Couples - What do you fight about most?

[TromboneAl]

From The Marriage Kama Sutra:

 

[gerntz]

Spending even though we don't have financial issues. Not a big deal, but still the most common.

 

[DFDubb]

Where to eat.

 

[kgtest]

Driving. She likes to sit in the lanes where you can almost without a doubt hypothesize that the car will be slowing to turn...just as DW enters the lane behind them.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

I occasionally raise a little cain about stuff that the other person is capable of fixing, if he or she tries. This usually falls in the "chores" realm. But I always try diplomacy before war

Perfect timing on that comment. I'm a caregiver, and keep my lips buttoned way too much IMO- it's just easier most of the time. For things I'm absolutely unable to do myself, "discussions" can get lively. Half the while I channel Flo, "Again, I'm not the (I add freakin') maid!",

 

[Dtail]

Rarely argue, but when we do it can get real ugly and usually about spending money.

 

[Lienlord]

I admit to being a little more tightly wound than DW; i.e. there is a right/wrong way to do most things. When they are done wrong it gets under my skin more than her's.
DW is better at letting things be "wrong" than I can let it roll. I've always felt it's because I'm the one usually left to deal with the consequences when it's "wrong" (at least that's the way I see it).
But I'll also admit, I like to argue (about most anything). Pick a topic and a side, I'll take the other side and let's go! It's a great exercise in listening, thinking and articulating a response while also keeping your emotions in check.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

I have no problem admitting when something is my fault. Heck, I apologize even when things aren't my fault. My wife is the opposite, she almost never apologizes for anything and will defend her ground even if she is wrong. If I have a problem with something she did, I better have good evidence and a well planned delivery. So, I try to avoid arguments because she's really good at it and I almost never win.

I think that your DH is your DW's secret twin.

Hahahaha. Somehow that sounds familiar too. Something about the way the female mind works. We're masters at detail.

Exactly.

That's kinda where my wife and I are. We dont 'fight'. We don't even bicker often. Lately its this. I like my Classic Rock LOUD and I prefer not to wear headphones.. The loud music annoys her and I get the "Sweetie will you turn that down?" (that means turn it off). On the other hand she likes the TV louder than I do (probably some hearing loss) which sends me over the edge cause she just told me to turn my music down or off LOL.


She does NOT like it when I have a few too many adult beverages. It doesn't happen often but when it does, I'm fine... but she will give me the silent treatment. I respect that and 97% of the time, I order water for the rest of the night rather than that next adult beverage. The 3% of the time she has nothing to say to me.

Sounds familiar1

From The Marriage Kama Sutra:View attachment 33477

Driving. She likes to sit in the lanes where you can almost without a doubt hypothesize that the car will be slowing to turn...just as DW enters the lane behind them.

Yep! Here also!

 

[dfarr]

We've been happily married for 42 years........46 years total!

 

[Lsbcal]

...
But I'll also admit, I like to argue (about most anything). Pick a topic and a side, I'll take the other side and let's go! It's a great exercise in listening, thinking and articulating a response while also keeping your emotions in check.

Awe come on now. You don't like to argue. You just like to win.

 

[Amethyst]

New Yorker advice for couples

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/rules-for-couples

Rule 1: "You can only yell at me for one thing at a time."

 

[Lsbcal]

We've been happily married for 42 years........46 years total!

LOL! That would make you happy about 91% of the time.

 

[Janet H]

We disagree about whos turn it is to capitulate.... now we flip a coin and move on. Life's short - drama is a distraction.

 

[aja8888]

She demands sex twice a day and, frankly, some days I'm just not up to it.

Do you have fill in for those times?

 

[Morricol61]

While it has been decades since we had a knock down, drag out fight - the trigger for our arguments is usually HIS sarcasm. I just don't get it, I don't like it and I don't find it amusing. Otherwise, we get along fine.

 

[stephenson]

The fact she thinks she is always right!

 

[Lienlord]

Awe come on now. You don't like to argue. You just like to win.

That's probably true. But we've all experienced that moment, in the middle of an argument, when you realize you're wrong!

 

[Silver]

We rarely actually fight. We both become almost incapacitated with grief when we do.
I have been married four times; this is my DH's third marriage. We understand the signs of failure.

I adore my DH. I know he adores me. We know and acknowledge almost daily that we were lucky to find each other in our mid fifties on Match.com. We both knew within minutes of meeting each other that we were going to be together for life. I adore him, and feel the same commitment from him.

We are both are highly intelligent, and difficult in relationships. We challenge one another constantly....perhaps that can be called bickering. There is never an intent to diminish the position of the other......just to challenge it with facts or to speak our truth as we see it. Mutual respect is always necessary, and perceived lack of respect is the only thing we ever fight about.

We both have Asperger's....his to a greater degree than me. Relationships are almost impossible, but we got lucky and are in love to greater a degree than I thought possible.
When we do fight ( which we both HATE) it makes us even stronger.

Yes...we think fighting is normal and healthy, but it feels more threatening than for most couples. After 12 years of marriage we know we love each other and that the relationship will endure. After so much chaos in previous relationships, this is a haven of
resolve. I am so happy....and believe he is as well.

 

[travelover]

Do you have fill in for those times?

No, but some of the catch up sessions have me reaching for my nitro.

 

[socca]

it's all about who's right. I'm 100% right, until he proves me wrong [-]and visa versa[/-] but he never does.

fify.

 

[Independent]

Arguing with DW is like reading a software licensing agreement. At the end it's just easier for me to click "I agree".

+1

and also:

I am very aware of the idea of "once spoken, it can never be unspoken", and actively avoid situations where something could be spoken in anger.

 

[HadEnuff]

It's all about who's right. I'm 100% right, until he proves me wrong and visa versa.

A young lady I had known since she was a baby told me she was engaged. I asked her who the lucky guy was, and it was a man whose last name was spelled "Wright"...so I said, "Oh, you are marrying 'Mr. Wright'" and she replied, "Yes, and he is marrying Mrs. Always Wright"...

I thought that was clever.

 

[lem1955]

Well yea, but I gave up that fight years ago. I just plan on it. Much less stressful.

+1

 

[pb4uski]

We rarely fight anymore. In the past it was more differences in views on the kids, but now that they have flown the nest that cause is gone.

The thing we seem to disagree on the most is decisions on home improvements, both big picture (what projects should get priority) to minor details (currently about two relatively similar versions of luxury vinyl plank, paint colors, etc.)

Rarely on politics... though i am more conservative and she is more liberal but we are both towards different ends of the center I think.

When we go to parties we often just wander around socializing with people that we know but usually separately.

 

[Rianne]

A young lady I had known since she was a baby told me she was engaged. I asked her who the lucky guy was, and it was a man whose last name was spelled "Wright"...so I said, "Oh, you are marrying 'Mr. Wright'" and she replied, "Yes, and he is marrying Mrs. Always Wright"...

I thought that was clever.

Too cute and that's why he married her. She will guide him through life, and he will follow with roses and chocolate. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be.