo BF. She was NOT happy when she found what we had done. FF 2 years. By now we had insisted on a front door key. Sure enough, she didn't answer phone calls and we went to check on her (BF long gone.) We got in the front door, but the chain was on. One punch of MY shoulder and the chain tore loose. Found MIL on the kitchen floor, near death due to insulin shock. She lived another several years, but required a lot of care. SO, these things DO happen, though YMMV.

 

[Koolau]

I do wish I had someone around who could check in on me to make sure I’m not dead on the floor, with the cat chewing on my carcass, after I trip on her and hit my head on the corner of the counter. I really imagine that death-by-cat is a possibility. And I also hate asking people to take me to medical appointments or pick me up at the hospital. Makes me feel like a loser. I really wish there was a company that performed this service.

We had a cat who, whenever he even sensed you were going toward the fridge, would try to get there first. He discovered that the shortest distance between him and the fridge was BETWEEN your legs as you walked (why go around?) More than once, DW or I had to grab a chair or counter top to keep from falling.

 

[Nemo2]

It appears most folks would not wish to remarry, irrespective of a current satisfying relationship.

Given my druthers I'd opt for DW & I continuing ad infinitum, but these are obviously druthers I'm never going to get.

There's a minuscule chance that I'll outlive her, but even if I did, my chances of finding a succedent would be on the low end of slim and none.

Thinking back, traveling etc, where we've spent time with friends or perhaps chance encounters (at mealtimes on ships par exemple), there's never been a moment when I thought "I wish I was married to her"..(and I'm sure it's been reciprocated).

I'm happy to 'settle' for what I've got.......après elle le déluge.

 

[omni550]

Interesting posts.
It appears most folks would not wish to remarry, irrespective of a current satisfying relationship.

In non-Covid times, in Florida I'm part of a weekly 'Game Night' (includes 16 ladies, ages 50 to early 80s, some still married & some widowed).

This topic has come up in the past.

I found it interesting that:

1. 100% would not get married again and
2. None of them would want to live with anyone again (even the still-married ones, if their spouses pre-decease them)

omni

 

[Boho]

I like that I live alone during this pandemic. Most people aren't as careful as me. But I do think of the risk when there's something on the stove and I walk away. I want a range with a timer. And I don't like wearing my sweat shirt when I'm cold because it can quickly get hot, then what if my back goes out and I can't take it off? I'm thinking of walking around my apartment with a knife and a cell phone and maybe keeping bottled water and granola bars at floor level.

Wait...the knife would have to be for a broken leg or hip (to cut clothing). I'm not sure I could use it if my back is so bad that I can't get up.

 

[athena53]

And I also hate asking people to take me to medical appointments or pick me up at the hospital. Makes me feel like a loser. I really wish there was a company that performed this service.

There are, but they can be expensive. In my area there's a "Seniors Helping Seniors" franchise. I used them when I had to have a dental implant placed under sedation- they won't accept Uber-type drivers and want someone to be there as soon as they're ready to send you home, so you do pay the driver for waiting time. I have a colonoscopy coming up this year so will need to use them again.

I did a search on "non-emergency medical transportation" and found one in my area that charges $40 one-way +$2.50/mile over 10 miles. Nothing about what they charge for waiting time but that's an option. Many have vans equipped for multiple types of mobility issues, so they get expensive even if you're perfectly capable of climbing in and out by yourself. You could also ask your doctor's office for recommendations.

 

[Dtail]

In non-Covid times, in Florida I'm part of a weekly 'Game Night' (includes 16 ladies, ages 50 to early 80s, some still married & some widowed).

This topic has come up in the past.

I found it interesting that:

1. 100% would not get married again and
2. None of them would want to live with anyone again (even the still-married ones, if their spouses pre-decease them)

omni

And there you have it.
I will guess that the females still do more of the "taking care of"/chores type of work in marriages/relationships and perhaps there is a tiredness of having enough of it.

 

[Koolau]

I like that I live alone during this pandemic. Most people aren't as careful as me. But I do think of the risk when there's something on the stove and I walk away. I want a range with a timer. And I don't like wearing my sweat shirt when I'm cold because it can quickly get hot, then what if my back goes out and I can't take it off? I'm thinking of walking around my apartment with a knife and a cell phone and maybe keeping bottled water and granola bars at floor level.

Wait...the knife would have to be for a broken leg or hip. I'm not sure I could use it if my back is so bad that I can't get up.

Ah, yes. The belt, suspenders AND elastic waist band. Works for me!

 

[Nemo2]

Wait...the knife would have to be for a broken leg or hip (to cut clothing). I'm not sure I could use it if my back is so bad that I can't get up.

No probs...there's always the cyanide tablet......you do carry a cyanide tablet at all times don't you?

 

[Koolau]

Very Topical Subject

This literally just happened: I heard DW scream for help. Rushed into the BR and found her with her fingers stuck under the window. (Don't ask.) She could NOT extricate herself without help. Was just thinking, no button would have saved her. YMMV

 

[Boho]

I may owe Alexa an apology.

