Most/Least Social and Polite Areas To New Comers?

[KingOfTheCheapos]

I was talking with some friends who are pre-retirement and we all agreed that livability is critical for a retirement area and central to livability is how social and polite are the people in the area to new comers. No point living in physical paradise if its inhabited by a**holes!

Now to be clear social and polite are two different things. A social person will stop and chat with you, invite you to their next BBQ and try to make you feel more included in the society of the area.

Polite means generally being respectful of others which equates to behavior such as not cutting inline, blasting your music late at night, keeping your barking dog out etc.

Hopefully that is clear so which areas are social and polite in your experience?

 

[latexman]

I've lived in 12 cities, 7 states, and 3 countries. My experience is, it's what you make of it.

 

[KingOfTheCheapos]

I've lived in 12 cities, 7 states, and 3 countries. My experience is, it's what you make of it.

Just to be clear, I'm not trying to draw any conclusions on the character of the people who live in the area. One can be not social due to family circumstances (looking after kids/aged-parents) or in-polite due to long commute stress.

 

[Jerry1]

I just don’t feel you can generalize this question to an area. I think most people are polite and a lot of people are social. This issue is that the ones that are are very localized - like your next door neighbor. Just look at your example of loud music and barking dogs. Do you think there’s a town somewhere that has a propensity to play loud music or let their dog’s bark all night? No, it’s usually that one off neighbor that is the issue and not something that can be so generalized to an entire area.

 

[GTFan]

OP you should really think about bundling up all these questions instead of creating topic variations of the same stuff day after day.

 

[tb001]

In general, I think areas with more transient populations are more receptive to newcomers. Some of the FL retirement communities, college towns, ‘desirable’ locations to relocate to, etc…

We moved to a relatively small town outside a large urban area. Most of the people living here are either military families, so moving every 3-5 years, or they grew up here. It’s been harder than we expected to make new friends, as most already have their social circle. We also just don’t connect with many of the people we meet. I think it would be easier if we were church goers or had different political views.

You can find great friends everywhere, but some places definitely require more effort!

 

[Midpack]

My experience is, it's what you make of it.

I just don’t feel you can generalize this question to an area. I think most people are polite and a lot of people are social. This issue is that the ones that are are very localized - like your next door neighbor. Just look at your example of loud music and barking dogs. Do you think there’s a town somewhere that has a propensity to play loud music or let their dog’s bark all night? No, it’s usually that one off neighbor that is the issue and not something that can be so generalized to an entire area.

In general, I think areas with more transient populations are more receptive to newcomers. Some of the FL retirement communities, college towns, ‘desirable’ locations to relocate to, etc…

You can't make generalizations beyond the above IME. Beyond that, it comes down to what YOU put into it. If you're trying to break into a new neighborhood or community, the onus is on YOU to take the initiative - everyone there has already established their relationships, they were doing just fine before you got there...

The only one I might add is it only gets harder the older we get. A bunch of young families are more likely to reach out to one another than a bunch of seniors, although retirement communities put seniors together (that's good and bad).

In our last house, we had four families in succession in the house just west of us over a period of 26 years. The first was a young couple with marital problems, not social, hardly ever saw them. Then we had a delightful older couple that were friendly, social and polite (except on July 4th, one day a year). Third we had a middle aged couple with two brat daughters that completely let the home go inside and out, with volunteer trees that reached 15 feet - we couldn't wait for them to move, that took almost 10 years!!! Fourth couple, young again with very young children, very cool and very social, we hated to leave them behind.

 

[MichaelB]

I've lived in 12 cities, 7 states, and 3 countries. My experience is, it's what you make of it.

Yup. My experience as well, and also my belief.

 

[ivinsfan]

OP you should really think about bundling up all these questions instead of creating topic variations of the same stuff day after day.

This topic is just rambling or maybe he's running out of things to "muse" about. The OP never says his actual opinion regarding any of the questions he asks. Answering his threads is like talking into a void.

 

[pacergal]

Neighborhood vibes change constantly.
We have been in our home for over 30 years, about every 10 years there is an influx of new folks. The last 4 neighbors that have lived around us have been older, quieter. They have sold and moved on and 3 of the new neighbors are very social, out and about. I have talked more with them in the past few months than I did the previous ones for years!
Luckily, the whole neighborhood vibe here is one of generally quiet and peaceful, even though we have a grade school a block over.

