Do You Like Living Alone?

[REWahoo]

I've lived alone for the last 40 years. Humans that is as I've had dogs over the last 20. No complaints whatsoever.

Not even from the dogs?

 

[Aerides]

As part of our SimpliSafe alarm system we have a "panic button" mounted on the lower end of our upstairs bedroom wall. Figured in event of a fall, and alone, it might be difficult to get to phone or get down the stairs.
I have a multi-page document for DW covering everything she would need to know if I precdecease her. That includes getting one of those "I've fallen and I can't get up" alarms. I think this is a great idea for anyone living alone.

Another thing: Some sort of code to open/unlock the front door. An elderly friend of ours recently fell and broke her leg. Dragged herself to her cell phone to call 911. Then dragged herself to the front door to unlock it for paramedics. I'm sure that was a lot of painful dragging, and might not have been possible for a lot of people, or if she fell further away from the door.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

I suspect Shokwave was kidding otherwise his wife would want to kill him).

It was a little tongue in cheek. But I am not sure we REALLY appreciate what our better halves do for the both of us. All those things are real, they all have to get done by someone. Yes I do my fair share too, but if I am honest, DW far exceeds my domestic contributions.

But as she always tells me; "I never have to hire a Plumber, Electrician, AC Repair Person, Pool Boy, Rat Catcher, Appliance Fixer, Hanyman ......."

Basically we typically do not miss them till they are gone. Unless of course one was miserable with them. YMMV

 

[iloveyoga]

I've enjoyed reading these comments as I have never lived alone, not one day. But you never know what the future holds.

 

[beowulf]

Another thing: Some sort of code to open/unlock the front door. An elderly friend of ours recently fell and broke her leg. Dragged herself to her cell phone to call 911. Then dragged herself to the front door to unlock it for paramedics. I'm sure that was a lot of painful dragging, and might not have been possible for a lot of people, or if she fell further away from the door.

That happened with my MIL - the EMTs are prepared for that - they have a device that essentially pops out the entire center of the lock. She had to get a new lock, but they saved her life. This was over 20 years ago. I spoke with them and they said they will always find a way in - wood doors are just kicked in, steel doors, if they can’t get by the lock or a police style lock bar, they use a fireman style pry bar. Then you have to replace the whole door. If a window is accessible, they go in that way.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I always put a keyless entry on the front door so you just give someone the code. I have helped so many of my friends during the past 24 years that they want to repay the favor and many are younger than me but retired. When I broke my right wrist 3 years ago and my husband was out of town I had more offers to come and help than days and they were all working back then. So I will let my friends help when needed and I have my son and his wife. Even though I am a extrovert I find as I age I need more time alone. After being the maid for so long I expect to be like my mom and enjoy not taking anyone else into consideration.

 

[Aerides]

That happened with my MIL - the EMTs are prepared for that - they have a device that essentially pops out the entire center of the lock. She had to get a new lock, but they saved her life. This was over 20 years ago. I spoke with them and they said they will always find a way in - wood doors are just kicked in, steel doors, if they can’t get by the lock or a police style lock bar, they use a fireman style pry bar. Then you have to replace the whole door. If a window is accessible, they go in that way.

Oh yes they will get in. But then off you go, single person, hauled off to the hospital and your home is not secure. There are new locks now that can be opened remotely so that's something to consider just to make all that stuff easier. Particularly if one is already considering a "help I've fallen" thingy.

 

[whatnot]

I married young. We’ve been married 40 years.
So I have never lived alone.
There are Pros and Cons to any living situation. There are times he drives me crazy and there are times that I am know I’m lucky to have him.
Our first adjustment period was when we both retired 2 years ago. Had to learn to coexist 24/7. It’s a balancing act. We give each other tons of alone time. I tend to go out more; lunch with friends, book clubs, walks, etc.
But most of that has stopped due to COVID-19. So we are adjusting again.
For the most part, I think we compliment each other.
It’s all about compromise.

 

[Rushmore]

I’ve lived alone for the past 26 years. During that time my sister has lived with me off and on for about 3years, the longest consecutive time being 2 years. Prior to that I was married for 20 years and had several roommates prior to that.

