Coming To Grips With Your Own Mortality

[youbet]

I've been in and out, up and down and around and around with my religious beliefs and philosophy of life thinking. Currently, I'm happiest with the "Let the Mystery Be" outlook towards human existence. Accepting that "we just aren't going to figure it out from this side so stop trying" wasn't easy, but I've finally become comfortable with it.

 

[marko]

My belief system allows me to know/feel that I will move on to a better place, spiritual and loving, no pain or sorrow and be with those who have gone before me.
Leaving will be hard, the physical part being here with family. But I believe I will be with them in spirit, as I often feel my parents and others are here with me as I walk my path in life.
The most worrisome to me, is what happens beforehand. Hopefully/wishfully, I am healthy and well until suddenly I am gone. I do not wish for a lingering passing.

Pacergal, what a nice sentiment.

For me the past six weeks have brought me my 70th birthday, the death of my mother, a 16.5 (less than 4 is normal)on my prostate PSA screening and I'm currently on a heart monitor after a serious AFIB scare. All of a sudden the sh$t hit the fan on me! A guy who everyone says looks 40 years old!. I do believe in the afterlife, but I have so much to do before I get the there and I must outlive my disabled brother!

The gift of the past month has been the realization that each day is precious. A bit of a rant, but I'm on my second Manhattan tonight.

 

[street]

Interesting topic. I don't think I deal with it well but my main focus is to live my life knowing that tomorrow is not a given. Frankly, I'm dealing with a big dose of that right now.

A few weeks ago back in June, I would have told you I was pretty healthy. Going about my business and doing fine. Since then, due to an odd/rare autoimmune issue, I have lost all kidney function and am on dialysis the rest of my life unless I get a transplant. Further, the treatment for the autoimmune issue is not a lot of fun plus the way they treat it is to shut down the immune system. All to say, my outlook of living to 90 like my father has now changed. So dealing with mortality is in the front of my mind these days, but it still boils down to one day at a time. I guess that's how I deal with it. Some days are better than others.

I wish you the best.

 

[Spock]

A couple of things:
My La-Z-Boy recliner is now 38 years old and falling apart. I always try to buy quality items, but I realized my replacement recliner doesn't need to last another 38 years...

Early c*vid projections with higher mortality for the elderly got me to wondering why I have my spreadsheets set assume my money has to last until I'm 90. Then my Dad went senile at 85 and I decided I don't want to live that long. A couple of bad PSA tests might seal the deal.



Shortening the duration needed to be funded raised my potential annual savings burn rate considerably.

Now with inflation well into the double digits for the stuff I buy I have to revisit the burn rate again.

The primary problem with my mortality is "what happens to my wife?". She can't copy/paste on a computer and there is nobody, family nor friend, capable of managing the estate for her.

 

[Kroeran]

The primary problem with my mortality is "what happens to my wife?". She can't copy/paste on a computer and there is nobody, family nor friend, capable of managing the estate for her.

Find the largest Bank in your area that handles estate trusts, and rewrite your will under their advice, so that your will sets up the trust properly, to manage your wife’s affairs.

Went through this to cover unlikely event that my mother outlives me.

So many stories of otherwise honorable men leaving their wives in impossible circumstances.

 

[Kroeran]

When our nephew, now a grown man, was about 4 or 5 years old, he would constantly comment about having done this or that "when I was big and lived with the other people ". Spooky.

https://med.virginia.edu/perceptual-studies/our-research/children-who-report-memories-of-previous-lives/

 

[Kroeran]

A few years back I turned my life around. I had been a “Christian” all my life, because I was raised as one, but didn’t really live as one. A few years back I started studying the history of the church and read about the history behind the reformation and before that, the early church fathers. I realized how I had been misled, and became a member of the church Christ founded. There is so much bad information out there, you really need to read a lot to understand the Christian faith. It’s changed my life and I believe there is paradise awaiting those who persevere to the end.

I had the gift of no religious training, such that, when I first read the gospel accounts of Jesus’s life <suggestions>, in early adulthood, I was able to take it in, without the distorting interpretation of others.

I assert, for the lucid mind, and mature spirit, the direct teachings are very powerful and give one an unfair advantage in the process of being fully human.

