My Friends are Dying!

[ExFlyBoy5]

Just today, my Dad over 90 was telling me everyone he knew is dead.
Then he asks me if we have our arrangements made

My Dad passed two years ago today. He lived to almost 91, so was VERY happy to have him around so long. Nonetheless, he outlived almost all of his friends and most of the family. He routinely checked the obits to "see if he's dead yet" but the last year he was around, he stopped. When I asked why, he said "everyone is dead."

He was very fond of also saying, "You are going to miss me when I am gone....or maybe not" with a sly smile. Well Dad, I do miss you. Every. Single. Day.

 

[Sue J]

In my 30s I lost two friends my age. One was from Type 1 diabetes and the other from brain cancer, i think it was glioblastoma.

At that age it really made me rethink mortality.

 

[Moemg]

My friends are also dying even ones that seem to be very healthy . The last friend to die had a cardiac valve replaced . She did well after the surgery and then suddenly died .Her husband has dementia so they had changed all the accounts into her name . What a mess !

 

[Teacher Terry]

My friend waited for full retirement age to retire for the higher SS benefit. Ugh!

 

[ivinsfan]

Death is hardest for the living. So permanent a loss. I still have my memories of those friends and family I've lost. I"m glad for those. Moments of laughter and sharing, good times and celebrations. I try to think of those times. Death inevitable and I hope when I go, the loved ones I leave behind will remember the good times.

+100 this is what TT needs to hear today....Sorry for your losses TT...

 

[pb4uski]

In my view, dying is better than some of the old-age alternatives to which I've been exposed.

I'd substitute many for some.

That is THE dilemma, isn't it? I know/knew a number of people in their late 80s and 90s and when I look at their quality of life I think.... boring! But is suspect your expectations decline commesurately as you age.... what I currently consider to be a full life might have looked boring to 40 yo pb4uski.

 

[Amethyst]

Depends on the reasons for the boredom. Me, I'm never bored as long as I've got a book to read. But what if my eyesight deteriorates and I no longer have the mental capacity to follow a story line?

Now that's a fate worse than death, and don't tell me "Oh, you won't mind so much when it happens," because I would.

That is THE dilemma, isn't it? I know/knew a number of people in their late 80s and 90s and when I look at their quality of life I think.... boring! But is suspect your expectations decline commesurately as you age.... what I currently consider to be a full life might have looked boring to 40 yo pb4uski.

 

[pb4uski]

My friend waited for full retirement age to retire for the higher SS benefit. Ugh!

It is amazing the number of people who have stuck in their minds that you must start SS in order to "retire". I realize that some people don't have a choice but many people do have a choice.

 

[Nemo2]

Depends on the reasons for the boredom. Me, I'm never bored as long as I've got a book to read. But what if my eyesight deteriorates and I no longer have the mental capacity to follow a story line?

Now that's a fate worse than death, and don't tell me "Oh, you won't mind so much when it happens," because I would.

This is one of the things that befell DW's late mother a couple years prior to her death; not the eyesight but the lack of concentration ability.

Things progressively, (or actually 'regressively'), deteriorated, and while she was still 'alive', she wasn't living.

No thanks.

 

[Dreamer]

I am so sorry for your loss, Teacher Terry. I have not had to deal with any really close friends dying yet and I don't look forward to it.

I am so sorry to the people who have lost children. I sincerely hope that I do not outlive either of my children or any of my 3 grandchildren.

 

[audreyh1]

That is THE dilemma, isn't it? I know/knew a number of people in their late 80s and 90s and when I look at their quality of life I think.... boring! But is suspect your expectations decline commesurately as you age.... what I currently consider to be a full life might have looked boring to 40 yo pb4uski.

I always felt that DM died way too young at 63. DF had just retired. They were robbed! DF was a widower for a long time. Now DF just turned 90. He was doing OK until about 9 months ago. Now he’s not good at all.

It’s tough. I have seen all sort of health/ill health at all sorts of ages.

 

[Dtail]

I told DGF to take me out if not right cognitively.

 

[pacergal]

We all know that Death is a part of Life.
It just sucks when it comes so early or unexpected.

 

[gattara]

Depends on the reasons for the boredom. Me, I'm never bored as long as I've got a book to read. But what if my eyesight deteriorates and I no longer have the mental capacity to follow a story line?