When I first divorced I struggled some! But looking back think that was more to do with family and religious pressure and shaming. It was very hard for my VERY religious family to accept.

I love being single. I have good friends who I help when they need something and they are always there to help me. I’ve never had a problem finding someone to provide transportation to and from a procedure. I am not nearly as lonely as I was married. He continued to try to separate and isolate me.

I do think that a good relationship is great, but the next best thing IMHO is single, not married to someone who really isn’t a partner. I like spending money (or not) on things I want. I like not having others junk around. I like eating lasagna for a week if that’s what I want to do. I like getting up when I want and going to bed when I want, with no judgement. Yesterday I painted my bathroom the color I wanted, with no one to have to check with. I find single my cup of tea. As I’m aging more friends are losing spouses I sure wouldn’t want to do that, or honestly take care of someone long term. I’m sure that would have been different if it was someone I had been with long term

So far I haven’t met anything I can’t figure out howto do, or who to hire to do it. As a friend said when I first divorced, anything a husband does you can hire someone to do, and I mean anything!

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

On Shok's list, not having someone to take me home from procedures is an inconvenience. So far I've had friends who recognized my predicament and helped when asked, but I don't like to have to ask. Any such place is 45-60 minutes away.

Help carrying heavy or awkward loads is also on the list, but it's a little easier to get a neighbor for a few minutes to help with that.

Some of the last few, of course, would be nice.

This is something that I have pondered if I were a lone being. My family is pretty darn small (and if you take out the DW's side almost ZERO). If she wasn't around, I am not really sure what I would do in the case of a medical procedure, etc. We are pretty happy though, so hopefully it's not something I will have to deal with anytime soon.

 

[RunningBum]

Oh yes they will get in. But then off you go, single person, hauled off to the hospital and your home is not secure. There are new locks now that can be opened remotely so that's something to consider just to make all that stuff easier. Particularly if one is already considering a "help I've fallen" thingy.

My local fire/rescue department offers a Knox box for that. They have a key that opens all of them, that they have to sign out for with their SSN on their truck, so it shouldn't just disappear from the truck for someone to use as they please.. There's a sticker on the door that tells them I have one, and they install it by the electric meter in every house, so they can get in, and lock it back up when the leave.

The obvious drawback is if someone else gets a key to the knox box. I don't know if the same key fits every box in the country, or if it's somehow for only their area.

 

[CoolChange]

I have loved living alone in the past, for many of the reasons mentioned above as well as for one that I didn't see, the simple contentment, maybe even joy at times, that I find in solitude.

Sojourner's safety and W2R's cost comments are the only real downsides that come to mind. Both would definitely be in play during any kind of significant convalescence alone, although W2R seems to have made it through that fine too. I do have similar stories to skipro33; but, I love living alone enough to role those dice with my personal safety.

Many people seem to hate cooking for one. But, it has never been an issue for me. I am happy with leftovers; some soups and chili that I make are actually better as leftovers. I also eat a much healthier diet, including significantly less alcohol, when living alone.

Note: ER Eddie's post made me think that he may be my long lost twin brother.

Good luck and try to enjoy this next chapter!

 

[Amethyst]

I believe such services exist, but are costly, owing to the drivers needing to be vetted/acceptable to the hospitals.

I would ask a neighbor if I had to; but I'd offer to pay.

Yeah, this is the only real downside to living alone, at least for me. What if I need to be transported to the hospital for a procedure? Who's going to take me? My dog can't drive very well. I have some people I could ask, but it feels awkward.



I didn't realize some home health agencies offered that service. That's good.

I always wondered why someone didn't step into that market. An ever-increasing percentage of people live alone, so there must be millions of people who could benefit.

 

[easysurfer]

Makes using the remote control a lot easier .

 

[beowulf]

I believe such services exist, but are costly, owing to the drivers needing to be vetted/acceptable to the hospitals. I would ask a neighbor if I had to; but I'd offer to pay.

Our son lives in an area where major hospitals have vans to pick up people who need a ride to and from the hospital. They have a 30 minute window, so you could get there much earlier than necessary, but at least you are there.

He used to use Uber and Lyft, but using them during Covid is questionable.

 

[Midpack]

I would get a Lodger, preferably a friend. I have never lived alone and never intend to.