 

[Kroeran]

I'm a worrier. When I think of my mortality, my first thoughts are, how will my wife and kids make it? Being the provider for so long has warped the way I think. Anyone else do that?

This is something only a complete and fully evolved human would think. Congrats, you you are fully cooked.

 

[RobbieB]

I don't worry much about dying. I really don't worry much about anything.

And after I'm dead, I won't have to worry about anything at all.

 

[Kroeran]

So, where do we go? It's a mystery. Some who've had near-death experiences say it's pretty nice on the other side.

At the moment, hanging out on Facebook Near Death Experiences group, is my “church”

It’s the sort of place where religious belief transforms into empirical conviction.

This data sheds fresh light of what Jesus was talking about.

 

[Scuba]

This is my only fear. I have had a charmed life up to now.

Fortunately medically assisted dying (MAID) is legal and available where we live.

DW and I at are very opposite ends of spectrum about this. I believe firmly that I have the right to choose and that no one should deny me this right. Being at opposite ends of the spectrum would not change my opinion/decision should the time come.

The trick is to make this choice and move forward with it before being declared mentally incompetent to do so.

Exactly! My greatest fear is that I won’t make the choice soon enough and then will be denied the opportunity.

Mortality is definitely more top of mind than it was 10 years ago, even though we’re in our early 60’s. We have both had significant health issues this year. All we can do is live as healthy a lifestyle as possible and try to enjoy life.

 

[ncbill]

Time to write down your wishes now via a health care power of attorney (HCPOA) which appoints a health care agent to act on your behalf when you can't, at least for those of us in the USA...use your state's model HCPOA form.

Because if you don't the default assumption is that you want everything done to you to keep you alive another day.

Most residents of the many nursing homes I saw back when mom was sick didn't do the above.

You don't want what happened to them to happen to you...Hospice is a great thing that too few end up using.

 

[Souschef]

Find the largest Bank in your area that handles estate trusts, and rewrite your will under their advice, so that your will sets up the trust properly, to manage your wife’s affairs.

Went through this to cover unlikely event that my mother outlives me.

So many stories of otherwise honorable men leaving their wives in impossible circumstances.

When I was having a trust prepared, the attorney told me about these poor women coming in without a clue.
Both DW and I were widowed previously, and we made sure everything was in place. We have an estate plan binder with POA and pour over wills. In the binder I also have a list of our assets, a list of all the accounts and the name, account numbers and phone numbers of all the brokers, plus a list of all our passwords.

 

[Jerry1]

Time to write down your wishes now via a health care power of attorney (HCPOA) which appoints a health care agent to act on your behalf when you can't, at least for those of us in the USA...use your state's model HCPOA form.

Because if you don't the default assumption is that you want everything done to you to keep you alive another day.

Most residents of the many nursing homes I saw back when mom was sick didn't do the above.

You don't want what happened to them to happen to you...Hospice is a great thing that too few end up using.

Good advice that I agree with. However, be careful. I was just in the hospital and unfortunately, there was a chance I would stop breathing. I’m 61 and this didn’t seem like a situation where I was going to check out. However, they did ask me about my wishes and, consistent with my documents, I told them I didn’t want extra ordinary means to be taken.

Then they left the room and I had a dose of second thoughts. “Is this how I want it to end?” “This illness doesn’t seem that bad. Maybe I would like them to do whatever they can ‘this time’.” Point is, it doesn’t always play out that you’re in your last years suffering, where most would agree on letting go.

 

[Car-Guy]

^^^^
I don't think I'd have a problem with them doing whatever they can to "fix me up" unless it would mean becoming incapacitated to the point I couldn't take care of myself and/or have no real quality of life. But that's me.

 

[Koolau]

When our nephew, now a grown man, was about 4 or 5 years old, he would constantly comment about having done this or that "when I was big and lived with the other people ". Spooky.

My little sis did the same thing. Never understood it and it passed.

 

[Jerry1]

^^^^
I don't think I'd have a problem with them doing whatever they can to "fix me up" unless it would mean becoming incapacitated to the point I couldn't take care of myself and/or have no real quality of life. But that's me.

