Do You Hide Your Financial Success From Others?

GrayHare said:
When depositing at a bank I've also gotten the "Where'd you get this money?" question. "By selling illegal goods in the city of Vanguard, that's why the payer is 'Vanguard' on the check." Seriously, what's the point of that question? Do criminals regularly get tripped up and, whoops, admit to something illegal?
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I almost made a complaint to a bank manager once due to a teller comment when opening a CD. She said, “You are lucky to have so much to put in a CD.” I said luck had nothing to do with it. Just found it to be presumptuous and unnecessary comment. I wanted to tell her I just lost my husband unexpectedly and this was the life insurance payout. That might make her think before speaking next time.
 
I don't flaunt it and no one has asked. One friend and my siblings know I am a millionaire (they all are too) but no one asks. in fact, I think there are many at my church who assume I am struggling financially. :-D
 
capitalhockey said:
How do I explain to people when they ask me? Will they be inspired by my story of hard work and sacrifice or resentful at my success ?
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IMO

IT'S NONE OF THEIR DARN BUSINESS!
and to answer your question - I don't dress like I have anything, so people don't ask me questions. When they ask about the car I drive (a Cadillac) I tell them it's my mom's (it is but she doesn't drive anymore). Beyond that I don't discuss my finances. Ever. Period.

Because if they don't think you have anything they won't ask you for anything.
 
Joylush said:
I almost made a complaint to a bank manager once due to a teller comment when opening a CD. She said, “You are lucky to have so much to put in a CD.” I said luck had nothing to do with it. Just found it to be presumptuous and unnecessary comment. I wanted to tell her I just lost my husband unexpectedly and this was the life insurance payout. That might make her think before speaking next time.
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I suspect it was naively meant as a compliment, but having had a similar experience, I understand.
 
Joylush said:
I almost made a complaint to a bank manager once due to a teller comment when opening a CD. She said, “You are lucky to have so much to put in a CD.” I said luck had nothing to do with it. Just found it to be presumptuous and unnecessary comment. I wanted to tell her I just lost my husband unexpectedly and this was the life insurance payout. That might make her think before speaking next time.
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If someone tells me how lucky I am, I always agree with them. Because I am lucky to have what I have. I could have been just as smart and worked just as hard but have nothing to show for it. It happens more than we'd like to think.
 
I have always been low key, and I never was one to be jealous of my in laws and their comfort. We always had the modest home, but we had what we needed. When DW retired early her younger sister asked her what would she do with her time. I had a conversation with her husband over a few and mentioned where we were financially and we could afford her retirement, and I was a little disappointed at both their responses.. how jealous and resentful they seemed.I guess they were taken by surprise. All these years we were happy for what they had. Seems like it was a contest!
It was very eye opening, and I told DW not to talk about our situation with them.
I agree, it’s no ones business.
 
HI Bill said:
People just can’t comprehend that you saved half your income for 20 years. They can’t conceive of doing it themselves. I gave a couple of retirement planning talks at work, and most walked out depressed or jealous, rather than inspired. They just don’t get it. I’d just say “I saved and invested” and let it go at that, unless they ask for more info. The only path to wealth and security most people can fathom is winning the lottery, unfortunately. When I told people of my early retirement, they often say that I’m lucky!
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How do you do this if the other person in the house is the "spender" and doesn't think so or care?
 
HI Bill said:
People just can’t comprehend that you saved half your income for 20 years.
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My husband and I retired at 50 and a ton of my co-workers asked me how. I explained we got married at 30 and both had our own households, and seeing as two people in the same household shouldn’t cost twice as much, we agreed to try to live on one of our incomes. Part of this wasn’t with FIRE in mind, but rather to avoid lifestyle inflation in case one of us wanted to stay home with kids. As our incomes grew, we were living on less than one of our incomes. Frankly, I found most of my co-workers were inspired to
save more and one friend who hadn’t even thought about retirement looked at his finances and determined he could easily do so. He’s now learning to ski and riding his motorcycle all around the Rockies.

My husband comes from a very blue collar family living in the rural south. They do not know we are retired. It’s my husband’s call, and we only see them a couple of times a year on holidays, so it’s not that difficult. Luckily, they don’t like me much so they never ask about my work. 😆
 
Dtail said:
Had some friends who had a rough idea on our financial situation. A few would say I wish I had your monies, but none were willing to say that they would work as hard as me to get there.
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That about sums it up! If you want it, work for it. Wishing ain't gonna get it for you.
 
