Jealous brothers and sisters?

[Brett_Cameron]

I have three sisters. One is older than me and still working and will probably work until she can't due to a series of really bad (financially) things she did. Next younger sister is married to a hard working man and I believe they are FI and don't know it or don't say it. This sister does not work. Youngest sister is financially strapped and needs infrequent bailout from me. All expressed their congratulations on my FIRE and I have not detected any jealousy.

 

[JanF]

My brother who retired at 52 asked me why I was still working at 59. He said, you're not one of "those people" are you?

 

[martyb]

Both my sisters (younger) have known for some time that I intend to retire next year. If they have a problem with it, I haven't detected it. However, we live about 1000 miles apart, and I don't see them that often.

 

[scrabbler1]

After I ERed in late 2008, I went to my brother's place for Thanksgiving. We spoke about it for a while but I detected no real jealousy. He and his wife (who works from home) and young son live in a McMansion and my brother owns his own business and is a go-getter so he, nearly 44 now, is not retiring any time soon. He did ask me for the spreadsheet I developed as I putting together my ER budget and I gave him a blank template of it.

 

[youbet]

Why even the need to respond ? I would move on with my life and think about more important things than relatives' jealous comments.

+1

I don't see either OP or the so-called jealous relative as having chosen the better life style. It's up to each of them.

No issues with folks being jealous of my FIRE'd status here that I'm aware of. I never bring my retired status up, offer financial advise or mention tools such as books, spreadsheets, etc., that were helpful to me. Why? Everyone is dealt their own hand and they play it the way they choose. There is nothing superior about my choices, they're just the way I wanted to do it.

 

[youbet]

My brother who retired at 52 asked me why I was still working at 59. He said, you're not one of "those people" are you?

This is perfect! A 180 degree turn-about of OP's situation! And the best reason why respecting everyone's lifestyle choices is the way to go.

In my own case, having retired at 58 (not really all that early, but earlier than many) I'd be open for ridicule from both sides. Folks who managed to RE earlier would question why I worked so darn long. Did I just throw my money away and totally fail to plan? Folks still struggling to climb out of the harness at 65 might see my thriftiness as missed opportunities to enjoy age-appropriate activities in life as the years went by, and there is some truth to that.

What drives people to have such a need to validate their own life decisions? Why is there such questioning and ridicule of others who don't walk exactly the same path we do?

 

[Alan]

I have a brother and 2 sisters, all younger than me, and they are not jealous of me, at least not that I am aware of, which is what counts. They certainly are pleased for me.

My brother is closest in age at 54 yr old, loves his job in Australia, funds his pension and now has the attitude of being set for retirement at 65 and is going to have a great time between now and then. He currently is in the middle of taking his family on a long vacation. He has his wife, son, 2 daughters and 2 grandchildren with him. They have been in Hong Kong, England and Vancouver, currently are in Whistler for the snow, then they'll be going onto Las Vegas, Hawaii and back to Queensland.

 

[Amethyst]

Oooo....so longing to make a "political" comment here, must restrain self...

Amethyst

What drives people to have such a need to validate their own life decisions? Why is there such questioning and ridicule of others who don't walk exactly the same path we do?

 

[devans0]

In my best (or worst) Forrest Gump voice, "Life is like a box of 'chocklits'". But I would be thinking "Run, Forrest, RUN!".

 

[rescueme]

In my best (or worst) Forrest Gump voice, "Life is like a box of 'chocklits'". But I would be thinking "Run, Forrest, RUN!".

I like it!

+1 4 me....

IOW, what you think of me is none of my businesss....

 

[Bestwifeever]

We must be supergood at making this enjoying-retirement stuff stay under the radar--not only are siblings not jealous, some of them have expressed concern that DH has not been able to find work for three years (even tho dd had a retirement party for him at the time).

 

[Goonie]

Strange how some people are unwilling to accept the cumulative effect of the decisions that they have made. If something good happens to a friend or family, I'm happy for them, not jealous of them. Be it good decisions or luck, good for them!!! Life is too short to bear grudges.

I feel the same way! I've always been happy when someone I know...whether a friend or relative or general acquaintance....had something good come their way. Good for them!!! I think part of that comes from the fact that I was always taught to be thankful for and content with what I had!

 

[JOHNNIE36]

I don't communicate with any of the people that share my DNA.

Is that just a statement of fact? Is it something you are proud of or wish it could be different? I talk to my brother and sister once a week. We love to keep up with what is going on in our families. We are very close and plan to continue the communication. Can't imagine anything else.

 

[steelyman]

When he makes these comments, we just smile.

...and then post messages on the Internet.

 

[Khan]

Is that just a statement of fact? Is it something you are proud of or wish it could be different? I talk to my brother and sister once a week. We love to keep up with what is going on in our families. We are very close and plan to continue the communication. Can't imagine anything else.

I don't see the point.

