Funny Joke Thread 2021 to ?

[REWahoo]

It's only a joke folks, only a joke...
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.
.

 

[Chuckanut]

It's only a joke folks, only a joke...
.

Isn't that what Ricky Gervais said when he was skewering the entertainment industry's A-List of hypocrites a few years ago?

So if you do win an award tonight, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You are in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world. Most of you spent less time in school than Greta Thunberg.

 

[gcgang]

Philosophy Professor Fenwick was at his retirement party when he opened a gift from his friend in the Antiquities Department. It appeared to be a lamp. Fenwick joked, I suppose if I rub it…as he did, a Genie appeared from a cloud of smoke.

Professor, you’ve done a wonderful job here, the Genie said. I can grant you one of the following three things: eternal youth, unlimited wealth, or total knowledge.

Fenwick thought, and finally said, I’ve always sought understanding so I’d like to have total knowledge.

The Genie disappeared in a cloud of smoke. As the smoke cleared, Fenwick just sat there staring blankly. One of his students finally asked if he had received the knowledge. Fenwick looked at the youth and nodded yes.

Well Professor, is there anything you can tell us?

Yes. I should’ve took the money.

 

[mickeyd]

R word

The difference between a recession and a depression? It’s very easy. A recession is when you lose your job. A depression is when I lose my job.

 

[REWahoo]

...

 

[Walt34]

The usual again?

 

[calmloki]

So why IS his body so small?

 

[Walt34]

Some days are like this. But not so much since I retired.

 

[Davidhelp]

Wisconsin Dells
When you visit the Wisconsin Dells you will come across Wisconsonites.
Just throw cheese to them over the railing and they will clap.....
They cannot get out as there is a ditch between you and them.

 

[ncbill]

So why IS his body so small?

 

[cbo111]

Funny?

I'm not really sure if this was supposed to be funny, but I thought it was.

 

[Davidhelp]

Some TV newscasts can be momentarily mistaken for Victoria’s Secret specials. In an apparent attempt to capture channel-surfing male viewers, stations have hired attractive female anchors, often outfitting them in attire that emphasizes their sexuality." These guys watch but they couldn't tell you what was just reported.

I'll tell you when I first noticed this. I lived in Kansas City back in the seventies and one local station there went out and made a big deal out of some new weather girl that they had hired, and I gotta tell you, when this woman stood on the East Coast and faced the West Coast, the first state you saw was Missouri.

 

[REWahoo]

...

 

[aja8888]

...

^^^^^Ugh...is that what this thread is degrading into?

 

[REWahoo]

Hey, you can always ask for a refund!

 

[aja8888]

Hey, you can always ask for a refund!

Refund? I'm still waiting on my last pay check from when I was a Moderator!

 

[Davidhelp]

I invented a new word today: Plagiarism.

 

[Qs Laptop]

I went to the zoo the other day but there was only one animal, a small dog. It was a shih-tzu.

 

[aja8888]

 

[aja8888]

For those of you who still read this joke thread....

 

[Davidhelp]

Bob Hope quips from the Tonight Show 12-12-1975

Tough crowds in Chicago, Ciscero
They did not applaud if they liked you but instead they let you live.

During intermission they would reload.

They put tomato's on the end of Yo Yo's so they could hit you twice....

 

[Walt34]

Seeking the right button:

 

[Davidhelp]

Red Skelton - Wife's cooking
Johnny Carson show 12/06/1983

Wife's cooking:
One nice thing about my wife's cooking. She broke that dog from begging at the table...

 

[KCGeezer]

Second try

Caption was

Diversity is important

 

[aja8888]

Link didn’t post correctly.