I actually don't mind when someone comments I'm lucky. Let's face it, I am. I'm lucky that I woke up this morning, I'm lucky that I had the foresight to make many of the decisions that I did in life, but admittedly, some of it was lucky timing. For instance, in 2004 I had a condo I wanted to sell, but it needed a lot of work. The guy who did the work, the brother of a friend of mine, screwed me over and went on a drinking binge instead, and then disappeared on me. I had to find someone else. But, by the time the condo finally went on the market, it fetched about $40,000 more than it would have, if the first guy finished on time.

I'm also lucky that my parents, and my grandparents, despite mistakes they made, themselves over the years, instilled some knowledge and common sense in me. I'm lucky that none of them got sick and ran up any huge medical bills and stuff like that, so when Grandmom died, I got an inheritance. And when my Dad died, I got a bigger one. I would have been all right without those two inheritances, and would rather have Grandmom and my Dad alive and healthy, than the money. But, it is what it is. And to be fair, Grandmom, had she lived, would be pushing 98, so if what got her at 91 didnt get her, I'm sure something else would have by now.

So yeah, I have to admit, I'm lucky to be in the position I am now. So, when somebody says I'm lucky, I just don't see what there is to get offended about. Now what gets me riled up, is if someone says "You don't know how lucky you are". Because THAT, is an assumption. And how the hell do they know what I think, or what I know about myself. So that's the key difference. "Privileged." That's another word that tends to grab me the wrong way these days too, although that one's been politicized, so these days when it's used, it's often to make someone else feel guilty.
 
I did the same thing

In the 80's I was working in the Beauty industry and got real good at what I do. I live in Los Angeles and celebrities "heard" about me and started coming in. Howard Stern loved three of the girls that I took care of and when interviewed, they all mentioned ME on his radio show. I had a long run of fame and worked from 6am until 10 or 11 at night back to back for a number of years. I was married to a cameraman, and we had the same hours so often we left and came home at the same time. We kept our money separate. He spent, in my opinion, so frivolously as he bought watches (boxes self winding on the dresser side by side) and cars (like a new one every 6 months) and I bought (broken down) houses, but in GREAT Locations. And I have never Sold. There was no housing boom...yet. My first ($84,000-in a GREAT Location) was abandoned for years and my husband thought I had a screw loose because I wanted it and ohhh...it needed a lot of work.It smelled musty so he wouldn't even venture inside to look at it with me. But I loved it, and bought it, and spent weekends working on it. I worked with focus and paid to have my houses fixed up little by little and did so good with my first one that we actually moved in to it. I was raised dirt poor so I learned early how to make something out of nothing and my proprieties were very fun to fix-up, and I didn't cheap-out on things you shouldn't cheap out on. Got the best re-pipe plumbing (copper), 35 year new roofs, Cast iron Bathtub (not resin), went to amazing high class tile stores and picked out from the Clearance section the beauties and surrounded them with a black liner and white tile all around to finish, got expensive hardy faucetry (not plastic), the Best Dunn-Edwards paint etc. The housing "boom" wasn't quite here yet, in the 80's, so for awhile there I was buying a house a year. So, to be "blue-collar" working appearing (and I still very much am) I drive a small old mini truck (1998) that I LOVE, (but I do have a Mercedes in the garage~an old black beautiful one that I rarely drive) I buy my clothes from Salvation Army (better made!), I live humbly but not cheaply and I think most people really wouldn't think at all that I have what I have. I still work part time, I love it when I get a notice to vacate from a tenant because I still love fixing up the houses and I do clean and make them nice, attractive and so desirable (I even check the corners with q-tips before I release a home to a new tenant) that usually the first people that look at it, want to take it.
So my ex-husband (friendly divorce) that thought I was crazy bought beautiful watches and cameraman expensive cars and I bought houses that needed a LOT of fixing up. And I had so much fun customizing them to an easy to live in style and my motto was always: to "Stay on the Creative Side of Classic." Oh, and my 24 houses now, are also all paid off. I feel very blessed for having the intuition that I did in the 80's, and those rent checks each month are so very sweet. I think the best investment you could EVER make is in Real Estate. And I never ever tell anything to people that know me. That is some bad karma to brag. Nothing but ill will vibe energy may/will come your way if you do, guarenteed. Stay humble, stay safe and Thank God for all of your smarts, your blessings, and that you had the common sense to think of your future.
 
