Feeling sad after just hearing of the passing of a long time colleague

[Luvtoride]

I didn’t know where to put this thread and hope it’s not out of line on this site/ forum.

I just received a call today from the wife of a former colleague telling me that her husband passed away last Friday. He was 69 years old and had worked at our company for 35 years before retiring about 7 years ago to a lake community in Virginia. He and I had worked together at our company for 8 years before he retired and we had a nice friendship.

His wife told me that he had been dealing with several major health issues the past few years which culminated in some severe impairments and then Covid this year leading to his death.

After making calls to our company president to let him know the sad news and the head of our benefits department so they can contact his wife regarding his pension and insurance benefits the realization of his death hit me hard.

This hard working loyal company man worked for 35 years and retired at a reasonably early age (62…early for our company) for a retirement that lasted such a short time. This was the 3rd person’s early death in the past year that has greatly impacted me.

After the death last year of a very close friend who died at age 62, one year after closing his business and retiring his wife said to me pointedly…RETIRE NOW!

I’m sure many here have dealt with the impact of health (and death) of family and friends and how that influences your RE decisions. I’m feeling like I should plan my retirement right now and soon but don’t want to make a rash decision.
Any words of advice or experiences of how you’ve dealt with this are appreciated.

 

[gamboolman]

Luvtoride,

Sorry for the loss of your colleague and friend.

For all of us, if we live long enough, we see work friends, colleagues, and dear family pass unexpectedly.

Life can be hard and seemingly so unfair at times.

I too saw several of my work friends and colleagues pass unexpectedly or soon after their Retirement just as you have described.

We lost our son, Jeffrey, on 27-Oct-19 when I was planning to retire on 1-Jan-20. We were in Nigeria when we got the call - what a nightmare. No parent should ever bury a child.

We worked a year longer after his totally unexpected passing as ms gamboolgal and I were in shock and to be honest we were more comfortable continuing to live overseas in the compound as we had been doing for the previous ~18 years.

Just afew months before losing our Son, ms gamboolgals sister was T-boned and killed by a drunk/high thug driving at night w/o headlights. ms gamboolgals sister was heading home from the store where she had bought party stuff for her first Grandsons Baby Shower to be held the next morning for the baby who was born 2 weeks later.

Just last week, one of my work friends who took early retirement the same time I did from XOM - effective 1-Feb-21 this year; lost his wife to Covid.
This really shook ms gamboolgal and I to the Core, as they were our same age and oilfield background....

After our friends passing last week, ms gamboolgal and I went on ahead and got the first Pfizer shot(s) of 2.

Our friends had not got the shots.... who knows if she would have survived the Virus if she had?

Another work friend literally afew months from retiring. Same age as me and same background, i.e., oilfield all his life. Got funny unusual behavior, sent home to die with Brain Tumor and was in the ground in afew weeks.

Another man, worked for the company for 35+ years and was heritage Mobil - retired from overseas and was home unpacking from coming home from Africa for the last time and fell across his bed dead as a hammer from a stroke.... He was in good health and never saw it coming....

Really close friend I worked with in New Orleans and then in Equatorial Guinea, retired and sold his place in New Orleans and bought a Condo in Costa Rico with a gorgeous young local gal and was dead from the Cancer in less than 3 year after retiring....

I could tell of a dozen more heart breaking deaths of friends, family and colleagues - as we all can.

That said Luv, if you are able to go and have run the thousands of spreadshiites and projections and have a good handle on your real expenses - I would tell you to Pull The GD Plug.

Life can be hard, and yes it can be unfair.

If you can go, then I would tell you to retire as soon as possible.

ms gamboolgal and I are loving being retired.

All the best and do please keep us posted on your status.

gamboolman....

Lifes A Dance And You Learn As You Go....

 

[cyber888]

Sorry for your loss. Sad

 

[Luvtoride]

Gamboolman,
Wow, I’m so sorry for your losses and those terrible stories of family friends and colleagues. I can’t imagine how hard it was to lose your son. My sincere condolence.

Yes unfair for sure, but we don’t have a say in the hand we’re dealt…we just have to play it.

Did any one or several of these incidents finally cause you and your wife to decide to Retire?

I’m fairly new to this site and just starting to run my numbers thru Firecalc and other tools. Today, before I got the news I was putting together an expense spreadsheet going thru my checking account. I understand the importance of “running the numbers” but making RE work can be accomplished in many ways including scaling back spending if needed.