But that’s the point. It’s hard to put something like that in a document. So many variables. Just thinking out loud, it might be better to just appoint someone that you can trust to weight all the variables on your behalf rather than having a “do not resuscitate”.

 

[Koolau]

^^^^
I don't think I'd have a problem with them doing whatever they can to "fix me up" unless it would mean becoming incapacitated to the point I couldn't take care of myself and/or have no real quality of life. But that's me.

I've never heard of a doc/medical center being "charged" with failing to follow a patient's stated (documented) wishes. I had a friend who left explicit instructions and they still tried to talk her husband into allowing extraordinary means to keep her alive - even though the doc admitted she would never regain consciousness. The pressure was intense, but the husband told them "no!" YMMV

 

[sengsational]

Putting just a little question mark behind the presumed separateness seems to be helpful. Many that explore this space go a lot further and insist that none of us are separate from all of time and space. I might imagine myself as a whirlpool in the river of time and space, made from the flow, never the same one moment to the next, but mistaken as a separate thing. The swirl starts up out of the flow and quits swirling sometime later. Doesn't seem like a big deal.

 

[Car-Guy]

But that’s the point. It’s hard to put something like that in a document. So many variables. Just thinking out loud, it might be better to just appoint someone that you can trust to weight all the variables on your behalf rather than having a “do not resuscitate”.

Yep, I agree... The DW and I have had this conversation and she knows my wishes... If she goes first, then I don't know how I'll deal with it.

 

[target2019]

I've been sitting on a booklet given to me by the health system where I get treated about 2 years ago. Yeah, keep postponing that! I just opened it for the first time and realize it's written for a resident of that state.

I found NJ appropriate pdf's and will complete those after reading. Both states have addressed the point of appointing a health care agent who has powers you give to them.

 

[pacergal]

Pacergal, what a nice sentiment.

For me the past six weeks have brought me my 70th birthday, the death of my mother, a 16.5 (less than 4 is normal)on my prostate PSA screening and I'm currently on a heart monitor after a serious AFIB scare. All of a sudden the sh$t hit the fan on me! A guy who everyone says looks 40 years old!. I do believe in the afterlife, but I have so much to do before I get the there and I must outlive my disabled brother!

The gift of the past month has been the realization that each day is precious. A bit of a rant, but I'm on my second Manhattan tonight.

My prayers are with you also. Good health to you.

 

[travelover]

At the moment, hanging out on Facebook Near Death Experiences group, is my “church”

It’s the sort of place where religious belief transforms into empirical conviction.

This data sheds fresh light of what Jesus was talking about.

After our grandson died suddenly and left a goodbye message with his mother's friend, who was meditating, I've gotten interested in watching Youtube videos made by people with near death experiences. I've found it interesting to compare the experiences and mentally catalog the commonalities. As a lifelong atheist, it now appears to me that the Buddhists seem to have it about right with respect to on ongoing cycle of death and rebirth in another body.

 

[Scrapr]

Good advice that I agree with. However, be careful. I was just in the hospital and unfortunately, there was a chance I would stop breathing. I’m 61 and this didn’t seem like a situation where I was going to check out. However, they did ask me about my wishes and, consistent with my documents, I told them I didn’t want extra ordinary means to be taken.

Then they left the room and I had a dose of second thoughts. “Is this how I want it to end?” “This illness doesn’t seem that bad. Maybe I would like them to do whatever they can ‘this time’.” Point is, it doesn’t always play out that you’re in your last years suffering, where most would agree on letting go.

I had a routine colonoscopy several years ago. While under I aspirated some stomach juice into my lungs. A couple hours later I'm in an ambulance going to the ER. Doc comes in & asks about final wishes....surprised the heck outa me. I said flippantly DNR. I then thought about it & said maybe hit me with the paddles 2x's.

 

[tmm99]

When our nephew, now a grown man, was about 4 or 5 years old, he would constantly comment about having done this or that "when I was big and lived with the other people ". Spooky.

I have watched a documentary about that. They followed a boy who had recollections of flying a fighter jet and many other things. The show somehow found the person he used to be and verified with the relatives what the boy remembered.