 

[mistermike40]

Teacher Terry & ivinsfan - thank you both. Me and our daughter (and our son) took care of my DW for over three years... this after she was in the hospital/rehab for ten months prior. She is at the point now where she's safer there, and they can take better care of her.

The good news is that she seems to be thriving, and enjoys her new "home". It's a beautiful facility with an incredible staff. Of course I was torn prior to her leaving, but I now realize it was - by far - the best decision for all of us.

Now the challenge is trying to find an acceptable "new normal".

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

Living alone is great. Pre- and in-between marriages, I lived alone for a total of 10 years. I loved it!

Although cohabitating can be really enjoyable, (including the last year if you are happy), the logistics can be a pain in the neck. I also need a lot more quiet time than DH, who is an extrovert and has some loud hobbies. Suffice it to say, I've been going on a lot of lone hikes in the neighborhood to carve out some "me" time!

 

[Lewis Clark]

... And I don't like wearing my sweat shirt when I'm cold because it can quickly get hot, then what if my back goes out and I can't take it off? ...

Perhaps a button down sweater instead of a sweatshirt? It would be easier to get on and off.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm sure you're right.

Though these anecdotes always run up against other anecdotes about old women going casseroling after old widowers.

And there you have it.
I will guess that the females still do more of the "taking care of"/chores type of work in marriages/relationships and perhaps there is a tiredness of having enough of it.

 

[beowulf]

Yuck to casseroles. Steak on a charcoal grill is far more enticing. Of course, that doesn’t work well for people with no teeth.

 

[MarieIG]

Mrs Pro does make me sign out when I go outside. Especially if it involves power tools. Today I decided was a good day to work on fire breaks, cutting down and setting up burn piles. She just shook her head, clipped a phone to my chest and said she was leaving for 3 or 4 hours to get her nails done.
I'm beginning to think she makes me sign out with her so she can find the body, not save me from harm.

You certainly keep her on her toes!

 

[MarieIG]

Married 50 years and still think it was the right move - for me. We offer each other a lot of freedom and agree on most things. So, it's sort of the best of both worlds. Having said that, I don't know if I'd "tempt fate" if I ever found myself single. One good marriage is more than most of us get. I've had (am having) mine! YMMV

Well yes. I was fortunate enough to get one, good, long-term marriage. For me, it's one and done.

 

[Out_the_Door]

I've lived alone for most of my born days. left home at 17 and was married for 3 years. Currently no kids and no wife. I spend a lot of time at my current girlfriend's place put I like having my own place to go home to with my stuff in it.

 

[ivinsfan]

In non-Covid times, in Florida I'm part of a weekly 'Game Night' (includes 16 ladies, ages 50 to early 80s, some still married & some widowed).

This topic has come up in the past.

I found it interesting that:

1. 100% would not get married again and
2. None of them would want to live with anyone again (even the still-married ones, if their spouses pre-decease them)

omni

I don't know how much credence to put a poll like that. It might be different if/when they actually are alone and meet a person they care about. Saying you wouldn't marry or live with an abstract person you might not have even met yet is pretty vague.

On certain days, even after 48 years of marriage at setup like W2R's seems pretty darn appealing...

 

[tmm99]

I don't get on my inversion table in the basement unless DH is home and I always take my phone with me as he won't be able to hear me if he is upstairs.

 

[Rushmore]

I don't know how much credence to put a poll like that. It might be different if/when they actually are alone and meet a person they care about. Saying you wouldn't marry or live with an abstract person you might not have even met yet is pretty vague.

On certain days, even after 48 years of marriage at setup like W2R's seems pretty darn appealing...

There is a widow persons support group here that I ended up being a part of their social club(pot lucks, card games, going to movies etc). They graciously decided I could come even though I’m divorced not widowed. The vast majority of them are not interested at all

 

[FIREd]

I lived alone in my early 20's. Then, after a disastrous year living with a roommate, I lived with my (now ex-) wife for 20 years. I've been living again on my own for the past 2 years.

I had great memories of living alone in my 20's. Yet, when facing divorce in my 40's, the thing I dreaded the most was the prospect of living alone again! As it turns out, I had no reason to worry. I still love living alone. That being said I've always been a very self-sufficient person. I can handle my own finances. I know how to cook, clean, and do laundry. I can handle a lot of home repairs myself. And I don't need anyone to "motivate" me to do what needs to be done.

What I dislike: the cost. Living alone is a luxury for sure. What I like: the freedom and the quiet.

 

[ivinsfan]

There is a widow persons support group here that I ended up being a part of their social club(pot lucks, card games, going to movies etc). They graciously decided I could come even though I’m divorced not widowed. The vast majority of them are not interested at all

There again, even if you are a widowed person, you maybe have not yet met the person you would if interested in marrying or living with.

Now I do believe that many would not be actively looking for another mate, but that's not really the same thing as not interested...for myself still married I think I might be in the not actively looking but if I met someone I really cared about IDK what might happen.