Thanks for your kind words and sharing your own difficult story. I appreciate it!
Brian

 

[RunningBum]

It is a shocker. Sorry for your losses.

I can't tell you what to do. But I don't make life decisions based on a few individual stories. I may die in my 60s, or I may live another 30 years, and I don't want to live poorly if the latter happens. But it is a good incentive not to work unnecessarily one more year.

 

[NW-Bound]

It's sad that your friend died at 67, but the consolation is that he had some years of retirement.

My friend and best man at my wedding died before 50. And we lost contact, and I did not know about it until a couple of years later.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I live every day knowing no one is promised tomorrow.

I don't deny myself anything.

 

[CindyBlue]

I'm so sorry to hear it. We had a similar experience last week - a fellow we both worked with for over 40 years just passed away. He'd been retired for about 5 years. We have been retired for two.

We were so lucky in that we both really enjoyed our work for all but maybe the last two years. We have no regrets retiring when we did - at 74 for my hubby and 64 for me (we both retired at the same time.) We weren't ready either psychologically or financially until that time. We retired when we were ready.

I think you need to retire when you are ready, too. If you enjoy your life right now and want to continue doing what you are doing, then retirement wouldn't be right for you right now. There is no harm in working if that's what you like to do right now. It's also important to be financially ready - let's face it, once you retire, getting another job if you decide you need it can sometimes be problematic due to age discrimination.

I understand why the death of your dear friends might push you into thinking about retirement - but really think about it, ok? Do you have the financial resources to carry you through? Do you have something to retire TO - things you want to do that will make you happy and fulfilled? We are very happy being retired, but we were very happy with our lives while we were working, too.

You gotta do what's right for you.

I am keeping you and your friends, and their families, in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[whatnot]

Luvtoride - sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.

One of my oldest and closest friend died 2 months ago. She was 66. If really makes you stop and prioritize what is really important.

Gamboolman - I am sorry for your losses also. Heartbreaking to lose a child.

I have 2 other friends with advanced stages of cancer. Both 65, one retired about 1 year ago and another was going to retire within months of her Dx. She is on FMLA now. So sad.

I will be honest that all this has gotten me down a bit. I’m in a funk that I can’t shake.

 

[Scuba]

I'm so sorry to hear it. We had a similar experience last week - a fellow we both worked with for over 40 years just passed away. He'd been retired for about 5 years. We have been retired for two.

We were so lucky in that we both really enjoyed our work for all but maybe the last two years. We have no regrets retiring when we did - at 74 for my hubby and 64 for me (we both retired at the same time.) We weren't ready either psychologically or financially until that time. We retired when we were ready.

I think you need to retire when you are ready, too. If you enjoy your life right now and want to continue doing what you are doing, then retirement wouldn't be right for you right now. There is no harm in working if that's what you like to do right now. It's also important to be financially ready - let's face it, once you retire, getting another job if you decide you need it can sometimes be problematic due to age discrimination.

I understand why the death of your dear friends might push you into thinking about retirement - but really think about it, ok? Do you have the financial resources to carry you through? Do you have something to retire TO - things you want to do that will make you happy and fulfilled? We are very happy being retired, but we were very happy with our lives while we were working, too.

You gotta do what's right for you.

I am keeping you and your friends, and their families, in my thoughts and prayers...

^^^ This. Agree 100%. Some people really enjoy working and find it fulfilling, and don’t know what they’d do with themselves if retired. Others relish the free time and ability to do other projects or nothing at all when retired. Only you can determine what’s right for you.

So sorry for the losses experienced by the OP and others in this thread. We are not guaranteed tomorrow.

 

[skyking1]

Luvtoride and Gamboolman, I am sorry for your losses. My mom had to bury a son and it wrecked us all.
We set a date 20 months from today, but it is getting increasingly difficult to wait it out. Stories and thoughts like these keep creeping in. It is the opposite of the usual " are we really ready?" worry.

 

[old medic]

I could tell of a dozen more heart breaking deaths of friends, family and colleagues - as we all can.
Lifes A Dance And You Learn As You Go....

And I was asking for a push....
My condolences

 

[Richard4444]

Sorry for your loss Gamboolman - these do hit us hard - prayers for you

Rich

 

[easysurfer]

About 18 months ago, I came across the obituary of a former w*rk colleague.