FIREd said:
I live my life and let people wonder. Never complain, never explain.
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My idiot co-worker (who didn't need HO insurance 'cause he paid cash and then his house flooded) always complained about gasoline prices.

He drove a company car with free gas like me.

Guy just didn't make any sense.

He was a real frugal guy too. Drove the company car to the park every sunday and went through the trash cans to re-cycle aluminum cans.
 
Zen of Conscious Living said:
In the 80's I was working in the Beauty industry and got real good at what I do. I live in Los Angeles and celebrities "heard" about me and started coming in. Howard Stern loved three of the girls that I took care of and when interviewed, they all mentioned ME on his radio show. I had a long run of fame and worked from 6am until 10 or 11 at night back to back for a number of years. I was married to a cameraman, and we had the same hours so often we left and came home at the same time. We kept our money separate. He spent, in my opinion, so frivolously as he bought watches (boxes self winding on the dresser side by side) and cars (like a new one every 6 months) and I bought (broken down) houses, but in GREAT Locations. And I have never Sold. There was no housing boom...yet. My first ($84,000-in a GREAT Location) was abandoned for years and my husband thought I had a screw loose because I wanted it and ohhh...it needed a lot of work.It smelled musty so he wouldn't even venture inside to look at it with me. But I loved it, and bought it, and spent weekends working on it. I worked with focus and paid to have my houses fixed up little by little and did so good with my first one that we actually moved in to it. I was raised dirt poor so I learned early how to make something out of nothing and my proprieties were very fun to fix-up, and I didn't cheap-out on things you shouldn't cheap out on. Got the best re-pipe plumbing (copper), 35 year new roofs, Cast iron Bathtub (not resin), went to amazing high class tile stores and picked out from the Clearance section the beauties and surrounded them with a black liner and white tile all around to finish, got expensive hardy faucetry (not plastic), the Best Dunn-Edwards paint etc. The housing "boom" wasn't quite here yet, in the 80's, so for awhile there I was buying a house a year. So, to be "blue-collar" working appearing (and I still very much am) I drive a small old mini truck (1998) that I LOVE, (but I do have a Mercedes in the garage~an old black beautiful one that I rarely drive) I buy my clothes from Salvation Army (better made!), I live humbly but not cheaply and I think most people really wouldn't think at all that I have what I have. I still work part time, I love it when I get a notice to vacate from a tenant because I still love fixing up the houses and I do clean and make them nice, attractive and so desirable (I even check the corners with q-tips before I release a home to a new tenant) that usually the first people that look at it, want to take it.
So my ex-husband (friendly divorce) that thought I was crazy bought beautiful watches and cameraman expensive cars and I bought houses that needed a LOT of fixing up. And I had so much fun customizing them to an easy to live in style and my motto was always: to "Stay on the Creative Side of Classic." Oh, and my 24 houses now, are also all paid off. I feel very blessed for having the intuition that I did in the 80's, and those rent checks each month are so very sweet. I think the best investment you could EVER make is in Real Estate. And I never ever tell anything to people that know me. That is some bad karma to brag. Nothing but ill will vibe energy may/will come your way if you do, guarenteed. Stay humble, stay safe and Thank God for all of your smarts, your blessings, and that you had the common sense to think of your future.
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Now you summed me up quite well! Sounds just like me!
 
Out of Steam said:
I'm probably missing something, but from fall into spring, I'm mostly wearing the same clothes I wore before retiring. While they are on the casual side of business casual, I may be overdressed for a retiree.

I did wear shorts and polo shirts through the summer this year.
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Glad to hear this--I was starting to believe I was the only one on this forum who is wearing "nice" clothes in retirement. More casual than business but clean and without holes. Around the house I can get a little shabby but when I appear in public I take it up a notch.
 
