Single Men - 40’s - No Kids - Dating Life?

[HGTVFanatic]

5’10”. So not too short but not over 6” and they are desirable for women.

I think short guys are hot. I could care less about height. Is he a decent caring person that wants to spend time with me? Now that's hot. When you are out on a date, do you just talk about yourself? If you are only looking at women as objects or someone to look good on your arm when you go out, you will remain single. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

It also depends on how long it lasts as well. Any example of making you uncomfortable?

I understand...but when someone you are attracted to, turns out to be very attracted to you too -- wow!

As for jittery-ness: For some reason, some other very intelligent men I'd met, had an anxious, high-strung quality that made me uncomfortable. Mr. A. didn't let everything upset him.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

I think short guys are hot. I could care less about height. Is he a decent caring person that wants to spend time with me? Now that's hot. When you are out on a date, do you just talk about yourself? If you are only looking at women as objects or someone to look good on your arm when you go out, you will remain single. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

How tall are you? Facts say that in a landslide victory most women want want men taller than them. This is perfectly fine as women are wired to want a men taller than them because it makes them feel protective. As for myself I want women shorter than me as I feel more masculine and her feminine.

Not just myself but her as well. If she asks questions about me I will answer.

 

[Chuckanut]

Tell me again how all the women out there are the problem...

In my experience both men and women can be 'the problem' depending on their nature. I find it best to avoid toxic crazy makers regardless of their sex/gender/whatever.

One of the best things about being in my second bachelorhood at this older age is the number of really great women out their who actually appreciate ordinary looking, fairly healthy, not wealthy but financially secure man who is reasonably safe to be around.

 

[Amethyst]

With all due respect, it would be a plus if you did not let women know that you believe they are "wired" to be one way or another.

Most of us would like to think our personal preferences are unique to ourselves - even if they happen to be common preferences.

women are wired to want a men taller than them because it makes them feel protective. As for myself I want women shorter than me as I feel more masculine and her feminine.

Not just myself but her as well. If she asks questions about me I will answer.

 

[aja8888]

Let's see....you are in Sugar Land, Texas, right?

Do you know how to dance the Texas Two-Step? If not, learn. If so, dress up in jeans, boots and a western shirt and head over to a local dance hall and get to meet some friendly Texas ladies that like to Two -Step. You will have a good time and probably meet some ladies who are really nice people. If you are too shy to go alone, find a friend at your gym or neighborhood who likes to go and double up.

That's something you can do to break the ice with ladies. In my opinion, there's nothing more attractive than a good looking woman in a western outfit who likes to dance. And boy, we have a lot of them here in Texas!

(Secret...I married one of those good lookin' ladies 25 years ago!)

 

[F.I.R.E User]

In my experience both men and women can be 'the problem' depending on their nature. I find it best to avoid toxic crazy makers regardless of their sex/gender/whatever.

One of the best things about being in my second bachelorhood at this older age is the number of really great women out their who actually appreciate ordinary looking, fairly healthy, not wealthy but financially secure man who is reasonably safe to be around.

Yes and usually the toxicity start in a relationship not in early stages.

Yes they do accept that but are they attractive?

 

[F.I.R.E User]

My apologies. I meant it’s the brain chemistry. I also don’t want someone taller than me. I have been around Internet forums since late 90’s and read hundreds of threads. It’s very rare we see short man and tall woman together in a relationship.

With all due respect, it would be a plus if you did not let women know that you believe they are "wired" to be one way or another.

Most of us would like to think our personal preferences are unique to ourselves - even if they happen to be common preferences.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Let's see....you are in Sugar Land, Texas, right?

Do you know how to dance the Texas Two-Step? If not, learn. If so, dress up in jeans, boots and a western shirt and head over to a local dance hall and get to meet some friendly Texas ladies that like to Two -Step. You will have a good time and probably meet some ladies who are really nice people. If you are too shy to go alone, find a friend at your gym or neighborhood who likes to go and double up.

That's something you can do to break the ice with ladies. In my opinion, there's nothing more attractive than a good looking woman in a western outfit who likes to dance. And boy, we have a lot of them here in Texas!

