Single Men - 40’s - No Kids - Dating Life?

[Aerides]

I do that’s why I am single. I could settle for less and someone but I won’t be happy.

I know what I want but the market has competition to get the good looking ones. I don’t want a below average looking woman.

Tell me again how all the women out there are the problem...

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Tell me again how all the women out there are the problem...

They aren’t the problem. I need to up my game.

 

[Calico]

I do that’s why I am single. I could settle for less and someone but I won’t be happy.

I know what I want but the market has competition to get the good looking ones. I don’t want a below average looking woman.

Yeah, that's not why you're single.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Yeah, that's not why you're single.

Then what’s the reason? It’s not that hard to get a average looking g/f like a 6 or below.

 

[Calico]

Then what’s the reason? It’s not that hard to get a average looking g/f like a 6 or below.

I rest my case.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

I rest my case.

I work hard with my diet and workout to stay in shape. I am no model but still have full head of hair. Use to have a six pack but working on that now.

 

[Amethyst]

When I was 29, I married a man who drove a terrible old beater, while I had paid cash for a new car. So to the right person, a car doesn't matter as much as you seem to think. We do actually like nice cars, but it just wasn't a big deal for compatibility.

Many years later, we are still married. (We did replace the beater immediately on marrying, but it was having internal issues by then anyway).

There are women who want guys who drive nicer cars and live in nicer homes but I only drive a modest one like in an apartment.

What that means to them is what I am not doing well financially. How do I tackle this?

What I do for a living matters too. If you are not a professional in the S.T.E.M field then you are not seen as a successful guy.

 

[Gumby]

I do that’s why I am single. I could settle for less and someone but I won’t be happy.

I know what I want but the market has competition to get the good looking ones. I don’t want a below average looking woman.

I would suppose a lot of women don't want a below average looking man either. Where do you rate? Probably not as high as you think. More importantly, it won't matter how good looking they are - male or female -- if they treat you poorly. I have known both men and women who were so seduced by their own physical attractiveness that they felt they didn't need to be a nice, decent person, because someone would always want them. It's a shallow existence and particularly tragic when the inevitable ravages of time take their toll.

Rather than just lament the lack of prospects due to looks, I would direct my efforts to making myself as attractive as I could be. All of us are born with certain physical features, but there is a lot more that goes into physical attractiveness than high cheekbones. Become and stay fit, dress appropriately (mostly just neat and clean), attend to your grooming (get your hair cut and shave).

But even more importantly, work to be attractive as a whole person. Exercise your mind. Develop a wide range of interests and learn about different things so you always have something interesting to talk about. Pay attention to how you treat others and work at being more thoughtful and courteous. Be generous with your time and energy in helping others. Practice active listening.

If you become the best person you can be, you will be attractive to women, and it will have nothing to do with any outward show of wealth.

 

[Amethyst]

How tall are you? That seems to be a big issue for single men who can't find the woman they want, based on reading agony aunt columns (to which I am addicted). "They all want men who are taller than them!"

I know what I want but the market has competition to get the good looking ones. I don’t want a below average looking woman.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

When I was 29, I married a man who drove a terrible old beater, while I had paid cash for a new car. So to the right person, a car doesn't matter as much as you seem to think. We do actually like nice cars, but it just wasn't a big deal for compatibility.

Many years later, we are still married. (We did replace the beater immediately on marrying, but it was having internal issues by then anyway).

Were you pursuing F.I.R.E at 29?

 

[F.I.R.E User]

My best looking years were late 20s to early 30s. I have some wrinkles now so I don’t look the same at 43. Not sure what my ratings are now. Yeah, I am not all that now lol.

I watch YT videos on it too about women.

I go to gym 3x a week and do free weights, machines and cardio.

I would suppose a lot of women don't want a below average looking man either. Where do you rate? Probably not as high as you think. More importantly, it won't matter how good looking they are - male or female -- if they treat you poorly. I have known both men and women who were so seduced by their own physical attractiveness that they felt they didn't need to be a nice, decent person, because someone would always want them. It's a shallow existence and particularly tragic when the inevitable ravages of time take their toll.

Rather than just lament the lack of prospects due to looks, I would direct my efforts to making myself as attractive as I could be. All of us are born with certain physical features, but there is a lot more that goes into physical attractiveness than high cheekbones. Become and stay fit, dress appropriately (mostly just neat and clean), attend to your grooming (get your hair cut and shave).

But even more importantly, work to be attractive as a whole person. Exercise your mind. Develop a wide range of interests and learn about different things so you always have something interesting to talk about. Pay attention to how you treat others and work at being more thoughtful and courteous. Be generous with your time and energy in helping others. Practice active listening.

If you become the best person you can be, you will be attractive to women, and it will have nothing to do with any outward show of wealth.

 

[Car-Guy]

Tell me again how all the women out there are the problem...

Is there a limit on how much data er.org's web hosting service will accept in a day?

 

[F.I.R.E User]

How tall are you? That seems to be a big issue for single men who can't find the woman they want, based on reading agony aunt columns (to which I am addicted). "They all want men who are taller than them!"

5’10”. So not too short but not over 6” and they are desirable for women.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Is there a limit on how much data er.org's web hosting service will accept in a day?

From who?