 

[Scuba]

Yup. My experience as well, and also my belief.

Ditto. Your realtor can give you some great insight if they’re good and familiar with the details. One of the reasons we selected our neighborhood was that our realtor told us it was very social. That has definitely been true and we are thrilled with our “hood.”

 

[W2R]

Making friends in a new location!

I've lived in 12 cities, 7 states, and 3 countries. My experience is, it's what you make of it.

Yup. My experience as well, and also my belief.

+2

For example, I moved here from Baton Rouge. All of my friends there told me that making friends in New Orleans is nearly impossible. The reasons they gave were that New Orleanians are so insular and most have lived here all of their lives (as have their families for generations) and are suspicious of outsiders.

That's true! But that doesn't make it impossible to make friends, even here, and most of my present friends are from these same old-time New Orleanian families.

Here's the "W2R time tested method" for making friends in a new location. I was a Navy wife and developed this over years of moving. For me this method works like a charm, every time:

1.) You have to regularly spend time around people who are likely to be compatible. Group activities doing something you like to do can be a good start (book club? church? amateur sports? Dancing? Knitting? Whatever you really like). The point is that you aren't going to meet anybody if you are sitting at home all lonely and bummed out - - you have to get OUT there. I usually devote all of each weekend to doing this, whether I want to or not, when I am trying to find friends in a new location. And then, do my grocery shopping, laundry, etc, during the week after I get off work. Exhausting! But having friends is worth some effort.

2.) Then, don't be extremely picky. Sure, stay away from the axe murderers and serial killers, but other friends that are just sort of "OK" can introduce you to more people who you will probably like better.

3.) Also realize that not everyone has room in their lives for yet another friend (even if they like you), and don't take it personally if someone has no interest in starting up a friendship. Keep up the effort.
​

Using this method I had a dozen or so casual friends within a month, and I met Frank four months after I moved here. At that point I felt I had enough friends so I stopped working so hard to make new friendships.

P.S. - - as for the veneer of social or polite behavior, often that's just local custom and IMO it won't necessarily help you to find compatible friends. They may act one way, but be thinking another way.

 

[Midpack]

Ditto. Your realtor can give you some great insight if they’re good and familiar with the details. One of the reasons we selected our neighborhood was that our realtor told us it was very social. That has definitely been true and we are thrilled with our “hood.”

You would think so, but not always these days. Some realtors have become so afraid of saying something that could be considered discriminatory they won’t say anything. We just moved here two years ago and our realtor absolutely refused to provide any comparisons between neighborhoods, parts of town, etc. We even told her we’d hold her views in confidence, but nothing doing - and we worked with her for four months!

 

[Dtail]

Sometimes one just doesn't know.
We value diversity, so our gated community fits that bill enough and in general we find the folks in our area to be polite and pleasant.

 

[Dtail]

You would think so, but not always these days. Some realtors have become so afraid of saying something that could be considered discriminatory they won’t say anything. We just moved here two years ago and our realtor absolutely refused to provide any comparisons between neighborhoods, parts of town, etc. We even told her we’d hold her views in confidence, but nothing doing - and we worked with her for four months!

Same thing happened when we lived for a few years before retirement in the Northeast. 2 ethnic groups made up over 90% of the population in our high rise complex and it was just harder breaking into the groups to make friends.

 

[Dtail]

+2

For example, I moved here from Baton Rouge. All of my friends there told me that making friends in New Orleans is nearly impossible. The reasons they gave were that New Orleanians are so insular and most have lived here all of their lives (as have their families for generations) and are suspicious of outsiders.

That's true! But that doesn't make it impossible to make friends, even here, and most of my present friends are from these same old-time New Orleanian families.