Now that's a fate worse than death, and don't tell me "Oh, you won't mind so much when it happens," because I would.

My grandmother lived to 99. She lost most of her hearing, she accepted that. But when her eyesight deteriorated due to macular degeneration, and medical intervention couldn’t help, she became very depressed. She said that was the toughest thing to accept because she couldn’t read. She said she was ready to go at that point, life really lost its luster.

 

[Elbata]

That is THE dilemma, isn't it? I know/knew a number of people in their late 80s and 90s and when I look at their quality of life I think.... boring! But is suspect your expectations decline commesurately as you age.... what I currently consider to be a full life might have looked boring to 40 yo pb4uski.

Interesting, never looked at it that way.

When I look to move from So Cal, I think of other areas with warm climates. I like being outdoors and I like warm weather. Even though I do think the colder North is much more beautiful. So perhaps in my latter 80s I could finally live on some lake cabin in New Hampshire and rock away in my chair. I could be good with that.

 

[rk911]

so very sorry for your losses. our ham radio club lost a long time club member to liver cancer a couple of weeks ago. he died alone in hospice. his wife was prevented from being at his side. nobody should have to die alone.

 

[Amethyst]

Why, oh why? It couldn't be for fear of her bringing in COVID-19, as he was already near death!

he died alone in hospice. his wife was prevented from being at his side. nobody should have to die alone.

 

[rk911]

Why, oh why? It couldn't be for fear of her bringing in COVID-19, as he was already near death!

and of course there is absolutely no way to protect staff from that, is there. no possible way to test her. hogwash. nobody should have to die alone.

 

[Bamaman]

I had only 2 guy friends that still smoked.

They both died last year of lung cancer. When they found out they had it, they were already in Stage IV.

Yearly chest xrays when going thru a physical may have found the problem so much earlier.

 

[RetiredAt55.5]

Aja, the worst thing is to bury a child. My friend that died leaves behind a mom and a sister that lost her 19 years old daughter.

My mom had 5 sons. One passed at 44 from suicide. Another passed at 54 from pancreatic cancer. My oldest brother, 63, was just diagnosed with brain cancer. The long term prognosis is not good.

My father passed at 63 from an aortic aneurysm, before any of this happened.

My mom's been through a lot.

 

[Moemg]

My mom had 5 sons. One passed at 44 from suicide. Another passed at 54 from pancreatic cancer. My oldest brother, 63, was just diagnosed with brain cancer. The long term prognosis is not good.

My father passed at 63 from an aortic aneurysm, before any of this happened.

My mom's been through a lot.

My heart goes out for your Mom !

 

[NateW]

I am so sorry for your losses Teacher Terry. It's not easy loosing those we have known and loved for so long.

My experience is that my father was diagnosed with an inoperable astrocytoma (brain tumor) at age 50 in 1979. After performing a biopsy, the doctor gave him 6 months to a year to live. I had just graduated high school and to this day, my father's brain tumor was the most shocking and traumatizing event in my life. I suddenly wished I had gotten to know my father better. He lived 5 years with radiation treatment and a couple doses of chemo therapy and paletive care. Mom and I cared for him at home and he just slowly got worse. It was horrible watching him go through this slow agonizing death. His last month of life was in a nursing home. He was scared, alone, paralyzed, in pain and knew he was dying. Words can't describe how bad I felt for him. It was tough visiting him that last month.

I recently discovered that almost no progress has been made medically for the care and prevention of brain tumors over the last 40 years.

My mother did not fare much better, other than living to be quite a bit older. She suffered for 5 years with renal failure, with dialysis sessions 3 times a week for 6 hours each and a had the host of other ailments that accompany renal failure. She was in pain all the time, had no energy, and no hope of getting better.

After seeing what my parents went through, I do not have a positive outlook on getting old.

 

[SheitlQueen]

Out of a foursome that used to get together a couple times a month, I am the only one still alive. The others were between 63-70, not that old over all. I am beginning to feel like my mother, who always read the obituaries first thing in the morning to see if she knew anyone.

 

[REWahoo]

Received an email from our HS class (1965) historian that we lost another classmate yesterday. There were only 75 of us and many of us have stayed in touch over the years. As far as I know she is the first of the group to succumb to Covid 19.

 

[audreyh1]

Bummer!