 

[Amethyst]

You better believe it. On a government salary, plus all the overtime I could snag, I had just bought a house and a new car, and had money in the bank too. Didn't know much about investments yet, so all I had was some muni bonds.

Were you pursuing F.I.R.E at 29?

 

[F.I.R.E User]

You better believe it. On a government salary, plus all the overtime I could snag, I had just bought a house and a new car, and had money in the bank too. Didn't know much about investments yet, so all I had was some muni bonds.

That explains it. I know there is a F.I.R.E dating site as well. So you understood someone with a beater can have wealth on their way to RE but majority of population aren’t pursing what we are.

 

[RetiredHappy]

I wouldn't pay attention to women who judge men based on those criteria. If I were a guy, I wouldn't want to be judged by my car or by my house. Do those women have a nice car, nice house, good job, and good finance? Probably not. And that's why they want those things from someone else. I will not play any part in that kind of lopsided setup myself... a kind of a goldgdigger mentality if you ask me.

Not necessarily. I had a very successful career from when I graduated and I would only consider a man as a life partner whom I considered my equal, intellectually and financially. Anything else would be difficult for both.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Not necessarily. I had a very successful career from when I graduated and I would only consider a man as a life partner whom I considered my equal, intellectually and financially. Anything else would be difficult for both.

Isn’t intellectuality a variation? You may not find someone intellectual if they don’t agree with you. Or did you mean intellectual as in on specific subject?

So for financials. Does it mean his NW has to match yours?

 

[RetiredHappy]

Isn’t intellectuality a variation? You may not find someone intellectual if they don’t agree with you. Or did you mean intellectual as in on specific subject?

So for financials. Does it mean his NW has to match yours?

Great question. There is intelligence and intellectual honesty/openess to other ideas. I would say it applies to both. I am/was in the S.T.E.M. field and meeting someone else in the same field would make conversations easy. When I talk to medical doctors, it is a field which I am certainly less familiar with but I would assume that since we are both sufficiently intelligent that conversations and discussions would be easy. Disagreements are not an issue as long as there is intellectual honesty.

Between 2 intelligent persons, the one that is the hardest to bridge is politics. Political difference is usually what kills the chance of a new relationship from becoming close.

Updated: I just saw the last question. The answer would be yes. I don't want to marry someone poor nor uber rich. Neither is a comfortable situation for me. The other piece regarding finances is related to one's values. A spendthrift vs. a saver can also cause a ton of friction.

 

[Amethyst]

Oh, you're fine. Men's shoes with their thick soles add at least an inch anyway. But you, being a mature man, would be well aware of that.

5’10”. So not too short but not over 6” and they are desirable for women.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Great question. There is intelligence and intellectual honesty/openess to other ideas. I would say it applies to both. I am/was in the S.T.E.M. field and meeting someone else in the same field would make conversations easy. When I talk to medical doctors, it is a field which I am certainly less familiar with but I would assume that since we are both sufficiently intelligent that conversations and discussions would be easy. Disagreements are not an issue as long as there is intellectual honesty.

Between 2 intelligent persons, the one that is the hardest to bridge is politics. Political difference is usually what kills the chance of a new relationship from becoming close.

Makes sense. The more you have in common the more that conversation flows and more the chemistry builds. I think politics is obsolete and even this site doesn’t promote of that either. Only things that matters to me are taxes, COL, finances, etc but that’s just based on laws something we don’t control.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

Oh, you're fine. Men's shoes with their thick soles add at least an inch anyway. But you, being a mature man, would be well aware of that.

I know. I do wear the uplift soles in my tennis and dress shoes. It’s good for my posture and they make me more comfortable.

 

[Amethyst]

He didn't have wealth, and wasn't pursuing it. He was financially responsible, though.

Anyway, this probably seems utterly alien to you - but I fell in love with a man, not a spreadsheet.

I went to his home, and he was the first lean, attractive, straight, non-jittery man I'd ever met who had good art on the walls (that he himself picked out), good literature on the shelves, music, movies...and he loved opera and musical theater, and knew much more about them than I did.

Oh, and he was crazy about me.

Those were the keys.

Incidentally, we did not entirely agree on politics. But we agreed not to fight about it.

That explains it. I know there is a F.I.R.E dating site as well. So you understood someone with a beater can have wealth on their way to RE but majority of population aren’t pursing what we are.

 

[F.I.R.E User]

He didn't have wealth, and wasn't pursuing it. He was financially responsible, though.

Anyway, this probably seems utterly alien to you - but I fell in love with a man, not a spreadsheet.

I went to his home, and he was the first lean, attractive, straight, non-jittery man I'd ever met who had good art on the walls (that he himself picked out), good literature on the shelves, music, movies...and he loved opera and musical theater, and knew much more about them than I did.

Oh, and he was crazy about me.

Those were the keys.

Oh ok. Well there are lot of men who are crazy about the girl they want to pursue but it means nothing when the other party doesn’t do the same.

Non-jittery as in no caffeine?

 

[Amethyst]

I understand...but when someone you are attracted to, turns out to be very attracted to you too -- wow!

As for jittery-ness: For some reason, some other very intelligent men I'd met, had an anxious, high-strung quality that made me uncomfortable. Mr. A. didn't let everything upset him.

Oh ok. Well there are lot of men who are crazy about the girl they want to pursue but it means nothing when the other party doesn’t do the same.

Non-jittery as in no caffeine?