How to answer all the naysayers?

[daylatedollarshort]

A number of people we didn't know very well really freaked out over our retiring. We live in an area where many of the people seem to be competitive, but apparently are more what the Millionaire Next Door book describes as income but not balance sheet affluent. We were at a party once where someone else mentioned we had been retired for several years and it was like the death eaters came and sucked all the joy out of the room.

We have never been "look at me" types with fancy cars, designer clothes or whatever so it was a strange feeling for people to be jealous. It took me by surprise and initially I wasn't really emotionally prepared for that. I started telling people I worked from home. DH was always pretty proud of the fact he could retire early and always told the truth. In hindsight the jealous people weren't the types we would ever be close friends with anyway so I should have just told the truth and if they got upset, well that was really their problem, not mine. When we both turned 55 we were old enough to join any of the local senior clubs where everyone was retired so nobody cared, though we did get teased a lot about being the "youngsters", since most of the other members were much older.

 

[youbet]

As I've said here before I tell people I'm "long-term unemployed" just to see how they then choose to treat me.

+1

I say it because “long term unemployed” accurately describes my situation. I was unceremoniously canned at 58 years old and at 74, I have yet to be offered another job I wanted to take. I exhausted the extended unemployment benefits that were being offered at the time as part of the “Great Recession” relief efforts and went on with life.

Being canned in your vulnerable mid to late 50’s is generally regarded sympathetically so very little crap to endure from the naysayers.

 

[aubailey]

Worries

Don't mean to be impolite here, but if your biggest worries are what friends and family think about you retiring early you are going to have a lot bigger issues later on. How about "I invested and saved my money and I am done." Pretty cut and dried to me.

 

[Jeb-NY]

I guess it was fairly easy since a lot of my friends were older and already retired, my close friends mostly also were retiring early or already retired early. I walked out at 57 with a years severance pay which I would tell those that asked and tell them I was ready at 55 but was having too much fun at the time so waited till 57. Those that asked at work what I was going to do I told them sit on the front porch and maybe in a year or so start rocking. Those that asked what I was doing after I retired I told them I wake up each day with nothing planned and at night, fall asleep having only accomplished half of it and I’m OK with that.

Some how no one asks any more after 17 years, I now look like I should be retired.

 

[gooddog]

The best answer is to not answer, and live a good life. Eventually they will catch on.

 

[rk911]

I have just started my ER journey at age 50. I'm wondering how you have handled the complete lack of understanding-from everyone! My sisters, my friends, old co-workers, neighbors, no one can really comprehend that I don't need to work. Do I say I'm semi-retired? Do I say I'm a day trader? Any tips for how to navigate the waters would be appreciated!!!

sometimes in response to "How are you goimg to fill your day?" i would reply, "I'm staying home to supervise my wife!".

 

[youbet]

Don't mean to be impolite here.......... Pretty cut and dried to me.

If you don't mean to be impolite, then don't be. That's pretty cut and dried.

 

[ScoopKona]

If you don't mean to be impolite, then don't be.

The people who say "But you're too young!" or "What will you do?" or "You need something to fill your time!" or similar (except when they eye roll and say "Must be nice") probably aren't trying to be impolite.

I truly don't think they are. I think instead that they are so conditioned by what is "normal" that the very idea that there are other strategies takes them so completely by surprise, they say the first dumb thing they think of.

One of my favorite quotes, paraphrased as not to be sexist: "A wise person speaks because she or he has something to say. A fool speaks because he or she has to say something."

When someone tells them about retirement in their 30s/40s, they have to say something.

 

[HMMY]

I used to say that I retired because I didn't want to take a job away from someone who needed it. I'm so busy now, I can't imagine how I managed to fit a full-time job in my life.

 

[youbet]

The people who say "But you're too young!" or "What will you do?" or "You need something to fill your time!" or similar (except when they eye roll and say "Must be nice") probably aren't trying to be impolite.

I truly don't think they are. I think instead that they are so conditioned by what is "normal" that the very idea that there are other strategies takes them so completely by surprise, they say the first dumb thing they think of.

One of my favorite quotes, paraphrased as not to be sexist: "A wise person speaks because she or he has something to say. A fool speaks because he or she has to say something."

When someone tells them about retirement in their 30s/40s, they have to say something.

I'm a bit confused by your response to my post. I was referring very specifically to aubailey's post where he "didn't mean to be impolite" but then went on to be impolite. That's pretty "cut and dry."

 

[indiajust]

I always hark back to Office Space and the Bob's: Looks like you've been missing alot of time at the office lately...?

Can't say that i've been missing it Bob!

I think it's before he takes down a cube wall and cleans a fish.

