How to answer all the naysayers?

[Chuckanut]

In regards to the naysayers....

Never complain. Never explain.

 

[ERD50]

Originally Posted by ERD50 View Post
Why a blank stare? Just tell them what you've been doing.

One answer is "You know the stuff you like to do on a Saturday or Sunday? I do that seven days a week.".

-ERD50

....

I personally wouldn't want to use the statement you suggested as I think it would come off as bragging but that's just me. ....

Well, it depends on the delivery. Sure, it could be said in a bragging tone, or simply as an explanation.

I see no harm in agreeing with people who say "you're so lucky," because I am. The implication that I didn't work for it doesn't make me any less retired or less happy about it. And it makes them feel better to think it was all luck.

Yes, but in a way that is depriving them of the knowledge that they could do this themselves, without relying on luck (though of course, any of us could have been derailed by some bad luck).

I'm sure most of us could point out some component of luck in our ability to FIRE. But in most cases, without also putting in the effort and discipline, that luck wouldn't have done it alone.

-ERD50

 

[ScoopKona]

I see no harm in agreeing with people who say "you're so lucky," because I am. The implication that I didn't work for it doesn't make me any less retired or less happy about it. And it makes them feel better to think it was all luck.

It only annoys me when I get the condescending, "It must be *nice*" eyeroll.

 

[rodi]

I don't bring up the topic. If an old friend contacts me and wonders what I'm up to I say I'm retired... When I was younger (I retired at 52, now I'm 60) there were more questions. I just explained we'd lived cheap, saved a lot, and paid of our house. Once the house was paid for we could live on our savings. In Cali - mortgages tend to be large and a deterrent to giving up income.

The other thing I'd say is that I'd found that work was interfering with my outside of work interests... So I quit when I'd saved enough. That shuts up the "what will you do" comments.

 

[MrsHaloFIRE]

Say you "wrapped it up"
Say you are taking a break. Say youre consulting. If it comes up day youre a retired xxx and moveon. But dont put your titles in your HOA architectural applications BC I roll my eyes so hard I almost fall out of my chair. No Tim Smith, P.E. you may not replace your windows. Yes Tim Smith you may. We have a scholar of poetry here with about half a dozen titles in that arena. He does NOT want a speed bump but he wants everyone to slow down.

 

[WhenIsItTime]

Why do you care what anyone thinks? Why do you have to make excuses? Don't tell them anything. Just do it and live your life as normal. Not much in your relationships with them will change. You may just see them a little more.

Could not agree more.

This business of caring what other people think of early retirement is getting tired.

Just do your thing, don't concern yourself for five seconds about what others will think. Who cares?

Live your life for you and your spouse, not for others.

Just do your own thing and be happy.

These takes seem a little extreme.

OP mentioned friends and family. I care about my friends and family and hope they care about me. Do we have to agree on every topic - nope. But, I hope we can have open discussions and learn from each other.

Help me understand how posting on an early-retirement forum, "caring what other people think of early retirement is getting tired" makes any sense?

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

I'm sure most of us could point out some component of luck in our ability to FIRE. But in most cases, without also putting in the effort and discipline, that luck wouldn't have done it alone.

-ERD50

Ah, "luck"...yes, there was some luck in my life's trajectory but it came along with a lot of hard work and sacrifice. I cringe when some folks tell me I am "lucky" to have a military pension. It's as though I didn't anything to actually earn said pension.

 

[Midpack]

I would surmise that a lot of people do care (maybe not a large degree) what others (especially those that you value as friends) *do think* and perhaps the OP is one of those. Personally, do I care what someone thinks about what I might say that I may NEVER see again? Not nearly as much as someone who I might want to keep in touch with.

True that close friends and family warrant some explanation, but I still wouldn't take a lot of time explaining myself. Most of my real friends and family were as surprised as strangers and co-workers.

For all others in my experience, most of those situations involved people who fell into one of three categories:

1. people who are jealous, and assume you were just lucky-undeserving (I got that from some, but not all co-workers) - no answer will make them happy, why bother?
2. people who are genuinely interested and want to know how you managed to ER
3. people who are just surprised to run across an ER, it's not common, and they simply don't know what to say - best to laugh it off and move on

I think the last group is more common than people realize - remember most people aren't able to retire early. When they ask someone who's clearly younger than 65ish 'what they do for work' - they're not expecting 'I'm retired.' So they're just caught off guard as they can't comprehend those who are FIRE, so they're not sure what to say - most have no ill will, but some reveal themselves as 1's.

IME it's easier to just laugh it off and change the subject with 1's and 3's - and they're the largest segments. The 2's are few and far between, but they will persist if they really want to know - not sure I ever actually ran into one, probably because they already had an FI plan...

I was 57 when I retired, at 67 I don't get asked those questions anymore.

 

[Pellice]

Yeah, tell them the truth. I saved and invested and if you look back on what the market has done in the last 30 years...

I like the truthful approach too. But "retired" doesn't even really have the same meaning for everybody. Like Robbie says, tell them you saved and invested, and that enabled you to leave your job to pursue other interests.

 

[Gumby]

....

Yes, but in a way that is depriving them of the knowledge that they could do this themselves, without relying on luck ....