We weren't personal friends, but in my early worked in the same group for about 15 years. Still hasn't totally sunk in as I had imagined one day our paths may cross again. Kinda makes one think how fragile life is.

 

[Bamaman]

None of us know how long we'll be on this earth.
It's days like this that make us realize we need to live life to the fullest and take every day like it's our last.
And it's especially helpful if we have prepared ourselves physically and fiscally as if we're going to be in retirement in the long run.

We lost a church friend to Covid yesterday. Another died a month ago of Covid, and her 45 year old unvacinnated son spent 5 weeks in ICU only to come home with severely damaged lungs. This plague is real.

 

[street]

Sorry to hear all of your losses. I just seen 2 more people pass away that I knew, one was 41 and the other 72.
Retirement is a personal choice and some choose working, which makes them happy and what they want to do.

 

[Jim59]

I’m not going to add about the people I’ve known who have passed, other than to say, every day worked shortens your retirement by a day. So, if you can afford it, get out there and enjoy your vocational freedom.

 

[ExPatKiwi]

Life is short. I've now seen this play out with former work colleagues that retired at the "normal retirement age" and pass away within 18 months. The thing is they could have retired earlier and been financially OK past male life expectancy ~84yo.

 

[athena53]

I understand why the death of your dear friends might push you into thinking about retirement - but really think about it, ok? Do you have the financial resources to carry you through? Do you have something to retire TO - things you want to do that will make you happy and fulfilled? We are very happy being retired, but we were very happy with our lives while we were working, too.

You gotta do what's right for you.

I am keeping you and your friends, and their families, in my thoughts and prayers...

I agree with this. My guess would be that for every person who regrets not retiring earlier there are 5 people trying to eke out a living on SS and not much else who wish they'd worked longer. In retrospect I could have retired earlier (I did 7 years ago at age 61) but I'd rather have to decide how to Blow That Dough than freak out over a $300 deductible or co-pay like many of the Medicare beneficiaries who call the hot line where my friend works.

You never know.

 

[Jerry1]

Absolutely, things such as the passing of relatively young people was one of the factors in my decision to retire. One was an uncle who found out he had cancer months before he planned to retire (not an early retirement). Work would have to be very rewarding in order to trump the benefit of retirement and doing whatever you want to do. Plan your retirement, hit your financial number and go. That’s my recommendation.

 

[jollystomper]

Much sympathy to those with those losses. DW and I have experienced the same, most recently a close friend just a few years older than us.

Seeing work colleagues die before or just after they they was one, but not the only factor, for me choosing to retire. As CindyBlue mentioned above, the important thing is to have something to retire to, not just retire from.

If there is any consolation, what I chose to retire to has made almost everyday of my retirement seem to last longer, in a good way, than my work days. As much as I liked worked, three years of retirement has more than made for many years of work.

OP, even though your friend had only 7 years in retirement, I am sure they felt it was worth it. Even I if die tomorrow, I will not regret retiring sooner, as I feel my timing was perfect, and 3 great years is still more than I deserve.

 

[ncbill]

Life is short. I've now seen this play out with former work colleagues that retired at the "normal retirement age" and pass away within 18 months. The thing is they could have retired earlier and been financially OK past male life expectancy ~84yo.

Yep, last guy I worked for in the corporate world died around the same age as OPs friend.

He, however, chose to retire in his mid-50s & so got around 15 years in retirement...without the drinking he would have likely added another decade.

Unfortunately, waiting to retire until one's mid-60s statistically shaves roughly a decade off a "30 year" retirement, waiting until one's mid-70s, roughly two decades.

 

[FlaGator]

My wife died at 54, leaving behind 2 pre-teens. I retired a year later to finish raising the kids. It’s working out better than I hoped, but probably would have kept working w/o the kids.

I also had devolved to very little life beyond working and the family.

Give yourself some time to process what has happened, then decide. Every situation is different.

 

[CindyBlue]

My wife died at 54, leaving behind 2 pre-teens. I retired a year later to finish raising the kids. It’s working out better than I hoped, but probably would have kept working w/o the kids.

I also had devolved to very little life beyond working and the family.

Give yourself some time to process what has happened, then decide. Every situation is different.

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear about your wife, FlaGator...

 

[RobbieB]

Pops told me "once you hit 50 you start going to a lot of funerals"

Sad, but true.