Here's the "W2R time tested method" for making friends in a new location. I was a Navy wife and developed this over years of moving. For me this method works like a charm, every time:

1.) You have to regularly spend time around people who are likely to be compatible. Group activities doing something you like to do can be a good start (book club? church? amateur sports? Dancing? Knitting? Whatever you really like). The point is that you aren't going to meet anybody if you are sitting at home all lonely and bummed out - - you have to get OUT there. I usually devote all of each weekend to doing this, whether I want to or not, when I am trying to find friends in a new location. And then, do my grocery shopping, laundry, etc, during the week after I get off work. Exhausting! But having friends is worth some effort.

2.) Then, don't be extremely picky. Sure, stay away from the axe murderers and serial killers, but other friends that are just sort of "OK" can introduce you to more people who you will probably like better.

3.) Also realize that not everyone has room in their lives for yet another friend (even if they like you), and don't take it personally if someone has no interest in starting up a friendship. Keep up the effort.

Using this method I had a dozen or so casual friends within a month, and I met Frank four months after I moved here. At that point I felt I had enough friends so I stopped working so hard to make new friendships.

P.S. - - as for the veneer of social or polite behavior, often that's just local custom and IMO it won't necessarily help you to find compatible friends. They may act one way, but be thinking another way.

Your 3rd point is a good one and sometimes gets overlooked. On the flip side for myself, I am more happy with many casual friends vs. a few close ones. Less expectations and thus less issues. Would not work for many, but it does for me.

 

[Car-Guy]

I can only speak to areas of Texas where I have lived and/or visited for extended periods of time.

No point living in physical paradise if its inhabited by a**holes!

Then you don't want to move to the Houston area, the San Antonio/Austin megamess, or the Dallas/Ft Worth metroplex. No particular order, they all represent your definition pretty well and are equally rude.

Now to be clear social and polite are two different things. A social person will stop and chat with you, invite you to their next BBQ and try to make you feel more included in the society of the area.

That definition would seem to fit (with some exceptions) most smaller towns/cities (pops 10k to 50k) throughout Texas that I know of... Even the much smaller towns/communities are that way too, although they will still see and treat you as a "newcomer" until you have lived there a couple of decades.

Polite means generally being respectful of others which equates to behavior such as not cutting inline, blasting your music late at night, keeping your barking dog out etc.

Hopefully that is clear so which areas are social and polite in your experience?

By your definitions, the words polite and respectful are not to be found nor understood in any city in the state with a population greater than 100k... IMO, generally speaking, the bigger the city, the worse it gets. But I think that applies to most places I've visited, at least in the US.



Of course, YMMV.

 

[Nick12]

In general, I think areas with more transient populations are more receptive to newcomers. Some of the FL retirement communities, college towns, ‘desirable’ locations to relocate to, etc…

We moved to a relatively small town outside a large urban area. Most of the people living here are either military families, so moving every 3-5 years, or they grew up here. It’s been harder than we expected to make new friends, as most already have their social circle. We also just don’t connect with many of the people we meet. I think it would be easier if we were church goers or had different political views.

You can find great friends everywhere, but some places definitely require more effort!

Military families ( some in my family ) living in various parts of the world share something in common, a better appreciation of different cultures, customs and cooking. I have traveled to different parts of the world and I could share in those items also with them.

 

[KingOfTheCheapos]

This topic is just rambling or maybe he's running out of things to "muse" about. The OP never says his actual opinion regarding any of the questions he asks. Answering his threads is like talking into a void.

You know if you don't like a topic you don't have to respond. You do know that's an option, right?

And why would I pose a question and then answer it? The whole point is to hear other people's wise answers.

 

[Montecfo]

I can only speak to areas of Texas where I have lived and/or visited for extended periods of time.



Then you don't want to move to the Houston area, the San Antonio/Austin megamess, or the Dallas/Ft Worth metroplex. No particular order, they all represent your definition pretty well and are equally rude.



That definition would seem to fit (with some exceptions) most smaller towns/cities (pops 10k to 50k) throughout Texas that I know of... Even the much smaller towns/communities are that way too, although they will still see and treat you as a "newcomer" until you have lived there a couple of decades.



By your definitions, the words polite and respectful are not to be found nor understood in any city in the state with a population greater than 100k... IMO, generally speaking, the bigger the city, the worse it gets. But I think that applies to most places I've visited, at least in the US.



Of course, YMMV.