(Secret...I married one of those good lookin' ladies 25 years ago!)

Yes. I don’t but can learn. I am a bad dancer overall. I know about Salsa dancing too. I am from California though but been in Houston since 2003.

 

[aja8888]

Yes. I don’t but can learn. I am a bad dancer overall. I know about Salsa dancing too. I am from California though but been in Houston since 2003.

The Two-Step is very easy to learn.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

The Two-Step is very easy to learn.

I am concerned about Covid-19.

 

[Amethyst]

Uncomfortable or downright obnoxious:

1) Pressure to have sex too soon.

2) Fretting about what other people will think.

3) Bringing up previous relationships, like you're not over them.

4) Talking over me (New York-style excited interrupting is an exception! People from there interrupt you because they are interested in what you are saying).

It also depends on how long it lasts as well. Any example of making you uncomfortable?

 

[rodi]

My husband was 47 when I met him, never married no kids. I was 37, never married no kids. I did not check his financials - I was more interested in the fact that he made me laugh and was easy to talk to. He is/wasn't perfect looking, neither was/am I. But we get along great.

As we dated more I found out he owned his home and car outright, had no debt. Found out he was family oriented. Found out he was open to kids. We were engaged 6 months after we our first date, and married 10 months after we first met. It's been almost 22 years.

Yes - I was working towards a goal of retiring at 55. His attitude was to work hard, then take a few months off to travel - he called it mini-pre-retirement practices. But he was frugal to allow that to happen. (And mini-practice retirements kind of went away when the kids came along.) Now we're retired, kids are out of the house (but still on the payroll during college).

I met my husband through the old-style fix-up. I'd worked with his brother, who introduced us. Until I met him I'd dated using apps, fix-ups, meet ups, etc. I'd also decided that I was going to work to be happy, whether I met someone or not. That was probably the best thing I did for myself... took the pressure of dating off.

The biggest thing to remember is that looks can (will) change. You need to *like* the person you get serious with.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Uncomfortable or downright obnoxious:

1) Pressure to have sex too soon.

2) Fretting about what other people will think.

3) Bringing up previous relationships, like you're not over them.

4) Talking over me (New York-style excited interrupting is an exception! People from there interrupt you because they are interested in what you are saying).

How soon is too soon?

 

[kgtest]

I will say this, marriage is hard. I have been married 8 years now, and known her for 7 before we decided to get married. We knew eachother well, or so we thought but have recently started couples counseling to get to know eachother again. Recently we get bothered by the simplest little things and its incredible because we have built so much together not worth destroying. I make it sound dire, its not...but you have to recognize when these problems arise. More marriages fail then succeed these days and IMHO its because there is so much competition and distraction that folks can easily get caught in that trap.

There is no one formula, but I do feel for my friends now turning 40 that are still looking. It can't be easy to date at an older age, but again...sharing your heart with anyone is not an easy task. If people say it is they would be lieing or glossing over things.

 

[Mulligan]

Let's see....you are in Sugar Land, Texas, right?

Do you know how to dance the Texas Two-Step? If not, learn. If so, dress up in jeans, boots and a western shirt and head over to a local dance hall and get to meet some friendly Texas ladies that like to Two -Step. You will have a good time and probably meet some ladies who are really nice people. If you are too shy to go alone, find a friend at your gym or neighborhood who likes to go and double up.

That's something you can do to break the ice with ladies. In my opinion, there's nothing more attractive than a good looking woman in a western outfit who likes to dance. And boy, we have a lot of them here in Texas!

(Secret...I married one of those good lookin' ladies 25 years ago!)

Right on Aja. Ya gotta be aggressive and go for it! My lady of 15 years I spotted at an activity I had to be at. I kept asking people until someone new her story. She was taken at the time, but the seed was planted and two years later I got my chance and it worked out and we are still together and life is great.
But in my single post divorce days, I hit every angle. Hell, I even spotted a hottie in a car, and had a cop friend run her license plate to get the scoop. It didnt work out long run, but who cares, it was a fun year while it lasted, ha.