Zen of Conscious Living said:
In the 80's I was working in the Beauty industry and got real good at what I do. I live in Los Angeles and celebrities "heard" about me and started coming in. Howard Stern loved three of the girls that I took care of and when interviewed, they all mentioned ME on his radio show. I had a long run of fame and worked from 6am until 10 or 11 at night back to back for a number of years. I was married to a cameraman, and we had the same hours so often we left and came home at the same time. We kept our money separate. He spent, in my opinion, so frivolously as he bought watches (boxes self winding on the dresser side by side) and cars (like a new one every 6 months) and I bought (broken down) houses, but in GREAT Locations. And I have never Sold. There was no housing boom...yet. My first ($84,000-in a GREAT Location) was abandoned for years and my husband thought I had a screw loose because I wanted it and ohhh...it needed a lot of work.It smelled musty so he wouldn't even venture inside to look at it with me. But I loved it, and bought it, and spent weekends working on it. I worked with focus and paid to have my houses fixed up little by little and did so good with my first one that we actually moved in to it. I was raised dirt poor so I learned early how to make something out of nothing and my proprieties were very fun to fix-up, and I didn't cheap-out on things you shouldn't cheap out on. Got the best re-pipe plumbing (copper), 35 year new roofs, Cast iron Bathtub (not resin), went to amazing high class tile stores and picked out from the Clearance section the beauties and surrounded them with a black liner and white tile all around to finish, got expensive hardy faucetry (not plastic), the Best Dunn-Edwards paint etc. The housing "boom" wasn't quite here yet, in the 80's, so for awhile there I was buying a house a year. So, to be "blue-collar" working appearing (and I still very much am) I drive a small old mini truck (1998) that I LOVE, (but I do have a Mercedes in the garage~an old black beautiful one that I rarely drive) I buy my clothes from Salvation Army (better made!), I live humbly but not cheaply and I think most people really wouldn't think at all that I have what I have. I still work part time, I love it when I get a notice to vacate from a tenant because I still love fixing up the houses and I do clean and make them nice, attractive and so desirable (I even check the corners with q-tips before I release a home to a new tenant) that usually the first people that look at it, want to take it.
So my ex-husband (friendly divorce) that thought I was crazy bought beautiful watches and cameraman expensive cars and I bought houses that needed a LOT of fixing up. And I had so much fun customizing them to an easy to live in style and my motto was always: to "Stay on the Creative Side of Classic." Oh, and my 24 houses now, are also all paid off. I feel very blessed for having the intuition that I did in the 80's, and those rent checks each month are so very sweet. I think the best investment you could EVER make is in Real Estate. And I never ever tell anything to people that know me. That is some bad karma to brag. Nothing but ill will vibe energy may/will come your way if you do, guarenteed. Stay humble, stay safe and Thank God for all of your smarts, your blessings, and that you had the common sense to think of your future.
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Nice work, Zen, you should be proud of those accomplishments. Please introduce yourself here (there is a thread just for that in the link below).

https://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f26/
 
I have been retired for 4 years and have set myself up to never have a worry about money again. I started investing very early and had several pieces of real estate, though I sold them because I prefer passive dividend income in the SM. My friends and family would be shocked to see my assets and income. To be honest I am even surprised when looking at my NW.
As mentioned on other topics, the biggest problem we have is actually now spending the money. We give quite a bit to some favourite charities and I set up a scholarship at a university, however that is anonymous. We help the grown kids a little. Anyway, it is a nice position to be in.
 
You don’t need to explain yourselves to anyone! Especially neighbors, friends and family. None of their business!
 
I am actually saving more today than when I first retired and all without touching the stock market. Once you learn to live frugally, you learn to not need large luxuries.
 
Gumby said:
If someone tells me how lucky I am, I always agree with them. Because I am lucky to have what I have. I could have been just as smart and worked just as hard but have nothing to show for it. It happens more than we'd like to think.
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Truth. One or two things go differently and I'm now busting it selling fertilizer and pesticides in Yuma instead of retired and living near the beach in Florida. I know how fortunate I am :)
 
We don’t advertise what we have. But we travel a lot more than our friends, so they know we have some means. We specifically don’t tell them when we upgrade our flights or cruise cabin, or stay at nice hotels because that’s more info than they need….

Regarding sharing info with our son, he knows we are comfortable. Because we paid for an expensive but worthwhile (guaranteed a job) degree, he has a well-paying professional job. We give him and his wife nice but probably somewhat modest cash gift for birthdays and Christmas. They like to do long weekends away, so we fund one or two a year via those gifts. We also gave them a very nice cruise with us this year post-Covid, it was their first cruise and they loved it. We also brought them with us to Hawaii pre-Covid. So we occasionally treat them extra specially, but not always.

Agree with those keeping it to themselves. In my experience, jealousy abounds. Better not to invite it.
 
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