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Old 07-03-2021, 01:34 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by KingOfTheCheapos View Post
You know if you don't like a topic you don't have to respond. You do know that's an option, right?

And why would I pose a question and then answer it? The whole point is to hear other people's wise answers.
I usually enjoy threads more when there is some interaction between the posters and the OP. It feels more like a real conversation.. I don't think 'answers " I think give and take. YMMV
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Old 07-03-2021, 02:43 PM   #22
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Here's the "W2R time tested method" for making friends in a new location. I was a Navy wife and developed this over years of moving. For me this method works like a charm, every time:
1.) You have to regularly spend time around people who are likely to be compatible. Group activities doing something you like to do can be a good start (book club? church? amateur sports? Dancing? Knitting? Whatever you really like). The point is that you aren't going to meet anybody if you are sitting at home all lonely and bummed out - - you have to get OUT there. I usually devote all of each weekend to doing this, whether I want to or not, when I am trying to find friends in a new location. And then, do my grocery shopping, laundry, etc, during the week after I get off work. Exhausting! But having friends is worth some effort.

2.) Then, don't be extremely picky. Sure, stay away from the axe murderers and serial killers, but other friends that are just sort of "OK" can introduce you to more people who you will probably like better.

3.) Also realize that not everyone has room in their lives for yet another friend (even if they like you), and don't take it personally if someone has no interest in starting up a friendship. Keep up the effort.

+1


In my simple minded-view, it takes two to tango. Folks will be as social and polite to you as you are to them. This is especially true when they, shall we say "don't look like you". Never make assumptions on the outward appearance, most folks appreciated being treated as individuals.

Not everyone will respond. But, in baseball terms, you'll never get a hit if you do not swing the bat .
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Old 07-03-2021, 03:08 PM   #23
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From my life experience I think that the largest differences depend on whether it is a urban or rural environment. In a urban environment you have different social norms depending on the area in which you live. There is a certain amount of anonymity in most cities. In small towns or rural areas everybody knows everyone....parents, kids - they know or think they know your business if you live there long enough. The gossip mill is very active in small town USA.

Another factor is religious persuasion - if you live in a predominately Agnostic, Catholic or Protestant area it tends to be a large social factor. You can live for years in an area and not participate in dominant religious factor and still be considered an "outsider".

Shortly after college I worked in NYC for about 2 years. Coming from the South, at first I found it very unfriendly and people didn't seem to trust you. However, after getting climatized and meeting a few people I absolutely loved living there (other than the cost).

I have lived in rural Texas (or it was rural when I moved here) and although I love the privacy, beauty, and lack of traffic, I much prefer the culture of urban Austin to the Texas Hill Country, much more diversity and open-mindedness.

I think a lot depends on how lucky you are when it comes to neighbors. You can't choose your family or your neighbors.

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Old 07-03-2021, 03:15 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by KingOfTheCheapos View Post
You know if you don't like a topic you don't have to respond. You do know that's an option, right?



And why would I pose a question and then answer it? The whole point is to hear other people's wise answers.
King; I don't think you've gotten the jist of how this forum optimally operates. When you don't respond at all after posing a question, it is somewhat disrespectful to ghost the thread. Even just a "thank you for taking the time to respond", would be a common courtesy.
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Old 07-03-2021, 03:31 PM   #25
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Threads are for discussions, most of the time. Firing of a question and then just waiting, as a conversation starter in which an OP doesn't participate, can be very frustrating. Especially when there's a patter of similar threads.

I think of most threads here as a group of folks sitting at a table chatting on a topic. Not where someone stops buy says "ABC - discuss!" and doesn't join in, or only does so again in passing.

As to the question, everywhere you go you find jerks and lovely people. Some are introverted some are outgoing and very social. But doesn't everyone know that by the time they are old enough to come here?
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Old 07-03-2021, 04:46 PM   #26
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It seems to me that people in the South (I live in NC) are very polite. Saying please and thank you, holding the door, moving out of the way, etc. But watch out when we say to someone "Bless your heart"-- that may not be a compliment. On the "social" end I could see that it might be difficult for an outsider to fit in in some southern communities. A frequent term I hear when describing an outsider who does not seem to fit in is "he ain't from around here."
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Old 07-03-2021, 04:47 PM   #27
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You would think so, but not always these days. Some realtors have become so afraid of saying something that could be considered discriminatory they won’t say anything. We just moved here two years ago and our realtor absolutely refused to provide any comparisons between neighborhoods, parts of town, etc. We even told her we’d hold her views in confidence, but nothing doing - and we worked with her for four months!


Wow! I wouldn’t want to work with a realtor who didn’t provide that local knowledge.
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Old 07-03-2021, 05:23 PM   #28
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I'm not going to read the whole thread, but if anybody comes up with a good location where people are polite but not social, let me know.
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Old 07-03-2021, 05:30 PM   #29
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I'm not going to read the whole thread, but if anybody comes up with a good location where people are polite but not social, let me know.
Yes I like to say..sometimes it's a little to "peoplely" outside. But it's not them it's me..
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Old 07-03-2021, 05:38 PM   #30
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If you want friends, be friendly. If you want social, go where people are.

If you want social and friendly, go somewhere where people are and be friendly.

This always works.
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Old 07-03-2021, 05:40 PM   #31
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Friendliness of a community is a "must" for any place I live. So I get where you're coming from, OP. Very important criteria. (OP, I'm not responding to the "social and polite" question, but translating it into my own preferred language -- friendliness. Ignore me if that doesn't fit what you're asking.)