I guess you could say that, while I am an early retirement aficionado, I am not an early retirement evangelist. That said, if someone were really to show a sincere interest and desire to emulate my feat, I would help get them the information they need to do it.

It only annoys me when I get the condescending, "It must be *nice*" eyeroll.

Nothing wrong with saying, in all honesty, "It is. Very nice." That takes care of that.

 

[flyingaway]

What I tell all people is: I don't want to work and I don't need to work.

 

[Physics Guy]

I'm retiring in 3 months at 55 so I get lots of coworkers asking about it. I tell them that I started planning for this 15 years ago and we've reached our goals. The responses mostly seem surprised that anyone could plan their life over that long of a time period. Which in a sense is the perfect response because I'm very willing to acknowledge that there were many chances along the way for my plan to go awry.

Of course I'm a high school science teacher talking to other teachers. Many of them don't know that I started teaching later than most so they tend to assume I have a larger pension waiting for me as soon as I retire.

 

[RunningBum]

Just read your profile...tell people you worked 80 hours/week so you can take it easy now and raise your kids. That should head off any "lucky" remarks.

Really, about any advice you've gotten here that rings true to you would be good.

Also, GBR!

 

[travelover]

Just say you are on parole. They usually change the subject.

 

[ivinsfan]

Don't you think that's a bit awkward?

Every Acquaintance Everywhere: "Hey, Jim Bob how have you been? What are you doing these days, where are you w*rking?"

Jim Bob: Blank stare.

How about this, I'm good Thank you for asking. Man, it's hot/cold snowing/raining today. That should work.

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

I fluctuated a bit at first but just say "retired" 99% of the time it comes up. Really it's no one's business. The one thing that chaps me a bit though is the most common response "you're part of the great resignation"... NO, I AM NOT, I made a plan and executed it!


If the question is "what do you do," I will sometimes answer Paddle board, run, bicycle, etc. rather than answer the implied question of what do I do for a living.

 

[ScoopKona]

I fluctuated a bit at first but just say "retired" 99% of the time it comes up. Really it's no one's business.

But they can't help themselves.

"You're too YOUNG to be retired."

"Retirement isn't an age. It's a net worth."

That stops it.

 

[tmm99]

But they can't help themselves.

"You're too YOUNG to be retired."

"Retirement isn't an age. It's a net worth."

That stops it.

"You're too YOUNG to be retired." is definitely not as bad as someone saying "I didn't know you were that old!" Someone said that to me and I was only 56.

 

[brett]

Invariably the person that makes the comment to me is a 9-5 er who would not think of working OT without pay. And has lots of toys with the credit card payments to go with it.

If I get annoyed with the conversation I simply say I spent 5 years in college and university plus many courses since. Picked up sticks and moved thousand of miles away from both our homes on several occasions. Not to mention no consumer debt...ever. If we could not afford it we did without or bought used.

Next I tell them for the past eight years prior to retirement I worked 60 plus hours a week, traveled constantly but earned large cash bonuses based on performance, stock options based on performance, and go a golden handshake. And carefully invested most of it.

No more discussion after that Sometimes people do not give up on the questions that are none of their business.

 

[Music Lover]

There are a lot of govt workers around here where retirement at 55 is normal if you have enough years in. So no one is really surprised if someone retires at 55 because pretty well everyone knows someone that did.

 

[walkinwood]

...And in 10-15 years you will look old enough for everyone to assume you are retired.

That's so true. I've noticed recently that most people aren't surprised to hear that I'm retired. A big part is my age, but I also think a lot of people retired at a younger age than normal during the pandemic.


When we ER'd almost 14 years ago, we were up front. Most of our friends were happy for us. My in-laws didn't get it, but were happy that we were around to visit/help them. Anyone else - it was their problem if they didn't get it.

 

[punkinhead]

It's strange that some of you are getting negative reactions. I haven't gotten that a single time. I tell people I'm retired. Period. I don't try to explain or justify. Most shrug it off and some act happy for me. If anyone is resentful then it's happening behind my back. The closest thing to a negative I've heard is "you're too young to be retired" but it wasn't said in a mean way.

Are people really getting negative reactions or is this some worry about what might happen?

 

[Midpack]

It's strange that some of you are getting negative reactions. I haven't gotten that a single time. I tell people I'm retired. Period. I don't try to explain or justify. Most shrug it off and some act happy for me. If anyone is resentful then it's happening behind my back. The closest thing to a negative I've heard is "you're too young to be retired" but it wasn't said in a mean way.

Are people really getting negative reactions or is this some worry about what might happen?

I certainly did from some (jealous) co-workers and a few strangers. But I couldn't care less what others think, I don't have any need to defend myself. Most people were just plain surprised, didn't know what to think or say.

It depends a lot on how you are, or how old you look as well.

 

[youbet]

I just relate the facts of my particular situation: "I'm long term unemployed after MegaCorp fired my sorry ass at 58 almost 17 years ago. I haven't managed a single day of paid work since then and exhausted my unemployment benefits many years ago." I try to say it in a tone seeking empathy and pity. Follow-up questions are rare. It's blissfully entertaining to watch folks reach for words and not seem to be able to know what to say!

 

[Koolau]

Neighbor: "How can you be retired? You're too young!"

You: "Actually, I was downsized and can't find another j*b. Do you think you could help me out?"

You will never hear another word about retirement from your neighbor. YMMV