Couples - What do you fight about most?

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mountainsoft

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Any two people living together are bound to have disagreements. What do you tend to fight about most? Sex, Money, Chores, Kids, In-laws, Romance, life goals, etc.?

Sex is the big trigger in our relationship. It always seems like one of us is in the mood when the other is not, and we each tend to get cranky when it has been a while. We have both seen declines in our libido as we have aged, so that hasn't helped the situation.

Fortunately, we never argue about money, chores, kids, or in-laws. I guess we've been very lucky in those areas.
 
We don't.
 
Socializing. He's the life of the party, and I'd rather not even be at the party. I did overhear him telling our adult children at Christmas that he doesn't enjoy socializing as much as he used to because his hearing is deteriorating, and he's usually ready to go to bed at 9:30.

Luckily we agree 100% on politics, or we'd be divorced by now.
 
Arguing with DW is like reading a software licensing agreement. At the end it's just easier for me to click "I agree".
 
Nothing trivial here. We only disagree about the most important existential issues, like whether to get thin crust pizza or pan pizza. Turns out it's really easy to order one of each!
 
Early in our marriage we had a horrible fight about socks. Not sex, but socks.

Yeah, life is like that.

We never fight about money because DH avoids all topics related to money, finances, numbers in general. I can do whatever I want and he knows I don’t want much ;)

That’s why I have the folks here, so I can talk money with somebody.
 
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SumDay said:
Socializing. He's the life of the party, and I'd rather not even be at the party.
Click to expand...

Yeah, socializing has been an issue for us too. She likes to visit family or go to work parties, and I'm more of a home body. I wouldn't say we fight about it, but it's definitely a tense subject in our relationship.
 
Sue J said:
We never fight about money because DH avoids all topics related to money, finances, numbers in general. I can do whatever I want and he knows I don’t want much ;)
Click to expand...

My wife generally leaves the finances to me, but we do have "refresher" discussions occasionally to keep her in the loop. I try to document everything thoroughly so if I drop dead tomorrow she won't be completely lost.

Neither of us are big spenders, though my toys tend to cost more than hers. We both have simple tastes, so money is rarely an issue.
 
Bir48die said:
Politics
Click to expand...
+1, but it is more complicated.

DW and I have been very compatible with our "church life." However, in recent years, our so-called church as become more of a political activist outlet.

OK, that's the way I see it. DW doesn't. So, we have differences...
 
we disagree about 100's of topics. We fight about none.
 
We do not really fight about anything. Never have.

The closest we come is a disagreement over faith issues since we have different faiths/beliefs. But we agree to disagree. This disagreement does not rule over our lives.
 
I have never been in a fight over sex. Actually the notion of fighting about sex strikes me as oddly funny; not sure why. "I demand a blow job instanter!" "No!"
Meanwhile, the situation you describe isn't anybody's fault, and no doubt all possible solutions have been tried, so how does fighting help?

mountainsoft said:
We have both seen declines in our libido as we have aged, so that hasn't helped the situation.
Click to expand...

I occasionally raise a little cain about stuff that the other person is capable of fixing, if he or she tries. This usually falls in the "chores" realm. But I always try diplomacy before war :LOL:
 
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We really don't fight much these days. The major issues like sex :)dance:), finances, chores, kids, etc. we almost always tended to be in agreement, or worked toward quick reconciliation of differences. We have tried to learn fro the unfortunate example of other marriages who have split over these or relatively minor issues.

Also, even after 36+ years of marriage, we do not take each other for granted. Any little differences tend to be tempered with the thought of "if the other were suddenly dead tomorrow, how much would this matter?"

The main difference we have is socialization and talking. DW is a great talker and socializer with everyone anywhere and a people person. People are attracted to her, so she enjoys going to a lot more social events and staying longer at them than I am. When I socialize I prefer an "action" to be the main focus of the event, not just conversation. But we do not fight over this, we acknowledge the difference and have learned techniques to compromise on this (and other) items that keeps us from fighting.
 
I'm a textbook INTJ... and still recovering from 25 years in corporate management hell, living someone else's life.

I don't particularly like social situations. DW thrives on interacting with other people. She likes loud conversations with a large group and lots of laughing and hand-waving. I like one-on-one thoughtful conversations about important topics.

She constantly makes social arrangements that include me. I moan for a while, she gets mad that I moan, so I go, and then I'm usually miserable. Not always.

I'm happy as a pig in slop working by myself in the workshop listening to endless podcasts or playing guitar for hours. She has no hobbies, so if she sits around the house more than a day or two without some organized social engagement, the cabin fever gets really bad and she's miserable.

We both like to travel together, but she prefers beaches and other vibrant locations. I'm happy in a cabin on a lake in Maine with a rowboat, a fishing pole, and a book.

I love the learning process of DIY home improvements. She just wants it done, yesterday.

I'll stop there.

We never fight, per se. And certainly never about money or politics. But we definitely get on each other's nerves over differing priorities and interests. This was never an issue until we were both retired. I think we were both happiest during the 3 years that I was retired and she was still working. Anyway, we are slowly finding our rhythm, and learning that it's OK to do things separately. She does more social stuff on her own now, while I calibrate the table saw one more time. We compromise on travel destinations, alternating between Rome and Maine.

It's all good.
 
We agree on most things except for politics so we don’t discuss it.
 
At the drop of the hat.... It's a much shorter list to tell you what we agree on consistently.... Of course she is right sometimes. I know of at least twice she was right in the past 40+ years....:LOL::LOL::LOL:
 
Car-Guy said:
At the drop of the hat.... It's a much shorter list to tell you what we agree on consistently.... Of course she is right sometimes. I know of at least twice she was right in the past 40+ years....:LOL::LOL::LOL:
Click to expand...
You have been fighting at the drop of a hat for 40 years?
:confused:
 
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