In general, smaller cities are friendlier than bigger ones. Small cities have the potential for a sense of community, too (something different than "friendliness," but a nice bonus). I like college towns of about 50K to 100K -- that seems to be my sweet spot.

In terms of geography, I've lived in the midwest, west coast, and the south. The south is, in my experience, the friendliest place to live. I'm not saying everyone is a joy -- there are jerks everywhere -- but in general, people are friendly. They smile, say hi, wave, greet you, try to be welcoming. It's easy to strike up a conversation on the street. Neighbors are friendly with each other for the most part (occasional fights erupt over dog poo). From what I have experienced, this is true of the southeast as well (though maybe not in the larger cities).

People in the midwest are friendly, too, but in a more reserved, restrained way. I'm okay with that. Those are my roots, and that's my style, too.


I would recommend checking out niche.com for resident reviews of potential cities you're considering. It can be illuminating. Among other things, you'll find comments about the friendliness of the people and whether they are open to newcomers.

https://www.niche.com/places-to-live...le-sc/reviews/
(That link is to Greenville, which was my last search, but you can put in any city you like.)
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Old 07-03-2021, 05:57 PM   #32
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A frequent term I hear when describing an outsider who does not seem to fit in is "he ain't from around here."
I hear that phrase almost every time I stop by our local small town Barber Shop....
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Old 07-03-2021, 06:28 PM   #33
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It seems to me that people in the South (I live in NC) are very polite. Saying please and thank you, holding the door, moving out of the way, etc. But watch out when we say to someone "Bless your heart"-- that may not be a compliment. On the "social" end I could see that it might be difficult for an outsider to fit in in some southern communities. A frequent term I hear when describing an outsider who does not seem to fit in is "he ain't from around here."
Spent time in Winston Salem NC and they were the nicest people I've met in the Carolinas. As an outsider they treated me as an old friend.
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Old 07-03-2021, 07:14 PM   #34
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I'm not going to read the whole thread, but if anybody comes up with a good location where people are polite but not social, let me know.
I have very little time spent there, but isn't that what New England is said to be like? People are polite but reserved until you've been around long enough to be "one of them"--after 20 years or so. Maybe that has changed. Not trying to start an argument with any New Englanders, just going by (perhaps outdated) reputation.
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Old 07-03-2021, 07:48 PM   #35
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I've lived in 12 cities, 7 states, and 3 countries. My experience is, it's what you make of it.
This.

That said - I think there are some regional stereotypes... Same ratio of nice people and a*holes... but their interactions may take on regional nuances.

My experience...

I lived in Philly for a while - and had friends all along the mid-atlantic. Definitely not the "have a nice day" interactions with sales people... More of a WYSIWYG. No fake smiles, if the person was grumpy, you knew it. Interactions tended to be terse and to the point. I didn't have a problem with this because I (me personally) would rather have authenticity as long as hate wasn't directed at me. Mix of smiles/nods on the street.

In SoCal - salepeople, etc will wish you a 'nice day'... sounds vapid - but I think they really mean it. Everyone just seems happy, even if a bit superficial and fluffy. So a pleasant, albeit not-deep interchange with folks. Lots of smiles and nods on the street.

I lived in the NW and it was largely like SoCal - but the small city I lived in was a bit insular... I had to break into groups that had known each other forever... but I managed to do it... And people were really nice.

I lived in Georgia for a brief bit. Granted I was instantly labeled a yankee... so that was an issue.My experience might have been different if I'd been a southerner. Sales people and random strangers were pleasant... but it wasn't always authentic. I heard "Bless your heart" so many times it was scary... and you learn really quickly this is not a good thing. It's polite, and on the surface, nice... but under the surface it's pretty much a knife in the back. I did not take well to this environment

I was able to make friends in all of the areas... But my daily interaction was shaped by the stereotypes of the region.
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Old 07-03-2021, 08:11 PM   #36
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I hear that phrase almost every time I stop by our local small town Barber Shop....
Next year I will have lived in Texas for 30 years. I'll finally be a native!
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Old 07-03-2021, 08:25 PM   #37
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Next year I will have lived in Texas for 30 years. I'll finally be a native!
This made me LOL my DH says it's never your farm until you die..we have lived on the "Larson" farm for over 31 years. ( and no we aren't named Larson.)
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Old 07-03-2021, 08:37 PM   #38
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Next year I will have lived in Texas for 30 years. I'll finally be a native!
LOL

My father moved to Maine about 30 years before he retired, and he eventually retired in the same town he'd lived in all that time.

He and his wife were well-known and very active in the community for decades. Up until the day he died he would be described (fondly) by those born and bred there as being "from away." They didn't mean it in any derogatory way - it was just a way of categorizing folks. If you weren't from several generations of Mainers, you were "from away."

He could have lived there another 30 years and it wouldn't have made a difference. It never bothered him. It was just the way it was.

I lived in the same town in Maine as my Dad for two years, and I can guarantee you I barely registered on anyone's radar!

Mainers are great people, and if you have a few hundred years to spare, you can eventually become one of them.
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Old 07-03-2021, 10:39 PM   #39
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neighbor said hi again.
I'm just gonna move...
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Old 07-04-2021, 06:33 AM   #40
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Spent time in Winston Salem NC and they were the nicest people I've met in the Carolinas. As an outsider they treated me as an old friend.

I was born & have lived most of my life in NC. I agree with you about the folks from Winston Salem being especially friendly & outgoing. Two of my best friends are originally from Winston and they are such good warm-spirited people.
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