 

[ScoopKona]

I'm a bit confused by your response to my post. I was referring very specifically to aubailey's post where he "didn't mean to be impolite" but then went on to be impolite. That's pretty "cut and dry."

I didn't think the answer was particularly impolite -- "I saved my money and I'm done." Sounds like an honest assessment for many people here.

If I want to end that particular conversation, I do so this way: "I took all the money not spent on cable TV, smart phone plans, daily Starbucks, running a credit card balance, leasing cars, gym memberships and similar -- and bought a farm and retired at 50."

To which I usually get a "yeah, right."

To which I always respond, "Yeah! Right!"

 

[Gumby]

Being retired is its own reward. There is no need to be rude to other people in order to enjoy your retirement.

 

[youbet]

I didn't think the answer was particularly impolite -- "I saved my money and I'm done." Sounds like an honest assessment for many people here.

If I want to end that particular conversation, I do so this way: "I took all the money not spent on cable TV, smart phone plans, daily Starbucks, running a credit card balance, leasing cars, gym memberships and similar -- and bought a farm and retired at 50."

To which I usually get a "yeah, right."

To which I always respond, "Yeah! Right!"

ScoopKona...... I wasn't talking to you. Look at my post. I was commenting to aubailey. Sheeesh...........

 

[Retired Expat]

Depends

People may just be curious, others are really interested, some are jealous but many are truly interested in what can they do to follow suit.

My standard was I lived beneath my means, always had a side hustle to make and save extra money and I was moving to a much lower cost area overseas. That last bit always sparked a whole other conversation.

If they were truLy interested then the questions would follow. What do you do all day? Aren’t you bored? Etc

How do you deal with the loss of income? Was the most common question from people who were really interested and exploring the idea and I explained that I was actually spending far far less in retirement than I ever planned and still earning enough with investments and some self projects. And while I did take up golf (and still suck at it) it is a occasional thing but my days are busy and full and I don’t miss it at all.

 

[ScoopKona]

ScoopKona...... I wasn't talking to you. Look at my post. I was commenting to aubailey. Sheeesh...........

I'm not really talking to (or at) you. Just commenting on "impolite."

Very rarely, I get someone who reacts to me being retired in ridiculous ways. Almost "How dare you not work?!?!?! You're so selfish!!!!"

I don't know why it happens. And it hasn't happened once since I moved. But I got this back on the mainland -- perhaps one person out of 20. Usually a former co-worker who is hating life in the trenches.

And the odd thing is that they always start the conversation. It's not like I wear a "Retired" T-shirt when walking about town.

 

[youbet]

I'm not really talking to (or at) you. Just commenting on "impolite."

OK. But instead of quoting someone’s post and then making unrelated comments, try just composing your own post that we can all read and perhaps comment on. And, BTW, I agree that some of the excessive prying and questioning some folks do is indeed “impolite.”

 

[Bunker]

I live overseas, largely among retired expats in their 60s and 70s. During the getting to know you phase, saying I was "retired" typically met with cynical derision and confused looks. If I had a nickel for every "Awwww, you're just a baby!" and "You're too young to be retired", responses..... LOL.



Cobbled together a new label for myself several years ago. Seems to satisfy and move things along.



"Unemployed, and not looking".

 

[punkinhead]

Being retired is its own reward. There is no need to be rude to other people in order to enjoy your retirement.

...or to lie about it. If a simple "I'm retired" gets a negative reaction then it's time to move on rather be rude, lie, or make up some cutesy euphemism. But as I've said earlier, at a year in it's never happened to me.

 

[marko]

A lot of people just lack imagination.

I actually had my former HR director tell me: "I dont see how sailing your boat all summer and skiing the Alps all winter is going to keep you satisfied".

There's not a lot you can do about folks like that.

More recently, I'd expect that with the new Covid "reassessment of work" that more people would understand and these questions would become less common.

 

[old medic]

"Unemployed, and not looking".

But in a request to my Daughter to make me a shirt...
"Unemployable Workaholic"

 

[FREE866]

Hahaha


Love this thread and the comments...


I think for many people it has been so beaten into their brain that retirement happens at 65-70 and that's that. So for someone who , like myself, retired at 50 they simply can't fathom it. Humans are weird.

 

[mickeyd]

Beat um to the punch by asking "So, Bob, why the hell are you still w#rking anyway"
When Bob replies "not enough money saved" this is where you pounce by saying any sentence that contains Vanguard and index funds in it. Then wait for the fun...

 

[RockLife]

Answer honestly "I'm retired" Simple, honest, straight up.
To all the grief given, either ignore or a simple "I lived below my means and saved like crazy so I could retire early".
That will make their eyes glaze over, they don't want to hear that you worked hard and saved and went without new things all the time.

This! I wrote a blog about my experience so anyone interested can read all about it. Most don't though. I like this approach though.