Couples - What do you fight about most?

[LRDave]

Well yea, but I gave up that fight years ago. I just plan on it. Much less stressful.

I have found in 39+ years of marriage, no matter how low the bar is set, it can be tripped over.

 

[Car-Guy]

You have been fighting at the drop of a hat for 40 years?

Well that may be a bit overstated. Actually we don't argue much anymore... One or two hot topics so we try to stay away from those as much as possible... Politics is one of our favorite topics that we discuss almost daily.. Good thing we agree on most of that!

 

[TromboneAl]

Sex is the big trigger in our relationship. It always seems like one of us is in the mood when the other is not, and we each tend to get cranky when it has been a while. We have both seen declines in our libido as we have aged, so that hasn't helped the situation.

I have a solution for you, and I'm serious: Marijuana.

You will both be in the mood. I recommend edibles.

 

[Ronstar]

A fight breaks out whenever I don’t do something that she wants me to do, or submit to her controlling nature, no matter how ridiculous. We’re in one now.

 

[TromboneAl]

We don't fight. We used to occasionally.

This situation comes up more and more frequently:

"What do you want for dinner?"
"We just decided that ten minutes ago. Don't you remember?"
"Don't diss me."

 

[TromboneAl]

A fight breaks out whenever I don’t do something that she wants me to do, or submit to her controlling nature, no matter how ridiculous. We’re in one now.

I have a solution for this as well. This is what we do:

On odd days, I'm the dictator.
On even days, Lena is the dictator.
On 31sts, we compromise.

 

[Lawrencewendall]

Used to argue over DW's spending (24k in one year on clothes). Started making enough that it really didn't matter as I would still be FIRE. She has gotten better at spending, she saw the the numbers and she finally admitted that helping DSs made her happy. Had a huge impact on spending. Each time I helped out DSs, I told them to thank Mom and not me as it was her reduced spending that allowed it. Made such a difference. Christmas this year was the first time that I recall that we spent under budget.

 

[Moemg]

We haven't had a fight in so long I forget what it was about . We differ on politics but we do not get into heated arguments about it .

 

[Midpack]

We don't fight anymore. I finally wore her down, only took 40 years...

In the rare instance we do disagree, it lasts about 15 seconds, and we're on to something else like nothing ever happened. I think we've both learned to pick our battles, and we know each others strengths/relative areas of expertise. Only took 40 years...

 

[JustCurious]

A fight breaks out whenever I don’t do something that she wants me to do, or submit to her controlling nature, no matter how ridiculous. We’re in one now.

It sounds like you need to submit.

 

[GreenEggs]

Whenever I'm listening, it seems like we're fighting about "what's wrong with me"!

 

[Ronstar]

It sounds like you need to submit.

I always have in the past. But this time I'm not going to and see what happens.

 

[Bamaman]

Every thought that goes through my wife's mind comes out her mouth. She talks to herself all day and all night. (Drives me crazy.)

And sometimes her thoughts/mouth get her in trouble.

 

[Elbata]

Socializing. He's the life of the party, and I'd rather not even be at the party. I did overhear him telling our adult children at Christmas that he doesn't enjoy socializing as much as he used to because his hearing is deteriorating, and he's usually ready to go to bed at 9:30.

Luckily we agree 100% on politics, or we'd be divorced by now.

My wife is like your husband, and I'm like you. But for the most part, I enjoy myself at parties. On the politics thing, I agree too. DW and I are quite passionate about our politics.

As far as arguments, when DW starts to yell and filibuster her argument, I've just learned to laugh at the whole thing. My opinion doesn't seem to hold much sway for some reason.

 

[pjigar]

Being on time. DW thinks event time is a guideline.

 

[ShokWaveRider]

Funny, I can't remember the last time we argued about anything. We so rarely have differences of opinion on anything significant.

 

[HadEnuff]

We do things that annoy each other ( me more than her) but we never fight.