+1. If it wasn’t for DW, we’d have both gone nuts in 2020 with the Covid restrictions, and we wouldn’t like it in normal times either. We both need some alone time and some separate interests, but not all the time. That said, I’m sure there are some people who are genuinely happier living alone.

 

[W2R]

I always put a keyless entry on the front door so you just give someone the code.

+1 I am a huge fan of keyless entries! The first thing I did after closing on this house, back in 2015, was to have my handyman put in Shlage keyless entry deadbolts on each of the four exterior doors. I have all four set to the same numeric code.

Frank and I have been exclusively devoted to each other for decades. Every day he comes over once or twice. He knocks, and I yell "Come on in!", and then he lets himself in using the keypad entry. So, I don't need to worry that he would forget the code.

I change the batteries on all four keypad entries, every year during the first week in January. They are nowhere near dead after just a year, but it's cheap to do this so that's what I do.

Besides the safety aspect, I love the keypad entries because I don't have to fish through my purse looking for a key when my hands are full, for example. For me it's just easier to enter a four digit number on the keypad using one fingertip.

 

[mistermike40]

I loved having my own place after college, but living alone now (at 61, after being married almost 31 years) will be a challenge. My wife was recently moved to a skilled nursing facility two hours away, and our youngest child (who still lives at home) will move closer to his job once Covid restrictions are lifted (and he is no longer telecommuting). It's not an adjustment I'm looking forward to.

 

[tmm99]

Looking at the disadvantages of living with other people that some people have posted here, I must admit that I feel blessed in my relationship with DH. It's my 2nd marriage. My 1st marriage was full of rules and compromises. I made it last almost 10 years, but it was very difficult. I was scared when I was separated, but I was starting to feel absolutely elated when my divorce was close to getting finalized, and the elated feeling lasted for a long time. I felt so free and light! I felt that my life was all mine again. I felt so powerful! I no longer had to listen to anybody complain about what I did or what I didn't do. I could decide everything without having to ask. And I finally had full control over my finance.

I was single for about 20 years after that and didn't live with anybody.

My DH is nothing like my ex. I don't have any rules or constraints that I need to follow. DH is OK with me doing whatever (except disrespecting him). Although we're married, we're like besties living together. I do my stuff, he does his stuff, and we get back and do "our stuff" together. Our finances are separate (except for our joint checking account to share living expenses). Our sleeping hours are different too. It's so nice to have this relationship at a later stage in my life. I love being with him.

 

[ivinsfan]

I loved having my own place after college, but living alone now (at 61, after being married almost 31 years) will be a challenge. My wife was recently moved to a skilled nursing facility two hours away, and our youngest child (who still lives at home) will move closer to his job once Covid restrictions are lifted (and he is no longer telecommuting). It's not an adjustment I'm looking forward to.

Sorry to hear this mike and I wish you the very best outcome adjusting to a most difficult life change. Take care of yourself that's important.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am so sorry mike that happened to your wife so young. Wishing you both the best in this difficult situation.

 

[ls99]

More than half of my adult life was single, Having become a widower, I prefer being single.

 

[athena53]

I've got a setup I really like now- have been seeing the same guy for 2 years. We live an hour apart from each other- OK, I wish it were less- I'm widowed, he's divorced and we've cheerfully agreed we're not interested in remarriage or even cohabitation. We e-mail a lot and typically see each other once a week, with occasional road trips together. It feels just right for where we are in life.

 

[FIYes]

I have been married over 40 years, so I really can’t comment on living alone. However, it has occurred to me that a handy gadget for someone living alone is a Smartwatch. I have a Samsung Smartwatch and I can answer my cell phone or make a call from anywhere in the house even if my phone is in another room. I don’t carry my phone around with me but I do wear my watch. While a “help I can’t get up” situation was not my motive for getting a Smartwatch, it has occurred to me that it would be handy in such a situation. My watch will detect a fall and call my emergency contact, fortunately I haven’t had to test this out.

Nothing like advice from someone who hasn’t experienced the situation (living alone).

 

[Dtail]

Interesting posts.
It appears most folks would not wish to remarry, irrespective of a current satisfying relationship.