 

[aja8888]

Right on Aja. Ya gotta be aggressive and go for it! My lady of 15 years I spotted at an activity I had to be at. I kept asking people until someone new her story. She was taken at the time, but the seed was planted and two years later I got my chance and it worked out and we are still together and life is great.
But in my single post divorce days, I hit every angle. Hell, I even spotted a hottie in a car, and had a cop friend run her license plate to get the scoop. It didnt work out long run, but who cares, it was a fun year while it lasted, ha.

Your story runs along the same track as me with my flame. But the OP seems like the real shy type. If he's never been to a south Texas dance place he would be surprised if he went.

 

[Mulligan]

Your story runs along the same track as me with my flame. But the OP seems like the real shy type. If he's never been to a south Texas dance place he would be surprised if he went.

Shy is tough. I wish I had an answer. I wasnt outgoing back in the day but I learned to be. Its like major league baseball players are today. They dont care if they strike out 200 times in a year and hit .230 as long as they bag 30 dingers in a season. The world is your oyster once you dont worry about striking out. Because the next time you step up to the plate you may jack one over the fence.

 

[kgtest]

I found this article from PEW in regards to marriage trends within the US interesting.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/marriage-and-cohabitation-in-the-u-s/

To summarize, older people see more benefit to marriage, more people are accepting of cohabitant now than before rather than marriage.

Many cohabitors cite finance as a reason they are not married. FWIW.

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-...-in-the-u-s/psdt_11-06-19_cohabitation-00-05/

 

[kgtest]

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I am on the border of GenX/Millennial and have swung so hard I've fallen over before. But I finally hit one outta the park and am totally grateful. You gotta take shots on goal or you will never win.

 

[mistermike40]

This is an interesting thread

 

[LarryMelman]

How soon is too soon?

Twenty-nine. Eleventy-six. Pi over twelve.

Good golly, don't you have _any_ beliefs of your own? Must _everything_ be a question?

 

[travelover]

.... Must _everything_ be a question?

Is that a question?

 

[F.I.R.E User]

So he has no mortgage? So who did the fix up connection? His brother that you worked with? Looks can change but not by a lot especially if you see them everyday.

My husband was 47 when I met him, never married no kids. I was 37, never married no kids. I did not check his financials - I was more interested in the fact that he made me laugh and was easy to talk to. He is/wasn't perfect looking, neither was/am I. But we get along great.

As we dated more I found out he owned his home and car outright, had no debt. Found out he was family oriented. Found out he was open to kids. We were engaged 6 months after we our first date, and married 10 months after we first met. It's been almost 22 years.

Yes - I was working towards a goal of retiring at 55. His attitude was to work hard, then take a few months off to travel - he called it mini-pre-retirement practices. But he was frugal to allow that to happen. (And mini-practice retirements kind of went away when the kids came along.) Now we're retired, kids are out of the house (but still on the payroll during college).

I met my husband through the old-style fix-up. I'd worked with his brother, who introduced us. Until I met him I'd dated using apps, fix-ups, meet ups, etc. I'd also decided that I was going to work to be happy, whether I met someone or not. That was probably the best thing I did for myself... took the pressure of dating off.

The biggest thing to remember is that looks can (will) change. You need to *like* the person you get serious with.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Marriage is just as hard as achieving F.I.R.E. Same concept.

Any suggestions?

I will say this, marriage is hard. I have been married 8 years now, and known her for 7 before we decided to get married. We knew eachother well, or so we thought but have recently started couples counseling to get to know eachother again. Recently we get bothered by the simplest little things and its incredible because we have built so much together not worth destroying. I make it sound dire, its not...but you have to recognize when these problems arise. More marriages fail then succeed these days and IMHO its because there is so much competition and distraction that folks can easily get caught in that trap.

There is no one formula, but I do feel for my friends now turning 40 that are still looking. It can't be easy to date at an older age, but again...sharing your heart with anyone is not an easy task. If people say it is they would be lieing or glossing over things.