IMO, couples who fight somehow find enjoyment in it. My parents, for example. Somewhere I read about a concept called "fighting by script", or something like that. Essentially it said that couples who'd been together for any length of time essentially just had the same fight over and over again. And for some reason, they continued to do it because it brought them some level of satisfaction. DW and I don't seem to enjoy it. We disagree, and move on.

 

[catii]

We don't, either, after 2 years of marriage. Love, respect, simple courtesy, & logical separations of chores ==> nothing to fight about.

 

[Walt34]

Funny, I can't remember the last time we argued about anything. We so rarely have differences of opinion on anything significant.

Same thing here.

If anything, it's about whose fault it is that one or the other is gaining weight. If I buy a carton of chocolate mint ice cream I'm a weight loss saboteur. But if she brings it upstairs from the freezer and opens it, that's her fault that I put on two pounds.

 

[mystang52]

Here are 2 things we fight about. DW often makes statements that don't call for any response, or so I think. Then she gets mad because I don't say anything.
Not quite the opposite, but here's # 2: Sometimes when we get into long serious conversation, inevitably she says something that I can make a pun out of. I can't resist, and she hates it every time! I know it will start a fight, but the impulse is just too strong.

 

[JDARNELL]

It seems my wife and I fight when I say things like “am I the only one in the room that understands what I am talking about?” Or “what? I am just sitting here minding my own business”.

I just don’t understand. Lol

 

[W2R]

Funny, I can't remember the last time we argued about anything. We so rarely have differences of opinion on anything significant.

+2

We really never argue or fight.

Not mixing our money helps, since that removes any reason to argue about money.

Living next door to each other helps because we each have our space to retreat to if we want.

And then there's the fact that from a totally rational and objective viewpoint, he's just obviously the world's sweetest guy. A woman would have to be insane to argue with someone like him.

 

[Katsmeow]

Any two people living together are bound to have disagreements. What do you tend to fight about most? Sex, Money, Chores, Kids, In-laws, Romance, life goals, etc.?

I would put in two categories.

First -- we bicker. Almost always about things that aren't just a big deal really but we each have our view and neither wants to let go of it. We have done this for years and it really doesn't matter in the larger picture. I think we just like the idea of each of us standing up for what we think.

We don't often argue about important stuff. We do sometimes disagree but we usually talk through it and either reach an agreement, compromise or decided to agree to disagree.

A general category of things like that is typically when I am concerned about X and DH isn't. I tend to be risk averse and more of a defensive pessismist. He is more optimistic and not as worried about things.

Another one is when I see a situation as more gray (can see two sides to the story) and DH depends to be more black and white. These situations used to often involve the kids but can really be about anything.

We don't, either, after 2 years of marriage. Love, respect, simple courtesy, & logical separations of chores ==> nothing to fight about.

It is almost as if you think that couples who argue don't love or respect another, and lack courtesy and logic. But, surely not.

In all seriousness, when DH I got married we had never had an argument. We had known each other platonically for a few years before we started dating. Once we started dating we got married 3 months later. So we were definitely still in the honeymoon period of our relationship. I absolutely knew that this was not a good thing in a way. In real life, people don't always agree. I absolutely love and respect my husband (and vice versa) and we agree on many, many things. But, wow, there are certainly areas where we haven't agreed. In any marriage there will be times when conflict arises and I felt it was a negative when we decided to get married not having had to do that. It all worked out in the end, but I definitely felt it was a risk.

 

[Teacher Terry]

When I was married to my ex the only thing we didn’t fight about was politics. I lived with my present husband for almost 6 years before we married because I wanted to be sure we were compatible. 22 years later we are still happy. We occasionally bicker over something that doesn’t matter and then we laugh about it.

 

[socca]

If I buy a carton of chocolate mint ice cream I'm a weight loss saboteur. But if she brings it upstairs from the freezer and opens it, that's her fault that I put on two pounds.

As Emma Watson said recently, I'm currently "self-partnered", which definitely reduces the potential for conflict. However, on any given day I might get into an argument with myself over eating only once that day or 1.5 times that day - the argument is always over the "1/2". Fortunately, so far the argument has always been resolved peacefully without coming to blows.