I was in contact in '03, then Mother died. I did attempt some communication in '08, but realized I had nothing in common with any of them.

Dropped and blocked all of them. I wouldn't communicate with any of them if we were not related, why should I do so just because of DNA?

'Family' is highly overrated.

 

[bbbamI]

I have no brothers or sisters. So...no problem with jealousy.

Yep...I'm an only child. You know what they say about an only child...

 

[REWahoo]

You know what they say about an only child...

You mean the "Thank goodness!" your parents were always saying?

 

[bbbamI]

You mean the "Thank goodness!" your parents were always saying?

Probably....

I've been around people that know I'm an only child and will make remarks about only children being selfish, brats, no sensitivity, withdrawn and lonely. Some have even said an only child is more likely to be a serial killer.

....yep...to my face.

It's times like these I usually blow whatever drink I'm sipping out of my nose.

 

[Nords]

Probably....
I've been around people that know I'm an only child and will make remarks about only children being selfish, brats, no sensitivity, withdrawn and lonely. Some have even said an only child is more likely to be a serial killer.
....yep...to my face.
It's times like these I usually blow whatever drink I'm sipping out of my nose.

I think our only offspring is overly sensitive to her peers' commentary, and also lacking in those psychological-warfare skills so keenly honed by siblings upon each other.

She used to pine for a little sister or brother, but we told her [-]it was all her fault[/-] that we thought our family was the right size. Now that she has to share a dorm bathroom with seven of her closest friends, she's decided that being an only wasn't so bad after all.

 

[farmerEd]

I wouldn't communicate with any of them if we were not related, why should I do so just because of DNA?

'Family' is highly overrated.

I am with Khan on this one (mostly). I go the extra mile to overlook bad behavior from family, and don't write them off as quickly as people with whom I am not related, but once someone crosses the line more than a few times, its time to 'cut the cord', so to speak.

After a few strikes, if the person (whoever it is), causes you more stress/pain/unhappiness in your life than happiness, why bother? I don't quite understand why more people, with dysfunctional families don't just go their separate ways when the situation warrants it.

 

[bruce1]

I have no brothers or sisters. So...no problem with jealousy.

Yep...I'm an only child. You know what they say about an only child...

Sure don't think what they say fits you LOL. I am an only too.

 

[Amethyst]

Probably....

I've been around people that know I'm an only child and will make remarks about only children being selfish, brats, no sensitivity, withdrawn and lonely. Some have even said an only child is more likely to be a serial killer.

....yep...to my face. .

Don't listen to them, they are only trying to feel better about their own sorry selves. Isn't it odd that the people with the most ignorant opinions, always seem eager to share them?

Some people seem to have leaped on "Birth Order" as a way of justifying "I am stuck being a certain way and there's little I can do about it."

I don't quite understand why more people, with dysfunctional families don't just go their separate ways when the situation warrants it.

I know a lot of folks who have "cut off" family members - even their parents! - or have a sibling who has done so. Literally, never talked to them again. Distancing oneself, I can totally understand, but it would take something beyond disagreement or incompatibility to cause me to cut all ties.

Amethyst

 

[DallasGuy]

Does anybody have relatives that are jealous about your early retirement? We have several. In particular, my brother-in-law constantly calls us "retarded" (his joke instead of calling us retired). He is our age, a doctor. We think he would like to follow us, but doesn't want to give up his current income stream.

When he makes these comments, we just smile.

I have a few friends and relatives that are doctors. In all cases, being a doctor is a huge part of their identity and ego. I suspect that your brother-in-law is envious of you since you're retired, but wouldn't consider retiring himself because his self esteem would take a big hit because he would no longer be a practicing doctor. Also as you noted, it's difficult to give up a doctor's income. Sometimes I think it's much easier for people with lower esteemed jobs to retire. I was a computer programmer before I retired and I had no problem letting that career go because it made up a small(er) part of my identity.

 

[oldphd]

In my best (or worst) Forrest Gump voice, "Life is like a box of 'chocklits'". But I would be thinking "Run, Forrest, RUN!".

My favorite Forrest Gump quote is after he explains that Lt Dan invested money in a fruit company (visual of someone holding stock with Apple logo appears), and after that, "we didn't have to worry about money no more... and that's a GOOD thing!".

 

[oldphd]

I find the posts regarding lack of communication with family interesting. I thought I was unusual in that regard, but perhaps it's more common than I realized.

In my own case, while I speak to my parents every week or two, we don't see each other often (my dad even tried to joke with me when we had dinner together, saying once a year whether we need it or not). They conducted their lives in a manner where decisions were made for his career, even telling me to get out of the house at 16 because I was in the way of his desires. Two siblings, one the lack of communication is intentional, while the other it just sort of happened due to distance and life activities. It is sad in a way, but things have happened that I wouldn't put up with from someone who isn't related, so why do it with a relative? That doesn't give you an automatic pass, which my one sibling seems to feel it does.