Car-guy,

It is a little like traffic I think. Seems terrible in Dallas until you have experienced say Boston?

Speaking very generally, in my experience people living in big cities appear less open and friendly than folks in small towns. I would also say people in DC appear less open/friendly than people in Dallas or Ft. Worth.

Also, areas with more transient population seem less open/friendly than otherwise, perhaps sensing they have less skin in the game or feel less comfortable on average.

There is a world of difference between where I live, a highly transient area near DC and southern VA, where folks seem far more friendly and open.

I would not suggest people are rude or disrespectful. That seems tougher to measure.

 

[ivinsfan]

You know if you don't like a topic you don't have to respond. You do know that's an option, right?

And why would I pose a question and then answer it? The whole point is to hear other people's wise answers.

I usually enjoy threads more when there is some interaction between the posters and the OP. It feels more like a real conversation.. I don't think 'answers " I think give and take. YMMV

 

[jollystomper]

Here's the "W2R time tested method" for making friends in a new location. I was a Navy wife and developed this over years of moving. For me this method works like a charm, every time:

1.) You have to regularly spend time around people who are likely to be compatible. Group activities doing something you like to do can be a good start (book club? church? amateur sports? Dancing? Knitting? Whatever you really like). The point is that you aren't going to meet anybody if you are sitting at home all lonely and bummed out - - you have to get OUT there. I usually devote all of each weekend to doing this, whether I want to or not, when I am trying to find friends in a new location. And then, do my grocery shopping, laundry, etc, during the week after I get off work. Exhausting! But having friends is worth some effort.

2.) Then, don't be extremely picky. Sure, stay away from the axe murderers and serial killers, but other friends that are just sort of "OK" can introduce you to more people who you will probably like better.

3.) Also realize that not everyone has room in their lives for yet another friend (even if they like you), and don't take it personally if someone has no interest in starting up a friendship. Keep up the effort.
​

+1


In my simple minded-view, it takes two to tango. Folks will be as social and polite to you as you are to them. This is especially true when they, shall we say "don't look like you". Never make assumptions on the outward appearance, most folks appreciated being treated as individuals.

Not everyone will respond. But, in baseball terms, you'll never get a hit if you do not swing the bat .

 

[Beststash]

From my life experience I think that the largest differences depend on whether it is a urban or rural environment. In a urban environment you have different social norms depending on the area in which you live. There is a certain amount of anonymity in most cities. In small towns or rural areas everybody knows everyone....parents, kids - they know or think they know your business if you live there long enough. The gossip mill is very active in small town USA.

Another factor is religious persuasion - if you live in a predominately Agnostic, Catholic or Protestant area it tends to be a large social factor. You can live for years in an area and not participate in dominant religious factor and still be considered an "outsider".

Shortly after college I worked in NYC for about 2 years. Coming from the South, at first I found it very unfriendly and people didn't seem to trust you. However, after getting climatized and meeting a few people I absolutely loved living there (other than the cost).

I have lived in rural Texas (or it was rural when I moved here) and although I love the privacy, beauty, and lack of traffic, I much prefer the culture of urban Austin to the Texas Hill Country, much more diversity and open-mindedness.

I think a lot depends on how lucky you are when it comes to neighbors. You can't choose your family or your neighbors.

Peace

 

[Golden sunsets]

You know if you don't like a topic you don't have to respond. You do know that's an option, right?



And why would I pose a question and then answer it? The whole point is to hear other people's wise answers.

King; I don't think you've gotten the jist of how this forum optimally operates. When you don't respond at all after posing a question, it is somewhat disrespectful to ghost the thread. Even just a "thank you for taking the time to respond", would be a common courtesy.

 

[Aerides]

Threads are for discussions, most of the time. Firing of a question and then just waiting, as a conversation starter in which an OP doesn't participate, can be very frustrating. Especially when there's a patter of similar threads.

I think of most threads here as a group of folks sitting at a table chatting on a topic. Not where someone stops buy says "ABC - discuss!" and doesn't join in, or only does so again in passing.

As to the question, everywhere you go you find jerks and lovely people. Some are introverted some are outgoing and very social. But doesn't everyone know that by the time they are old enough to come here?